Moon Scars
by knicnort3
Summary: Edward was trouble, Bella was willing to risk everything to be with him, but a teen pregnancy exposes their secret affair shocking everyone. Just when they seem to work everything out, tragedy rips them apart and takes away all their chances at a life together...or does it? - A story of Love, Loss, and Love Again. Destiny always finds a way, and yes an HEA! *AH/AU
1. Preface

_**Moon Scars**_

Description: _Edward was a lost soul, a victim of abuse, and always getting into trouble; Bella was the good daughter of a police chief. What happens when their worlds collide? Follow the couple in their heart wrenching, intensely tumultuous love affair, as it twists and turns over a twelve year time period. ~This story will make you laugh, cry your eyes out, and hopefully leave you with a warm and fuzzy feeling and a smile on your face. Most of Mrs. Meyer's original characters take part in this story and maintain their same personality as in the novel._

*Lemony encounters, All Human, Canon Pairings, Heartbreak, Loss, Renewed Love, and because this is a 'Twilight' story, a Happily Ever After ending.*

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all Twilight related characters and story lines.

Warning: Rated **M** for violence, language, and mature themes like kidnapping, sex, rape, drugs, and prostitution.

**A/N: If you have already read this story, please note that though it says it is new, I have just re-uploaded it with some minor corrections but is completely the same story. I needed to make some grammar adjustments because I hated leaving them in there, and I will continue to redo any chapter I find necessary. Thanks.**

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PREFACE – Lost and Found

Elizabeth Mason was the most beautiful girl in Eugene Oregon; eyes a unique emerald green, and hair that her father lovingly compared to the color of the sunset. She lived a privileged life; her family owned a prosperous winery just outside the city limit. Lizzy, as her friends called her, was not only beautiful, but she was popular, smart and a talented musician and singer. She was daddy's little girl, the joy of her parent's life. She was sixteen with her whole life ahead of her; she dreamed about attending the Julliard School of performing arts, and she would have gotten in too, had her world not crashed in on her.

The winter was particularly brutal that year causing a huge loss in the grapes, and with the drop in the economy, people weren't buying the wine anyway. The winery had been in her family for five generations, but now they were closing down and completely bankrupt. They moved into a small apartment in town, but they tried to remain optimistic, at least they were together and healthy. But not even the health of the family could remain, Lizzy's mother contracted breast cancer but caught it too late and she died six months later. Her father spiraled down into a black hole of depression and slowly drifted into alcoholism, but Lizzy was still strong. She worked two jobs to pay the bills and still kept a 3.5 grade point average, all the while caring for her father.

Just when she thought things couldn't get tougher, she missed the bus home one evening because she had to work later than normal.

"Where the hell have you been?" Her dad said while slurring his words, he was drunk, as usual.

"I missed the bus." She told him quickly

"DON'T YOU FUCKING LIE TO ME!" He yelled at her.

"I'm not, I swear. And stop yelling at me!" She never raised her voice to her father before, but it had been building up inside her for so long, that it just exploded.

Her father responded to her back talk in a way that he never has before, he hit her across the face, and hard. She fell to the ground and just sat there in shock before looking up at him with betrayal in her eyes.

"I'm sorry." He said quietly and reached for her, but she was so upset that she got up and ran out of the house. She needed to get away, she needed to break free from her life and herself but most of all, she needed time to grieve the life she lost when her mother died.

She picked up her last pay check and bought a ticket on the midnight train, going anywhere.

It didn't matter where she was going, she just needed to get away and when the train stopped, she was in Seattle Washington. She thought about staying on the train until it took her further away, but the truth was that she loved her father and never planned on staying gone, she just needed to find herself again, and they both needed time to heal.

She had enough money for a couple nights in a cheap hotel, but it wasn't enough to sustain her, so she looked for a job but with the poor economy, no one was hiring. She wanted to go home, but she didn't even have enough money for the train ticket and wasn't about to call her dad; he didn't have enough money to get her back anyway. But there was one place that was willing to hire her, a shady strip club.

Dancing, looking, but there wasn't any touching, so Lizzy reluctantly took the job. She was tragically good at her work, and soon she found herself taking drugs and going much further than _dancing_ and _looking_. Before she knew it, she was living the life as a full on prostitute and was completely addicted to drugs. She was six months pregnant before she even realized that there was a change in her body, and two months after that, her son was born premature and addicted to the drugs. She had screwed so many men for money and didn't always wear protection, so she had no idea who the father was; not that he'd help her anyway, most of the guys that bought her were low life scum. She was actually extremely lucky that getting pregnant was the worst thing that she got from all the unprotected sex.

Despite her addictions and her lack of stability, she loved her son and fought to keep him. She went to halfway houses and after three months of sobriety, she got custody of her son back. His name was Edward, named by the nurses who cared for him in the neo natal intensive care unit. Lizzy wasn't in the proper frame of mind to think of a name for the baby she was unprepared for.

To care for her new baby, she rented a tiny bedroom with a friend to help pay the rent, and got a job as a waitress. But soon reality hit again, and she couldn't afford her half of the rent plus the cost of day care, and still have enough money for diapers and even food, so once again, she turned to prostitution.

Even with her illegal life style, she managed to somehow make it another seven years without running into the police. She started helping a friend with a meth lab, and had some very dangerous clients with high expectations. Life was hard for Edward too, he never had enough to eat and his clothes were always too small and falling apart. But worse than that, Lizzy's on again–off again live in boyfriend, beat him on a regular basis and often burned him with his cigarettes.

He was eight years old when the police came and arrested his mother, forcing him into the child welfare system. He was placed in a foster home where the couple who was supposed to be caring for him, beat him and kept him locked in the closet for days at a time. After several months, he was put into a new foster home, where he endured sexual abuse for the first time and after that trauma, he didn't talk again for over a year after he was removed from that house. He built stone walls around himself as a way to survive, and after a while, it was almost like his whole body turned into cold emotionless stone.

But Edward was a survivor, and after a few more carless foster homes, he was brought to live with a family who had a beautiful home in the suburbs of Seattle. This family was everything that he never had, loving, caring, and attentive, but as they soon found out, the green eyed boy with hair like the sunset, was deeply broken. They tried to help him, they tried to make his life better and be the force that he needed to break free from the stone body that was forced upon him, but after two years without getting through to him, they gave up, and Edward was once again without a family.

Because he got into a lot of trouble while with that family, Edward was brought to the Seattle Home for Boys, which was basically an orphanage for troubled boys with nowhere else to go, and it was run like a prison including being physically and sexually abused by the guards. Edward lived there until he was fifteen, when he decided enough was enough, and he and a couple other boys found a way to escape. They lived on the streets for several months, panhandling for change and stealing from convenience stores. Somewhere along the way, Edward stole a guitar which he taught himself how to play and was a complete natural, so he often played and would sing on the streets for money as well. But one of the boys he formed a partnership with, had an idea to steal a car and the three boys went joy riding out of the city.

They were about three hours away from the city, not really sure where they were, when red and blue lights flashed behind them. The boy driving panicked and tried to out run the police officer, when he lost control of the car, and spun out before slamming right into a second police car that came onto the scene. The boy driving died on impact, and the boy in the passenger seat wasn't seriously injured so he got out and ran away. Edward was in the back seat and was pinned in the car, he had a broken leg and six broken ribs. The police officer was also injured, but the other policeman, who had been chasing them originally, called in an ambulance, and both Edward and the hurt police officer, were rushed to Forks Hospital.

Edward was in the hospital for two days before he was visited by the police man that tried to pull them over. He came in and sat next to the bed, and waited for Edward to wake up, then finally after three hours, Edward awoke and was subjected to questioning.

"I'm sure you don't recognize me, my name is Officer Swan, I'm the one who tried to pull you boys over before you took off." Edward just stared at him, without responding in any way.

"Well the other officer, the one that your buddy slammed into, he's now paralyzed from the waist down, and your buddy is dead. So you're in a whole heap of trouble kid, and I suggest you start explaining." Still, no answer. "Let's just start by telling me what your name is? Now there's no ID on you or on the kid in the morgue, and that car you were driving was reported stolen two days ago, so we can do this the easy way by you talking, or the hard way by turning you over to the Seattle correctional facility and letting them deal with you." He threatened.

Edward was at the point in his life, where he just didn't care what happened, actually he probably never did. He wasn't broken, but in fact he was never whole to start with so there was nowhere to go but down. As a child, he loved his mother despite her lack of stability, he took care of her and was extremely protective, but when she was arrested, he had nothing left to hold onto and no reason to keep going.

Officer Swan grew frustrated with the lack of response in Edward, so he had social services come in and take Edward to the closest foster home, until a more permanent placement could be found. His finger prints came back; and they learned his name and where he came from, so they decided that sending him to a local foster home was better than sending him back.

Edward would never forget the first time he went into Dr. and Mrs. Cullen's home; it was the largest residential house that he had ever seen. Dr. Cullen had a kind face but so did many others that he met before, and Mrs. Cullen was a live version of Joan Cleaver; they seemed to be too perfect. They insisted on being called Carlisle and Esme, but they'd be lucky if Edward called them anything at all. His plan was to be his normal horrible self, until this couple had enough of him and sent him away. The last thing Edward wanted was to actually develop feelings for these people, just to have them taken away from him the way his mother was.

Carlisle was the chief of staff at the local hospital, and Esme was a real-estate agent. They were high school sweethearts who were now in their late thirties. They tried for years to have children of their own, but after a while, they gave up and decided to adopt. They adopted a three year old first, named Bree, but then it was discovered that she had an older brother Riley, who they tried to adopt as well, but he died under the care of a horrible foster home. That's when Esme and Carlisle decided to adopt and foster older children and teens, because they were the ones who needed good homes the most.

Emmet was the first to be adopted, he was twelve when he came to be a Cullen; he was orphaned when he and his single father were attacked by a bear on a camping trip, resulting in his father losing his life. A year later, Alice was adopted by the Cullens; her mother was a mental patient who got pregnant by a therapist, and they put her in an orphanage where she lived until the Cullens came for her. She was also twelve when she became a Cullen permanently, but was a year younger than Emmet.

Emmet, Alice and Bree, all had dark hair and beautiful faces and could easily pass as biological siblings, and the Cullens were more than happy with their little family. A few years later when Emmet was fifteen and Alice was fourteen, Emmet's high school girlfriend Rosalie lost her parents in a tragic boating accident leaving her and her twin brother Jasper to become orphans themselves; so the Cullens took in the Hale twins as foster children. It was pretty much a full house, so they didn't plan on taking in any more kids, but when Officer Swan called Carlisle, he just couldn't turn this boy away.

Each of the kids needed time to adjust when they first came to live with the Cullens, and still had some problems, but all of them were happy and they merged into a real family. Edward however was a different story.

Edward did whatever he could to try and get his new foster family to hate him. He would sneak out at night, and steal things from their rooms, purposely spill things on their nice carpets and couches. He had no tact whatsoever, he would curse at them all daily and break things. He was put into the local public school with the other kids, Forks High, but he was even worse there. Every day he'd get into fights and wind up in detention. But the worse thing about the situation, was the fact that Edward was incredibly smart, he just didn't care enough to try.

All of Carlisle's friends told him to send Edward back, and all of Esme's friends told her that he was a danger to the rest of the family. Carlisle and Esme would spend entire nights trying to figure out what to do, but the harder Edward tried to pull away from them, the more they fought for him to stay. They wanted to save him, to make his life better, but they just didn't know how.

It wasn't until Edward crossed the line, did Esme and Carlisle have to make a decision. It was the middle of the night when the phone rang, so with Carlisle being an on call doctor, he answered quickly.

"Hello?"

"Dr. Cullen, its Officer Swan."

"Well good evening Charlie, what can I do for you at this hour?" Carlisle asked.

"We just picked up Edward, we caught him driving off headed out of town in your Mercedes."

"What? Oh my God." Carlisle jumped out of bed and ran to his room to make sure Edward wasn't there, and sure enough, his room was empty. "Thank you Charlie, I'll be right down to pick him up."

"Not tonight Carlisle. I think it's best to keep him here overnight. Look, I'm going to call social services, I need to report this to them. I understand that you want to save this kid, but some kids aren't worth it. We've known each other for a long time now, and I know that if anyone can help him it's you, but it's been months and he still hasn't shown any signs of improvement and I honestly believe he never will." Charlie tried reasoning with him.

"Thanks for calling Charlie. Esme and I have much to talk about; I'll contact you first thing in the morning." Carlisle hung up the phone feeling completely defeated.

After another long night of discussion, Carlisle and Esme made a decision that would affect their family for the rest of their lives. The next morning Carlisle went first thing, down to the police station.

Charlie had Edward sitting on a bench in the lobby, waiting to learn his fate. Carlisle went to sit next to him and waited, but Edward wouldn't even acknowledge his presence, so finally Carlisle decided to speak.

"Edward, I'm very disappointed in you." Carlisle stated. "Esme and I have been trying to help you, find a way to get through to you, but we keep banging against this stone wall of yours. Help me son, help me-help you, tell me what you need?"

"I'm not your son." Edward said coldly. He never spoke much, but when he did, it was always short and bitter, so his words and tone now didn't shock or even offend Carlisle.

"No, but I'd like you to be. Esme and I were up all night discussing this, and we'd like nothing more than to adopt you permanently. What do you think?"

"Why would you want to do that?" Edward said full of surprise. He had expected to be sent back to the boy's home in Seattle, or even to be put in Juvenile Hall, not offered a forever home.

"Believe it or not, but we care about you. I know some of what you've been through in your short life, and I'd like to hear more, but only if you want to tell me. I want you to know without a doubt, that we will not give up on you, no matter how many times you fall; we'll always be there to pick you back up, because that's what families do. I know this is going to take time, but we have all the time in the world and I pray that someday, you will come to trust us, and even think of us as your family."

And for a reason that he didn't even understand himself, the fifteen year old damaged boy, agreed to be adopted by the Cullens. His mother Elizabeth had her rights to him permanently dissolved, so Edward Mason became Edward Cullen.

Carlisle was right, the road to becoming a full, whole person, would be a long one for Edward and for the next two years, though he stopped trying to run away and be a menace to the family, he remained quiet and guarded in the home. School wasn't much different; Edward didn't have any friends so his step siblings took it upon themselves to watch-out for him, but not even Emmet, the biggest Cullen kid, could stop the fights Edward was constantly getting in. Carlisle feared that Edward would always be alone and never respond to normal relationships, maybe something inside of him was missing, or maybe he just needed the right something, or _someone,_ to make him whole.

*******Please Review, it would be greatly appreciated, even if the story has been long completed*******


	2. Ch 1 Changing

Ch I – _Changing_

…..

(Bella's POV)

My life was always decent, I had my issues, but so did everyone and I would never expect anything more for myself. My mom left town when I was three and never looked back, but I didn't remember her very much and besides that, there wasn't much to complain about. My dad was the police chief, and he worked hard but he was the best father anyone could ask for. His best friend was Billy Black, he was also a police officer, but two years ago his police car was ran into by a couple of delinquents, resulting in him being paralyzed from the waist down. But Billy was a survivor and he didn't let his wheelchair slow him down much.

Billy and Charlie have always been friends, but they became even closer after Billy's wife Sarah died several years ago from cancer. They leaned on each other for support because they both knew what it was like to lose their wives. Billy was always at our house, and so was his son Jacob, which I couldn't have been happier about. Jake and I have always been close too, first as best friends and as we grew, it was only natural that we became a couple. There was no romancing period, no first date and butterflies, we just were together, it was never even a question. One day we were playing cards, and the next we were kissing and no one was surprised, especially our dads, and they couldn't have been happier.

Jacob and I were practically the same person, but where we were different, we complemented each other. I was clumsy, and he was always there to help me up when I stumbled; he had a hard time in school, and I was always there to tutor him when he needed extra help. We were happy and life made sense. I used to watch those old romance movies, and cringe because of how cheesy and unrealistic the main couples were, always so desperately and passionately in love. Those types of intense emotional relationships weren't real, and it was ridiculous that so many people bought into them. I wondered how many lives were wasted while people threw away perfectly good relationships, in the hopes of finding that caliber of love with someone that didn't really exist.

Jacob and I had our whole lives planned out. After high school, we'd apply to a few different colleges and decide which one to go to based on where we both got in. We would rent an apartment together and get used to living as a couple for a few years before we actually got married. Neither of us was big on the whole marriage before sex thing, but we were both still virgins anyway. I just never felt ready, though I had no idea what I was waiting for. That's not to say we didn't ever come close, but I would always pull away at the last minute and because Jacob was as amazing as he is, he always understood.

I was going to become a teacher after college, and Jake was going to be a police officer like our dads. We would buy a house close by the beach, get married, and adopt a dog before having two kids. A boy first and we'd name him William Charles after our fathers, and then two years later we'd have a girl and name her Sarah Renee after our moms. It was the whole white picket fence dream; a realistic, grounded dream that I never could have imagined not wanting, it was our natural course and was right.

It was the beginning of our junior year, and I just couldn't wait for the whole high school thing to be over. I was never into parties or socializing but had a decent, close-nit, core of friends that were very important to me.

"Oh my God Bella, did you see Mike this morning? I think he like totally matured over the summer, damn is he cute." Jessica said as she came to sit with me in the cafeteria.

"Jess, you have liked Mike for three years, why don't you just ask him out?" I encouraged her.

"Eww no, he has to ask me out, what the hell do you think I am? Oh I know, why don't you talk to him in gym and tell him that he should ask me out." Jess said excited at her idea. I just smiled and shook my head at her.

"Hey guys" Angela said as she came to sit beside me. "Say cheese" She snapped a picture of Jessica and me.

"Hey, I'm not camera ready." Jessica complained before pulling out her compact and checking on her make-up."

"What's with the pictures anyway?" I asked her.

"I'm trying to get a candid of everyone in the junior class…for the yearbook." She shrugged. "It's going to be part of this huge collage. It's only the first week of school and I only need a couple more people to get." Angela explained.

"Well, who do you have left?" I asked trying to be helpful.

"Spence, Brandon, Tim, and let's see…" She took out a list to look over. "Edward Cullen."

"Edward? Why don't you just conveniently forget to include him, no one wants to see that Goth freak in the collage anyway." Jessica suggested.

"Jess, I have to get everyone, otherwise it won't be a real class picture." Angela told her but Jessica just rolled her eyes.

"So where's Jake right now?" Jess asked me.

"He's hanging out with his football buddies today." I said casually.

"Why?" Jess asked confused "Don't you want to spend lunch time with your boyfriend?"

"No, we see each other plenty; we can spend a few hours apart."

"Damn, I can't wait to find a boyfriend to be as boring with as you two are." Jessica said rudely.

"What's that suppose to mean?" I asked offended.

"Oh come on Bella really, where's the spark, the fire? Shouldn't you be excited to see your boyfriend, and a little disappointed at least when you can't?"

"We're not like that. Sometimes it's a good thing to be level headed and take the other for granted. I know that we'll always be together and we have our whole lives ahead of us, so why fight to see each other every second of every day?"

"Well I for one, am happy that my life isn't all scripted out, I prefer being surprised at what's to come." Jessica stated.

"That's why you are where you are, and I'm where I am." I said referring to out separate personal relationships.

"To each their own." She replied.

"Exactly" I said back. Jessica was a hopeless romantic, and though I didn't fault her for it, she sure could be annoying sometimes. I just hated when people projected their own beliefs and desires onto others, especially me and my relationship.

"Cullen alert" Jessica pulled at Angela's sleeve to point them out.

Angela lifted her eyes from her camera to look in the direction that Jessica pointed in. "Oh, I already have a picture of Alice." Then she went back to looking down.

"I thought you said you needed a picture of Edward?" Jessica said confused.

"Yeah, well that's just Alice and Jasper." Angela said confused, and then Rose and Emmet walked in. The Cullen kids had to be some of the most beautiful people in the world, but they came from broken homes so they seemed to stick together for support because they all understood one another. They were all seniors, except for Alice and Edward, and where Alice had to be the friendliest of all of them, Edward was quiet and withdrawn; that is when he wasn't getting into fights and disturbing whatever class he was in with smart ass comments. I had two classes with him last year, but he hardly ever spoke except at random times when something would piss him off, and he'd end up in detention.

"Oh. My. God." Angela said slowly as the fifth Cullen came into the cafeteria and sat with the others.

"Who the hell is that?" Jessica asked slowly as we all looked at him. "That can't be Edward." She answered her own question.

Edward first showed up at this school towards the end of freshman year. He was a scrawny little kid with long, strange, almost bronze colored hair that hung over his face. He always kept his head down and didn't look people in the eye. Since Dr. and Mrs. Cullen decided to adopt him, he seemed to develop a desire to set himself apart from the rest of the beautiful Cullens, and he dyed his hair black and dressed in gothic clothes. There was even a rumor around campus that he thought he was a vampire and he liked to drink people's blood, but that was utter ridiculous non-sense.

Sometime over the past summer however, Edward shredded his Goth look, grew a few inches and actually seemed normal looking, well closer to normal anyway. His hair was back to his original strange color, but instead of it hanging in his face, it was tousled into a messy mop on the top of his head. His face seemed different too, maybe it was because this was one of the only times we ever saw him without bruises and cuts from a fight. But his face was sharper looking, more defined and his jaw and cheek bones stuck out, but not in an unhealthy sort of way, he actually looked like one of those male _Abercrombie and Fitch_ models.

"Yes, that is definitely Edward Cullen." Angela answered Jessica after a few minutes of awkward gawking at him.

"Who knew _that _was under all that black shit he used to wear." Jessica said in a monotone voice without taking her eyes off of him. Then she wiped something from her chin; was she actually drooling over this guy? I mean he was good looking, but no more than the rest of the Cullens. Dr. Cullen must do some kind of cosmetic experimenting on them or something, or perhaps he was just selective with whom he picked to adopt, they must have to pass a beauty test or something. I knew that wasn't true though, because I actually knew Dr. Cullen quite well and he was really a great man. His first day working at Forks Hospital six years ago, I was rushed into the ER with a broken arm, courtesy of the icy sidewalk and my clumsiness. That was just the first of many times that Dr. Cullen had to put me back together again, and he was always nothing but kind and compassionate.

"Look, he's even cut now. They must have given him a lobotomy or something, and forced him to work out." Jessica pointed out, and she was actually right. He wasn't a skinny rail anymore; you could see his toned forearm as his sleeve pulled up a bit. I had no idea why I was staring at him like that, Jake was a pretty muscular guy, you would think that I never saw muscles on a man before. For a reason that I didn't know, Edward turned to look in our direction and we locked eyes for a brief moment that seemed to last forever. I was completely stuck in his gaze and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't look away but to my relief he finally turned his head.

I couldn't get Edward's face, or the intensity of his eyes, out of my head all day. It wasn't the fact that he was beautiful that kept bringing my mind back to him, it was the fact that he always looked so sad and detached from everything around him, but in that moment we were completely connected, and I had no idea why.

"Hello, Earth to Bella." Jake waved his hand in front of my face to knock me out of my daze. We were studying at my house after school, and I had zoned off thinking about Edward yet again.

"Sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me today." I shook my head trying to get the image out.

"Maybe you shouldn't have taken all those advanced courses this year. I'd zone out too if I was trying to figure out all that shit." Jake said with a chuckle.

"I said I was sorry, damn" I snapped at him.

"Ok, well then. I'm just going to head home, I'll see you tomorrow." He said then kissed me on the forehead before grabbing his rabbit keys and went for the door.

"Hey, my man." Charlie said to Jake as he walked in, just arriving home for the day. The two of them had a little buddy-buddy handshake thing that they did, it was actually annoying. "You're taking off?" Charlie asked him.

"Yeah we're in a _mood_." Jake said and gestured towards me with his head.

"Ah, I see." Charlie said understandingly. "PMS?" he asked quietly.

"Dad, what the hell?" I asked angrily.

"Yep, PMS" Charlie said to Jake. "It's too bad you're leaving though, your dad was going to come over and we were going to catch the game on the flat screen."

"No shit?" Jake asked excitedly. It really pissed me off that Charlie didn't care if Jake said shit in front of him, but he practically washed my mouth out with soap when I said it a couple of weeks ago.

"Yeah, it's going to be pretty tight." Charlie said, great now he was even speaking like him.

"Cool, so maybe I will stay then." Jake kicked off his shoes and sat on the couch while putting his feet on the coffee table. I loved Jacob to death, but his love of all things sports was one thing that we didn't see eye to eye on, but I figured that most couples disagreed about that one.

"Well, I'm going to head over to Angela's or something." I told them.

"See ya" Jake said without even turning to look at me, and I had an overwhelming desire to throw his shoe at his head. Damn, what the hell was wrong with me?

"Bye honey" Charlie said in the same manner. I never had a curfew because I was never away from home long enough to need one, and on the rare occasion that I was home late, Charlie figured I had a good reason and never really questioned me much. But that's how our relationship was, he was the police chief, and I was his good responsible daughter who's never been in trouble a day in her life.

I was home that night by eight, of course, and cleaned up the mess the boys left from watching the game before going to my room for the night. Jake had already gone home, so I decided to call him on the phone to say good night.

"Hey, sorry for snapping at you earlier." I told him.

"It's Ok, I probably deserved it, though I have no idea why." Jake said with a chuckle.

"No, you didn't deserve it, I've just been…I don't even know what was wrong with me today."

"Well, I need to help my dad with a few things, so I'll see you tomorrow. Remember, I'm not going to pick you up in the morning because I have practice after school, so I won't be able to give you a ride home." He said cautiously worried he was going to piss me off again.

"Ok, no problem, I should probably give my old truck a run anyway." I told him "Bye, I love you"

"Yeah, love you too, see ya."

I laid in bed all night awake trying to kick my bad mood, but I just couldn't. But it wasn't just today that these new feelings of resentment came to me; in fact, over the past few months everything that I once found funny and charming before, was really annoying me now. I know it had nothing to do with Jacob; he was the same warm caring guy he'd always been, so it had to be me. I was changing on the inside, and it actually scared me.

***Please Review***


	3. Ch2  Pictures

**Moon Scars**

Ch 2 – _Pictures_

…

(Bella's POV)

Junior year was turning out to be as equally uneventful as my previous two years at this high school had gone. My seventeenth birthday came and went, my dad and I went with Jacob and Billy out to dinner, and then Jake and I went to the movies; just like we do every year, every time any of the four of us have a birthday. I realized that sometimes when I thought about my life, it seemed a little boring, but that never bothered me before and I wasn't about to let it start bothering me now. The changes that I felt within me in the beginning of the school year, I pushed away and buried them deep inside of myself. I liked my life and didn't want anything to be different, despite how it made me feel.

I was grateful when Christmas break rolled around, but that also meant the beginning of a new semester when we returned. It wasn't exactly like starting all over again, because I was in all advanced college prep classes and most of those classes lasted the whole year, but the couple of new elective classes that I was forced to take, was worth all the dreaded agony. It's not that I hated new curriculum, I just hated change all together, perhaps that was why my life was so boring.

"Ugh! How the hell did I get put in art class? That was like my last choice as an elective." I complained after getting my schedule for the second half of the school year.

"Well, why'd you put it down if you didn't want to take that class?" Jacob asked in a teasing tone.

"I hated all the electives, so I picked the four that I hated the least." I told him.

Jake laughed at me so I went to mock punch him, but he caught my hand and twisted me around until my arm was wrapped around my own body and he used it to lock me in place. He smiled at my feeble attempts to break free, and then he held me in place with only one of his hands and used the other hand to tickle my sides.

"No" laugh "Stop" laugh "I hate being tickled!" I finally managed to shout, so he finally stopped.

"Shit Bella, did you have to yell, everyone is staring now." Jake said, but was laughing at me.

"It's your fault, you know I hate that." I told him with a smile.

"I do know that, that's why I do it." He smiled back and kissed me sweetly on the lips. "I'm sure you'll do great in art class, I still have that masterpiece you drew for me when we were six." He told me.

"You mean those stick figures of us on the swings?" I asked with a grin.

"Really? I thought that was a cow with really big utters." He said seriously.

"You prick." I pinched his arm.

"Oww, that hurt." He said rubbing his arm.

"I thought you were a big tough beast, who knew you were really just a pansy." I teased.

"I am a tough beast, maybe if you'd come to watch my practices like the other girlfriends do, you'd see how tough I really am." He kissed me again, "gotta go, see you later?" he asked.

"Of course, bye"

My first day in art was definitely something new for me. The desks were all arranged in a circle and we were allowed to pick our seats. I wasn't used to having such freedom when it came to classes; I was always one for structure and routine. All the kids started filing in and found seats before the tardy bell rang.

"Ok class, welcome to art 101, I'm Mrs. Guiest and I just know we are going to have a wonderful semester. I want you all to get out your art books and sketch the first thing that you thought of this morning when you woke up." The teacher said.

I got out my book of blank sketch paper and began drawing. I couldn't remember what my first thought was of this morning, so I just drew a picture of my breakfast, eggs, sunny side up.

"Oh, Ms." The teacher looked up my name on her call sheet. "Swan. What a beautiful…blob. Sometimes I think of abstract images when I first wake too." She complemented me, and then she moved on to the next student.

Bitch. I hate art.

I went back to sketching when I heard the door open, but I didn't bother looking up at first because I just figured it was some slacker late for class, and I was right.

"Mr. Cullen, I presume." The teacher said, and automatically, without my permission, my eyes lifted from my work and zeroed in on him.

"Where do you want me to sit?" He asked emotionlessly.

"Well it appears there is only one seat left, go ahead and sit there." The teacher said annoyed. The seat was on the other side of the room, for which I was grateful. I don't know why, but for some reason I really didn't want to sit next to him.

"On second thought, Madelyn I'd like you to switch seats with Edward please." The teacher said.

"But Mrs. Guiest, you said we could sit wherever we wanted?" Madelyn protested.

"Yes, I'm aware of that, but I can already see that this particular seating arrangement is going to be a problem. So switch." The teacher ordered.

The teacher was actually smarter than I thought. Edward was sitting next to another classroom trouble maker, and the girl Madelyn was sitting with a girl that was as big of a gossip whore as she was. I could see that switching them would save a lot of disturbances in the class, but now I would be forced to sit next to Edward; great.

This wasn't the first time I ever had a class with Edward, but we didn't exactly run in the same circles so we never really spoke before; in fact, I bet he didn't even know my name.

"Bella?" He asked me. Ok, so I guess he did know my name.

"Huh?"

"You dropped your tampon." He said pointing to the ground.

I looked down and to my horror, my backpack fell over and there was a tampon lying on the ground. I could feel the heat from my face as it turned bright red, and I quickly scooped up the tampon and the other things that fell out, and shoved them back in.

Edward chuckled like a jack ass at my embarrassment.

When I was done putting my stuff away, I tried to get my mind off of it and finish my sketch, but Edward kept looking over at me smirking, so I did my best at turning my hair into a curtain so it would block my face from him. This is so stupid; people drop personal things like tampons all the time, right? Why the hell was I so embarrassed? It's not like I was the only one in this school who used them. Last semester Jessica dropped a condom out of her bag in front of the whole cafeteria, but no one seemed to care. At least this wasn't that bad, right?

"Ok kids, this month we are going to be working on a project that will be due in the beginning of February. Now normally I'd say that art is very personal, but for this project we will be working with partners and for good reason. Each pair will be issued a camera that you will share over the next month. With this camera you will each take a picture, both in color and in black and white, of your partner in nature somewhere. Then, you will paint a portrait of that picture as true to life as possible. Now this is supposed to be a fun project so please, take your time, be creative, and have fun." The teacher announced. I was actually halfway looking forward to this project; I absolutely loved taking pictures, but the portrait painting part, not so much.

"Now I'm sure you would all love to pick your partners, but because I want you to actually do this project instead of goofing off with my cameras, I've already picked your partners for you." The teacher went down a list she made up of the people she wanted to be partnered, and as if to further my horror and embarrassment, my name was read next to Edward's. Damn, fucking, shit… There weren't enough improper adjectives to accurately describe the depth of my disapproval over my partnering.

"Look, I'd really like to get an early start on this project; you know, the sooner we start, the sooner we'll finish." I told Edward as we were gathering our things when the period was over.

"Yeah, Ok. Are you going to want me to pose naked though, because that might cause the rest of the girls here to hyperventilate and try to destroy you from their jealousy." Edward said cockily. I just stared at him in disgusted disbelief then shook my head and walked out of the class.

Sometime this school year, Edward went from the quiet withdrawn weird kid with a bad attitude, to a cocky arrogant womanizing dick, with a bad attitude. It started in the beginning of the school year when the female population of the student body recognized how much Edward changed over the summer. He seemed to resist their advances at first, but after a month or two, he easily fell into the role that they all wanted him to be in. But he still remained with his step siblings most of the time during lunch and break periods, even though many of the guys in our junior class tried to hang with him hoping that they could get some of the girls that he discarded.

Edward wasn't a jock like most of the other popular boys were, he was just simply beautiful. His intense green eyes, the tone build to his body, even the tousled mess of his hair drove the girls crazy. I just found it strange how easily everyone forgot the gothic Edward who no one liked, that was at this school just several months ago; teenagers were so vain, all they cared about were physical appearances.

"Hi Bella" Alice flitted to my side as I walked to geometry.

"Oh, hey Alice." I said slightly surprised she was talking to me. Alice was very friendly, but we weren't exactly friends.

"So, I have art class right before you do so I know the project. I asked my brother who he was partnered with and he said you, so I thought I'd help you out." She said.

"Help me out how?" I asked confused.

"Edward doesn't do too well in group or partner projects. He tends to not show up and make the others do all the work, so here you go." Alice handed me a picture. I looked at it and saw that it was a picture of Edward standing in front of a tree. "I took this last week in our backyard, it will work perfectly and you won't have to count on him to pose for you." She said with a smile.

"Uh, thanks Alice. But I really think I should take the picture myself, besides I need a black and white one too." I told her politely.

"Well you can always make a black and white copy of that picture. Look if you really want to take the picture yourself that's fine, but just hold on to that one just in case you can't force him to pose for you." She smiled again, and then danced off.

I shoved the picture in my backpack and finished the rest of my classes for the day. After school was out, I drove myself home because Jacob had football practice, and I had to work at the Newton sporting-good store anyway. I didn't really mind going to work, it was a boring, repetitive job but at least I earned my own paycheck. The worst part of my job was the fact that Mike Newton always worked the same hours as me. Mike and Jessica started dating earlier this school year after I suggested to Mike that he ask her out. But even though Mike was with Jess, and I was with Jacob, Mike still made me feel awkward as if he wished we were going out with each other, instead of the people we were actually dating.

"Hey Bella." Mike greeted me as I punched in my time card.

"Hi Mike."

"Hey-ya Bella, I was wondering if you wanted to go to the movies or something this Saturday?" He asked me.

"Uh, I don't think that's such a good idea Mike, Jacob gets pretty jealous and he'll probably think you wanted to go with me as more than just friends." I said to him. Jacob was far from a jealous guy, but I knew that would make Mike back down.

Ding-ding. A costumer just walked in.

"Excuse me sir?" The man asked Mike.

"Uh, yes? How may I help you?" Mike asked him.

"Do you have anything that will scare wolves? Like horns or wolf repellent, or something?" The costumer asked.

"Uh, over here this might work. Has there been a wolf problem lately?" Mike asked him.

"Well a buddy of mine was camping last weekend, and a group of wolves came right up to them without fear. He said it was the strangest thing, they didn't even have any food on them or anything so they had no idea why the wolves wouldn't leave them alone."

"Yeah, too many people around here feed them as if they're just stray dogs, but it's really a bad thing to do that because then they start to think that humans mean food." Mike explained.

After work was over, I called Jake to talk for a while before doing my homework for the night. When I went to pull out my notebook, the picture of Edward fell out onto my bed. I didn't notice it at first, but when I was finished with my homework and was putting everything away, I saw it lying on my quilt. I picked it up and looked at it, just staring at his perfect face for a few moments and I couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking about in the exact moment that the picture was taken. Knowing him it was probably something annoying and cocky, but for some reason, his eyes just looked so sad behind the stiff mask his face was set in.

I set the picture aside and put my pajamas on before settling into bed. I went to click off the light on my nightstand, when for some reason I picked the picture back up and looked at it again for another long moment. I had no idea why, but when I looked at this picture, I felt that connection with him that I felt that first day of the school year when we locked eyes for that endless moment in the cafeteria. It was like there was so much more depth to him then he let anyone see, and in the moment this picture was taken, he let his guard down.

I put the picture back down, turned off the light, and drifted off to sleep with the image of the picture on my mind. That was the first night I dreamt of Edward Cullen.

*******Please Review*******


	4. Ch3 Fallen Angel

**Moon Scars**

Ch 3- _Fallen Angel_

….

**Unknown – by Lifehouse**

This doubt is screaming in my face  
in this familiar place,  
sheltered and concealed  
and if this night won't let me rest  
don't let me second guess  
what I know to be real put away  
all I know for tonight and maybe I just might learn  
to let it go take my security from me  
and maybe finally I won't have to know everything  
I am falling into grace to the unknown to where you are  
and faith makes everybody scared it's the unknown,  
the don't-know that keeps me hanging on  
to you I got nothing left to defend  
I cannot pretend that everything makes sense  
but does it really matter now if I do not know how  
to figure this thing out  
I am against myself again trying to fit  
these pieces in walking on a cloud of dust to get to you

…

(Bella's POV)

"So Bella, Ben and I are going to the beach tonight. It's supposed to be clear out and a full moon, it will be amazing; do you and Jake want to come along?" Angela asked at lunch.

"Jake has football practice tonight." I told her

"Oh, well that's too bad. What about you, do you want to tag along with us anyway? It seems like it's been such a long time since we hung out." She asked

"Oh hell, he looks amazing today." Jessica said as she came to sit with us after buying her food.

Angela and I followed her gaze and knew right away who she was talking about. Edward Cullen just walked in and went to sit with his family.

"Jess, you are with Mike." I reminded her.

"So, I can still look. I mean come on Bella, even you have to admit how gorgeous he is? Anyone with eyes can see that." Jessica said.

"Yeah he's gorgeous. It's just too bad he doesn't have a personality to match." I said bitterly remembering his jackass comments to me in class earlier in the week.

"Oh my god, he's coming over here." Jessica squealed.

I looked back at him, and he smiled crookedly when we locked eyes.

"Bella?"

"Yes Edward?" I asked coldly.

"I was thinking that since I have no other plans tonight, we could get together." Edward propped himself on his arms and leaned against the table while unleashing the full intensity of his eyes on me.

"And what makes you think that I don't have plans?" I asked full of attitude. Jessica kicked me under the table.

Edward chuckled a little, as if the idea of me having plans on a school night was ridiculous. "Well, do you?" He asked finally.

"No." I said, and again he laughed; what a pompous prick.

"Hey I have an idea," Angela said. "Why don't the two of you come to the beach with me and Ben tonight, it's supposed to be a nature project right?"

"Which beach?" Edward asked

"LaPush" Angela answered. "It's supposed to be a full moon and clear out, it will be perfect for a picture."

"Nah, I don't go to LaPush." Edward answered.

"Oh yeah, why not?" I asked curiously.

"Well, let's just say that I beat the shit out of someone there once, and they haven't welcomed me back since." He smirked.

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever, I really don't want to take a night shot anyway. What about this weekend, are you free?"

"I don't know, I need to check with my publicist and get back to you." He joked.

"Look, can we just be serious about this? Art is a stretch for me already, and I really don't need to be failing my first big project." I asked calmly.

"Fine, I guess I can squeeze you in; when and what time?" He asked

"You're the one with the busy schedule."

"Alright then. Saturday, I'll pick you up around ten."

"You'll pick _me_ up?" I asked surprised. "Do you even know where I live?"

"Yeah, your dad is the police chief right?"

"Yeah"

"Well, who doesn't know where the police chief lives? Why do you think your house gets toilet papered and egged all the time?" he laughed again.

"Did anyone ever tell you that you're a dick?" I asked straight faced.

"Yeah." He said with a shrug. "Saturday at ten." He repeated, then walked off.

"Oh my god, I can't believe you're going out with Edward freaking Cullen." Jessica said.

"We're not going out Jessica, it's just a project. Damn, why don't you just leave Mike and date Edward if you're so into him."

"Edward doesn't date; in fact he doesn't even kiss the girls that he screws." Jessica said sounding disappointed.

"What do you mean, he's always has a girl on his arm?" I asked confused.

"He just uses them for sex, I'm pretty sure he's like a man-whore. But the girls that I know who have fucked around with him say that he refuses to kiss, maybe he's like a germ-a-phob or something." Jessica said.

"Awe, that's sweet, like Pretty Woman." Angela said.

"Pretty Woman?" I asked not understanding because I never saw the movie.

"Yeah, Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman was a prostitute, but she refused to kiss anyone because she thought kissing was more personal and intimate than actually having sex." Angela explained.

"Well that's stupid." I told them.

Saturday came too soon, and I laid in bed until nine thirty before deciding to get out of bed and getting ready for the day.

"Good morning sunshine." Charlie said sarcastically. He always called me sunshine when he thought I slept in too late.

"Morning. Are you going fishing?" I asked confused. Charlie didn't usually fish in the winter.

"Yeah, Harry and Billy wanted to try this whole ice fishing thing. I told them I didn't want to but they gave me a whole guilt trip thing." Charlie said in a mocking tone. "What are your plans for the day?"

"Ugh, school project."

"Wow, don't you sound excited." Charlie joked.

"No, it's fine really, but I have to finish getting ready. Have fun in the ice." I teased.

Charlie left, and I waited for Edward. Ten o'clock came and he didn't show. Ten thirty, still nothing and at noon, I decided to stop waiting like an idiot and went about my day. I don't know why I was so upset that he didn't show, Alice did warn me, but I was pissed just the same.

I kicked off my shoes, threw on a pair of sweats, and opened a tub of cookie dough ice cream. Damn, was I pathetic.

Knock, knock. Wonderful. I went and opened the door thinking it was probably a salesman or something, when I saw Edward standing there.

"Wow, love the outfit." He said sarcastically.

"Yeah well, it's two thirty." I said annoyed.

"Sorry, got hung up. You really want your picture taken dressed like that?" He asked completely careless that he was late.

I thought about telling him to fuck off, but I figured that this might be one of the few times that he actually shows up, so I might as well just try to get this over with.

"Hold on, let me go change." I said before huffing up the stairs.

I got in the passenger seat of his silver Volvo, and buckled my seat belt. He revved the engine before speeding off without putting on his seat belt. I just shook my head at him, I really wish my dad was patrolling so he could pull him over and give him a ticket.

"So where are we going?" I asked as he pulled off the freeway.

"I forgot the camera at my house, so I'm just going to run in and pick it up." He explained.

"Wait, so first you're four and a half hours late, then you forget the camera?" I asked incredulously.

"Yeah, what's the big deal?"

I shook my head again. He pulled onto a private dirt road and continued until the most beautiful white house came into view. It had to be the biggest house in the county and it was covered with large windows.

"Oh Edward, I'm glad you're here, can you help me for a few minutes?" A woman walked out to the car from the house. "Oh, I'm sorry sweetie, I didn't know you had a friend with you."

"It's Ok, she not a friend, just a forced project partner." He said coldly, the woman looked like she was embarrassed of his comment.

"I'm Esme." She said with a warm smile and reached her hand through the car window.

"Uh, Bella." I shook her hand.

"Do you mind coming in for a few minutes, I just need Edward's help really quick."

"Sure, no problem." I unbuckled my seatbelt and got out of the car then followed them into the house.

The inside of the house was even more beautiful than the outside, it was so light and airy, nothing really like I expected.

"I just need you to move this couch over to that corner, then that book shelf needs to move to that wall." Esme instructed Edward.

"Are you having another one of those candle parties again?" He asked her.

"Yes, I told you about it yesterday remember?" She said with a smile.

Edward didn't answer her, he just pushed the furniture around like she asked.

"Oh, you know what, can you move it over a few more inches to the left?" She asked referring to the couch.

"Yeah" Edward moved it.

"Great, thanks honey. So how long will you two be working on this project today?" She asked.

"Uh, I don't know, a few hours maybe. We have to go find some nature somewhere and take some pictures." Edward explained.

"Well great, when you're done I want you two to come back here for dinner." She said.

"Esme, I thought you had that party tonight?" He asked her.

"Well we still have to eat. The party is at eight thirty, so dinner will be at seven."

"Um, that's really nice of you, but I really don't want to impose." I tried to decline her invitation politely.

"Nonsense, I insist. Seven o'clock, don't be late." She said to us before heading to a different room.

"She's seems really nice." I said to Edward as I followed him to his room to get the camera.

"She just wants people to think she's nice, but really she's just a vein shrew." Edward said coldly.

"Um, Ok." I said not really sure what to make of that comment.

Edward's room was very sparse. There was a couch, a desk, a radio, and a wall shelf full of CDs.

"Is this your room?" I asked confused.

"Yeah" He said absently as he looked through a pile of things on his desk.

"No bed?" I asked

"Huh?" He looked at me.

"There's no bed in here."

"Oh, no. I prefer to sleep on the couch."

"Why?" I asked a little weirded out.

He shrugged "I always slept on couches when I was a kid." And that was the extent of his explanation. "Here it is. Let's go." He found the camera, then we took off.

"Now where are we going?" I asked as he drove back on the freeway.

"I thought we needed to take a picture of nature?" He said

"Yeah, so?"

"So, we're going to nature."

He drove about twenty minutes, and the whole time we didn't speak. Finally he pulled off the freeway onto a narrow winding road. The road turned to gravel, then to dirt before he parked the car.

"Ready?" He asked me.

"For what? We're in the middle of nowhere." I started to get an uneasy feeling. I didn't even know Edward very well and now I was in some obscure location alone with him and had no idea how to get back.

"I hope those shoes are comfortable to walk in; it's about a five mile hike." He said emotionlessly.

"Oh I don't think so." I said quickly. There was no way I was hiking.

"Why, you don't think you'll make it?" He said tauntingly.

"Of course I can make it." I said insulted. "But it's cold, and five miles is far to hike in the snow."

"So you don't think you can make it." He said again.

"Lead the way." I said stubbornly.

He threw a backpack over his shoulder and started walking. Like the car ride, we stayed silent but strangely it wasn't an uncomfortable silence. It was actually kind of nice just staying quiet and listening to the sounds of the forest and the snow crunching under our feet.

"It's right through those trees there. Do you see the place where the sun is breaking through?" he asked pointing ahead of us.

"Yeah." We walked the last several yards, then I was stunned in disbelieving wonder as I took in the magical spot he took us to. I was always a level headed person, never one for fairy tales and make believe, but this place was straight out of a Disney princess movie.

"Cool huh?" He said before shaking his coat off and tossing it on a rock.

"What is this place?" I asked. It was obviously a meadow, but the truly amazing thing was the fact that there was no snow on the ground and there were wildflowers growing like crazy. It was like an oasis in the middle of an iceberg. The temperature was warmer here also, and I followed Edward's lead and took my coat off too.

"The sun hits this spot just right, but more than that, there is a hot spring over there that melts everything around it." He explained.

"It's beautiful." I said as I took in the mesmerizing sight. "How did you find this place?"

"Emmet brought me out here last year; well not here, but about a mile east. Anyway, it was supposed to be some kind of brotherly bonding nature hike thing, and I got pissed at something and took off. I had no idea where I was but I wondered around and found this place. I hung out for a while, then spent the rest of the day trying to find my way back to where we parked the car." He explained.

"Wow." I didn't know what else to say.

"Ok, let's get started." He said and pulled the camera out of the backpack. "Do you want to shoot first?" He asked.

"Um, sure, thanks." I took the camera from him. "Uh, how about over there." I pointed to a rock and motioned for him to sit.

He sat without complaining and waited for further directions.

"Ok, turn to the side and keep your face relaxed." He did, so I started snapping. God he was beautiful. But it wasn't just normal human beauty, it was like he was something different, better. Like a fallen angel, or a Greek God, and there couldn't have been a more perfect or suitable surrounding for him.

I must have taken a hundred photos of him, I just couldn't get enough, and the camera absolutely loved him.

"Ok enough, you're going to use all the memory space." He said finally and grabbed the camera from me. "On the ground." He said to me and pointed to the middle of the meadow.

"You want me to sit on the ground?" I asked confused.

"No, I want you to lay on the ground." He said with a smirk.

I don't know why I agreed to do it, but for some reason being in this place made everything different. Like as if this magical meadow awakened something inside of me that I didn't even know existed. I laid back and just stared through the break in the clouds right into the brilliant blue sky. He stood over me with one leg on each side of my body and started snapping the camera.

It was a strange, exposing, vulnerable, position having him practically straddling me like that, but for some reason I was completely comfortable. The way the sun shone through his hair as he stood above me, was one of the most breathtaking sites I ever saw.

"Wait, don't move. Give me the camera." I said raising my hand waiting for him to hand it over.

"No way, you already had your turn."

I used his legs on either side of me to pull myself up and I grabbed the strap from the camera, so he let it go.

"Now hold still." It was an absolutely beautiful silhouette of his face which was darkened with the sun shining brightly from behind him.

"Ok, now give it back." He said.

I didn't even think when I pulled it away from him, in fact I wasn't in my proper frame of mind at all; I must have left my brain back in the car or something.

"Oh really?" He said playfully, and then pinned me down to grab the camera from me but I rolled out from under him and started running with the camera, and he of course, chased me. He was fast though, and he caught me quickly and tackled me back to the ground. I was laughing so hard that my stomach actually hurt from it. He was laughing too and his smile was not something that I could ever forget. It was a real, genuine, smile unlike one I had ever seen on his face before.

I stopped laughing and was completely staring in awe of him for a few moments, when he finally noticed my gawking. His laugh immediately cut off and his beautiful glory was replaced with the hard mask that I was used to seeing on him.

"We should get back, we'll miss dinner if we stay any longer." He said quietly.

"Ok" I said just as quiet.

The second we left the meadow, it was like we went right back to the way we were before. Strained awkwardness.

***If you like this story so far, then ****Please Review*******


	5. Ch4 Dinner with the Cullens

**Moon Scars**

Ch 4- _Dinner with the Cullens_

….

We didn't speak the whole drive back to his house, in fact I really wish I could just go home, the last thing I wanted to do was eat dinner with him and his family. But for some reason, I really didn't want to offend Esme; she seemed like a very sweet caring person, despite what Edward said about her. After he parked the car in front of the house, he went straight for the door without even waiting for me. I wasn't sure if he was mad at me about something, or if this was just his natural dick side coming back out, but either way, it sucked.

By the time I got out of the car and walked up the steps to the porch, he had already gone in and the door was shut in front of me. I didn't know what to do, should I just go in, or knock? What an ass, why did he just take off like that? I couldn't just leave, because I didn't have my car and his house was way too far in the forest to walk from, but I would feel stupid knocking.

I stood there like an idiot for about five minutes before the door squeaked open and Edward popped his head out. "What are you doing outside?" he asked confused.

"Uh…I was just looking at this antique bench" I lied.

"You about done?" He said annoyed.

"Yeah, sorry." I said with my head down.

"Oh I'm glad you guys are here, you're just in time." Esme said as we walked into the kitchen. "Go ahead and take a seat, everyone should be down in a moment."

"Wow, something smells amazing." Dr. Cullen walked in; he must have just gotten off of work. He walked up to Esme while she was stirring something on the stove, and he wrapped his arms around her from behind, and kissed her neck. Esme responded by turning around in his arms so she was facing him, and she wrapped her arms around his neck before kissing him passionately. "I missed you today"

"You miss me everyday" She smiled and kissed him again. I was never one for mushy PDA, but there was something terribly romantic about the amount of passion in their eyes. I never really knew that amount of love even existed outside the movies and poetry. "Go get washed up." Esme told the Doctor after pulling away from him.

Dr. Cullen went to go get cleaned up for dinner, when he noticed me for the first time.

"Ms. Swan?" He asked surprised, and then he gave a strange questioning look to Edward. Esme also had a surprised look on her face when her husband said my last name as well.

"Hi Dr. Cullen, how are you?" I asked. It had been a while since my last ER visit, so I hadn't seen the Doctor in some time.

"Good, thanks for asking Bella." He said politely, and continued to glare at Edward.

"We're partners for a school project." Edward said finally, as if he were defending me being there.

"Edward, I need to speak to you in the other room please." The Doctor said and didn't wait for a response before walking out of the room. Edward rolled his eyes, and then huffed before following his step father.

"So Bella, I wasn't aware that you were Charlie's daughter." Esme said casually.

"Uh, yeah." I said uneasily. I wasn't exactly sure what the problem was, but the mood in the room definitely changed when my last name was mentioned.

There was a loud thunder as Emmet and Jasper came barreling in the kitchen and took a seat in the adjacent dining room.

"Hey, hey, hey." Esme scolded them. "Those hands better be clean boys."

"Hey, who are you?" Emmet asked me after finally realizing I was there. Alice, Edward and the Dr, were the only Cullens that I actually ever spoke to before, so I wasn't surprised that Emmet didn't know me; I only knew him because everyone at school knew of all the Cullens.

"Um, Bella Swan" I said cautiously, hoping he wasn't going to get upset by my name too.

"Bella Swan?" Emmet sounded confused.

"She's here as Edward's guest." Esme said quickly.

"Cool" Emmet shrugged.

Jasper kind of nodded a hello to me, but didn't say anything.

"Hi Bella" Alice said happily in her musical voice. She came and sat next to me, then a little girl that I hadn't seen before, came and sat on the other side of me. Rose came in and sat with Emmett, and finally Edward returned with the doctor.

Edward took a seat on the opposite side of the table as me, and refused to look my way, completely ignoring the fact that I was even there at all.

"I'm Bree." The little girl next to me introduced herself suddenly.

"Hi Bree, I'm Bella." I said to her and she smiled.

"I like your hair, it's really pretty. Are you going to be here for a while, I'd really like to braid it." Bree said while picking up a strand of my hair and combing her fingers through it.

"Um" I didn't really know how to answer her.

"Alice's hair is too short, and Rose won't let me touch hers. Oh please?" Bree asked me sweetly.

"Bree, I have to take Bella home after dinner." Edward said sounding annoyed.

"Oh, ok well, next time then." Bree said.

"So where did you two go to take your pictures?" Esme asked us as she was serving everyone.

I waited for Edward to answer her, but he didn't speak, instead he just looked away like he was trying to avoid the question so I answered her. "Edward took me to a meadow full of wild flowers…"

"Wow, you got to go to Edward's meadow? He doesn't allow anyone to go there." Bree said innocently.

I looked over at Edward, and he still was looking away, but I could see his jaw clinched angrily; what the hell was that about.

Everyone was quiet for a few awkward moments, before Emmet let out the loudest burp I ever heard in my life. It broke the tension and everyone started laughing, except for Esme who looked appalled.

"This is delicious Esme, thank you so much for inviting me." I said after the laughter died down.

"Well I'm glad you like it, you inspired me this morning. After you said your name was Bella, I just felt like making Italiano." Esme said kindly.

The conversation at the table remained light, and everyone was loving towards each other and full of smiles and playful banter. I never sat at a personal dining table with such a large family before, and it actually felt really nice. I didn't know what I expected from having dinner with the unconventional family, but being with them now really made me wish I had come from a bigger family myself. They all seemed truly wonderful and happy, almost as if this was exactly the way all families should be.

Besides the fact that Emmet and Rosalie kept making out, and Alice and Jasper seemed to be holding hands, you would never know that this family wasn't biological. They acted as though they have always been together, and had a lifetime's worth of bonding. Edward was the only one who seemed distant and out of place, but it didn't have anything to do with the rest of them. They tried to engage in conversations with him, but after only getting cold one word answers, they seemed to give up and start a new conversation elsewhere.

After dinner, I thanked Mr. and Mrs. Cullen, and said my goodbyes certain that I'd never be over for dinner again. I was actually a little sad when I walked out of their house; it was almost like I was going to miss them, even if I had no rights to those feelings.

"I had a lot of fun today, your family is awesome." I said to Edward on the drive back to my house.

"You spent a little over an hour with them, and you think you know them well enough to call them awesome?" he asked bitterly.

"I just meant that they were all really nice." I said defensively.

"I'm sure you would think that." He said quietly

"Ok, what is that supposed to mean?" I asked annoyed.

"You're just one of those types of people that think your life is shit and everyone else has it better then you. You see all the expensive clothes and cars and the huge house, and you automatically think we live some fairytale life."

"No, that's not what I see; I see a family who genuinely cares about each other, and then there is you, who doesn't seem to care about anything!" I practically shouted at him.

"You don't know _shit_ about me." He said coldly. Then we were both silent for the rest of the ride.

He pulled up to my house, and the second the car door was shut behind me, he sped off. I just stared after his car in angry disbelief.

"Hey there beautiful." I turned to see Jacob sitting on the porch.

"Hey, what are you doing here; I thought you were going to Seattle today with your friends?" I asked as I went to him for a hug.

"Yeah well, I thought I'd come here and say goodnight to my girlfriend in person." He kissed me. "Who were you with just now?" he asked curiously, lacking any jealousy whatsoever.

"I told you that I had a partner project thing."

"Yeah, so who was your partner?" he asked.

"Edward Cullen" I said casually. Jacob got very quiet and I could see the anger boiling up inside of him.

"That was Edward Cullen?" he asked slowly, and pinched the bridge of his nose like his head was going to explode.

"Yeah, what's the big deal?" I asked him confused.

"What's the big deal!" He exploded. "That's the son of a bitch who put my dad in a wheel chair, and you were actually in the car with that piece of shit!"

I was silent for a moment trying to process what he was telling me. "My dad said that the guy who hit Billy, was killed in the crash?"

"Well the driver was, but that prick was in the back seat. Charlie called an ambulance and Edward and my dad were taken to the hospital, and that's when Dr. Cullen decided to bring him home the bastard and make the town suffer with his presence."

"Jake, I had no idea; but it's not like I picked my partner. I didn't really have a choice in the matter, so you're wasting your time being mad at me for it." I said defensively.

"So what if you didn't have a choice in your partnering, you had a choice whether or not to get in the car with him; you could have met him somewhere, or at least been the one to drive." He started to soften his tone. "I just hate you being in a car with him behind the wheel; he's a menace, and a dangerous guy to be around."

"Look, it's not going to happen again, our partner portion of the project is finished." I said then decided that I just wanted to forget about the whole day. Whatever little connection Edward and I had in the meadow, was long gone, and I couldn't have been happier about that.

Jacob and I spent the entire day together on Sunday, just hanging out in his garage while he worked on his car. Even though I wasn't a lover of all things with an engine the way Jacob was, I still didn't mind hanging in his garage. It was kind of neat the way Jacob was able to take a piece of junk, and work hard with his hands, making something new and beautiful. And I had no idea why, but for some reason, Edward came to my mind. He was like this broken piece of jumbled metal, cold and angry, maybe all he needed was someone to gently put him back together again.

*******Please Review*******


	6. Ch 5 A Bad Day

**Moon Scars **

Ch 5 – _A Bad Day_

…

I had my pictures printed out, and I was amazed with the beauty of them. As I sat in art class and occasionally peered over at the distant Edward next to me, he seemed like a completely different person then the one I photographed. We never spoke since the day we spent together, but it wasn't really awkward, it was more like that day never happened. There were no hellos between us, or even an acknowledgment that we knew each other at all. But I really didn't mind, in fact I preferred it that way; Jacob hated him and being Edwards friend wasn't worth the tension that it would cause between me and Jake.

"Ok, so what do you think?" I asked Angela while we were sitting in the quad at break.

"Uh, is that Freddie Munster?" She asked cautiously, hoping to not hurt my feelings.

"Ugh! It does look like Freddie Munster, doesn't it? Shit! What am I supposed to do, I really suck at all this art crap." I said frustrated and tossed the painting I made of the photo to the ground.

"Maybe you just need a better model; I mean Edward's negativity is really coming through in it." She said.

"I know, but I don't have any other choice. This stupid class and this horrible project are going to lower my whole GPA."

"Well the photos you took were really nice." She tried to be positive "Maybe that will help the overall grade."

"Well, I think I'm going to go talk to Ms Guiest, maybe she can give me some pointers or something." I grabbed my drink and left Angela to head towards my art class hoping the teacher would be there, even though it was break.

I'm really bad at articulating things sometimes, so I was thinking through what I was going to say to my zany art teacher, and completely not paying attention to where I was going when I slammed right into someone and dumped my entire drink on them.

"Jesus Christ Bella, what the fuck!" Edward yelled at me. He had his arms raised up as his shirt dripped with cold sticky soda.

"Oh, my god. I'm so sorry Edward, I didn't…"

"You have to be the clumsiest bitch here. What, were you born with two left feet or something, what the hell am I supposed to do now?" Edward didn't wait for an answer; he turned and walked in the direction of the parking lot.

I had a strong urge to go after him, but I fought it, I mean what's the point really. I went on to the classroom and because I was having such a _wonderful_ day already, the room was empty. Wonderful.

It was Friday, so classes ended early and I just felt drained, so I couldn't wait to get home. Usually I worked after school, but today was a day off and usually I'd spend it with Jake, but since the football season ended, he got a job at the local mechanic shop and he was working today. So I decided it would be best to make full use of my free time, and attempt to re-paint the photograph of Edward.

"Bells, can you come down here please?" My dad yelled from down stairs. I just got all my paints out, but I was actually grateful for the distraction because I really didn't want to be painting anyway.

"What's up, dad?"

"Why don't you sit down for a minute, I've got something important that I need to talk to you about."

"Ok," I sat at on the love seat in the living room, and he sat on his recliner across from me. "Is something wrong?" I could see the stress on his face, and it really scared me. My dad didn't let much get to him, but when it did, I knew it had to be bad.

"It's your mom." He said slowly taking me by surprise. I hadn't seen my mom since I was little, and I actually never expected to see her again.

"Ok, what about her?"

"She's in town, and she wants to see you." His face ranged in emotions from worry, to anger, to sympathy.

My mom was only nineteen when she had me. My parents met in college, they were complete opposites, he was calm and steady, and she was this eccentric hippy that couldn't let life slow her down. My dad had never been away from home before, and when he met my mom who had these huge dreams, he was swept away by her. She wanted to travel and see the world, but when she got pregnant, she put all her dreams on hold and they got married and settled in Phoenix. But she hated life, and my dad hated Phoenix. With the economic depression around that time, my dad decided that they needed to move to Washington where he knew he could get a job, but that just made my mother even more resentful. Before long, she was cheating on him and making plans to move away with her new boyfriend. She planned on taking me with her, but she knew my dad would never let me go, so she went without me. She would visit every couple of months, but they started becoming fewer and fewer until she stopped all together and we didn't hear from her until this moment.

"Why, why now? Where the the hell has she been all this time?" I asked angrily.

"Look kid, I really don't know. She showed up here earlier today, and asked to see you."

"You actually saw her, well how did she look, what did she say?" As angry at her as I was, she was still my mother and I wanted to know if she was Ok.

He shrugged "She looked good enough, I mean I don't really know, she didn't say much. She wanted to see you and asked to come by later today."

"Today, as in right now? You said no right?" I started to panic; I needed time to let all this sink in before I actually saw her again.

"I didn't know what to say, so she said she'd call. I just wanted to prepare you because I know she's going to want to talk to you."

Just then, a car pulled up in the driveway. It was too early for Jake to be off of work, and Charlie wasn't expecting any of his buddies, so that only left one person who it could be.

"I thought you said she was going to call first?" I asked completely terrified.

"That's what she said." He looked out the window, and then huffed. He must have seen her as she walked up to the house.

Then there was a knock. My dad looked at me regrettably before going to open the door. There stood my long lost mother, she smiled as our eyes locked and she began to cry.

"Isabella." She came into the house reached for me, but I took a step back. Who was this woman, this woman that I didn't know and hardly remembered, and why would she ever think that I'd want her touching me?

"It's Bella. But if you'd been here all this time, you'd know that." I said bitterly.

"Sweet heart, I know that you must be upset with me, but I've come to make everything right, I've come to make it up to you." She said while the tears flowed down her face. Seeing her tears just made me angry, what right did she have to be crying when she's the one who left?

"Why now?"

"The last fourteen years have been hard on me…"

"Hard on you?" I shouted in disbelief.

"Please Isabella, can I just explain?"

"It's Bella; and NO!" I grabbed my purse and ran to the comfort of my ancient truck. I stuck the key in the ignition and drove away as fast as my slow truck could take me. I didn't know where to go, but it didn't really matter, I just needed to get away. I drove without direction and before I knew it, I pulled off the freeway and onto a dirt path that I knew just about as well as I knew my mother. I had only been here once, but for some reason, this was the only place that I wanted to be in the moment.

I started walking the path, but I knew that it didn't lead all the way to the meadow; I only hoped I could find it by myself. I walked, and I tripped, and I walked some more. Some things looked familiar, but mostly everything looked the same, every tree, every fallen branch, and I had no idea where I was. This was really stupid of me, why would I even think I could find this place, and if I happen to miraculously find it, then how would I ever find my way back.

I must have walked for over two hours, but I didn't have a watch, so I had no idea. At least I brought my heavy coat, even though I was certain that I was still going to freeze to death anyway. My feet hurt like hell and I twisted my ankle when I fell, but I just kept walking. My desire to find the magical meadow became almost a need, and I wasn't going to stop until I got there.

Maybe it was luck, or maybe the magic of the meadow was real and it guided me, but somehow I stumbled across the meadow. I was so grateful, and so freezing, that I just ran to the warmth that only the meadow could bring, and didn't even stop to take in my surroundings.

I stepped into the sun, and shrugged off my coat, and just soaked in the serenity that this place had to offer. It was just as beautiful as the last time, and the amazing aroma of the wild flowers filled my senses.

"Bad day?" I turned quickly and saw Edward sitting there on the same rock that I had him sit on for the picture I took. It was strange in a way, almost like I expected him there and the beauty of this place wouldn't have been complete without him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you were here, do you want me to leave?" What the hell was I saying; there was no way I wanted to leave now after everything it took to find it.

"No, you don't have to leave, it's not like this place belongs to me or anything." He said then went back to reading the book he had.

I just looked at him confused for a minute, wondering why he wasn't cussing at me and telling me to get lost. But the repulsive idea of fighting my way back through the forest at the moment, won over my curiosity of Edwards mood swings.

I wasn't prepared enough to bring a book or even a snack, so I went to the middle of the meadow, and laid down like I did the last time. The sky never looked so blue, and I knew that I could just stare up at it for hours and never get bored. At some point, I must have drifted to sleep, but I had no idea how long I was out for, but there was a low rumbling noise that startled me awake. I jumped up to a seated position and looked around confused.

Everything was still and quiet, which confused me even more, what the hell was that noise. That's when Edward started laughing.

"You're snoring woke you up." He said between laughs

"What? I don't snore." I said angry and embarrassed.

"Oh yeah you do." He said with a crooked smile that took my breath away. "And you talk too."

Oh. My. God. How humiliating, snoring and talking in my sleep in front of Edward freaking Cullen.

"What did I say?" I asked horrified.

"Well, I would be lying if I said that you never mentioned my name." he smirked.

"No I didn't." Now I was just mad.

"Yeah, '_Oh Edward, so dazzling_'." He said mockingly trying to impersonate me.

"No I didn't, you are such a conceded liar." I meant to be angry, but for some reason I was smiling at him.

He smiled back at me, then grabbed his backpack and started digging through it; he must have come straight from school.

"Changed your shirt?" I asked noticing he wasn't wearing the one that I stained with my soda.

"Uh, I always keep a spare in my car; you never know when something is going to get dumped on you."

"I didn't see your car when I parked." I said confused

"Nah, I had Emmet drop me off."

"Why?"

"Because I just got my car detailed and I didn't want to get it all messed up on the dirt road." He stated like as if it should have been obvious. "Here" he threw something in my direction, which I reflexively tried to catch, but with my coordination, I missed by a long shot.

"Awe, you suck." He didn't say it rudely, it was more in a teasing manner. "It was right to you."

I picked up the zip lock bag that he tossed at me, and looked at it. "Oh, you are like my savior." I said as I opened the pretzels and started devouring them. I didn't realize how hungry the hike had made me until he gave me the snack. He got off the rock and came to sit next to me on the ground, bringing his bag of goodies with him.

"Why would you come all the way out here without anything to eat or drink?" He asked while opening a bottle of water for me.

I eagerly took the water for him and poured it down my dry throat before answering him. "I didn't exactly plan on coming out here. I was…well just driving and didn't realize I was heading this way until I got on the dirt road. So, I parked and now here I am.

"Yeah, I like to come here when I have a bad day too." He said suggestively.

"I'm sorry about your shirt, I'll replace it if the stain doesn't come out. Why don't you just give it to me, and I wash it." I told him.

He chuckled briefly "No, don't worry about it; I was already having a bad day before that." He looked up at the sky.

"What happened?" I asked

"You tell me first." He looked at me and his eyes burrowed into mine with an intensity that I never felt before.

"Tell you first, what?" I asked confused.

"About your bad day." He said with a smile.

"And what makes you think that I had a bad day?" I returned his smile.

"Why else would you come up here unprepared."

I bit my lip uncomfortably, and for a reason that I didn't understand, I actually told him about my mother. Why the hell would I tell _Him_ that?

"So, your loser of a mother came and wants to be friends, I wonder what her issue is?" He asked almost as if he was trying to be supportive.

"I don't know, but I wasn't about to hang around and ask. I can't just pretend that the last fourteen years didn't happen."

"Well, I'm not trying to tell you what to do or anything, but if my mother came and wanted to talk to me, I'd at least hear her out before I spit on her." He said casually.

"When was the last time you saw your mother?" I realized that I didn't know anything about Edward and where he came from before being adopted by the Cullens two years ago.

"Uh, I was like eight, or something. She wasn't really fit to be caring for a kid, and once she got arrested, social services came, and I haven't seen her since." He explained. I was shocked that he was actually telling me something so personal.

"What about your dad?" I asked curious to know every aspect of him.

He shook his head. "Never had one."

"Never?" -How could he _never_ have a dad?

"Nope. My mom, she was, or is, a prostitute. She got pregnant from one of her many clients, she was probably only with the guy once. My guess is that he's some disgusting fat, bald dude, who has a wife and kids and hates his life. But I'll never know." He shrugged again.

I was speechless; I can't believe that someone so beautiful was a product of something as ugly as prostitution. I briefly thought that perhaps he was lying just to mess with me, but then looking in his face, I somehow just knew that he was being honest. And there he was; that unguarded guy that I photographed, the one who briefly put down his mask and let me in.

"Is that why you don't kiss anyone?" I could not believe I actually asked him that, what the fuck was wrong with me, it's like I lost all control of myself and said whatever the hell was on my mind.

"What do you mean?" He asked confused.

I decided to bite my tongue and shut up, but once again, my mind and no control over my mouth. "Well, all of the girls you go out with said that you don't like to kiss. Angela thought that maybe you had the _Pretty Woman_ syndrome. You know where…"

"No I get it. I _have_ seen that movie, actually it was my mom's favorite."

"Really?" I asked surprised.

"Yeah, I think that's all prostitutes' dream. To find some rich guy to fall in love with, and rescue them from the life style. I don't know about the kissing thing though, I never really thought about it, who knows maybe that is where it came from. I just never understood the reasoning behind kissing, it's gross if you think about it. I mean, why put your lips on someone else's, what does it accomplish?"

"It's just a way to express your emotions for someone else." I tried to explain.

"Ok, then why the hell would I kiss someone that I feel nothing for?" He asked

"Why have sex with someone you feel nothing for?" How the hell did that one come out of my mouth, I seriously needed to get my head examined.

He was quiet for a moment, almost as if he was actually thinking of a real answer. "It's easy to disconnect yourself during sex. It doesn't really matter who you do it with, or why. It's not something that's exactly personal."

"Really? I always thought sex was the most personal thing on the planet."

"You can't really say that to the son of a prostitute though." He said with his crooked smile.

Once again, I felt like I just put my foot in my mouth. "No, I guess not; sorry." I actually felt really bad for even starting that conversation. He was way more honest with me then I ever expected or even deserved. We weren't friends at all, but being here with him made me forget about all the screwed up crap that he pulls most of the time, including being involved with Billy's accident, and I felt unnaturally close to him.

"It's getting late, we should probably get going. We definitely don't want to be hiking down this mountain in the dark." He said and that's when I noticed how low the sun was in the sky, and wondered where the time went.

"I'm actually really glad you're here, I had a hard time finding this place and I'm sure I'd get lost if I tried to find my way back on my own." I said honestly.

We started walking and we kept quiet most of the time, until we only had about half a mile left, and I tripped on a branch and fell hard.

"Holy shit, are you ok?" Edward asked me with concern.

I sat on the forest floor, clutching my wrist with the opposite hand, and in agonizing pain. "No, I sprained my wrist when I tried to catch myself."

Edward bent down next to me and pulled up my jacket sleeve to get a better look. "Does it hurt when I do this?" He squeezed my tender wrist, and I screamed like a baby. "Yeah, I hate to tell you this, but I think it's broken. It's swelling up pretty good already."

"Damn it, it's my right one too, how the hell am I supposed to write and paint now?" I whined.

He chuckled humorlessly. "Let's just get you to a doctor first, and worry about school assignments later."

We walked slower than before, all the while he kept asking me if I was Ok, and if we were going too fast. It was strange having him be so sweet and caring, but I wasn't about to question it either. He planned on calling his brother to pick him up, but since we were together and my wrist was probably broken, he drove my car for me.

"Is Dr. Cullen working tonight?" I asked knowing I'd have to go to the hospital

"No, Carlisle has the night off."

"I hate to ask you this, but I'm guessing that my mom is still hanging around and I really don't want some shallow display of concern if she found out about this, do you think that you can take me to your step dad at home, instead of the hospital?" I asked expecting him to say no.

"Yeah, no problem. He doesn't have an x-ray machine at the house, but he could at least wrap it for you and you could go into the hospital tomorrow."

"Thanks Edward." I said sincerely. First he saves me with the pretzels and water, then he helps me find my way down the mountain, and now this. I had to really watch out because if I wasn't careful, I might actually start to think of him as a friend.

*** If you like this story then ****Please Review,**** it makes it so much easier to update when I know people are reading the story* **


	7. Ch 6 Finding Comfort in Solitude

**Moon Scars**

Ch 6 – _Finding Comfort in Solitude_

…

**Heroes and Thieves- by Vanessa Carlton**

Well, disaster it strikes on a daily basis  
And I'm looking for wisdom in all the wrong places  
But still wanna laugh in disappointed faces  
And you can't help me  
I'm blinded by these

Heroes and Thieves at my door  
And I can't seem to tell them apart anymore  
Just when I figured it out  
Darling it's you I'm without…

I'm without your comforting logic like,  
These days are the ones I'll miss  
And I seek a solitude  
That I can't find without you

Seems like I'm getting closer somehow  
A flicker of peace that I finally found  
Thank you for believing in me now  
Cause I do need it

…

"Well, that should do it." Dr. Cullen said after he finished wrapping my wrist. "I definitely think that it's at least fractured, but we won't know for sure until you go into the hospital tomorrow for an x-ray."

"Thank you so much Dr. Cullen. I'm sure fixing me up in your home wasn't something you wanted to be doing on your day off." I told him.

"No, I wish that my services were never needed at all, it would be nice if there wasn't a reason for doctors to do what they do, but as a doctor, I am on call twenty four- seven. I'm happy to help whenever I can, and please when you are in my home, call me Carlisle."

"Um Ok, thanks Carlisle" I smiled.

"So Bella, tell me, how did you get hurt?" He asked. I never noticed before that Carlisle had a slight accent, I wonder where he's from.

"Uh, I was hiking in the woods, and I tripped and fell."

"And, Edward just happen to cross paths with you?" he questioned.

"Well not exactly, we were both at the meadow and we were walking back together when I fell."

Carlisle nodded his head in understanding "Bella, I think you are a wonderful young woman and I love Edward, he's my son, but I really don't think it's a good idea for you to get involved with him. He has a negative history with your father and I really don't think Charlie would be very happy with you spending time with him."

"We're not _involved_" I said defensively "I have a boyfriend, Edward and I just happened to both be at the meadow at the same time, nothing more." I couldn't believe that Carlisle would come to a conclusion like that, it was utterly ridiculous and it kind of pissed me off a bit.

"All I'm saying is that Edward sometimes has a way of making people think that he wants to be friends, but it seems he always has an ulterior motive. He doesn't mean to be cruel to people, he's just a very guarded, very damaged person, and I've seen people get hurt because of it." I was really trying not to be angry at Carlisle, I knew he was just looking out for me, but I was mad and I wasn't exactly sure why.

"Thanks again, I should be getting home." I said quietly

"Of course." Carlisle led me out of his office and down the stairs. "Emmet, will you drive Bella home in her truck, and Rose can follow you in her corvette to bring you back?"

"Yeah sure." Emmet said and started to get up off the couch.

"No, no, that's Ok. I'm fine to drive myself, but thanks though." I didn't wait for them to argue; I just grabbed my keys and practically ran out of the door. For some reason I just wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible. I had no idea where Edward was at the moment, but I wasn't about to ask Emmet or Carlisle where he was either, even though I really wanted to thank him and say goodbye.

I drove home and the whole way I just got more and more angry. Why wouldn't Carlisle want me to be friends with Edward? I mean, I heard what he said about Edward not being very nice to people in the past, but that had nothing to do with how he was with me. Edward could have easily yelled at me for invading his space in the meadow, or not shared his food and water, and just left me behind to find my own way down the mountain. But he didn't, and when I really thought about the day, I can't deny that Edward and I truly became friends.

I was relieved when I got home and my mother was nowhere in sight, but then Edward's voice came to my mind - _'__Well, I'm not trying to tell you what to do or anything, but if my mother came and wanted to talk to me, I'd at least hear her out before I spit on her.'-_ And I actually decided that maybe I wanted to see her after all.

"Bella, thank god." Charlie said as I came through the front door. I hid my wrapped hand under my sleeve not wanting him to know I was hurt. "I have been worried sick about you, I called Jacob, I called your friends, and no one had any idea where you were."

"Sorry dad, I just needed to get away to think, I'm fine though." I tried to assure him, but it only seemed to piss him off.

"Oh, you're fine, that's all you have to say? You disappeared for over five hours and you don't have a better explanation than that?"

"Dad, I just went for a hike, it's not a big deal"

"A hike? Bella, I told you that there has been trouble with wolves in the woods lately, you could have gotten killed out there alone." Charlie said in a panic.

"Dad, I'm sorry, I forgot about that and I just needed some time to myself. Look it won't happen again, Ok."

He took a deep breath and sighed "Well I guess I understand why you needed to leave…just don't go into the woods alone again."

"So, did mom leave town again?" I asked not really sure what I hoped his answer to be.

"No, she's staying at the hotel with…with her new husband." He said slowly, afraid of what my reaction would be.

"She's married?" I asked incredulously.

"Yeah, and apparently she's doing pretty well, she seems happy enough."

"Well good for her." I said with a sarcastic attitude and I went upstairs.

The second I got in my room, my cell phone went off, and for some reason I thought it was Edward calling. My heart leapt out of my throat, and butterflies started racing around my stomach _until_ I looked at the caller ID. I didn't understand why my body reacted that way and why I thought Edward be calling me when he didn't even have my number, but I couldn't help feeling slightly disappointed when I answered the call. What the hell was wrong with me?

"Hi Jake."

"Bella, god where have you been? Your dad's been worried sick about you." Jake said almost like he was scolding me.

"I just needed to be alone for a while that's all" I told him, annoyed by his tone.

"Bella, who are you talking to?" My dad barged in the room and demanded.

"Uh Jake, what's your problem?" I asked confused with his hostility.

"Say good night, I need to speak to you now." He said forcefully.

"Uh, Jake, I gotta go, I'll talk to you tomorrow." I didn't wait for a response, I just hung up the phone. "Why are you so mad now? I just told you that I won't be going in the forest without…"

"I just spoke to Dr. Cullen on the phone." He interrupted me. Shit.

"Ok, so?" I decided to play dumb.

"So, when were you going to tell me that you are friends with Edward Cullen?" He asked me angrily.

"I didn't know that I had to tell you about every single friend that I have." I told him bitterly.

"Edward Cullen is bad news Bella, I don't want you getting pulled into his dangerous life, in fact, I don't want you anywhere near him."

"First of all, he's not even my friend, we're just partners in a school project" I lied. "And second, you should trust me enough to know that I'm smarter than to let anyone pull me into anything." I had enough crap for one day, so I went back upstairs and slammed my door before locking it.

I wanted so badly to sneak out of the house and go see Edward, but now was not the time to be the rebellious teenager, so I went to bed instead. I spent the whole weekend sulking in my room; both Jacob and my mom kept calling but I refused to talk to either of them.

When I arrived at school on Monday, all I could think about was how badly I wanted to see Edward and just talk to him again. I knew that he understood me, and I could talk to him about my frustrations with my parents. Jacob didn't have a mom either, but at least his mother didn't chose to leave, she wanted to be there for his family, but she died, so Jake couldn't relate to how I'm feeling. Being abandoned meant that I wasn't wanted and that really sucks, Edward wasn't wanted by his mother either, so maybe I felt a connection to him through that fact.

"Hey Bells" Jacob was waiting for me by my locker. I pulled my sweatshirt further down my hand to hide my wrapped wrist.

"Hey" I said half heartedly. I knew he would be there and I was happy that he was, I guess I just hoped to see Edward first. The last thing I wanted was to talk to Edward with Jacob there, that would just be bad.

"I'm sorry about what happened with your mom, I'm sure that must have been hard for you." He said sympathetically.

"Whatever, I just don't care about her one way or the other anymore." I told him and I couldn't help but look around to see if Edward was anywhere in sight.

"Who are you looking for?" Jake asked confused with my distractedness.

"Huh? Oh, no one, I just need to get to class a little early so I can talk to the teacher."

"Ok, well I'll walk you." Shit, can't he just take a hint.

As we walked down the hall, I looked forward and saw Edward coming towards us. I wanted to say hi, pull him to a stop and talk to him, but I didn't. He looked at me briefly, but then turned his head and kept walking. I didn't know if he was upset at me about something, or maybe he just didn't want to talk to me with Jacob there.

I suffered through the day because of how painful my wrist was when I used it, but I was still trying to hide it so I never said anything and nobody really noticed the wrap. I became really anxious for art class to come and when it did, the butterflies came right back. The tardy bell rang, and Edward's chair was still empty. The teacher started her lesson and finally, a half of an hour into the class, Edward walked in looking very pale and red eyed.

He didn't look at me at all when he sat, but there was a strong smell of marijuana that was hard to ignore. Was he high? It was such a powerful smell that it actually gave me a headache and I really needed some fresh air. When the class was finally over, Edward left without a word and I spent the rest of the day confused at his behavior.

Edward never spoke to me all week and every time I saw him he was either smoking with different girls, or he smelled like pot and didn't look at me. It was almost as if us being friends, never happened. I tried not to obsess about it, but I couldn't stop thinking of Edward. It was like he was two different people, maybe he had multiple personality disorder or something, but either way, I felt a hole in my gut like as if we made some deep connection and now it was gone.

My mom didn't bother me for that week either, but she did call my dad every day to ask how I was. My dad eventually found out about my wrist and he forced me to go in to get an x-ray, and it was indeed fractured. I thought that it was very strange, and annoying, that Carlisle had called to tell him about Edward and I hanging out, but never mentioned my wrist, but whatever. I was grateful Carlisle wasn't available when I went in, because I really didn't need him and Charlie to get talking about me and Edward; Charlie was pissed enough as it was. The doctor that I did see, said that a cast wasn't really necessary because of where fracture was, and so he put me in a splint and ordered that it not be removed unless I was showering.

That Friday, I was driving home from school, and I hit a patch of black ice, spun out then slammed into a guardrail. My heart was pounding faster than it ever has before, and I was completely scared to death. I had never been in a car accident of any kind, but since Billy's accident, I've been terrified of them. I wasn't hurt in any way, but my car wouldn't start so I pulled out my cell, and called my dad.

My dad wanted me to go to the hospital to make sure I wasn't injured, but I wasn't in any pain and I really wanted to just go home. Again, because it was Friday, school had let out early, so my dad had to go back to work after he brought me home. He was having my car towed, so I was going to be stuck at home with no way of going anywhere for a while.

My dad's truck was sitting in the yard, but I was too shaken up to be driving at the moment, so I just sat there and stared at the walls. I tried to read, but my mind couldn't concentrate, I thought about finishing my painting because it was due the following week, but my wrist hurt too bad, and I knew I couldn't do any better anyway. But I needed to do something because my mind just kept going over the crash repeatedly and I knew that if I sat there any longer, I would lose my nerve to ever get behind the wheel again. I couldn't let this little accident make me a prisoner of my own fears, so I grabbed my dad's keys and decided to go for a drive.

This time, I knew where I was going to go, so I grabbed my backpack and filled it with snacks and water bottles. The first time that I went to the meadow, I didn't plan on ever going back, but the last time I was there, I tried my best to memorize the way so I could find it again. I had gone there alone before because I needed to escape life, and it definitely was the comfort that I didn't know that I was looking for, and now I needed that comfort again. Or maybe I just needed to see Edward and I was sure that he'd be there.

I got there quicker this time because I was more aware of which way I was going, and the first thing I did was look around for Edward, but he wasn't there. I told myself that it was Ok that I was there alone, but in truth, I had to fight the urge to go back home, this place just didn't hold the same magic without him. I sat for about an hour then decided to head for the truck, when a new fear tore its way through my chest. What kind of fucked up day was this?

"Nice puppy" I said in the calmest voice possible in that moment. A huge wolf was standing there watching me like I was going to be its next meal. This wasn't the first time that I saw a wolf in the wild before, but this one just looked so much bigger, probably because it had its winter coat on. He growled at me and barred its fangs, so I slowly backed up but when the second wolf came on the scene, I knew I was in trouble. I'd take a step back, and they'd take a step forward, then a third showed up. Wonderful, I was alone, miles away from anyone, and I was about to get eaten by a pack of wolves. And the worst part was the fact that my dad did warn me about this_; damn, I hate it when he's right_.

Then I heard more movement in the woods and I wondered how many fucking wolves could be in a single pack. I could tell that the alpha dog was ready to pounce on me and there was nothing I could do, so I closed my eyes and waited but for some reason I wasn't afraid, just a little ticked off that I was going to die like _this_.

"HEY!" Someone shouted and then I heard banging noises. I opened my eyes and there he was, my savior just like the last time, and the meadow became magical again. Edward was yelling at the wolves and banging some sticks together, but the wolves didn't look too bothered by it so he tossed the sticks down and picked up some rocks and started throwing them. The wolves growled, but after the leader was hit in the face, they all took off running. Edward watched their departure carefully for a minute before turning his attention back to me.

"Are you Ok?" He ran over to me to check me out. I was shaking from the ordeal, but as he grazed his hands over my shoulders and down my sides, checking for injuries, I immediately felt better. "Bella?" He asked concerned when I didn't answer him.

"I'm Ok, just freaking out a little."

He chuckled a bit. "Yeah, I'd say so."

"Should we leave, are they going to come back?" I asked quickly.

"Nah, they took off pretty fast, they won't be back for a while but we can leave if you're still afraid."

"No, I want to stay." I said too quickly.

I didn't ask him about his coldness in school because in this place, nothing else mattered. We stared at each other for a long time feeling as though I could get completely lost in his eyes, and for those few moments, I did.

"Did you at least bring food this time?" He asked with his crooked smile, breaking the intense silence.

"Yeah, are you hungry?" I pulled off my backpack and opened it.

"No, I have my own, I was actually just joking." He sat on the ground and pulled out his book that he was reading last time. I sat close to him and pulled out my own book, and we just read separately for a few hours. When the sun started to get lower in the sky, we both put our stuff away and walked down the mountain together.

We would talk occasionally, but it was so peaceful just being in his presence that words weren't really needed.

School the following week didn't go by much different than the week before, I turned in my art project but I wouldn't know my grade until the following week. My mom was like an ever present ominous cloud that hovered nearby, but was waiting for the perfect moment to unleash its storm. And like the previous two weeks, I went to the meadow on Friday and Edward was there. We never officially said, '_hey let's not speak in school, but meet here every Friday afternoon'_ but we just got in that routine.

We were both like two different people. At school, and every other time of the week, I defined myself as Charlie Swan's daughter, Jacob Black's girlfriend, best friend to Jessica and Angela, and pretty much the girl who doesn't do anything wrong. Edward was the slacker, who was rude to everyone and was stoned most of the time. But in this meadow, we could just be whatever we wanted without labels to define us.

In this place, no one else existed, not even each other. We acted as if we were both alone and when we talked, it was like we were talking to ourselves; here, we were like two halves of the same person. There was nothing to hide and no fear of judgment because when we left this place, we left everything that happened, every word, and every thought behind.

We both came here to be alone, separated from the rest of the world. It was our place to think and reflect on life, to let go of all our weeks problems and escape the 'real world'. But for some reason, we needed to be together in order to feel peacefully alone, like as if my solitude wasn't complete without him.

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	8. Ch 7 Unintended

**Moon Scars**

Ch 7- _Unintended_

…

**Unintended- by Muse**

You could be my unintended  
Choice to live my life extended  
You could be the one I'll always love

You could be the one who listens to my deepest inquisitions  
You could be the one I'll always love

I'll be there as soon as I can  
But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before

…..

"So I was thinking about prom." Jake said as we were doing homework together at his house after school on a Monday.

"Prom, that's a little far away don't you think?" I said with a smile.

"No, only like four months."

"You are such a girl." I teased him. "Ok, what were you thinking?"

"Well, Jared was talking about how Kim really wants to take a limo, so I thought it'd be cool if we all went together."

"Ok, how much is that going to cost?" I was never one for spending good money for lavish things, and a limo seemed like something that wasn't worth it, especially because I didn't want to be going to the stupid prom in the first place.

"It'll cost _you_ nothing." He said and leaned in for a kiss.

I pulled away from him to make sure he could see the pout in my face. "Ok, first of all, you know that I don't want to go to the prom at all, and second, I think that a limo is way too extravagant; this is only Jr. Prom anyway."

"Oh, come on." He said playfully dismissing my annoyance of the situation. "So, big day tomorrow huh?"

"Why, what's tomorrow?" I asked trying to remember what he was talking about.

"The art project grades are out."

"Right, see that's why I didn't know what you were talking about, I was trying to forget that little fact." I said playfully. Jacob pressed his lips to mine, and prodded my lips with his tongue trying to find an entrance. But I found myself pulling away.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Nothing, I just haven't been feeling well and I don't want to get you sick" I lied.

"You know I don't care about that" He said and leaned back into me, but again I leaned away.

"Well I care. If you get sick then you'll get Billy sick, and you know how he gets when he's sick." I got up from where I was sitting, and started putting my things away. "I'm going to head home, I'll see you tomorrow." I told him.

"Oh wait, I was supposed to ask you. A bunch of the guys are going out with their girlfriends and I thought it'd be cool if we went too."

"Ok, when?"

"Friday, after school some time."

"Jake, you know that I'm busy on Fridays." I told him completely unwilling to give up my meadow time that I look forward to so much.

"I know that you like to have that time alone to go to the library, but it's not like it's every Friday. I mean can't you go to the library a different day this week?"

"No Jake, I can't. Fridays are the best day to go; it's before the weekend rush and after most of the returns." I was completely frustrated, Jake knew that I was unavailable on Fridays; I even rearranged my work schedule so I was always off that day. Of course he didn't know what I was really doing, but I didn't feel bad about lying either. It wasn't like I was cheating on him, I just knew that he'd never let me go if he knew I was meeting Edward.

"Ok fine. We'll just go out with them another time." Jacob gave up trying to convince me.

The next day in art class, I couldn't help but feel nervous. This stupid project was going to bring down my entire GPA if I got anything less than a B on it.

"Ok class, settle down. Please take your seats." The teacher said after the tardy bell rang. I wasn't surprised when Edward walked in late, because he always did. The teacher wasn't surprised either; in fact, she didn't even look at him when he walked in anymore.

"I based my scores on the effort put into the paintings and the photographs." The teacher pulled out a couple of paintings from the pile she had. "This is a wonderful example of someone who really tried." The painting was in no way good, but it looked like whoever did it, really put time into it. "And this is an example of someone who didn't try whatsoever." She held up the second painting, and I was shocked. It looked like a watercolor picture done by a three year old. A big head, stick figure body, black dots for eyes, and an ugly yellow scribble of a circle in the background as the sun.

"Oh come on Ms Guiest, I worked really hard on that one." Edward said with a conceited smirk, and everyone started laughing.

"Wow Bella, it looks just like you." A guy teased from the other side of the room, and Edward started to crack up.

They were both pricks.

The teacher handed out the rest of our projects, and I was pleasantly surprised that I got a B plus. The comment the teacher wrote was something about _good effort on the painting and beautiful photographs_. I was so relieved and actually felt stupid for worrying so much about it over the past few weeks.

"I got a B plus." I gloated to Edward that Friday.

He smirked at me and shook his head. "We can't all have the ability to paint Freddie Munster." He teased.

I smacked him. "You are like the fourth person who said that, jerk."

"Well, when something's true…" He shrugged.

I smacked him again, but he just laughed at me.

"Hey, let's go swimming." He practically jumped up.

"Swimming?" I asked confused.

"Yeah, the hot spring over there flows into a little lake, so it's pretty warm." He pulled me up to a standing position and started dragging me in the direction of the tiny lake.

"Wait, we don't have bathing suits, and if we swim in our clothes we'll be too cold for the hike back down the mountain."

"So, just take your clothes off." He said indifferent, like it was no big deal. I just stared at him in embarrassed disbelief. "What?" he asked "Oh come on, it's not like you've got anything that I haven't seen before." I still stared at him. "Ok look, I'll turn around until you get in. No peaking, I promise."

I was shocked at myself when I actually agreed to go skinny dipping with him. I've never been particularly uncomfortable with my average at best body, but I never expected myself to be ok in my nudity in front of someone like Edward. He turned his back to me while I stripped, and I got in the warm water.

"Ok, I'm in." I told him. He wasn't shy in the least, and he undressed without asking me to turn away. If I thought he was beautiful before, that was nothing compared to his glorious nakedness. His body was absolutely amazing; his muscles were chiseled, looking as perfect as the Statue of David. I'm sure he must have seen my awkward gawking at him, but he didn't seem to care or comment on it in any way. He leapt in the air and did a cannon ball, completely soaking me.

"Damn it, you didn't have to get my hair wet, now it's going to take forever to dry." I complained like a spoiled little girl.

He just stared at me for a moment looking as though he was about to crack up, and he did. His laughter was so infectious, that even _if_ I was really angry, I would still join in laughing with him.

"Well, I could always dunk you." He said finally.

"Don't you dare." I warned him in my best attempt to be serious.

An evil expression crept across his face, and he jumped at me. I tried to fight him off, but he was way stronger than me so it didn't take long for him to grab my wrists and pull me towards him. I screamed before he pushed my head under, and when I came back up I grabbed his shoulders and pushed down as hard as I could to try to dunk him, but he was too strong and didn't budge. He laughed some more as my pathetic attempts to push him under the water completely failed.

"Is that the best you got?" He asked with an amused smirk.

I was determined now, so I grabbed on to him to try to use more of my body weight, but then I realized that our naked bodies were pushed up against each other, and I lost focus having never been more turned-on in my life. The urge to kiss him was so strong, that it actually left me gasping, desperately trying to hold on to my sanity so I didn't just ravage him right there. I forced myself to let go, and before things could get completely awkward between us, he started splashing me.

We played and splashed and even wrestled in the water. And when our bodies would touch, I'd get an electric shock where we made contact, it was so much more powerful than anything else I ever felt before. But we both fought to ignore it, and we continued to pretend there was nothing more between us.

"We should get out so we have enough time to dry off before heading down the mountain." Edward suggested.

"Ok, you go first." I told him. He smirked at me and hopped right out. I'm sure he knew that my eyes never left his perfectness, but he didn't care.

He grabbed his black boxer briefs and slipped them on, before heading to the center of the meadow where he laid down flat on his back. I got out when I was sure that he wasn't looking, and even though it was warm in the meadow, it still felt cold compared to the heat from the spring. I put on my bra and underwear quickly, but I was still wet so I didn't want to dress completely. But a bra and panties covered up the same amount as a bikini, so I actually felt pretty comfortable dressed like that, except for the cold of course.

I walked out to where he was, and saw that his eyes were closed and his head was resting on his arms crossed behind him as he laid perfectly still. There were water droplets all over his body and the sun was reflecting on them making it look like he was covered in diamonds. It was an absolutely breathtaking sight.

"I know that I'm dazzling and all, but if you lay down you'll dry faster." He said without opening his eyes.

"You are so conceited." I told him. How the hell did he know I was staring at him in awe, it was almost like he could read my mind or something.

I went to lie next to him, but I thought that would be too intimate, so instead I laid above him so our bodies were inline and our heads were almost touching. "Wow, it's not as cold as I was expecting." I said casually.

"No, not if you just soak up the sun for a bit. We should be dry in no time."

I didn't want to put my wet hair on the ground, so I put my arms behind my head just as Edward had, but because we were so close to each other, our fingers touched. Instead of pulling away from the contact, our fingers intertwined and rested together. I felt so close to him, closer then I felt to anyone in a long time, and all we were doing was barely holding hands. We didn't talk about it, but Edward and I never had to talk to be completely connected.

I tried not to think of how amazing his fingers felt woven to mine, or how I could feel myself becoming obsessed with him. I couldn't allow myself to feel the emotions that were fighting their way to the surface of my heart, because I knew that they had the potential of changing my whole life. Coming to this meadow with him started out being just a release from the real world, almost like a fantasy or a dream. But the more time I spend here, the more it feels like _this_ is the real world, and everything else is the dream that I can't seem to escape, a labyrinth of time to navigate through until I can find my way back home in this perfect meadow.

I wanted to lay there with him forever, but I couldn't stay any longer because with every passing moment, I was wanting to leave less and less, and before long I'd be stuck in that moment forever. I sat up after a while, careful not to break the chain that our interlocked fingers made, and he looked up at me confused. "I'm pretty much dry now," I forced myself to say. "We should probably get going." The words were actually painful coming out. We let go of each other's hand long enough to get dressed, and without giving it a second thought, we automatically reconnected.

We walked hand in hand all the way back to where our cars were parked, and I was so disheartened when our hike was over that I actually felt sick. He opened the door to my truck, and waited for me to get in, watching me intently with his deep emerald eyes. I couldn't fight it anymore, it was impossible to break the contact between our hands without finding a way to reconnect to him right away. He released his grip on me, so I reached up to him and locked my hands around his neck, before slowly leaning into him.

I knew that he didn't like kissing, but as I saw the realization in his eyes of my intention, his face went from resisting, to hesitant and unsure, then finally acceptance as he let my mouth meet his. His lips were cool and soft and completely foreign, but not in a bad way. It was like exploring a new place, exciting and bewildered. It started gentle and sweet, but then his lips parted and I answered by letting my tongue search out his. After that, our kiss erupted into a ferocious frenzy as we tried to devour each other. I lost all control of myself and my hands found their way into fists full of his hair, then down his perfect back before sliding back up under his shirt.

I pressed by body closer to his until there was no space left between us, and he responded my grabbing my leg and lifting it to his hip. The thin sweatpants he was wearing wasn't enough to restrict his hard needs as he rubbed against my tender center. Even through my jeans, I could feel him and ached to be free of the cotton barriers between us.

"Stop!" He pushed me away suddenly and forcefully, completely without warning. He pushed me so hard, that my back rammed into my truck with a loud bang. He looked at me shocked and remorseful, "God, I'm sorry Bella." His hand reached towards me, as if he wanted to make sure that I wasn't hurt, but then he pulled it back and turned to his car, got in and left without another word.

I stood there for a minute, feeling confused and embarrassed by his rejection. I thought about trying to follow him, but my body started to shake from the fear of the reality of it all. I had never kissed anyone besides Jacob and I never was that close to actually having sex before, or wanted it as much as I did in that moment. I knew without a doubt that had Edward pulled down my pants, and tried to take me right then and there against my truck, I would have been losing my virginity at the moment; and it scared me to death.

I never meant for this to happen, I never knew that my feelings would shift that way, and I didn't want it either. I didn't want to _want_ him as much as I did, it was completely unintended, but I didn't know how to turn it off either. Despite my feelings, this wasn't real; the time I spent with Edward could never spread to the real world because we were different people there, completely incompatible. But if there was a way to make the Edward that I couldn't stand in the real world, into the Edward that I knew wholeheartedly here, then there isn't anything that I wouldn't give up to be with him.

…

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	9. Ch 8 Monday

**Moon Scars**

Ch 8-_**Monday**_

**What do you want from me – by Adam Lambert**

_Hey, slow it down,  
Whataya want from me?  
Yeah, I'm afraid,  
Whataya want from me?_

There might have been a time when I would give myself away  
Oh, once upon a time, I didn't give a damn  
But now, here we are,  
Whataya want from me?

Just don't give up, I am workin' it out  
Please don't give in, I won't let you down  
It messed me up, need a second to breathe  
Just keep coming around

Hey, whataya want from me?  
Whataya want from me?

Yeah, it's plain to see  
That baby you're beautiful and it's nothing wrong with you  
It's me, I'm a freak, yeah  
But thanks for lovin' me 'cause you're doing it perfectly

Yeah, there might have been a time  
When I would let you step away  
I wouldn't even try  
But I think you could save my life

Just don't give up, I am workin' it out  
Please don't give in, I won't let you down  
It messed me up, need a second to breathe  
Just keep coming around

…..

I drove home in a daze, completely lost in the memory of what almost was. I could still taste his magnificent lips, and in continuing to obsess about him, I was breaking my own rule of leaving Edward behind when I left the meadow. His intoxicating presence was leaking into my real life, and I just needed time to think about what that meant.

When I got home, I was upset to see my mother's car in the driveway especially because I didn't have the option of running off into the security of Edward's meadow afterwards. I got out of my car, and walked up to the door painfully slow. If Edward hadn't said what he did about giving her a chance to explain, I would never have the courage to face her, but I could hear his voice in my mind and it gave me the strength I needed to move forward.

"Bella" my mom said in a nervous smile as I walked through the door. At least she got my name right this time.

"Hi." I said in a poor attempt to cover my lack of enthusiasm.

My mom had a man with her, and he looked at me uncomfortably. "Uh, Sweetheart, I'd like to introduce you to my husband Phil." She said, then Phil stood up and awkwardly stretched out his hand to me.

"Hiya Bella. I'm happy to finally meet you; your mom has been waiting to see you again for a long time." He said in a shaky voice, and when I didn't shake his hand, he let it drop.

"Well, it's not like she lost me, I've been here right where she left me the whole time. And my name is Isabella." I said coldly and immature.

"Honey, you said last time that you wish to go by Bella." My mother said confused.

"Yeah well, that was last time. Besides, Bella is something only my family and friends and people that mean something in my life call me. So that doesn't pertain to either of you." I said like a surly brat.

"Ok, well we can call you whatever you want us to." My mother said in a placating manner.

"Where is my dad?"

"He got called into work, but he said we could wait here for you, I hope you don't mind."

"Of course I mind, but you don't really care otherwise you wouldn't be here with your man-child husband." I said referring to the obvious age difference between the two of them.

"Look Bella, I know that you must hate me, and there isn't an excuse in this world that would be worth me leaving you, but I am now and forever will be sorry for my absence in your life. I wasn't ready to be a mother, and I got heavy into drugs for a while. I swore to myself that once I was clean, I would come back for you, and I did, but once I saw you so happy with your dad and your little boyfriend, I just didn't want to disrupt your life."

"So why comeback now?"

"I've wanted to comeback for so long, and it wasn't until Phil came along and encouraged me to follow the one dream that I never thought I would be brave enough to actually accomplish. I love you so much Bella, and there hasn't been a day that's gone by when I didn't think about you. You have no idea how many times over the years that I've driven by here trying to convince myself to stop…"

"You're right, I do have no idea, because you never did stop, or call, or even wrote me a fucking letter!" I yelled at the end.

"I'm so sorry Bella, but I can't take back the past. If you let me though, I'd like to start over, try to build some kind of relationship with you. We can take it as slow as you need, and maybe someday, we can heal. Look, I'm not going to give up, Phil and I bought a house in Port Angeles and we're just going to wait until you're ready. Here is a paper that I've written all our information on. Phone number, address, email. Please, if you ever need anything, or just want to talk, I'm here for you."

My mom got up and pulled her husband with her. She reached out to me and gently caressed my cheek with her hand, whispering something about how beautiful I was, before leaving.

Even though I had no intention of ever calling her or going to her house, I actually felt better knowing she was close by. I kept the paper with her contact information on it and put it in my bedroom desk drawer.

I spent the rest of the weekend over-thinking everything that happened on Friday. From the amazing kiss and Edward's sudden departure, to my mother's visit. I didn't know how I felt about my mother, but I had no idea what to do about Edward either. Do I finally come clean to Jacob about everything, do I then confess my feelings to Edward? I was so confused, I wanted Edward more than anything but Jacob was my security blanket, he's always been there, he's my best friend in the world and I hated the idea of hurting him.

I spoke to Jake a few times over the weekend, but I was too much of a coward, and kept my feelings bottled up inside and my mouth shut.

Monday was the beginning of a whole new week, and maybe if I'd known that this was the day that would change my life forever, maybe I would have taken a vacation or something.

"Bells, what's wrong? You've been so distant lately." Jake said during lunch break. I had been preoccupied all day, hoping to get a glimpse of Edward at some point but I had yet to see him and it was making me very nervous.

"Nothing, I'm fine." I lied pathetically.

Just then, there was all kinds of commotion outside and everyone in the cafeteria started running out to see what was going on. Jake and I just stared at each other confused.

"FIGHT!" Some underclassmen yelled. Figures, the kids here all loved watching a fight, even if they were usually broken up by teachers before too much blood could be shed. Jake and I were more mature then to run like sheep to see every fight, but this felt different for some reason.

"Jake, it's Jared" Seth came running up behind us. Seth was a sophomore on the JV football team, and he absolutely idolized Jacob and the others on the varsity team. They were all like a pack of wolves that stuck together, and always had each other's back. So Jake got up and rushed outside to see if he could help his friend, and I followed close behind.

By the time we got out there, the fight was halted but not completely over. Sam, who was the captain of the football team, had his arms around Jared restraining him, and to my horror, Emmet Cullen had his arms restraining Edward.

"You son of a bitch, I'm going to kill you!" Jared yelled angrily.

"Come on princess, I'm waiting." Edward goaded him.

"Don't you dare try to deny it." Jared seethed.

"Why would I deny something like that? Hey, maybe if you satisfied her needs a little more, she wouldn't have come to me." Edward said with a cocky smirk.

"Fuck You!" Jared yelled and tried to break free from Sam's grasp.

"No thanks, you're not my type." Edward replied in the most jackass tone that I ever heard from anyone.

Both Edward and Jared had their faces all busted up from the fight that erupted between them, before the others jumped in to pull them apart. I understood completely what happened, Edward screwed Jared's girlfriend Kim, and somehow he found out about it.

I was with Jake and Edward didn't belong to me, in fact, I didn't even like this Edward at all, but in that moment, I was completely devastated. I knew he messed around all the time, but I always dismissed it and told myself that I was with Jake anyway. But everything changed when we kissed, and I guess I just hoped that this Edward changed too, but I was wrong.

"Ok, break it up!" A teacher came onto the scene, and forced everyone to go on their way. The teacher didn't witness the actual fight, so he didn't bother getting anyone into trouble, but he wanted everyone to disperse anyway. Edward looked at me, it was probably one of the very few times ever in school, and he smirked cruelly, as if he was proud of his disgusting act that provoked the fight. I looked away immediately, and started walking.

"Bells, where are you going so fast?" Jacob ran after me.

"I just don't want to be late." I said quickly before ducking in the girl's bathroom. I needed a minute to be alone, to wipe the tears that I was fighting so hard to keep locked inside. This was stupid, Edward and I were nothing to each other, and yet he had become everything to me. I hated him so much, but was completely in love with him at the same time, and that just pissed me off even more.

I finally got a hold of myself, but I was running late, so I practically ran out of the bathroom.

"Bella? Are you Ok" I should have known Jake would be waiting for me, because he was just that kind of guy, the good kind, who always did the right thing and was always there when I needed a shoulder to lean on, he was absolutely perfect. But I didn't need his shoulder at the moment, and I didn't need his perfection, all I needed was the beautiful disaster that I knew was all wrong for me.

"I'm fine, I'll see you later." I told Jake and left him there as quickly as possible. I went to my truck knowing I couldn't stand to be in school at the moment and as I put my car into drive, I saw Edward heading for his own car. We locked eyes from across the lot, and as much as I wanted to be with him in that moment, I needed to get away from him more, so I drove off.

It was only Monday, so I didn't expect to find myself driving to the meadow, but that's where I ended up anyway. It was my place of sanctuary, and I needed it more than ever, and I needed My Edward, the one who only lived in that magical place.

I got there quicker than I ever had before, but the emptiness of the place just made me feel lonelier.

"Bella" I heard him say from behind me, and I couldn't help the smile from creeping onto the corners of my mouth, or the extra beats that my heart made as a response to the sound of his voice. I turned to face him, and everything came _crashing down_. He wasn't the perfectly glorious Edward that I was used to seeing here, he was broken and bruised and as much as I tried, I couldn't differentiate between the Edward that I hated and the one who owned me body and soul.

He stared at me with an apologetic look on his face, but something in me completely snapped and I couldn't contain myself anymore. I ran to him and didn't give him a chance to pull back or say another word, before I locked my lips to his. I had no idea what I was doing; I was pissed at him, so why was I kissing him desperately? He kissed me back, but I opened my eyes briefly and saw that there was pain in his face, as if having his lips to mine physically hurt him, and somehow I knew it had nothing to do with his injuries.

I couldn't stop though, and I started unbuttoning his shirt; I needed him connected to me, inside of me, and I couldn't wait any longer.

"Bella" he breathed, "please stop". He asked quietly with pain lacing his voice, as he grabbed my hand that was trying to get his pants undone.

A tear fell down my cheek as he denied me again. It felt like he punched a hole in my chest, and it hurt to breathe. "Why? Why not? I want you so badly. Please?" I didn't even care that I was desperately begging him to fuck me; I just needed him so much that nothing else mattered.

"No, Bella." He pulled away, and turned his back to me.

"Why? You've fucked practically every girl in school, why won't you have sex with me, am I really that repulsive to you!" I started yelling from my frustration, but I still wasn't sure that I wanted to hear his answer.

"Because, I hate sex!" He yelled back at me as he whirled around to face me again. "I hate everything about it, I hate the way it feels, I hate the girls I fuck, I hate everything." He said in a rush.

I was stunned silent for a moment, not quite sure what he was telling me.

"Why do you do it then?" I asked quietly and confused.

"Because, I hate _myself_." He said fiercely.

I stood there staring at him, completely speechless; I didn't even know what to think. He took a deep breath and went to sit, so I followed him.

"_When I was like nine or ten, I went to live with this couple in the suburbs_" Edward's voice became detached sounding, lifeless, he wouldn't look at me and I could feel that he was a million miles away, deep in his childhood memory.

"_They had a nice home and nice things, respectable jobs, they were respected members of their community and their church. They were really big into what was right and wrong, and punishing the guilty. On the surface, they were a lot like the Cullens, but they didn't have a bunch of kids, I was their only one. But behind closed doors…they were different. Everything started out fine; in fact, I thought it was the best place in the world. The man, he used to take me to the local football games, and they used to talk about things we would do together years down the road. He'd say, 'when you're twelve we'll all go on a trip to Europe', or 'when you get into high school, you'll be the quarterback and I'll coach.' I really believed that was how real families were, and for the first time, I felt like I had a father. _

_But after a couple of months, things changed. When I lived with my mother, there was never enough food and I was always hungry, so when I went to this house and they had so much food around, I just got greedy. I would horde food, sometimes sneaking down to the kitchen in the middle of the night; I guess I just thought that the food would run out like it did when I was with my mom, and I wanted to eat as much as possible before that happened._

_They had a bed in the room I was sleeping in, but I was so used to sleeping on a couch, that I would get out of bed at night and sleep in the living room, which really pissed them off. Between the food hording and sleeping on the couch, they started to get mad all the time at me, and _it_ started soon after that."_

-I wasn't sure what he meant when he said 'it', or why he wanted to tell me this story in the first place, but I wasn't about to interrupt him when he was finally opening up to me.-

"_The man had been drinking, and when he found out that I had eaten his favorite cookies, he was so enraged that he dragged me upstairs by my hair and kicked me around for a little while. But being beaten was never that big of a deal to me, because my mom's boyfriend used to always throw shit at me and punch me when he was mad, so I was just used to it, I thought all kids were hit like that. In fact, I was confused as to why it didn't happen sooner._

_After he hit and kicked me…he told me that I was such a horrible kid, that I deserved a worse punishment, so he…took off my clothes and…"_ Edward was silent for a moment, not being able to finish, but he didn't have to, I understood and I have never been so disgusted, so angry, so heartbroken, and so nauseous in all my life. Finally after a few moments, he continued with his story.

"_It hurt so bad, and the louder I cried, the worse it got. I was so afraid all the time that I refused to eat, or even talk unless they asked me a direct question. It became his way of punishing me, but it wasn't just him; he made his wife participate, hell, they even let some of their friends come over to have their way with me. And every time it happened, they'd tell me that it was because I was such a bad kid and it was my fault that they were doing it. I never told anyone because I thought it was normal and if I had just not been so bad, then it wouldn't have happened._

_After a while, they sent me back to the orphanage, and they never told me why. Maybe someone got suspicious, or maybe they were just bored with me, I'll never know but I was happy to leave. I was bounced around to different places, one guy used to lock me in the closet for days at a time, but even that was better than being forced onto._

_Eventually I was put into the boy's home where it was run more like a prison, and the guards treated it like one too. The sick disgusting guards would punish us with their pants around their ankles, and once again saying that we deserved it. A couple of the other boys there decided to escape and run away and asked me if I wanted to go, so after a while we finally found a way, and we never looked back._

_We lived on the street for a while but then one of them decided to steal a car, so I went with them. We ended up here in Forks after our car slammed into the police car who was trying to assist in pulling us over. When Carlisle brought me to live with them, I just hated him, I hated all of them. I didn't want to play house and pretend everything was Ok in the world when I knew exactly what kind of monsters were out there. I had absolutely no trust left inside of me to give them, and even though I knew that they weren't those evil demons from my past, I just couldn't seem to kick the fear I had from them. So I'd push, and push, hoping that they'd snap and send me away, but the harder I pushed, the harder they pulled._

_When I first went to school here, I dyed my hair black and dressed in all black hoping that people would just leave me alone, but they didn't. I was always being picked on and pushed around, so I realized that the gothic look was drawing too much attention. Last summer I decided to shave my head and let it grow back my normal color; Alice helped me get some normal clothes, and I tried to just blend in. But all it did was make everything worse. _

_The girls just wouldn't stop grabbing me and trying to get me to fuck them, and that was the last thing I wanted to do. But I kept screwing up at home and in school, and after being told how worthless that I was from most of my teachers, I hated myself enough to just let the girls punish me the worst way that I knew. Every time, I screwed up for whatever reason, I'd go find some chick and fuck her as a punishment."_

-He was silent for a few moments, and I had no idea what to say. I hated every negative thing I ever thought about him, and hated my negative words even more. He was far more broken then I ever imagined, and his life was more painful and horrifying than I ever could have dreamed in my worst nightmares. But the fact that he was telling me all of this, proved that he at least trusted me and wanted to let me in.-

"Look, I don't want you to feel sorry for me, that's not why I told you this, I just need you to understand why I pulled away from you. To me, sex isn't about expressing love or even feeling good. I hate it more than anything, it hurts…and I don't want to hurt you._"_ -He said quietly, finally looking at me.

"It's not supposed to hurt" I told him as the tears kept flowing down my cheeks. I didn't want him to be in this kind of pain, I wanted to fix it and make him believe in love. "It's supposed to be about two people who love each other, and can't get close enough to the other."

"It always hurts, and I don't believe in love." He said as if he was trying to convince himself as much as me, then his tone changed. "But here, when I'm with you…nothing hurts. I never wanted to be with anyone before, but…I see you and I just keep thinking about what it would feel like to be inside of you, and then I just hate myself even more for thinking like that."

"Don't ever hate yourself for thinking that." I told him, and reached for him hoping he'd let me try to comfort him, but he scooted away.

He shook his head. "You're too good for me Bella, can't you see that? You deserve so much more than a loser who won't ever go anywhere in life." He sounded completely frustrated that I still wanted him.

"The only person who could make you be a loser, is yourself Edward. You don't have to act like that, you don't have to let them destroy the rest of your life." I scooted back over to him, and wrapped my arms around his shoulders and buried my face in his neck.

"I don't want to hurt you Bella" He told me again softly. "I can't ever lose control with you, I couldn't live with myself if I hurt you."

"The only way you could ever hurt me, is by leaving. Sometimes when we're here, I feel like you're not real, and you're going to disappear."

"I'm not real, nothing here is real. What's real is dark and painful, but all that's here is light. You brought the light." He whispered.

We just held each other while I cried uncontrollably like a baby. He had lived through so much pain, pain that I wish that I could take from him but would never truly know how. He didn't cry, he was cold as stone but in my arms, I could feel his warmth.

"What do you want from me Edward? Tell me how to make this better for you?" I asked him desperately.

He was silent for a moment, and took a deep breath before answering me. "I need you Bella, I need you to be here for me because I know I'll drown without you. Don't listen to all that shit that they say at school, I'm not saying that it isn't true, but…it isn't me."

"We don't have to be different at school, we can be just like this, and we can be together." I said hopefully.

"No, we can't. Bella, I won't allow you to give up your life for me, I won't allow people to associate you to me, because it'll just make life shit for you. If we want to be together, then we can't let it leave here."

"I don't care what people think of me." I told him confidently.

"But I do care what they think of you. If you want to be here with me, then that's how it has to be, or this has to end right now."

I started to breath heavy from the idea of not being able to be around him anymore, the thought scared me to death. I was completely dependent on him, and I knew that I would never be able to get through normal life again if I couldn't be with him at the end of the week.

"Ok." I said quietly. I'd take as much as him that he'd be willing to give, and there wasn't anything that I wouldn't do for him.

"Hey, do you want to go swimming again?" He asked me suddenly.

"Yes." I said automatically.

I stripped this time without asking him to turn away, and he took his clothes off at the same time; we both kept our eyes locked to the other. All the modesty that I felt before with him completely washed away, and I couldn't have been more comfortable in such an intimate act as undressing.

We both got in and stared intently at each other. "Bella, can I kiss you?" He asked unexpectedly.

I lost my voice at some point as I removed my clothes and gazed at his perfection, so I nodded and grabbed a hold of him, locking my lips to his. Our mouths moved desperately together, almost as if we were trying to fix them permanently so they'd never separate. My hands tangled in his hair, and his hands moved down my body, until they cupped my bottom.

"Bella, I want to be inside of you." He said under his breath as his lips trailed down my neck. We were already wet so I couldn't feel that sensation, but the heat in my center was so overpowering, that there was no way that I could ever resist him, even if I wanted to.

"Please." Was all I was able to say. He pushed me against the rock wall of the spring, and lifted my legs up so they were wrapped around his waist, where I locked them in place. All the while his perfect mouth and tongue, traced my neck and shoulders, until I leaned my head back exposing my chest. He didn't need to hold me up anymore, between the buoyancy of the water and my legs being wrapped around his perfect body, he was able to use his hands to caress my breasts. The heat was building inside of me, and I felt like I was going to explode if I didn't feel him inside of me soon.

"Tell me to stop if I hurt you." He said softly into my ear.

I moaned some form of agreement as his fingers found their way inside of me delicately, but as good as it felt, I wanted something else inside of me more, and I was beginning to get impatient. I started uncontrollably rocking my hips against his fingers and before I could get any further, he pulled them out of me. I ached for him even more, before he finally complied with my needs.

He pushed gently into me, and I grabbed onto him tighter as he broke through my barrier. The pain of it was nothing compared to the surreal otherworldly high I got from the fact that he was actually inside of me after aching for him for so long. My nails clawed down his back as he started to pick up his thrusting pace, and he growled at me in pained bliss as a response.

Even though there was no space between our bodies, and he was deep inside of me, I couldn't get close enough to him. I could feel the tightening over every inch of my body, then a final burst like an electric shock, before the pulsating hum of numbness took over me.

"Are you Ok?" He asked me softly as we held each other and caught our breaths. I looked at his intense eyes, and then rested my forehead to his.

"Never better" I said confidently, without a doubt in my soul.


	10. Ch 9 Obsessed Love

**Moon Scars**

Ch 9- _Obsessed Love_

…..

Everything was different since that Monday. Edward insisted that I didn't change my life at all when it came to being around others, but our relationship still overflowed beyond the meadow. When I was with my friends, I was thinking about Edward, when I was with my dad, I was wondering what Edward was doing, and when I had to suffer through time with Jacob, I was paranoid at the thought that Edward was with someone else too.

I wanted to end things with Jake, this wasn't fair to him, but I told Edward that I'd do anything for him and for some reason he wanted me to keep up the pretenses of Jacob being my boyfriend. But even though my and Jake's title didn't change, we weren't the same. We were never particularly physical with each other, even before; we used to kiss a lot, but now I was able to always come up with an excuses and Jake just didn't seem to really mind, or notice. He was still my best friend and I didn't want to hurt him, but that was all that I felt for him anymore, and wondered if I ever really felt anything more than that. I was sure I never felt anything close for him as I do for Edward, but I didn't really care enough to think through my old feelings in order to figure it out.

Everything was backwards, the couple of times that Jake did manage to kiss me, even though they were just quick pecks, I really felt like I was being unfaithful to Edward. Edward, who wasn't technically anything to me, was more important to me than anyone else in my life. I wondered how long we'd be able to keep up this charade, it couldn't last forever, eventually I would break it off completely with Jake and Edward and I could just be together out in the open, but how long did I have to wait for that?

Edward seemed to try to keep a lower profile at school since we had been together, I usually only saw him with his family and on the rare occasion that I saw him with a random girl, he looked repulsed and seemed like he was trying to get rid of her. We started getting reckless with our secret; we just couldn't make it through the whole school day without communicating, or touching in some way. When we'd pass by each other in the hall, we'd make sure that we passed close enough by, that our hands would touch; he would even inconspicuously let his hand brush over my ass whenever he could.

But our need for each other only grew.

It had been three weeks since we first connected and I lost my virginity, and we had found a way to be together practically every day since then. In the beginning I was worried about how often we were having sex knowing he that he hated it, but when I asked him about it, he swore that it felt different with me and nothing hurt him when we were together. He got over his kissing dislike as well, and our lips were constantly dancing together when we were alone.

There were many times though, that we just couldn't wait until school was over to be together. We would both ask our teachers to be excused from class for whatever reason, and we'd meet in his car, or even in an empty classroom or bathroom. We even had sex in the hall one day while everyone else was taking mid-terms. But those kind of excursions didn't happen too often, it was just too hard to mess with condoms and worry about being caught. It was never about fucking, it was just that we needed each other and that need far outweighed anything else in those moments.

And I texted him all the time. If I took a step back and looked at myself from an outsider's perspective, I'd say that I was an over-obsessive girl who wouldn't leave the guy she was with alone, but it really wasn't like that. He always responded to my texts, and would write me back right away, he'd even initiate the texts sometimes.

I was sitting with my friends at lunch in the cafeteria, and I couldn't help but sneak glances at the table that Edward was at with his brothers, when I felt my phone buzz with an incoming text.

**How the hell do you eat that shit, it looks disgusting?** – I smiled at my phone, it was so typical Edward.

**It's better than being hungry all day.** – I texted back to him; then added. – **I can think of something else I'd rather have my mouth on.**

**Well, Y don't you come over here & kiss me then** – He responded.

**Really? Can I?- **I asked

**NO!- **He wrote back to me way to quickly.

**Dont tempt me if U R not going to follow through.- **I warned him.

**Oh, U can follow through, just not here **

**Ok, where? - ** Maybe I was too obsessive after all.

**Damn, horny much? - **He wrote, and I smiled.

**Come on, you are totally not playing fair **

"Bella, who are you texting?" Jessica asked me from across the table.

"Huh? Oh, no one. I mean, it's my friend from out of town." I lied horribly.

"Oh, cool, I guess." Jessica said completely knowing that I was lying.

My phone buzzed again, so I looked at it.

**Let's get out of here.**

"Hey guys, I'm actually feeling a little sick, so I think I'm going to head home." I told them so they wouldn't get suspicious.

"Oh, Bella got a bootie call" Jessica teased, taking me by surprise.

"What?" I asked half offended and half terrified that she knew the truth.

"Oh come on Bella. Jake's not here right now, and you're all texting and smiling, then suddenly you're leaving for the day. It's so obvious, you guys are meeting to fuck." Jess said casually.

"Whatever, think what you want but I'm leaving." I got up and headed straight for my car, Edward's car was already out of the parking lot.

**My place** – he texted to me.

Many times we needed more than just a quickie, so we would leave school. No one was home at either of our houses during the day, so when we decided to ditch school we usually went to either his house or mine. We used to go all the way to the meadow every time, but our desires couldn't wait that long anymore, so we still kept the meadow for Fridays.

Edward was waiting by his car in front of his house, and he smiled at me when I pulled up. I ripped my seatbelt off as he came to open the door for me. I practically jumped out of the car and into his arms, not wasting any time on hellos before planting my lips to his.

"Let's go in, I have a surprise for you." He led me in and up the stairs to his bedroom.

"You got a new couch?" I asked confused.

He smiled, and pulled the cushions off before lifting up on a handle of some sort. It was a hide-a-bed that pulled out to a full sized bed, which was already made with sheets and everything. I couldn't help the smile that took over my face, knowing he got it just for me. I turned to face him, and pulled him down on the bed on top of me.

"So much for foreplay" Edward said with a chuckle after I got both of our clothes off and was trying to pull him into me. "Wait" he said lightly as he rolled a condom on. Fuck, I hated condoms. I mean I appreciated their purpose, but I wanted _him_ inside of me, not a piece of rubber.

"I had to wait long enough all day." I told him quickly. He grazed his perfection on my inner thigh teasingly, knowing how much it was killing me before finally giving in to my desperate pleas. He slid into me with the smallest whimper from his lips, as I drifted into pure ecstasy. His thrusting was quick and just as eager as I was feeling; we were perfectly in sync, the more I wanted, the more he gave without a word needed between us.

It didn't take long before I was tightening around him, and he was groaning in my ear pleasurably as a response. He pumped into me a few more times before collapsing on top of me, but still holding his weight in a way so he wasn't heavy.

"I love you Edward" I told him softly, without thinking. I fell in love with him that day he took me to the meadow for our project, but I wouldn't admit it to myself until the day we kissed by my truck. But this was the first time that I said it out loud, and his silence that followed made me regret it almost immediately.

"Shit." He said suddenly and my face rushed with heat from embarrassment. I didn't know if he was ready for the '_I love you's_' so soon, but I didn't expect him to get upset either.

"Fuck, someone's home." He finally said after a moment of silence. I was relieved that his lack of response had nothing to do with what I just told him but now I was concerned, and maybe a little hopeful, that someone was going to catch me in his room. We both got dressed quickly, and he looked out of his window trying to figure out who was home.

Edward took a deep breath of relief. "It's only Rose and she's probably already in her room staring in the mirror, I bet she didn't even notice your truck, so we should be ok but let's get out of here just in case."

We walked down the stairs quietly, but Rose was waiting in the living room for us accusingly, with her arms crossed in front of her.

"Well, well, well." She said coldly.

Edward stared at her for a brief moment with an unrecognizable look on his face. "Fuck off Rose." He said finally then led me towards the front door, and I was surprised when Rose followed us.

"Oh, Carlisle is going to love to know that you two have been romping between the sheets. Just a project partner, huh?"

"I mean it Rose, shut your fucking mouth." Edward seethed.

"Really Edward, what the fuck are you doing? You're really going to screw up her life you know, not to mention get a whole football team pissed at you. Just don't get Emmet pulled in to the fight when the varsity team jumps you for fucking around with one of their girlfriends." Rosalie said callously.

I wanted to yell at her to mind her own fucking business, actually, I wanted to jump at her and pull her perfect golden hair out, but Edward grabbed my hand and dragged me outside before I had a chance to.

He didn't say anything before he opened my truck door and motioned for me to get in, but his face was hard and distant.

"Edward, don't listen to what she said. We're going to be fine; we just need to stay connected until we can figure out a way to be together all the time." Edward just stared at me silently, as if he was deep in thought. I grabbed his hand and wove my fingers into his. "Can't we just…be honest. I don't want to hide anymore, and to hell with everyone else."

I could see Edward's jaw clinch tightly as he shook his head no. "I'll see you tomorrow" He said then shut the door before going back into his house. I didn't fully understand his wish for us to stay hidden from everyone else's knowledge, but I knew that it had something to do with my reputation. He just told me that he didn't want people to look at me differently and he didn't want to change my life, but I still had no idea what that had to do with him, and me staying with Jacob officially.

I waited until the house door was fully closed behind him, before I drove home. I hated driving home after being with him, because it felt more like leaving home instead of going there.

As soon as I got up to my room, I pulled out my cell and started texting Edward right away. Again, I was acting like an obsessive teen, but really he was actually very protective of me and asked that I text him whenever I get home, just so he knows that I'm safe. Usually we end up texting most of the night until we fall asleep.

**I'm home** – I wrote, and waited for a response.

Ten minutes later and he still never responded, so I tried again.

**Edward, R U there?** – Still nothing, so the obsessive chick really started take over.

**Edward please write back to me**

**R U angry at me?**

**I'm going crazy here**

**R U even home?**

**R U with someone?**

**Y R U not getting back to me?**

**I miss U already**

**I luv you.**

**Is that Y U R mad, because I said that I luv U?**

**If U think that it's too soon for that, just tell me and I'll wait before saying it again.**

**Please text me.**

**Edward?**

I started getting double vision from looking so intently at the tiny screen on my phone, and even though it was early, I became really tired but I still texted him a few more times.

**I need to see you, can we meet?**

**Will you come over here, my dad's not home and I really need to talk to you in person.**

**Edward, I don't know how to live without you anymore.**

My fingers hurt from the over pounding of the buttons, and so I decided that calling in a pizza would be better than cooking for dinner. Charlie wasn't supposed to be home until later that night, so I figured that Pizza would be perfect anyway because it re-heats well.

Ten minutes later, there was a quiet knocking on the front door. I knew the pizza couldn't possibly be ready by then, so I had no idea who would be waiting on the other side of the door.

"Jake? Hey, why are you knocking?" I was surprised to see him, it had been a while since he came over last, and I was even more surprised that he was knocking, Jake never knocked. I stepped aside so he could come in. "I ordered pizza, it should be here in like a half of an hour or so." I told him then noticed the horrible look on his face. "Jake, what's wrong?"

"How are you feeling?" He asked quietly. "Jessica said you weren't feeling well."

"Yeah, I had a headache earlier, but I feel OK now." I told him.

"I came by a couple of hours ago to check on you, and you weren't here." His tone was still quiet and distant.

"Oh, well I went out to pick up some things at the store; Jake, what's wrong."

"Why do you think there is something wrong?" He asked

"Jake, come on, I know you and I know there's something wrong."

"Really, you know me huh? I thought I knew you too, but I was so fucking wrong." He said suddenly hostile.

"Jake?" I asked confused.

"I got this text from you just a little while ago that asked me to come over here. Well, let me get it out so I can see what you wrote word for word." -Jake pulled out his phone, but I was confused because I haven't texted him in weeks. - "It says '_I need to see you, can we meet?_' Then the next one says '_Will you come over here, my dad's not home and I really need to talk to you in person.'_" -My heart leapt out of my chest, what the hell did I do? - "So stupid me, got in the car and headed over here, but then I got another texts that shocked the hell at me. _'Edward, I don't know how to live without you anymore'_." -Jake just stared at me full of hurt and betrayal in his eyes.

I had to remind myself that this is what I wanted, I wanted Jake to find out about my relationship with Edward, but this was not the way I wanted it to happen. I must have accidently put his number in the text address instead of Edwards after I started getting foggy brained, at least I didn't send all of the texts to him.

"Jake, I'm so sorry" I whispered. I thought about this conversation so many times over the past few weeks, but now I had no idea what to say.

"Are you fucking him?" He asked, and it was obvious that the words were painful coming out.

Tears flowed down my cheeks before I nodded slowly to him.

Tears welled up in his eyes too, but he fought to keep them contained. "Why?" his voice broke.

I shook my head this time, having no idea what to say. Of course I knew why, it was because I was completely in love with Edward and nothing else mattered to me, but I couldn't tell him that, it would just hurt him more.

"Bella, I understand that we've been distant lately, but every time I asked you about it, you said everything was fine. Look, if you needed to get away and take some time apart, I would have understood that. But why behind my back, and why with_ him_ of all people? I just don't get it. We've been together forever and we never came close to having sex, and out of nowhere, you let that prick fuck you. Why, Bella I need answers?"

"I don't know what to say" I said quietly. "I never wanted to hurt you, I just…I love him."

Jake laughed once humorlessly "You love him? Edward Cullen? The fuck-up who put my dad in a wheel chair, is stoned all the time, and has screwed practically every chick in school, you love him?"

"I never meant for it to happen, but I can't turn it off either." I said slowly.

"Bella, he's not even alive. He's like this soulless zombie that walks around school all the time, who doesn't even give a shit about anything. Do you really think that you have a relationship with him, because I can guarantee that he's not just fucking you, he doesn't even know what it means to be monogamous." He didn't sound upset anymore, it was more like he was just concerned about me.

Jacob's reaction surprised me. I thought that he'd be so angry and hurt that he'd lash out and scream profanities at me, which is what I deserved. But Jake was a far better person than that, and he was actually still being my friend and trying to watch out for me by warning me to stay away from a guy who he thought wasn't right for me.

"Jake, he's not really like that, you don't know him…"

"Yeah right, and I'm sure Kim would have said the same thing when he fucked with her. Don't you get it Bella? He's not in love with you, he doesn't care about you, all he cares about is getting laid and he'll do, and say, anything to get what he wants." He said trying to reason with me in a convincing tone.

"Edward might have been like that before, but he's different now, he loves me too."

"Oh really? That's an all time low. I can't believe that he tells you that he loves you, just to get in your pants." He said, then noticed how my face changed. "He's never actually told you that he loves you, has he?"

"No. But I can feel that he does. Edward is just a very guarded person, and I don't need him to say the words to know how he feels." I said defensively.

"How long?" he asked. "How long have you been fucking him?"

"About three weeks or so."

Jake was silent, deep in thought for a few moments. "Well, I will say one thing, three weeks is way longer than he's spent fucking any other chick that I know of. Usually he only fucks them a couple of times before getting bored."

"Jake…I really hate that you're hurting right now, and I really am truly sorry that I caused you this pain." I said with the tears still flowing down my face.

He looked away from me, "I'm sorry too. I think I'd be ok with us being apart if I knew that you were going to end up happy, but Bella, he's only going to break your heart or get you hurt in some other way." He looked at me finally. "Bella, please. Be careful and know that I'll always be here for you."

I cried for a few more moments and watched his car disappear around the corner at the end of my street, but I didn't deserve to cry over him any longer, so I stopped. I only hope that Jake is strong enough to move on right away and find someone worthy of his love, and someday we can find a way to be friends again.

I went back into my room and checked my phone hoping Edward had text me back, and I was relieved that he did.

**Goodnight- **was all that he wrote, which worried me, but at least it was something.

….

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	11. Ch 10 Falling Behind

**Moon Scars**

A/N: So another quick update. I plan to add another chapter tomorrow, but after that, it will be at least a week until my next update due to vacation plans. I wanted to let everyone know a couple of details in the chapters to come. I will be writing an Edward POV, but it's still a few chapters away, and you _will _find out why he doesn't want anyone to know about his and Bella's relationship. Thanks for reading, and as always, please review. Oh, and whoever signed their review name as '_Obsessed with Moon Scars_' that was really cool, thanks.

Ch 10 – _Falling Behind_

…

**Lights Out – by Green Day**

Lights out,  
here comes the night,  
as the darkness falls over the light  
lights out,  
there goes the day  
and _this fear that comes won't go away_lights out  
I lost myself  
in the space between heaven and hell.  
lights out,  
_finding my way_,  
did I waste my time losing the way?

lights out!

well I'm losing track of time  
in the corners of my mind  
and _I'm living out my private suicide_

lights out

…..

I hated hurting Jake, but now that he knew, I felt like the weight of the world was off my shoulders. Jake and I have needed to be apart for some time now, far before I started cheating on him, but we were both too afraid. We both had fathers who were completely heartbroken from losing their wives, and in the chaos of our disillusioned parents' lives, we found stability in each other, and were able to take the other for granted. But we drifted apart, and I fell in love for the first time, and though I didn't want Jake hurt, I would never be sorry for my relationship with Edward.

I tried to text Edward in the morning, but he didn't respond and I got that sinking feeling like something was wrong again. When I pulled into the school parking lot, his car was already there, which was strange because Edward was never early.

I looked around for him, but I never saw him so I was grateful when it was time for art class. I was early, and he walked in after the bell rang, of course. We locked eyes, and I smiled at him, but he looked away immediately.

"Ok class, break off into partners and I want a sketching of the others eyes, just the eyes." The teacher announced.

Edward reached for the bottom of my desk, and pulled it closer to his. We were always partners in this class, but it wasn't because we wanted to be, it was just because everyone else already had other partners, which I couldn't have been happier about.

I could feel distance and tension radiating off of Edward, and my whole body ached as a response. He must have seen the distress in my face, so he placed his hand on my knee, and gently rubbed my leg in a comforting way. He looked deep in my eyes and smiled halfheartedly and I felt better the moment he touched me. I put my hand over his and squeezed lightly, while Edward constantly scanned the classroom to make sure that no one was paying attention to us, even though our hand holding and leg caressing went on under the cover of the desks.

Edward let go of my hand and pulled out his sketch book, and started drawing. I followed his lead and did the same. Though I was a horrible artist, I loved this assignment because I could stare into his eyes forever. I watched as Edward made two really big circles on his paper, then put small dots in the middle, before shoving his paper to the side and replacing his hand on my leg. Since Edward and I had been together, I started uncharacteristically wearing skirts because they gave Edward easy access, which he seemed to enjoy always take full advantage of. His hand went from my leg, then traced up my thigh until his fingers were under the elastic rim of my panties. I was completely uncomfortable with the situation, we had sex a bunch of times at school, but this was the first time that he was touching me like this in a room full of people. But despite my discomfort, I became desperate for a release.

I raised my hand. "Ms Guiest, I need to use the restroom" I said as Edward smirked, and the teacher excused me.

I practically ran into the empty hall, and Edward walked out a few minutes later, though I had no idea what excuse he gave the teacher. He grabbed my face in his hands and pressed his lips to mine, our tongues automatically searched out each other. His hands dropped back into the position they were in when we were sitting at our desks, but this time he completely moved my panties aside so he could rub my tenderness, before inserting two fingers into my seeping opening. I groaned in annoyed ecstasy, knowing that he was torturing me on purpose.

"Edward, it's too much." I said out of breath.

"The guy's bathroom is right there." He said with a smile.

"Ok" I grabbed his hand and pulled him quickly. We usually used the guys bathroom, because it was way less populated; the girls bathroom seemed to always have someone inside.

We didn't even bother cramming into a stall; he just locked the deadbolt on the main door.

"Shit, I don't have a condom." He said suddenly.

"It's Ok." I told him not wanting to stop. I knew I was a few days from my period, so chances of getting pregnant now were pretty slim. This wasn't the first time that we had sex without a condom, but usually we were pretty careful. I thought about getting birth control, but I needed parental permission to get the prescription, and there was no way I was going to ask my dad. Jessica had gotten one from the local clinic, but Carlisle worked there much of the time, and I really didn't want to go to him either.

Edward just finished pumping into me, when someone started pulling on the door, trying to get in.

"Fuck, what do we do now?" Edward asked me quietly as he pulled out.

"I'll hide in a stall and you open the door." I told him before locking myself in a stall, and lifting my legs so they weren't visible as well.

I could hear Edward unlocking the door, and I could hear his voice automatically change into the cold, cocky one that I was used to him having with everyone but me.

"Hey man, sorry about that, it must have locked on its own." Edward said unconvincingly.

"Yeah, go to hell prick." Jacob's familiar voice said. Shit, fuck, crap, damn. Why did he have to be the one here? Even though he knew the truth, I still didn't want to shove his face in it.

"Well I'm sure I will when I die." Edward said unexpectedly.

Jacob was quiet for a moment before saying. "What are you doing with Bella?"

"Excuse me?" Edward said confused.

"I know that you're messing around with her, so I need to know why? Is it just that…I mean, are you just messing, or do you really care about her?" Jacob said quietly.

"I don't care about anyone." Edward said coldly, and then walked out of the bathroom.

I looked through the crack in the stall to see Jacob's upset expression. Then his upset face turned into an angry one, and he punched the wall hard, resulting in a loud smack noise and an even louder cracking noise. Jake grabbed his hand in pain, and I grabbed on to my mouth to restrain myself from screaming his name. What the hell was he thinking punching a stone wall like that? I wanted to see if he was ok, but exposing myself in this bathroom was a more than bad idea.

After he left, I was torn. I wanted to see if Jake's hand was Ok, but I needed to find Edward more. I went back to the classroom, but I saw that he wasn't there, so I left again before the teacher could catch me. I headed out to the parking lot…

"Ms Swan?" The junior class guidance counselor said, taking me by surprise.

"Uh, yeah, hi Mrs. Verna." I said uneasily.

"Where are you going at this hour?" She asked.

"Uh, I just forgot something in my car, that's all." I was actually impressed with my lying this time.

"Ms. Swan, come with me to my office, I need to speak with you."

"Uh, I should really be getting back to class."

"I'll call your teacher and let her know that you're with me." She started walking, and I didn't have a choice but to follow her.

When we got in her office, we both sat, and she pulled out some kind of file with my name on it.

"Isabella, you have always made good grades, and have always had an outstanding record here at Forks High."

"Yes, well I have always had good work ethic." I said pathetically.

"Always, until recently." She said unexpectedly to me. "You have always had amazing attendance, but over the past month or so, you have been missing classes often, and entire days of school without any call-in excuses from your father. Now I don't know what's going on with you, if maybe you are having problems at home, or maybe peer problems here. But whatever the problem is, you need to get it straightened out, and soon. And your homework has become another problem lately as well. Your teachers all have missing assignments, and the papers that you have turned in have been mediocre at best."

I just sat there taking in everything she had to say, and I was completely shocked, I never knew that I was falling so far behind. I mean sure, I missed a few assignments here and there opting to spend my time with Edward instead of doing homework, but I didn't realize how often that actually happened.

"I've been a little preoccupied lately, but I will do better and get back on track." I assured her and then left. And as if to prove my point of doing better, I went to the parking lot and ditched my classes for the rest of the day. I don't know why, but I just didn't really care about my grades at the moment. I knew I had to wise up, but knowing something and actually doing it were two different things.

**Edward, I'm at home, where R U?** – I texted him.

No answer. His lack of responding to my texts was really starting to annoy me, so I decided to be annoying right back.

**EDWARDEDWARDEDWARDEDWARD!**

**A little possessive don't U think? –**He finally responded.

**Where the hell have you been? **

**I didn't know that you were my mother and I had to tell you where I was all the time.-**He typed back at me.

I shrugged off his harsh comment. – **Can U just tell me where U R so I can come meet you**.

**I'm not really feeling it right now, but I'll see you tomorrow at school. - **I was completely confused and worried. What the hell was wrong with him?

**Edward, please I need to see you**.

**Well I guess you're going to have to wait until tomorrow, cause I'm busy.**

**Busy doing what?**

**Fucking some random chick, what the hell do you care?**

I dropped my phone after that one. I didn't really believe that he was fucking anyone, but it was obvious that he was trying to pull away from me and I had no idea why. I could feel him pulling away yesterday as well, but I just didn't understand. Was Jake right, was Edward really just bored with me?

I tortured myself by deciding to give him the space that he was telling me that he wanted, but I had no idea how long I would be able to stay away from him. I wasn't some little girl with a crush, and I wasn't some doe eyed immature teen obsessed because I lost my virginity to him; I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

I laid on my bed starring at the ceiling for hours, when I heard the door unlock and open downstairs. "Bells, I'm home!" I heard my dad call.

I went down to see him, and I sat there like a zombie while he ate the spaghetti that I threw together.

"Hey, you look exhausted, why don't you hit the hey early tonight." My dad suggested.

"Yeah, I am tired, I think I will." I said then started doing the dishes.

"Forget the dishes; I'll take care of them. Get off to bed kiddo."

"Thanks dad, goodnight." I told him, even though it was only six o'clock.

I changed my clothes and got right into bed, and it didn't take long for me to fall asleep. I didn't sleep the night before because of Edward's short texts, and what happened with Jake, so by this point I was just couldn't fight sleep anymore.

I didn't know how long I was sleeping for, but it was quiet and dark when I woke to something cold moving against my cheek. I gasped and grabbed whatever it was reflexively.

"Shh, you'll wake your dad." Edward was sitting next to my pillow, and had been stroking my face. I just stared at him confused for a moment, was I dreaming? "I didn't mean to scare you." He said quietly.

"Edward, what are you doing, and how did you get in here?" I asked still confused.

"I came in through the window by climbing up the tree."

"Why?" I asked stupidly. Why would I ask_ why_, I didn't care why he was here.

"I needed to see you, and I couldn't wait until tomorrow." I waited for him to explain. "Bella, I'm sorry for that last text, that was awful. I have no idea why I'm such a jackass sometimes, but it wasn't true. I just couldn't sleep knowing that you thought I was screwing around."

I didn't actually believe what he wrote, but hearing him say it out loud and the fact that he was here, made me feel so much better.

"What have you been doing since leaving school?" I asked him.

"I drove around for a while, then worked on my music, then to be honest, I've been sitting outside your window down there for like three hours." He told me in a rush.

"Your music?" I asked. I never heard him talk about music before.

"Uh, yeah. I sometimes mess with composing and what-not, it's really not a big deal."

"Not a big deal? Why haven't you said anything about that before?" I asked hating that I never knew such a major detail about him.

"Music is something that I just picked up along the way to pass the time. I actually haven't played or written anything in a while, I just started again this past week."

"Will you play for me sometime?" I asked.

"Maybe, if you really want me to."

"Wait, did you say that you were sitting outside for a couple of hours? No wonder why your hands are so cold, come over here." I told him and lifted my blankets so he could slide under. He laid next to me and I wrapped him up, then wrapped my arms around his torso and leaned into him. I fought the urge to tell him how much I love him, while we just held each other close. We didn't talk about love again, not that we ever really talked about it, because I had a feeling that it scared him, which I understood. He never knew love before, and I could imagine how something like that would be hard to accept at first. I knew I had to take it slower for him, and I would because again, I'd do anything for him.

We just laid in each other's arm for a while, before finally it became too much and we gave in to our passion. He stayed all night, and we made love, then slept for a while, then made love again, and repeated that pattern through most of the night. After spending the whole night completely tangled with him, I wondered how I would ever sleep without him again.

*******Please Review*******


	12. Ch 11 Bleeding

**Moon Scars**

Ch 11 –_Bleeding_

**Bleeding Love- by Leona Lewis**

Closed off from love, I didn't need the pain  
Once or twice was enough and it was all in vain  
Time starts to pass before you know it you're frozen

But something happened for the very first time with you  
My heart melted to the ground, found something true  
And everyone's looking 'round, thinking I'm going crazy

But I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you  
They try to pull me away but they don't know the truth  
My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing

You cut me open  
And I keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love  
I keep bleeding, I keep, keep bleeding love  
Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love  
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear but they talk so loud  
Their piercing sounds fill my ears try to fill me with doubt  
Yet I know that the goal is to keep me from falling

But nothing's greater than the rush  
That comes with your embrace  
And in this world of loneliness I see your face  
Yet everyone around me thinks that I'm going crazy  
Maybe, maybe

Oh, And it's draining all of me

Oh, they find it hard to believe  
I'll be wearing these scars for everyone to see

I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you  
They try to pull me away but they don't know the truth  
My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing

You cut me open  
And I keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love

…..

Change always happens when we least expect it. But when the change that you were expecting doesn't happen, it can be aggravating and completely disheartening.

Jake and I had been broken up for over two weeks now, but no one noticed, or seemed to care. Neither Jake nor I went around telling everyone that we were over, but we weren't going to lie about it either. But we had never been particularly affectionate with each other , so maybe our distance now wasn't anything new to our friends. I guess I just hoped that after Jake and I broke up, that everyone would notice and I could ease into a more public relationship with Edward.

I actually decided to take a step back from Edward too. As much as I tried telling myself that I wasn't obsessed and possessive of him, I knew I really was. But being in love with him made me want to laugh and it made me want to cry at the same time. I wanted to laugh because I had truly found that level of intense emotions that Shakespeare wrote about so many times, the kind that I was sure was just make believe. And I wanted to cry too, because this love was so strong, that I was so afraid of losing it. Every second that I spent with Edward, I felt like I was on borrowed time because I believed that everyone only had a certain amount of happiness allotted in one lifetime and I was using mine so quickly. Perhaps that feeling came from my mom leaving when I was little, I just couldn't believe that something so amazing could last, and it scared me to death because I'd rather die than stay away from him.

But taking a step back didn't mean that I wasn't going to see him anymore, it just meant that I would put the ball in his court and I would allow him to set the amount of time we spend together. I stopped texting him so much, and asking him where he was all the time. I never asked him to come over my house at night either, but it was like clockwork, my dad would go to sleep around eleven, and Edward was climbing through my window at midnight. He showed almost every night, and every night we spent making love and holding each other.

But my lack of constantly checking in affected Edward, and not in the way I was expecting…

"Bella, so girl's night, shopping and movies. You in?" Jessica asked during lunch. It was strange, I felt like I only ever saw my friends at lunch anymore, but that wasn't entirely my fault. Jessica spent all her free time with Mike, and Angela was always with Ben, but we made it a point to eat together every day, it was the only way to really keep in touch.

"Uh yeah, sure. When?" I asked her.

"Saturday afternoon. Tyler's parents are out of town on Sunday, so there's going to be a huge party, like everyone is going. So we can all buy new outfits when we go shopping on Saturday." Jessica said excitedly. Wonderful. Not only did I hate shopping, but I hated parties even more. I decided to agree though, because Edward was still big on me having a life other than him, so I'll have to sacrifice my sanity to make him happy.

Jessica went from all cute and bubbly, to stunned and drooling as she looked behind me, so I reflexively turned to see what she was gawking at.

"Bella." Edward said while standing behind me and I practically jumped out of my seat. Apart from when we were partners in art class, we never spoke in school while anyone was around.

"Hi Edward." Jessica said suddenly with a smile and a look that I think was meant to be seductive, but she kind of looked like one of her contacts was loose or something. It was obvious that Jess still had a crush on him, even though she's with Mike. In fact, I bet she'd forget about Mike all together and drop her panties for Edward if he wanted her, she was so pathetic. _Oh wait, I guess that's sort of what I did, never mind._

"Hi." Edward said uninterested in Jessica, then he turned back to me. "Um, Bella, can I speak to you please, it's about art class?"

I stopped paying attention to what he was saying and got lost in the way his mouth moved, now I was the one drooling, I was such an idiot.

"Bella?" Jessica whispered and elbowed me to knock me out of my stupor.

"Huh? Oh, right, sure." I said then got up and followed Edward out of the cafeteria.

He grabbed my arm and pulled me into an empty classroom, and pushed me against a wall before slamming his mouth into mine eagerly. He kissed me fast and hard, and leaned most of his weight onto me so I was completely pinned against him.

"What the hell have you been doing?" He asked finally, but then he went to kissing my neck while waiting for my response.

"What are you talking about?" I asked out of breath.

"Why haven't you been texting me?" he asked with his lips brushing against my collarbone. Was he serious? Ok first I was texting too much, now it wasn't enough?

"I..I..I…" it was hard to come up with an answer, or even speak at all, when he was all over me like that. He didn't wait for an answer, he just automatically unbuttoned his pants and was ready to take what he wanted from me. I expected him to lift me up so I could wrap my legs around him, but instead, he turned me around me and leaned me over a desk before slipping in and pounding into me from behind. We never did this position before, so I was confused, but that didn't stop me from climaxing into a blissful numbness that spread throughout my body.

After he pulled back out of me, he pushed me against the wall again, and re-planted his lips to mine.

"Tell me?" He said between kisses. I had no idea where this forcefulness was coming from, but I didn't want to question it either. "Tell me that you belong to me?" he said when I didn't answer him. "Tell me?" He repeated.

So finally I was able to catch my breath and said. "I belong to you." The whole thing was strange, and I'd be lying if I said that it didn't worry me. It wasn't the act itself that bothered me, I'd do any position that he wanted, but it was the fact that he had a strange tone to his voice, one that he never used on me before.

"Edward, is everything Ok?" I asked when he finally released me. He stepped back closer to me again, then rested his forehead against mine.

"I just needed to hear you say it." He said softly. "You can't go that long without texting me, my mind starts going crazy when I don't hear from you."

I wrapped my arms around him and held him tightly. "Edward" I whispered but then stopped myself from finishing my sentence. I never knew that _not_ telling him that I love him, could be this difficult. He pulled away from me finally and looked directly into my eyes for the first time since being in the classroom, and I definitely saw a change there.

"Edward," I said cautiously, not sure if I should go through with voicing my suspicion, but I decided that I had to know. "Are you high?"

He laughed once, then shook his head; but it wasn't a head shake meaning 'no', it was more like a head shake meaning 'mind your own business'.

I knew that he was always stoned before, but I hadn't noticed him that way since we had been together, and I was really afraid for him.

"I'll see you later." He said, then walked out of the room, leaving me there alone to worry about him. First he was pulling away, and now he was back to doing drugs, I was scared of what was next and why? Why was he regressing now, when things between us have been so amazing? We spent every night together, and that was his choice, he's the one who always comes to my place so it wasn't like I was being too possessive of him anymore.

After school that day, as I walked to the parking lot, Mike came up to me to talk.

"Hey Bella"

"Oh, hey Mike. I didn't even realize that your car was parked right next to mine."

"Yeah, well the lot was pretty full this morning." He said. "So, have you decided if you're going to be coming back to work, or not?"

"Oh right. Well, I do want to come back, but I'm still pretty behind in my studies, so I'm trying to work all that out first." I pretty much quit work preferring to spend my time with Edward instead, but I never officially left, it was more like an extended vacation.

"Shit! What the fuck Cullen?" Mike yelled after Edward slammed into him from behind.

"You should probably stay out of people's way Newton." Edward said cockily, but I could hear the hostility laced behind his words. Now what was wrong with him?

"You ran into me, jackass." Mike said.

"What the fuck did you just call me?" Edward said angrily.

"Look I don't want to get into anything, alright." Mike said defensively.

"You're messing with the wrong guy" Edward warned him, what the hell was his problem?

"I'm not messing with you, just leave us alone, we don't want any of your shit today."

Edward smirked, before his expression turned into rage and he grabbed Mike's shirt with one hand and punched him using his full strength with the other.

"EDWARD!" I yelled at him in shock.

Mike fell to the ground from the force, but then got up as the blood flowed from his nose, and he charged at him in retaliation.

"STOP!" I yelled to both of them, but they couldn't hear me over the noise of their huffing and growling and the sound of their fists landing blows on each other.

Edward pinned Mike down on the ground and he just started pounding his face in, over and over and over again, in pure blind rage.

"Oh my god, Edward Stop." I cried, but he wouldn't.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Jacob came running up to us. Perfect, like I needed him involved in this too. He looked at me briefly before grabbing Edward by the shoulders to rip him off of Mike's limp body.

I ran to Mike to see if he was ok, as he gargled on his own blood.

"Let go of me you fucking piece of shit!" Edward yelled at Jacob.

"Look what you're doing idiot, you could have killed him." Jake tried getting Edward to snap out of it.

Edward somehow wiggled out of Jacob's hold, and he turned and shoved him hard to the ground, before taking a step back. He locked eyes with me, before taking off for his car and driving away.

I was supporting Mike's head as Jake recovered himself and got up, before coming to help me with Mike.

"What the hell was that about?" he asked me.

I shook my head, "I have no idea." I said honestly.

"Bella, are you Ok?" Jake asked full of concern, and I knew he wasn't just asking if I was Ok at the moment, he was still worried about my relationship with Edward, and for once, so was I.

"Yeah" I said quietly but unconvincingly. Jake was lightly slapping Mike's face to try to wake him, and finally Mike came around.

"Ugh" He groaned.

"Alright, let's get you into the nurse." Jake said to Mike.

"Thanks Jake." I said quietly, he turned to look at me, then nodded slightly before helping Mike to the office.

My heart was racing a mile a minute, so I ran for my car and started driving. I drove home because I had no idea where Edward was at the minute, and there wasn't any point to me driving around having no where specific to go. I got out my phone, and opted to call him instead of texting, he'd probably just ignore my text anyway despite his strange behavior and comments about texting earlier.

It rang and the voice mail came up right away, so I left a message. "Edward, it's me, I just needed to hear your voice to make sure that you were ok. Call me."

I figured he needed some time to cool down so I forced myself to give it to him, even though I had no idea why. That night, I laid awake completely unable to sleep without Edward with me. Every time the wind blew a tree branch across the window, I jumped hoping it was Edward coming in, but he never came. Edward didn't show up to school the next day, and never called me back either. After the third day of not seeing him or talking to him, the hole in my chest just became too large, and I had to see him.

I drove to the Cullen house, and timidly knocked on the door knowing everyone was home because it was Saturday. The door opened after a moment, and I was relieved that it was Bree who opened it.

"Bella!" She squealed. "Have you come to let me braid your hair finally?" She asked full of excitement.

"Uh, sure." I figured that was a good excuse to be there. I actually felt bad for not coming over sooner to let her mess with my hair.

She grabbed my hand and led me into the living room.

"Edward, look who's here" She said happily. Edward was sitting in the living room reading a book, and when he looked up at me, his face hardened.

"Why are you here?" He asked coldly.

"She's here to see me." Bree said then stuck her tongue out at him. Edward rolled his eyes at her, but followed that with a frosty glare to me.

Bree instructed me to sit on the ground in front of her, so I did, then she went to work tugging and pulling at my hair. "You're so pretty Bella, Edward isn't she pretty?" She asked him sweetly.

Edward responded by not responding, then he got up and left the room.

"Just ignore Eddie, he's got a stick up his ass." I looked at Bree shocked from her language, she must have learned it from one of her siblings, probably Emmet.

"Why is he so upset?" Maybe it was wrong of me to use Edwards little sister to get information about him, but I was desperate.

"He was suspended for fighting a few days ago, and then daddy took his phone away and grounded him. So he's acting like a little bitch right now." Where was this girl hearing this stuff?

"Ah Edward, you're such a little bitch, go wallow in your misery somewhere else." I heard a loud voice from the other room. Yep, that was Emmet alright.

"Daddy!" Bree jumped up from where she was sitting behind me, to run to Carlisle who just walked through the door.

"Hello sweetheart, how was your day?" He asked her.

"Great. Come see what I did." She pulled him into the living room to show him my hair.

"Isn't she pretty?" She asked completely proud of herself. Carlisle definitely looked upset that I was there, but he smiled at her and nodded anyway.

"Bella, so good to see you again. I have to admit that I didn't expect you to visit here after the last time." The edge to his voice was very noticeable.

"Well, I promised Bree that I'd let her do my hair." I said defensively.

Carlisle narrowed his eyes at me, but let it go and walked out of the room. Ten minutes later, and a brush full of my pulled hair, Carlisle reemerged with Edward, both had sullen looks on their faces. Carlisle had his hand on Edwards shoulder, looking almost as if he was pushing him forward.

"Bree, I believe your mother would like some help with the laundry." Carlisle said.

"Ah dad, I was just…"

"Now Bree." He insisted.

My eyes never left Edward, and his eyes never left the floor until after Carlisle escorted Bree out of the room.

"Edward, are you OK?" I asked quietly. I wanted to run to him and mold my body to his, but there were so many people living in this house that I wasn't sure if we were truly alone or not.

"Yeah, fine." He said shortly "Look Bella, this isn't working anymore."

"I know. That's why it would be so much easier if we were just out in the open with how we feel."

"No. That's not what I meant. Bella, I can't see you at all anymore, it's just not worth it."

Ok, now I was just confused. "What do you mean it's not worth it?"

"Look, you told me that you love me, and I'm sorry but I just don't feel the same. This whole thing just got so out of hand, and I never meant for this to go on as long as it has."

I didn't even realize that I was shaking my head in denial, until I stopped so I could speak.

"Edward, you don't have to do this. You don't have to lie to me, just be honest, you're scared."

"Scared?" he asked confused.

There was a definite desperate tone to my voice now. "Yes, you're scared that you might actually feel something for me, so now you're trying to push me away." The hole in my chest that rips open every time I'm away from him, was growing rapidly and was threatening to swallow me whole.

"I'm not scared of anything." He said without emotion.

"Edward, I love you, and if that's too much for you to handle, then I can back down, but you ending things completely is just…wrong. We belong together, and nothing you can do will change that."

He stared at me for a moment, and I saw a glimmer of life in his eyes, before they went completely dark.

"Bella, remember how I told you that I got into a fight with someone from LaPush, and that's why I can't go back there?" I nodded so he continued. "Well, that was Jacob." He said taking me by surprise. "I was jogging on the beach there over the Summer, and I crossed paths with Jacob and his father. Jacob gave me this dirty look, so naturally I called him names and said something about how I was glad his dad was in the wheelchair. Well that seriously pissed him off because he knew I was involved with the accident, so he ran for me and we started fighting. It got pretty bad, and eventually Your dad came onto the scene and arrested me."

"Why are you telling me this?" I asked quietly. I actually did remember Jacob telling me how he got into a fight at the beach over the summer, but he never said who it was with.

"Because…I don't want to drag you around anymore. The truth is that I do care about you, and what I did wasn't fair to anyone."

"What did you do?" I asked while the hole in my chest grew even larger.

"I was so pissed at Jacob, and your dad, that I wanted to get back at them so I used you to do it. I wanted to fuck up Jake's life by taking you away from him, and I wanted to hurt your dad by screwing your life up the best I could. None of this was real, I just didn't count on it going this far, so I'm sorry."

I wiped the tears on my face and suddenly became angry. "You are such a lying coward. Look at you, you can't even look me in the eye. You are afraid that something in your life could possibly make you happy, and I'm so sorry for your past, but you can't keep letting it control your future. I'm here, standing in front of you with my heart in my hands, and you don't even have the balls to be honest with me."

"Bella, I am being honest. I don't want to be with you, everything I told you was a lie, everything. I was just trying to screw with you and it worked. Look, I really am sorry, but it's over." Then he turned and walked away. I stood there numb for a few minutes, then the sound of people coming into the room made me jump, which then made me trip over the rug and fall into the glass table top, shattering it into a million pieces.

"Oh my, are you Ok?" Esme came running into the room.

Blood was running down my arm and dripping on their perfectly white carpet. Alice and Jasper came in the room after Esme, and once Jasper saw the blood, his face turned white and he crashed into the ground.

"Uh oh." Esme said. "Alice, go find Carlisle" She instructed, then turned back to me. "Jasper has a weak stomach when it comes to blood, the smell of it makes him faint." Esme was holding onto my gashes with a towel trying to stop the bleeding, so she wasn't able to check on Jasper right away.

Carlisle and Alice came running back into the room, and Carlisle put something under Jaspers nose, which caused him to wake up immediately. "You'll be ok, why don't you go outside to get some fresh air." He suggested to Jasper and Alice.

Carlisle made his way over to me and inspected my arm. "Bella, would you like me to drive you to the hospital, or do you want me to stitch this up here?"

The last thing I wanted to do at the moment was to go sit for hours in the ER, so I opted to have him stitch it up there. He led me up the stairs and into his office, where he had me sit down while he got out his doctor bag.

"Bella, you have to understand something about Edward." he said suddenly as he was injecting the local anesthetic. "He is just a lost kid who's mother couldn't care for him anymore, so he lashes out at people trying to hurt them the way he was hurt. But under all that rough surface, he really does have a truly wonderful soul, he just needs to find it."

"What ever happened to his foster parents that hurt him?" I asked quietly, placing all the blame of the pain both Edward and I were feeling on them.

Carlisle looked at me confused. "Edward grew up in an orphanage just outside Seattle. The only foster parents he ever had were Esme and me before we adopted him."

"No, he said that he lived with several couples, and they were all horrible and abusive to him."

Carlisle had a disappointed look on his face. "Edward is a compulsive liar. He makes up these stories of abuse just so he can gain sympathy. I know the people who run the home he grew up in, they are good, hard working people who genuinely care about the children there. After the accident, I called them to see what they thought about Edward, and they said that he has a lot of potential, but we agreed that he would do better in a more family atmosphere, so that's why we kept him here. I bet he told you that the boy's home was run like a prison, right?"

I nodded my head slowly unable to speak.

"Bella, it's just a regular house, a large house, but still regular. There are no bars, no guards, and the kids there all taken excellent care of and most leave there to become healthy contributing members of society. Edward has mental issues that we have been trying to work on, but every time we think he's better, he goes off his antidepressants and he relapses."

Carlisle finished stitching me up after digging out all the shreds of glass with a pair of tweezers, then started cleaning up the tools he used. "Edward has had a grudge against your father and Billy Black, ever since they pulled him and his friends over that day. I read his journal one day, and in it were all different ideas on how to bring down the Swan and Black families. Bella that is why I was worried that first time he brought you over, I just didn't want you to get sucked into his vendetta against your father and boyfriend's families."

My stomach churned as I listened to what Carlisle was saying, and it all made sense. Why would Edward tell me about his abusive past, when we were nothing but casual friends at the time. He told it to me without any emotion and thinking back on it, it almost seemed like it was a rehearsed speech. But then again, why would he push me away after we kissed; I was so confused. I didn't know what to believe, but I did know that I couldn't think about it in that house.

I needed to get out of there, I needed to reevaluate my life. I felt like Edward was that broken glass that caused me to be bleeding now, but unlike the glass, he was still inside of me and no amount of tweezing or numbing narcotics, could fully remove him and take away the pain. My life had been completely about Edward for almost two months now, and I was certain that he was my future. But now…

…..

***Ok, don't get too upset, things will get better for them, but I do have to warn you that they will get worse before they get better, so please keep reading the story. I'd really like to read your opinions, so ****please review****. I leave for vacation soon, so I won't be updating for at least a week, but if I get enough reviews for this chapter, I may just post one more chapter before I leave. Thanks***


	13. Ch 12 Tunnel Vision

**Moon Scars**

A/N: Ok, so I was able to finish this chapter today, so here it is. I realize that Carlisle's explanation of Edward's past is different then the prologue/preface that I wrote in the beginning of the story, but there will be a good reason for that so please keep reading. This is another long chapter, and I hope it's not disappointing in the end. Thanks for reading.

Ch 12- _Tunnel Vision_

**Beautiful Disaster- by Kelly Clarkson**

He drowns in his dreams, an exquisite extreme I know  
He's as damned as he seems and more Heaven than a heart could hold  
And if I try to save him my whole world could cave in  
It just ain't right, Lord, it just ain't right…

He's magic and myth, as strong as what I believe  
And a tragedy with more damage than a soul should see  
But do I try to change him? So hard not to blame him  
Hold me tight, baby, hold me tight…

I'm longing for love and the logical but he's only happy hysterical  
I'm searching for some kind of miracle, waiting so long, I've waited so long  
He's soft to the touch but frayed at the ends he breaks  
He's never enough and still he's more than I can take

Oh, and I don't know, I don't know what he's after  
But he's so beautiful, he's such a beautiful disaster  
And if I could hold on through the tears and the laughter  
Would it be beautiful or just a beautiful disaster?

He's beautiful, Lord, he's so beautiful  
He's beautiful

…

It was impossible for me to just turn it off; I couldn't stop loving him regardless of his intentions or how much he lied. My heart didn't care that his words were untrue, my head hated him for it, but my head and heart were completely disconnected. I fought to keep myself from texting him, I just didn't know how to make it through a day without him, and sleeping at night was completely impossible. It had only been a day, but I could feel my body completely deteriorate making me feel ill all the time.

Jessica and Angela were both mad at me for missing out girls night on Saturday, but I was a little preoccupied from getting my heart trampled on to worry about their feelings too. But both of them kept texting me all day on Sunday to see if I'd go to that party at Tyler's house, and each time I got one of their texts, my heart jumped momentarily hoping it was Edward, but it never was and probably never will again.

I surprised myself and actually told them that I would go to the party, and I was already regretting it. I just needed a distraction, I was going crazy sitting in my room all alone, it was just too empty without Edward there and my tiny bed was just too large without him lying next to me. I threw on a sweater and a skirt, and I immediately regretted buying so many damn skirts, I didn't have anything else to wear and a skirt wasn't something I wanted to be wearing at a party. All of the girls who wore them at events like that, just screamed 'fuck me now' and that was not the message that I wanted to be sending to anyone.

I ran downstairs to wait for Jess to pick me up, and my dad was sitting there watching a game and drinking beer.

"Hey kiddo, where are you going?" He asked confused.

"Uh, out with Jessica and Angela." I wondered why he was asking, he never cared where I went, he trusted me completely. I wonder how much trust he'll have in me after seeing my grades, I've really been a screw-up lately.

"Hey there Bella, long time no see." Billy came rolling into the house, with Jacob behind him.

"Hey, what are you guys up to tonight?" I asked but not really caring about the answer, I didn't really care about anything at the moment.

"We just came to watch the game on the big screen, Jake would rather be here with you anyway." Billy said cheerfully. I never told Charlie that Jake and I were broken up, and apparently Jake never told Billy either.

"Are you heading out?" Jake asked me.

"Yeah sorry, Angela and Jess are picking me up. I didn't know you were going to be here, I'd probably opt to stay here instead if I knew. Uh, we're probably going to go over to see Tyler, if you want to come with us." I told Jake knowing he'd understand that we were actually going to the party. Tyler wasn't exactly Jake's friend, but they usually went to the same parties, we just couldn't let our dads know about the party that was sure to have underage drinking.

"Really, you don't mind me coming?" He asked surprised.

"No, why would I?" I asked confused, we were just going to a party.

Jessica came, and Jake and I hurried to the car. Angela was sitting in the front seat, but when she saw Jake, she automatically climbed into the backseat with me because there was no way that Jake be able to cram himself in the back.

"Wow, I'm like so excited, I just have a feeling that tonight is going to be epic." Jessica said as she drove down the highway and in that moment I got a terrible sinking feeling, and I had no idea why.

"So Jake, have you heard who's coming tonight?" Angela asked.

"Uh, yeah, I think everyone is coming. Tyler always throws the best parties, but I heard that he's letting Eric DJ so maybe it will actually suck after all." He joked.

"Ah, that's mean." Jessica said in a light tone.

"No, really." Angela chimed in "Eric is a horrible DJ, I used to date him remember? I had to suffer through endless hours of bad mixes." They all giggled.

Their teenage chatter continued all the way to Tyler's house, but I stopped paying attention. I hated being in that car and I hated parties, all I wanted was to go find Edward and beg him to take me back. God I was pathetic.

When we finally got there, Angela and Jess practically ran inside to go find their boyfriends, and Jake and I followed behind them, just not as fast.

"So, I'm surprised that you came tonight." Jake said casually.

"Oh yeah, why?" I asked not really caring.

"Well you never seem to do anything anymore. I mean you spend all your time with Cullen right?"

"Oh, well. He's…busy tonight." I couldn't say that we weren't together out loud because it was still so raw and painful, and I really didn't want to explain anything to Jake about it anyway. Plus, I was still holding out hope that I'd find my way back to Edward eventually.

"Did he ever tell you what happened between him and Mike?"

"Uh, no. I think it was just one of those things." I said shrugging, I really wish Jake would just drop the Edward subject; I came tonight to get my mind off of him, not talk about him with my ex.

When we got inside, the party was already loud with horrible music, just as Angela expected. Jessica was already dancing with a still battered and bruised Mike, and Jake waved to his buddies who were all there with their girlfriends. I don't know why, but I felt really good seeing Jared back with Kim, I'd hate to think that Edward screwed up their lives too.

Damn, I hated how I was feeling. I was so angry at Edward, but I still wanted him more than anything and I didn't know how to turn that off.

I sat on the couch with the other dateless losers for a while, when Jake made his way back over to me.

"Hey, do you want to dance or something?" He asked a little uncomfortably.

"Uh thanks Jake, but I don't think so." I said feeling more depressed than ever. I hated watching all the happy couples and their PDA, I just really wanted to crawl in a hole and die.

"Ok, well let me know if you change your mind."

"Oh my god, I'm so fucking high" A girl named Lauren said as she walked by. I never liked that girl, so I had no idea why I was listening to their conversation; it was in no way interesting.

"Did he fuck you too, damn you are so lucky." Another girl said who I didn't know.

"No, he didn't want to fuck, but damn, he always has the best drugs. He's still got some left; go get a drag if you want." Lauren said.

"Maybe I will, and maybe Edward will finally fuck me." The girl said.

Ok, now I was interested. I got up and followed the sluts up stairs and waited behind them as they went into a room that smelled like pot.

"Hey Eddie, do have anymore?" Lauren asked with a disgusting attempt to flirt.

"Are you kidding, I have plenty." I didn't recognize his voice at all, this wasn't my Edward and it scared me. And I was actually pretty upset that he was even here, I thought he was supposed to be grounded.

Lauren's friend sat on the bed next to Edward and leaned into him so her breasts were in his face. And something in me snapped.

"Ok, get the fuck out!" I yelled at the girls and pushed out a few others who were in the room also.

Edward, Lauren and her friend just stared at me in annoyed shock.

"I'm not kidding; get the fuck out of the room now." I seethed.

"You better step down bitch." Lauren warned. I really didn't have time for her bull shit, so I grabbed her by the arm and dragged her out of the room as she looked at me with angry eyes.

"What? Do something." I tried to provoke her. "I'd like nothing more than to knock the shit out of you, so please tempt me." I actually surprised myself, I was never this confrontational.

Lauren looked at me for a moment, but then turned and walked away and her friend followed after her.

I slammed the door behind them, and locked it leaving just me and Edward inside. I needed to get answers and I wasn't about to let him leave until I got them.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Edward asked me finally.

"What do you think I'm doing? I want to get high, and I don't want an audience when I do it." I had no idea what I was doing actually; I never took a drug before other then the occasional Vicodin after my many trips to the ER. But the pain I was feeling was so much stronger than any physical pain that I ever felt in my life, so maybe numbing myself for a while wouldn't be so bad after all.

He had some white powder stuff on a tray and some straw looking thing, which I assumed was used to snort the drug. I went to pick up the straw while my hand shook from being so freaking terrified.

"Bella no." Edward said while he watched me with wide eyes.

"Why not, you get to hide behind this shit all the time, why can't I for once?"

"Bella, you are just trying to prove a point, this isn't you. You are just some goodie brown-noser and have no desire to get high, so why don't you just take your ass right back out the way you came."

"No, I have to do this, because maybe if I was just like you, you wouldn't push me away." I said and put the straw up to my nose.

Edward stood quickly, pushed me on the bed hard and took the straw out of my hand. Then he took the straw and sucked the whole line up his nose leaving none left for me. That's when realization hit me. I never actually witnessed that type of drug use before, and to see someone that I loved so much doing it so easily, made me sick to my stomach and scared me to death. Edward was right, I was just bluffing and I'd never be able to do the drugs myself, and it killed me watching him do it. I needed to leave, I needed to get away, maybe go tell Carlisle so he can get Edward some help. Edward needed so much more help than I could give him and I was stupid to think that my love could save him.

"Where are you going now?"Edward said in a weird unrecognizable voice, as I went to unlock the door to leave.

"I'm going to talk to Carlisle, you need help Edward."

"Like hell you are" He said angrily. I ignored him and started opening the door when he ran up behind me and slammed the door in front of me. "You're not going anywhere." He said menacingly in my ear and for the first time, I was afraid of him.

"Edward, let me out." I said quietly.

"No, this is what you just said that you wanted, you want to be just like me right?"

"No I don't, so move and let me out."

"No, you belong to me, you said so just a few days ago so that means I can do whatever the hell I want with you." He turned me around forcefully and pinned me against the wall. I looked into his eyes and was terrified of what I saw, blank nothingness.

"Edward, let me go." I said halfheartedly. I didn't want to be in this situation, but at the same time, I was so scared that this would be the last time that I was ever this close to him, and no matter what, I wanted to be near him.

"No, this is what you want." I didn't realize how tightly he was holding my wrists, until he let one go so he could use his hand to unbutton his pants.

The throbbing in my wrist was enough to wake me up and realize that I had to get away from him.

"Edward, I'm not going to fuck you right now, especially not when you're stoned."

"Really, so why'd you wear the skirt then? Is it for him? I saw you come in with that Black prick, I guess I shouldn't be surprised that you are already fucking him; you did drop your panties easy enough for me. You're just a fucking whore like the rest of the bitches here."

I used my free hand to slap him across the face.

He stared at me and I watched his dead eyes come alive with ferocity. Then he snapped. He started pounding the wall behind me and screaming profanities.

I was completely terrified and I instinctually kneed him in the groin to get him away, and that just pissed him off more. He grabbed my arm and almost ripped my shoulder out of socket as he pulled and shoved me to the bed and got on top of me. He used his forearm to hold me down, and then took his opposite hand to rip my underwear.

"Edward please stop." My voice was only a whisper because that's all I had left inside of me, but a tear escaped down my cheek.

He suddenly removed his hand from under my skirt, and sat back before completely letting me go. He looked at me with hurt in his eyes, as if he finally realized what he was doing.

"I'm sorry." He whispered before leaving the room quickly, and slamming the door behind him.

I laid there gasping for air, while I tried to figure out what exactly just happened. My whole body was shaking, and I started crying hysterically. Every part of me ached and I couldn't tell if it was from his force, or if it was just a physical response to the torture I was feeling inside.

I didn't know how long I cried for, or how long I laid there quietly trying to calm myself, but eventually I got a hold of myself and got up. Thankfully, there was a conjoined bathroom, so I was able to wash my face and try to fix my hair before facing the party. I looked like a disaster, and because he ripped my underwear, I was now naked under my skirt, but I couldn't make the situation better, I just needed to get out of there and go home.

Then I realized that Jessica had driven me to the party, and I didn't want to ask her to take me home early, because that would just open a floodgate of questions. So I kept my head down, and tried to duck out of the house without anyone seeing, and I was grateful to make it out undetected. I pulled out my cell, and realized that there was only one person to call.

I had to wait for about thirty minutes, which was actually pretty good considering she was coming from Port Angeles which usually took about an hour to get to. She must have sped the whole way here, or maybe she was already out and about in the area.

"Bella, are you Ok?" She asked as I climbed into the front seat of the car. I called my mom because she was the only one who would shut up if I asked her to, and not have a biased opinion on Edward. I just needed a place to be where I could think, and for some reason, I just really wanted my mom.

"Can I stay at your place for a few days?" I asked quietly even though I was supposed to go to school in the morning.

"Of course honey, you can stay with me as long as you want." She said, then thankfully shut her mouth and didn't pressure me into talking to her.

My dad wasn't happy about me missing school and staying with my mom, but he must have heard the desperation in my voice, and let it go.

It was actually nice being at my mom's house. I got to see just how she and her husband lived on a daily basis and it gave me a sense of peace of mind. They gave me the much needed space that I was sure I couldn't have gotten anywhere else. Things between us were in no way healed, but I wasn't there to mend that relationship, I was there to figure out my relationship, or lack thereof, with Edward.

By Wednesday, I knew I needed to get back to school, so my mom drove me back home.

"Thanks mom, for picking me up and letting me crash at your place and all that." I said quietly as she pulled off the freeway into Forks.

"Thank you so much for calling me and trusting me enough to ask for help. Bella, please know that I will always be here if ever you need someone to talk to."

I nodded again and got out of the car when we stopped in front of the house. I went straight for the door, but then looked back at her one more time, and we both smiled.

It was early enough to still go to school and I already showered when I was at my moms, so I grabbed my truck keys and left. My heart was pounding so hard at the thought of seeing Edward at school and I had no idea what I was feeling. Was I worried and afraid to see him, or was I worried and desperate to see him. Edward was not the person I thought he was, he lied so much that I wasn't sure who he really was, but I still loved him and I knew that I always would.

No one asked where I was for the past two days, because I had been absent a lot lately, so it wasn't anything new to anyone. I waited anxiously for art class and when it was time, I guess I wasn't too surprised that he didn't show.

But then I started to get worried when I noticed that none of the Cullens were in school and the hole in my chest started to devour me. There has never been a time when they were all absent, so I got worried and against my better judgment, I went to the Cullen house after school. I didn't plan on knocking, I just needed to make sure they were still there, and my heart sank when I realized that they were gone.

I drove home in a daze, and when I got there, Jacob was sitting on the porch waiting for me.

"Hey Bells." He said with a sympathetic smile.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked confused, even though I didn't really care.

"Charlie told Billy that you were home from your mom's, so I thought I'd come over to check on you. What happened at the party? I saw Edward come racing down the stairs, then like an hour later, you came down looking horrible and you disappeared for three days." Jake questioned full of concern.

"We just had a …disagreement, that's all." I said still unwilling to admit that it was over.

"Bella…." He said hesitantly "There's rumors going around that he…OD'd that night."

"What?" I asked in shock.

"Yeah, a couple of the guys that he hangs out with sometimes, said that he was really wasted, but he kept doing more and more, until he passed out and he started foaming at the mouth and shit. Now, all the Cullens have left town and people say it's because of that." Jake explained slowly.

I started getting tunnel vision as he spoke, until finally I felt myself falling and then everything went black.

I woke up and was confused as I took in my surroundings. Why was I in the hospital?

"Hey Bells" I looked over and saw Jake sitting next to me.

"What happened, why am I here?" I asked.

"You fainted, and I didn't know what to do, so I called an ambulance." He said then it all came back to me, I fainted because of what Jake said happened to Edward.

"Jake, what happened to Edward? Is there anything else you know about him?" I asked desperately.

Jake shook his head "Bella, I have to talk to you before your parents come back."

"Where are they?"

"They are in the cafeteria, but they should be back any minute. Look, they ran some tests on you, and…"

"And what?" I asked confused with the stressed look on his face.

"Bella, you're pregnant, and your parents think that it's mine."

My whole body started shaking, and that tunnel vision thing started to come back, how could this be happening? This was not what was supposed to happen in my life, I wasn't suppose to get knocked up at seventeen by a guy who doesn't give a shit about me. I started hyperventilating, when my parents came in with a doctor.

"Bella, honey, calm down." My mom said in a soothing way. My dad and her husband Phil were behind her, and both were silent, but my dad's disappointed expression devastated me.

"Isabella, from your ultrasound, it looks as though you are just about six weeks pregnant."

I shook my head in denial. "No, I just got my period two weeks ago." I said with a weak voice.

"Well, many women experience mild bleeding in the first trimester. With that being said, the window to abort is closing in on you, so I'll leave you now to discuss this with your family. If you chose to end this pregnancy, then I will recommend you to a facility nearby that will perform the procedure for you, but it must be soon." Then the doctor walked out.

I looked over at my dad, who was glaring at Jake like he wanted to kill him.

"Jake, I just called your dad, he's on his way." My dad said finally.

"Dad, this isn't Jake's…"

"Plan, I didn't mean for this to happen." Jake cut me off, and I looked at him puzzled.

"Well, you kids are way too young to be parents; I think an abortion would be best. Then we could put this whole thing behind us." My dad said, and automatically, and completely without my permission, my hands moved to cradle my still flat stomach.

"Bella, what do you want?" My mom asked.

"She's a kid; she doesn't know what she wants." My dad said quickly.

"Bella?" My mom asked, completely ignoring my dad.

"I don't know, this is just all happening so fast. Can I please just have a few minutes alone to think?" I asked.

They nodded and my mom and Phil started to leave, but Jake and my dad didn't move.

"Charlie?" Renee said.

"I think Jake and Bella have had enough time alone." He said bitterly.

"Dad, please, just a few minutes?" I asked so he huffed then walked out giving Jake a parting glare.

"Jake, why did you say that?" I asked the moment we were alone.

"Look Bella. Edward's not coming back, and even if he did, is that the guy who you really want being a father to your baby?"

"I haven't even decided if I'm having the baby." I said defensively.

"Oh come on, I saw the way you were cradling it." He rebutted, and he was right, I only just found out about it, and I already loved it completely.

"You don't know that Edward's not coming back." I said quietly.

"Bells, he's not, that's if….that's if he's even alive. I mean they said that he OD'd, people don't live through that very often. I mean, why would his whole family take off like that if he was OK?"

Tears started flowing down my cheeks and I started shaking again. Edward couldn't be dead, he had to be Ok, I couldn't live in a world where he didn't exist.

"Jake, I can't let you take responsibility for this."

"Bella, you are so stubborn. Look I love you, and we belong together."

"Jake" I said while shaking my head.

"No, just listen. I get that you were swept away by him, many girls were, but he's not real, we're real . You and me, and after graduation we'll do everything that we always said we would. I swear, I'll never tell anyone the truth and I'll always take care of you and the baby."

I laughed once. "And what do we tell people when our baby isn't tan, and has strange bronze hair with bright green eyes?" And then I could picture him. My perfect baby boy with Edward's perfect face, and I knew that I could never live with myself if I pretended he was anything other than what he is.

"Jake, I love you so much. And you offering to do this for me just proves how amazing you are, and you will always be my best friend. But I can't lie anymore, I can't live in that lie for the rest of my life, and I can't lie to my baby about where he came from."

"Bella"

"Jake please, you deserve so much more then someone like me. You deserve to go to college and find someone to fall in love with, and will love you that much in return."

"I'm already in love with you."

"No Jake, you love me, I know you do, but we were never really in love. Remember how we used to laugh at those sappy love stories in the movies, Jake, that love really does exist and I know that someday, you'll find it too. Then your souls will be imprinted together forever, and you'll know that I'm right about us being wrong for each other."

"Is that how you really feel about him?" he asked.

"Yes." I said honestly.

Jake nodded his head before saying, "We could have been happy together, maybe not blissful singing in the rain kind of happy, but still happy enough."

"I know. But happy enough, just isn't enough." I said and we both cried silently, then he came and hugged me.

"I'll always be there for you…and your baby."

"I know. Thanks Jake, you're the best person I know." Then he walked out of the room, and it was time to face the wrath of my father and tell him the truth.

…

***Ok, so do you like the pregnancy, or hate it? That is what I planned all along for this story, so I hope you still enjoy it. I guess it's like Breaking Dawn, some loved Renesmee, and some hated her, so I'd be interested to see how you think. I will say right now that Jacob will NOT end up with Bella's daughter in this story, that would just be creepy. Edward is not dead, and I will be writing his POV soon, but there may be one more Bella POV before that. I'm heading out on vacation, but I will update next week, probably late Sunday. Thanks for reading, and ****Please Review*******


	14. Ch 13 Time Passing

**Moon Scars**

A/N: Ok, so got mixed reviews on the pregnancy, but besides this chapter it's not going to be the focus of the story. This story is about fixing the broken Edward, and that will continue to be the main storyline. The pregnancy was designed to bring Bella back down to reality, and for her to be the mother that both she and Edward never had; it's just a way to see how everything comes full circle. After this chapter, we will be moving to Edward's POV for a couple of chapters.

Ch 13 – _Time Passing_

**Another Day- by Paramore**

And if you're listening, I miss you.  
And if you hear me now, I need you.

Where did you go?  
'Cause you're not gone  
Everyone knows that something's wrong  
The wires were cut and I'm alone

I know we're getting closer  
I know you're coming back for me this time  
This time.

And do you ever want me, do you ever need me?  
I know that you left before goodbye.  
And it's okay, there's always another day.  
And anytime you want me, anytime you see me  
I don't think you meant to say goodbye  
And it's okay, there's always another day.

Your voice comes in and now it's fading,  
I can't believe this is so frustrating.  
'Cause you never seem to understand  
And you always slip straight through your hands  
And how does it feel to be alone?

If you ever find what you were looking for  
I will be waiting there, I will be there

…

It felt like everyone was staring at me. I wasn't any different than I was the last time I was in school, but now I was just paranoid. Even though my stomach was perfectly flat, I still felt the need to carry my books in front of it, or wear baggy clothes. Jake was the only person in school who knew about it, and I planned to keep it that way for as long as possible.

Talking to my parents about what really happened resulting in my pregnancy, was far less difficult than I ever thought.

***Flashback***

"Now, where the hell did Jake go?" My dad asked annoyed when he saw that I was alone in the hospital room.

"Dad, I have to be honest now, I've been lying a lot lately, but that ends now." I told him, so he came and sat next to me in the visitor chair and looked confused and concerned.

My mom and her husband came into the room, so I was glad that I only had to say this once.

"Dad, Jake isn't the baby's father." I told him and his face dropped in stunned silence.

"Jake and I broke up a few weeks ago, but we never had sex before, I had been sleeping with someone else." Charlie's face went from red, to purple, to blue, then green, then back to purple before settling to a blushed red.

He opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out, then he closed it again, so I decided to continue.

"I fell in love with someone unintentionally, and I just sort of got swept away with it."

"Who?" My dad asked coldly

I swallowed painfully; this was the part that I was really worried about. "Edward Cullen"

My dad closed his eyes as a response and I swear that I could see him rapidly aging from the stress.

"Why" Charlie was struggling to maintain control, but he was definitely losing the battle.

"We were partners and…"

"And you said that's all that it was." He said angrily.

"That is all that it was, but then it was more. I never meant for it to happen, it just did."

"Bella, do you know where Edward Cullen is right now?" I shook my head. "He was rushed in here three days ago after he OD'd. After they pumped his stomach, he was arrested for felony drug possession and then forced to a juvenile correctional facility near Seattle."

The tears started flowing again; I've been really crying a lot lately, and that's so unlike me.

"And do you know where the rest of the Cullens are right now?" I shook my head again. "After Edward was arrested, they searched the house and found a bunch of narcotics hidden all over the place, so all of the Cullen kids were taken into social services, and the Doctor and his wife have been in court proceedings to try to retain custody and avoid jail time themselves. Edward has completely broken up the family, and may have destroyed a lot of lives, and now he's destroyed yours too." My whole world felt like it was closing in on me as my father spoke; the pregnancy, Edward being gone for an undetermined amount of time, and his family waging their own battle to stay together. I was numb from the chaos of it all, so I focused on the one thing that I could at the moment.

"Dad, you can't blame Edward for this."

"I can't blame him? You mean to tell me that Carlisle hid the drugs all over the house?"

"No dad, I mean you can't blame him for getting me pregnant. I knew exactly what I was doing when I had sex with him, and I knew every time we did it without protection that this was a risk."

"So why did you do it then?" he asked frustrated.

I shrugged. "I was in love with him, and we needed to be together, and sometimes we just didn't have any condoms with us." I said quietly and was completely embarrassed talking about this stuff with my dad.

"Bella, that boy doesn't love you. That boy isn't capable of love, and I'm actually glade that he's gone, because as much as he's already ruined your life, he would just ruin you more if he stayed."

"Dad, I love him, and you don't know him at all. All you see is the stuff that's on the surface, but that doesn't even begin to explain who he really is." I hated Charlie bad mouthing Edward, even though I understood it. He was worried about me, and he was convinced that Edward was bad news, and the truth was that Edward was messed up but that doesn't mean that he has to remain that way forever, he just needed time to heal.

"Bella, I can't make you have an abortion, but if you are going to have this baby, then you need to put it up for adoption."

"No!" I said defensively. "There is no way I'm putting my baby into the system. You think Edward is screwed up, so the answer is screwing up the baby's life too? No, it's not happening, I'm going to have this baby and I'm going to raise it myself." I said forcefully.

"And how are you going to do that Bella? You can't go to school and take care of a baby and get a job to support that baby. There isn't enough time in the day. I raised a child on my own, and let me tell you that it was difficult to say the least, and I was an adult at the time."

"Dad please, I know that I'll need help, but I can't just give it away."

"Bella, I will help you." Renee said suddenly. Charlie glared at her.

"You couldn't take care of your own child, what makes you think that you are responsible enough now to take care of Bella's?"

"You're right Charlie, I was a horrible mother. But if Bella wants a chance at being a good one, then I'm going to do anything in my power to help her."

"Ok, thanks mom." I actually felt relieved, but I was still worried about what this would do to my dad. Was I going to lose him now? "When I'm released here, I'll come and pack some things for mom's house." I told Charlie.

"Hold on. Look, nothing has to be decided right now except for whether or not you're getting an abortion. So you're sure that's a no right?'

"No meaning, no I will not get an abortion." I said trying to make myself clear.

"Alright then, I think its best that you stay with me, at least for the rest of the school year. The baby won't be born until the fall, so we'll decide what to do during the summer."

***End Flashback***

"Hey Bells" Jake came up to me at lunch.

"Hey, how was the big test?" I asked knowing he was stressed about it.

"Forget about the test, how are you feeling?"

"Jake, I know this is weird, but please just try to act normal around me. Things are going to get hard enough when my stomach starts ballooning out, and I don't want it to start now."

"Ok. Well are you eating with Jessica and Angela?"

"Yes, I always do." I said trying not to be annoyed.

….

Two months went by without anyone suspecting anything, I put on some weight but I hid it easy enough with baggy clothes. My dad talked to the school staff and got me out of PE, but besides that, I stuck to my normal curriculum. I was grateful though when April rolled around, because there was only two more months until summer and my body was almost unrecognizable to me, and others would soon start to notice as well. I was only four months into my pregnancy, but my body was already changing and I knew by the end of the school year, it would be unmistakable.

But more than anything, I hated art class and was glad that I wouldn't have to suffer through it much longer. I always hated art, but now it was physically painful for me too, because not having Him there ripped that hole through my chest even wider every time I looked at the empty chair next t me. It even hurt to think his name, so I just referred to him as Him. But nothing would have prepared me for what happened in art class that particular day.

"Bella, I'm glad you're here, I have something for you." The teacher said then pulled out a large manila envelope.

"What is it?" I asked uneasy. All of my teachers knew of my predicament, so I was always weary when they wanted to speak to me privately because it was usually about that.

"Do you remember Alice Cullen?" She asked me.

Of course, how could I ever forget any of the Cullens?

"Yeah sure?" I said confused.

"Well, she sent this to the school with a note; well here I'll just let you read it." Then she handed me the note.

_Dear Ms Guiest, _

_I hope all is well at Forks High. I was going through some of our old stuff, _

_when I came across this picture. I know that this assignment was long over, _

_but for some reason I felt the need to send it in anyway. _

_Miss you all, and hope to come back someday,_

_Alice Cullen_.

I was still confused, so I opened the envelope and pulled out the paper that was inside. I was completely speechless. It had to be the most beautiful sketching I had ever seen in my life, and it was of me. I was sleeping and there were wild flowers all around me. Everything about the picture was perfect, from the shading, to every single line on my face. There wasn't a professional artist in the world that could possibly do a better job. I understood right away who drew the picture, because there was only one person that could have, Edward.

"Beautiful right? Who knew that Edward was such a good artist after all? That's actually not the only one." She handed me what looked like a sketch book. "This came separate; Alice wrote a note saying that it wouldn't fit in the envelope." I opened the book, and it was filled with sketches of all different sizes and all were of me. My eyes, my lips, there were even a few of my ears, which was sweetly strange. I flipped through the pages and there were just endless sketches of different parts of my face, and some whole body drawings, but I was sleeping in all of those.

I started crying and I ached for Edward so badly. I always missed him, but seeing these pictures, where he drew me even when he didn't have to, just made me miss him even more and made me believe that he really did have feelings for me at some point.

Kids started piling in the room, so I reluctantly handed the sketches back to the teacher.

"Oh no, you keep them. I can't very well give a grade to someone who isn't in my class anymore."

"Thank you." I said sincerely. Even though she knew I was pregnant, none of the teachers knew that it was Edward's, but I think she got the hint when I started crying. Damn, I hated these stupid uncontrollable hormonal emotions.

I spent the rest of the week carrying the sketches in my backpack, and I took them out every free moment that I had. It was odd loving pictures of yourself so much, but the fact that it was his hands that made the pictures come alive, made me feel like we were still connected somehow apart from the baby.

….

June came finally, and with it, came a belly that was too pronounced to properly conceal.

"Bella," Angela said cautiously at lunch. "Um, everyone is saying that you're pregnant?"

"Yeah, you like are always eating and you definitely put on weight." Jessica added.

I actually felt bad for not telling them sooner, but I just really didn't want anyone knowing because I wasn't ready before to answer anyone's questions.

"Well, that's because I am." I said slowly, and watched their faces morph into ones of shock.

"Oh, my god Bella!" Jessica yelled after a few moments of silence.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Angela asked.

"I just wasn't ready to tell anyone. It's bad enough that my dad knows and hardly speaks to me anymore, I just didn't want you guys to treat me any differently too."

"So, are you and Jake going to like, get married or something?" Jessica asked.

"Uh, no. Jake and I broke up a while ago." I said annoyed that no one still noticed that we were never around each other anymore.

"What? When did that happen?" Angela asked.

"Yeah, and what a jerk for breaking up with you when you're pregnant." Jessica added.

"No Jess, he's not a jerk at all. I broke up with him actually and it's not his baby, so there isn't any reason for him to hang around anyway." I said quickly and both of them stared at me speechless.

"I always knew you were a whore." Lauren said from behind me. That fucking bitch must have been listening to our conversation.

I turned around to tell her to fuck off, but she already walked away and I didn't care enough to go after her. Lauren had the biggest mouth in school, so it was just a matter of time until everyone knew but what difference did it make at this point, there was only a few weeks left of school anyway.

It didn't take long for word to spread and by the end of the day everyone was staring at me, pointing, and whispering as I walked past. I didn't say who the father was, but that didn't stop speculations as to who it could be. I'm sure a few guessed that it was Him, but most would never think that we even knew each other well enough to be messing around so they never even considered him as a possible candidate.

When my last class was done for the day, I went to my locker to put my books away that I didn't need for the night, and was unusually greeted by James, the school menace. James and his little posse were like the school losers and drug dealers. Edward hung out with them sometimes when he wanted to get high in school, but he mentioned one time how much he hated them, so I pretty much avoided them when possible.

"So Bella, I was thinking that we could get together sometime." James said in his raspy unappealing voice as the smell of pot poured off of him in waves.

"And why would we do that?" I asked irritated and confused as to why he was speaking to me now.

"Well, I figured that since you're knocked up and all, you must like to fuck around, and now we don't have to worry about condoms and shit, cause you're already pregnant." He said with a disgusting smirk.

"Go to hell." I said and shut my locker so I could leave.

James darted his arm out in front of me, blocking my exit. "I'm only offering you my amazing fucking skills once. A couple more weeks and you'll be too fat to fuck, so think carefully before you turn me down."

"Hey, are you Ok Bella?" Jake asked suddenly. That was the thing about Jake, no matter how much I hurt him, or how long we went without speaking, he always seems to be there when I need him.

"Yeah fine, James here was just about to let me pass." I said suggestively while looking at the disgusting jerk and motioning for him to remove his arm.

James looked between Jake and me, and smiled evilly before dropping his arm and taking a step back. As much as he likes to pretend that he's a badass, James is really just a coward prick who's terrified of people bigger than him like Jacob.

After James left, Jake walked me to my car just to be sure that James wasn't going to try to mess with me anymore.

"What the hell did he want?" Jake asked.

"Oh he's just a jackass, not a big deal." I said casually.

"So, you're not like with him or anything, right?" He asked concerned.

"No Jake, just because I was with…Him, doesn't mean I'm going to start dating all the guys who you consider to be losers. Besides, I'm not really in the dating condition." I said frustrated gesturing to my undesirable swollen abdomen.

"Ok, sorry. I shouldn't have asked that, I was just worried about you that's all; it's been a while since we talked last." He said defensively.

"I know, sorry I snapped at you. Thanks for scaring him away, that guy really is an ass."

"Well if he bothers you anymore let me know and I'll take care of it."

"You know, you could really pursue a career in the mob if you wanted to." I teased.

"Really? Well, maybe if the whole football scholarship thing falls through, and I couldn't get a job working on cars, the mob would be a good fall back job." He joked back.

"Sounds like a plan." I smiled then got in my truck. "I'll see you later."

"Yeah. See ya."

Despite the gossip and constant chatter around campus about my indiscretions and '_whoring ways'_, the next few weeks went by quick enough and summer break couldn't have been a more welcomed relief. Charlie hardly spoke to me since he found out about me and Him, but now that school was out, the silent tension became too much, and I went to live with my mom.

Charlie found a continuation school for pregnant teens that he wanted me to attend for my senior year, but that was the last thing I wanted to do. I still fully planned on going to college after graduating, and there wasn't a college around that wouldn't look down on me for attending a school like that. I tried to enroll in a school by my mom's house, but they wouldn't allow it and also insisted on a continuation school. So my only choice was commuting to Forks High, while living in Port Angeles with my mom. The hour or so drive every morning and every afternoon was going to seriously suck, especially when I was huge, but it was only until September then the baby would be born and I'd have to come up with another plan as to what I was going to do next. Renee didn't have a lot of money to help with child care, and both she and Phil were working, so I also worked full time all summer to save up, but I knew it still wouldn't be enough.

I was determined to find a way to make everything work, so I was very busy and didn't allow myself to think of Him very often, but when I did, I still ached for him relentlessly, and I had a feeling that I always would. Since Alice sent that note to the art teacher, I figured that He was OK where ever he was; otherwise she would have mentioned something about it, so at least that was something. But from what my dad said about what happened to his family, I figured none of them would ever come back to Forks so I would never see Him again either. But I couldn't focus on that, I had to worry about the near future and the new little person that I would be solely responsible for, and just hope that someday I would have the opportunity to see Him again, to tell him about our baby.

I doubted he ever thought of me anymore, but as desperate and pathetic as it sounds, I'd always be here waiting for him if for some reason he ever did comeback and want to be with me again, because I still loved him completely, unconditionally, and irrevocably.

***Ok, so I had to write about Bella being pregnant, but the next time that we see her, she will already have the baby. Edward POV is next, and hopefully I'll try to post it either late tonight or early tomorrow morning. ****Please Review*******


	15. Ch 14 Midnight Tears

**Moon Scars**

'**Moon's scars reveal troubled childhood'**

"Impact craters on the surface of the moon tell the tale of a troubled, violent childhood that may have continued into the moon's adolescence" - Irene Klotz Discovery News.

A/N: Ok, so here's a look in Edward's head, I hope it doesn't disappoint. This is another longish chapter, and it starts a little earlier then when the last chapter ended, so time overlaps a bit. Above is a quote from an article about the moon's scars over at Discovery News; I thought the description was relevant to this story too, so I wrote it here, I hope that makes sense and you understand where the title of this story came from.

Ch 14- _Midnight Tears_

**When the Heartache Ends – by Rob Thomas**

It's never easy and you never know  
What leaves you crying  
And what makes you whole  
There ain't no way that I can hold it down  
Falling to pieces  
Forever in doubt

But it's alright  
Why don't you tell me again  
How you'll still be there  
When the heartache ends  
It's alright  
Why don't you tell me _my friend_  
How you'll still be there  
When the heartache ends

There ain't nobody who can show you how  
To find the surface when you're underground  
There ain't no blanket that can hide this cold  
There ain't no memory  
That ever gets old

And I move all directions  
To the corners and the outskirts  
While the lovers and the lonely  
Start to whisper all about me  
And if I stand here silent  
I almost start to feel you fading in  
Telling me hold on  
Cuz it's gonna be alright

Why don't you tell me again  
How you'll still be there  
When the heartache ends

Say you'll be with me  
When the heartache ends

…..

(EPOV)

I hated mental hospitals. The patients walk around completely incoherent and with stoned expressions all the time, but somehow still manage to scare the shit out of you. I really don't understand how I got to this wretched place anyway; with the charges that were against me, I should still be locked up in juvi. I guess I should be grateful, this place was definitely better than most places' I've lived in the past, I just don't understand what they wish to accomplish by constantly asking me about my feelings and shit like that.

This wasn't my first stint in a mental facility. I was at one briefly when I was younger, but I was too much of a hassle back then for them to deal with, and I guess they figured I was sane enough to be in a regular orphanage. At least the pain and hallucinations of coming down off all the drugs was over now, though I would take physical pain over being stuck here with doctors who pretended to give a damn about helping me or whatever. And why the hell did they think I needed so much help anyway; I was a fuck-up, so what? A lot of kids at that stupid school fucked around and got stoned all the time, who gives a shit.

"Edward, time for your session." The nurse interrupted my self-pity internal rant, fucking bitch. I hated the way she looked at me too, as if I was some poor fucking head case that she'd like nothing better than to take home with her and play doctor with. She's always winking at me and smiling seductively, I think she needed to get her head examined more than anyone else here. What the fuck was she thinking hitting on a mental patient?

"Yeah? Why don't you tell your father that if he wants to speak to me he can just come in here, I don't feel like leaving my room today." I told her cockily. This particular hospital was in Alaska, and was run by Dr. Eleazar and he employed the rest of his family as well. But his daughter Nurse Tanya, was by far the worst of all of them.

"You know, if you keep resisting the treatments, we may just have to send you to my sister Kate for electric shock therapy." She said with a smile.

"Really? That would be kind of fun to try."I told her and she just rolled her eyes.

"Garrett!" She called the orderly for help.

"What Tanya, you don't want to wrestle me to the therapy room yourself?" I tried provoking her, but she just smirked and waited for Garrett.

"What's up?" Garrett asked as he peeked his head in the room. I liked this guy actually, he was always cool and even though he wasn't very big, he was able to take down the strongest patients here. He was pretty funny too, and he always hung around and talked shit with me, at least this place wasn't completely boring all the time. He had a thing for Tanya's sister Kate, who also worked as a nurse here, but I really wished he liked Tanya instead, 'cause maybe then she'd leave me alone a little.

"I need help escorting Edward to his session with my father." She told him.

"Don't you think that when you're working, you should call the Doc, oh I don't know, 'Doctor', instead of 'father'? I mean it's really not very professional of you." I told her.

"You are so cute." She said suddenly.

"Still not very professional." I repeated.

"Alright Ed, let's get going." Garrett said trying to break up our little tiff.

I wasn't going to fight Garrett, not that I was intimidated by his toughness or anything, but it just wasn't worth it, so I went willingly.

"Just ignore Tanya, I always do." Garrett whispered to me as we walked.

"Hey, I heard that." She pushed him in the back.

"Ah, Mr. Cullen, just in time." The doctor said as I walked in the room. Garrett and Tanya left us alone and shut the door behind them.

"You know Doc, I really don't get these little visits, I mean it's not like they're going anywhere." I told him as I sat on the couch in his office.

"Edward, these sessions are important, and I do believe that we are getting somewhere. These things take time, and you have only been here for three months, be patient. Ok, so today I'd like to talk about the abuse you suffered through as a child."

"I thought we established that I was a fucking liar, and there was never any abuse." I said emotionlessly. I really didn't understand these little mind-games that shrinks play, one minute we were calling my childhood crappy but uneventful, and then he was asking me if I was abused again. I really just wish he would make up his fucking mind.

"What really happened isn't important right now, what's important is what you believe happened." He said.

"What the hell does that mean?" I asked frustrated. "You fucking speak in riddles all the time, how the hell am I ever supposed to clear my head?"

"That's really good, go with those feelings Edward."

"Ok, I give up." I told him tired of being confused.

And that's how all of our sessions went; everyday, sometimes twice a day, endless, stagnant, nothing. I didn't really blame Eleazar for it; it was just his entire profession that was pointless. If someone is crazy, then they should just be locked up forever, if they weren't crazy then why would you question it in the first place.

"Edward, if you don't want to talk of your childhood, then let's talk about this." He pulled out a box of what looked like used napkins from the kitchen. Then he placed them in a line on his desk so I could see exactly what they were. They were in fact white napkins, but on them were sketches or doodles as Esme always called them, and I had done all of them absently while eating there. What the hell, did they go through the garbage here too?

"Since when do you recycle old napkins around here?" I asked annoyed, he ignored my question.

"Do you want to tell me what these are drawings of?" He asked in his shrink tone.

"It looks like just scribbles to me." I said completely shut off from the conversation.

"Edward you are a very talented artist, and Carmen tells me that you are a brilliant musician as well." Eleazars's wife Carmen was the resident tutor because this was a pediatric mental hospital, which meant that everyone here had to be taught school lessons and shit. She always said that music was a helpful way of learning and a path to emotional healing, so she always bribed me with candy and crap to play the piano for her classes. She was pretty cool too, and promised to get a guitar for me to play because it was my preferred instrument.

"So?" I didn't really see what my doodling capabilities and music skills had to do with anything.

"Can you tell me who this is that you keep drawing? I thought it was your mother, but the more I look at them, I'm starting to think that this isn't your mother at all. A girlfriend back in Washington perhaps?" He guessed. As much as I didn't want to admit it, he sure was observant.

"She wasn't my girlfriend." I said quietly, and then closed myself off. The last thing I wanted to do was talk about my obsession with Bella Swan on top of everything else.

The doc could tell that I wasn't going to talk anymore, so he excused me and allowed me to go back to my room for the evening.

It was still early, but I was bored with the book I had been reading, and they took away my CD's for bad behavior, so I decided to just lay there and stare at my walls. I couldn't sleep properly in this place, so they forced these sleeping pills on me, which I was actually grateful for. It was the only way that I could sleep without _Bella's _face running through my mind and in my dreams all night. I guess I wouldn't have minded dreaming about her every night if they were actually pleasant dreams, but they never were.

It was always nightmares about her being hurt in some way, or just simply a replay of the last time I saw her. I was pretty wasted at that party so I didn't remember everything, all I know is that I hurt her bad, and I deserved whatever hell was coming my way for it. But my obsession with her started long before that night, and no matter what I did, I could never figure out why I couldn't seem to let her go.

The knock on the door told me that it was time for my meds, so I sat up not bothering to answer it, they had keys and would come in anyway, so what's the point.

"Hey Ed, boss wants to see you." Garrett said unexpectedly, I never had sessions this late at night.

When I got to the Doctor's office, I was surprised to see that he had a guest, and it froze me in place.

"Hello Son." Carlisle said with a strange smile that was a mix of regret and sympathy. I hadn't seen any of the Cullens since I was brought here, and I never expected to again. They technically still had legal custody of me, but I figured I'd be stuck in this place until I was eighteen, then I'd either be transferred to an adult mental ward, or arrested for my earlier crimes. After what I did to his family, I would never blame Carlisle for not wanting anything to do with me, so him being here now just confused me even more.

"What are you doing here?" I asked slowly.

"You're my son, and I should have come sooner. I'm sorry for my absence Edward; there is nothing in this world that is a proper excuse for that. Esme wanted to be here too, but Eleazar thought it would be better if I came alone this first time." I just stared at Carlisle not really sure what to think of anything he was saying, but I didn't feel like talking enough to ask either, so I kept my mouth shut.

"Edward, please take a seat, we have much to discuss." Dr. Eleazar instructed me.

I sat silently, but had no intentions on discussing anything.

"Edward, I need you to tell us exactly what happened at the boy's home in Seattle. This is very important and what you say here tonight can help in the current investigation that's happening right now." Dr. El continued.

I just looked at him like he was crazy, so he explained. "That man who you claimed locked you in the closet for days at a time, well he was just found with a dead body of a ten year old boy locked in his bedroom closet. So the authorities decided to look further into your other claims, and they arrested the couple who you claimed sexually abused you, after finding child pornography tapes in their basement. So now they are looking into the boy's home but are having a difficult time finding proper evidence. You don't have to testify, but if you make a statement on this recorder that will definitely help."

I kind of tuned him out sometime in the middle of his explanation; I was actually really fucking pissed off at the whole situation. Everyone told me that I was a fucking liar and after a while, I believed them and convinced myself that I made the whole thing up, and now a kid was dead. I just shook my head in angry disbelief and for some reason, I looked over at Carlisle who had tears in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry Edward. You told me the truth when you first came to live with my family, and I completely dismissed you. If I had just trusted you, if I had even listened, then that boy would still be alive, and those other children that were abused could have possibly been saved as well. None of this had to happen, I should have gotten you the help that you needed a long time ago, this is my entire fault and I will understand completely if you can never forgive me. But if you let me, I want nothing more than to try to earn your trust, no matter how long it takes, I will always be here trying to be the father you needed me to be."

"This isn't your fault Carlisle." Dr. Eleazar said to him. "Aro, (the founder of the boy's home) hid the documents of Edward's foster homes well, and he was an old colleague of yours and you trusted him. Evil comes in all different faces, even ones who we once considered to be friends."

Carlisle shook his head. "I should have known." He said quietly. "I just should have known."

Apart from my obsession with Bella, I never felt anything, or cared about anyone at all since I forced myself to become numb years ago, but watching Carlisle beat himself up over something he had no control over, made me feel like shit.

"What happened to all of the kids after I forced social services to take them from you?" I asked him feeling even worse knowing I put the whole family through hell.

Carlisle looked at me like he was surprised that I was talking to him at all, but he sat up straight after being hunched over with self loathing, and answered me. "They are all back home with us, well not home, but with us just the same. Emmet, Rose and Jazz, all had enough credits to graduate early, and Bree and Alice have been homeschooled over the past few months. We've been living here in Alaska actually, Esme wanted to stay close by you just in case you needed anything. Edward, I was so angry at the drugs around the house, and the intrusion of the police and social services, that I started to resent you, but I swear on my father's soul, that I will never fail you again…Never." He looked deep into my eyes and pierced my stone barriers with his conviction.

"I'm…sorry too. I was always a jerk to you and your family, and what I did with the drugs was completely terrible." I couldn't believe that I was actually apologizing to him; that was definitely not something I ever expected myself to do. It was like the words were completely involuntary, but for some reason, they actually felt good coming out, like a much needed relief from a weight I was carrying for so long.

"Eleazar, do you mind if I talk to Edward for a few minutes alone please?" Carlisle asked him.

"Sure." Dr. El replied and left the room, shutting the door behind him.

"Edward, we are going to stay together as a family, no matter what, so I need you to be honest with me now. We would like to return to our home in Forks, I've already secured a wonderful doctor for you there who would be willing to see you as an outpatient, so that would mean that you could come home with us. But before we do that, I need to know what happened with you and Bella Swan. I will not return to living in Forks if I think that your vendetta with the Swans and Blacks is going to continue. Just tell me the truth, and I'll believe anything you say; I owe you that."

"And what if I say that I still want to make their lives hell?" I asked trying to test him.

Carlisle pressed his lips together and shook his head slightly before looking back at me again. "Then, we'll move away from Forks for good, and we'll start over together as a family somewhere else."

I huffed and tried to convince myself to keep my mouth shut, but for some reason this little bonding exercise was working and I found myself being an open book to him. Carlisle was one of the most compassionate people I had ever known, and maybe I just felt like I owed it to him to at least be straightforward this once. What did I have to lose anyway?

"It was just a scheme that I came up with to get back at them. I had been trying to come up with a plan, but I couldn't come up with anything bad enough, so when I got partnered with Bella in the art project, the plan became perfectly clear. I took her to the meadow thinking that it would lower her guard so I could seduce her, but…something changed. It worked, I probably could have had her that day, but it was like she saw through me somehow, and it scared the shit out of me."

I never admitted to being afraid of anything, apart from the loonies at the mental ward, so admitting how terrified Bella made me wasn't easy, in fact it made me feel sick but I continued anyway.

"Every time that I saw her in school, she just would look at me like she knew what a pansy I really was and for some reason, I became completely obsessed with her. It was like she knew some secret that I had, and I was constantly worried that she was going to expose me, even though I had no idea what she could possibly know about me.

When she kept showing up at the meadow, it was like everything there changed, like as if that damn meadow really was powerful in some way, and it kept our secrets locked away so no one else could find them. After a while, it was like I started living for those Fridays when we'd meet there, it was the only time I was sober anymore, and it was the only time I felt like a real person. I would forget about my hatred for her father and for that prick she was pretending to date, and all I thought about was her, constantly her, she was everything to me.

But then our relationship became more physical, and it was the first time that I ever really wanted to have sex before, and I wanted her all the time and I didn't care about anything else. She was like a drug to me, and not even real drugs could come anywhere near the high I got from her. But she kept asking me to be with her officially, like as her boyfriend or something, but I knew that could never happen."

"Why" Carlisle asked me suddenly, and I was so lost in the memory of Bella, that I actually forgot that I was telling him the story, it was more like I was just going over it in my own head or something.

"Because I wasn't good enough for her. As much as I hated that Black kid, he was so much better for her then I could ever be, and I thought that I would eventually force myself to let her go, and she could go back to her life before me. If everyone knew about us, then people would always look down on her and wonder what the hell was wrong with her for being with a fuck up like me.

But, then she told me that she loved me, and I knew that I had let it go on for too long. I needed to find a way to end it, but the idea of cutting myself off of her drug, was completely unmanageable. The thought of being without her made me want to fucking kill myself 'cause it hurt so bad. And then Rose found out, then the Black kid found out, and I started to panic. I could see her life be completely ruined from being with me, so I tried to pull away, but then she actually let me and she stopped texting me, and it scared the shit out of me again. I knew I needed to let her go, but I was too damn addicted to her, and too selfish to do it cleanly, so I started doing dope again and any other drug that I could get my hands on, to try to ease the separation that I knew was inevitable.

Then you caught on and told me that I needed to end it, and I just completely lost control of myself. I was so obsessed with her for so long, that I didn't know how to exist without her in my life anymore."

"Edward, again, I'm really sorry. I didn't know how you felt, I just read what you wrote in your journal, and I was worried about her. But I need to know son, when you OD'd that night…were you trying to kill yourself?" He asked me as his voice broke a few times, and he looked like he had tears in his eyes again.

I wasn't about to admit that, even if it was true, they'd never let me out of this place if they knew I was suicidal. It wasn't the first time that I tried to kill myself either, I guess I just wasn't very good at it. But it's not as if I was like that all the time, I just get these thoughts of worthlessness in my head, and even though they are completely accurate, it just consumes me sometimes. But that night, after I hurt Bella like that, I thought it was only just to send myself to hell where I belong. Now though, I think it would be more fair for me to wonder around this world in the agony of knowing what I did to her, before actually dying and going to hell. Death was too easy, and I wouldn't let myself off the hook so soon.

"Look, what I did to her, and what I did to you and your family, was pathetic and utterly ridiculous; I know that now. But I just don't understand why you'd want me coming back to live with you, whether you live in Forks or not." I told him, completely shying away from the attempted suicide topic.

"Because you are a part of our family, and it's not complete without you. You belong with us Edward, and you always will. Rose and Emmet are planning to attend Washington State in the fall, and are going to rent an apartment by campus. But Jasper doesn't want to be that far from Alice while she attends her senior year of high school, so he's just going to go to the JC nearby. But there isn't anything that I'd like more than for you and Alice to graduate together next year, and I really believe that Forks is still the place to do it. But if you don't want to go back there, then I completely understand and well find a new place to call home. Either way though, we need to get Bree and Alice back in school after summer is over."

"I turn eighteen next month, so there really isn't a point to me even going back for my senior year. I was already behind as it is, so graduating is just a lost cause."

"No Edward, it's not a lost cause. Carmen said that you've been doing amazingly here, and if you just take a placement exam, you can start over with a clean slate at school."

"School just isn't something for me." I told him while shaking my head.

"Fine, Esme will home school you and you can graduate remotely. Edward all you have to do is graduate, Carmen has already sent some tapes of your music to Julliard, and they want you to attend there next year." Carlisle said excitedly.

"Julliard School of the performing arts? Like in New York?" I asked a little shocked. Carlisle nodded with a proud smile. "But I don't want to live in New York" I said breaking his grin.

"You don't have to go to Julliard, but Edward you do have options. You are a highly intelligent young man; all you have to do is apply yourself." Carlisle tried convincing me.

"What's going to happen after I turn eighteen if I don't go with you? Are they going to send me to jail, or will they move me to a different mental hospital?" I asked.

He sighed. "Nothing. Those were minor crimes, and as long as you pass a mental evaluation by the board, you will be set free. But just because you are eighteen, that doesn't mean that you are ready to be out there on your own, please just think it through before you leave."

"I just think it would be best to do my own thing for a while, I'm just not ready to be back around… people again." I told him slowly.

"Edward…" Carlisle started shaking his head, but then nodded. "If you think that you need to be on your own, then I understand that. But I need you to know that your distance will never change anything. You will always be a part of our family, and we love you no matter what." The tears escaped down his cheeks, and he motioned to hug me, but then pulled back not wanting to push my boundaries.

"We will always be waiting for you to come home to us, so go out there and find what you're looking for, but always remember where you belong and where your family is." He put his hand on my shoulder, before looking at me in the eye one more time, and leaving. I knew it wouldn't be the last time that I saw him before I left, there was still a few more weeks until my birthday came and I was busted out of this place, so I was sure he'd be back to say goodbye.

I was relieved to know that I'd be set free after this, but I actually had no plans on ever going back to live with the Cullens. The truth was that I did believe everything Carlisle had told me, but I heard all of that family and trust stuff before, so I wasn't counting on his hospitality lasting, no matter his honest intentions.

I would wait out my time here at the mental facility, until June twentieth when I'd be officially an adult and free to only screw up my life for a change. I'd never again allow my fucked up ways hurt anyone else, so I'd leave as soon as possible and never look back.

***So what did you think Of Edward's POV? I plan to stick with him for a few more chapters, but we'll see how it goes. I'll probably update again tomorrow, I spent all of last week planning out this story so it's coming out quickly now, but like always, the more reviews, the faster I write. Thanks again.***


	16. Ch 15 Family

**Moon Scars**

A/N: Another quick update, I was at home sick today and I spent my time writing so I finished a few chapters ahead of my previous schedule. I'll post a chapter a day for a while and I know that's a lot to read so I understand completely if you can't keep up, but I just hate letting them sit on my computer. -_So I'm sure that this isn't the Chapter that everyone wanted to read about, but I just wasn't ready to bring Bella and Edward back together yet. Edward needs to heal a little and grow up a bit before he can be ready to return to the newly responsible and very grown up Bella. So this might be a little slow, but it's all necessary in the long run_.

Ch 15- _Family _

**The End of an Anchor- by Dashboard Confessions **

I was away for a while  
But I'm hoping someday you'll forgive me  
Though I don't deserve it  
I'll cherish it well if you give me one of your new starts

Just one more last chance  
I swear that I'll earn it  
If you front me for now  
I'm good for it I swear  
I'm better now I swear

In earlier days, they'd persecute people  
They'd carry them off, and hobble their legs  
For lesser offenses, and how I have harmed you  
And still you allow me to walk free of pain

Though I punish myself  
I will never settle  
The debts I've incurred for scorning the face  
Of absolute beauty, and measureless grace  
And though I once mocked you  
I'm dying to pay for it now

I wasn't well for a while  
I savored the things that I knew were sure to destroy me  
And that seemed to hold me  
That seemed to carry me where I couldn't go  
On the strength of my own  
Well, I should've known  
That gets me nowhere  
I've learned that now I swear

So hand me the rocks to help weigh me down  
And tether my legs with a cord tightly bound  
To the end of an anchor thrown into the sound  
And test me to see if I will rise against the worst that it can get

Well, I wasn't sure that I could  
But, I can

(EPOV)

….

Since discovering that I wasn't a complete liar all the time, Dr. Eleazar decided to focus my last few weeks of therapy on my past sexual abuse. He used all his wisdom in shrinkary to decide that was the cause of all my struggles that I needed to work through now, which was ridiculous nonsense. I was a fuck-up because I never tried hard enough not to be, and I wasn't about to blame things that happened years ago for my current behavior.

Carlisle showed up to 'visit' me every day, but what he was really doing, was trying to persuade me to go back to Washington with him. Esme came as well, but she wasn't allowed to sit in on any of my therapy sessions the way Carlisle did. He said he would leave if I wanted him to, but I really didn't care one way or the other besides, I think that Dr. Carlisle was having an informative time listening to Dr. Eleazar, and I wouldn't be surprised if Carlisle added psychology to his resume in the future.

"Yo Ed, you have a visitor." Garrett told me as I was sitting in the rec room playing cards with some strange fellow crazy loon.

"Who's here now, Carlisle already came today?" I asked not really expecting an answer.

"Uh, I think it's your mom." Garrett told me.

I thought it was strange that Esme would come in the middle of the day like this when she was usually with Bree, but I shrugged it off.

We walked into the visitor's room and I was confused when I didn't see Esme anywhere. "Where is she?" I asked Garrett semi-annoyed. I was finally beating that loon at the game of cards we were playing, and now it appears that I had to walk away for nothing.

"Edward?" Some woman's voice said, which was vaguely familiar to me but I couldn't quite place it. The woman stood and walked closer to me with a strange look on her face. I looked at Garrett confused as to why he thought this woman was Esme, and how she knew my name in the first place.

"Edward" She whispered this time and put her hands over her face trying to conceal her sobbing. What the hell was wrong with this woman? She was standing right in front of me now, and reached her arms towards me, so naturally I took a quick step back. I sure as hell didn't want some crazy woman hugging me.

"Edward, you don't recognize me do you?" She asked and I shook my head. "I'm your mother, Eddie." What the fuck? "I know I look different, but it's been a long time and… honey, it's really me." Then I understood. Garrett said my mother was here to visit me, and for some weird reason, I automatically thought he was talking about Esme. But now I realize that this strange woman with the crazy bleach blond hair and wacky hot pink lipstick, was in fact my mother.

She was much shorter than I remember, but I guess that would make sense because I was eight the last time I saw her, and she is definitely heavier than before. She wasn't fat at all, but before she was skin and bones and her face was hollow looking, so I guess under her strange fashion sense, she looked healthier. The only thing that I did recognize about her was her green eyes that were identical to mine.

"What do you want?" I asked coldly.

"I've been looking for you, trying to get any information that I could on you for years, but it's only now that you are almost eighteen that anyone would help me locate you. Your last name changed so the paperwork was all messed up." She said in a falsely caring tone.

"You didn't answer my question."

"Edward, I missed you. It's been ten years and there hasn't been a night when I haven't dreamed of this moment, prayed for it, imagined what you looked like all grown up into the beautiful man that I knew you would become. And just look at you, you are so handsome and…so very grown up." She started crying her crocodile tears, and I was just completely unsympathetic.

"Whatever. What the hell do you want?" I repeated, unwilling to pretend to be happy to see her after all this time.

"Baby, I am so sorry for everything that I've put you through, and I needed to apologize before it's too late. I need you to understand just how sorry I am, for absolutely everything. They said that you are free in a few days, so I was hoping that we could spend a little time together, maybe get to know each other again and reconnect."

"We never knew each other, you were always too drunk and stoned all the time to ever be coherent enough to get to know." And that's when it hit me, I was my mother. I became everything that I always hated about her, and the thought made me want to kick myself for ever being so stupid. Sure, I wasn't a prostitute, but I might as well have been. I fucked girls not for money, but for what I needed at the time just the same, punishment for my worthlessness.

I decided right then that I needed to fix my life, I didn't want to be like her, I didn't want Carlisle and Esme waiting for me to wise up and return, just as I had waited so long for my mother to come back to me. I didn't know why, but for some reason the Cullens thought of me as part of their family and I didn't want to keep their family broken any longer.

"Edward please…I'm sick, and we may never have this chance again." She told me desperately, and I knew from the tone to her voice, that she was finally being honest.

"Sick how?" I asked not really wanting an answer.

"Well it's no surprise to you that I wasn't always careful when it came to my job, I mean you were conceived during one of my irresponsible nights of work. Well somewhere along the way I contracted HIV, and I just don't want to waste anymore of my life not being with the people who mean the most to me."

I couldn't say that I was really surprised of her illness, but I also wasn't going to freak out about it either. She made her choices, and now she'll live and die from them.

"Look, people can live a long time nowadays with HIV, you just need the proper medications and to live a healthy life style. Maybe I can talk to my step father for you, he's a doctor so I'm sure he knows all the latest treatments …"

"Edward, you have a sister." She said suddenly. "She's sixteen and she's been living with her grandparents but they died so now she's with me. I'm all she has, and if something happens to me, then she'll be alone."

"Ok, back up. How the hell do I have a sister who is two years younger than me and not remember that?" I asked frustrated.

"You were too little to remember me being pregnant. I was working as a waitress back then, trying to stay clean so I could be a good mother to you. But I got mixed up with a guy that I worked with and got pregnant. He wasn't really father material, but his parents stepped up and tried to help me. After she was born, it just became too hard and I knew that I couldn't care for both of you so her grandparents took her and that's when I started becoming depressed again, and got back into drugs."

"So now that you have her again, you want me to get to know her so I can take care of her for you?" I guessed. It made sense that she would want to shove off her responsibilities anywhere she could, she was just that type of person.

"No Edward. I'm sick so I want you two to get to know each other, but I don't expect you to take care of her for me. I want the three of us to be a family, and stay together. I don't plan on dying anytime soon, but you need to meet each other just the same."

"I already have a family, so I don't need yours." I told her harshly

"Please, this isn't for me, you are all she has in the world, and she needs you."

"I need to think about it for a while. I get out of here in four days, so come back then and I'll let you know." I told her and got up to leave.

Of all the shit I had to deal with, I really didn't need her baggage on top of it. I really didn't know how to feel about this mystery sister that I had, and I had no idea what to do about anything. I wanted to go back with the Cullens, but at the same time, how could I turn my back on a sixteen year old kid that didn't have any other family except for a cracked out mother. I looked into the mirror in my room at the pathetic reflection of myself. If I didn't want to be like my mother, then I couldn't abandon my sister, but what about the Cullens? I just didn't know what to do and I knew that I needed to speak with Carlisle.

I took my meds that night as normal, but I spit out the sleeping pill when I was alone, I didn't want to sleep that night, I needed the extra time to think. I counted the hours until the time that I knew Carlisle would be coming to visit me, and for some reason, I was completely nervous when the time finally did come.

"What's wrong Edward?" Carlisle asked me after we greeted each other.

"I need to talk to you about something." I said with a shaky voice.

"You can tell me anything." He assured me.

"My mom came yesterday, and she wants me to stay with her for a while after I get out of here." I said quickly.

He took a deep breath, and thought for a moment before answering me. "I had a feeling that she would contact you one day. What do you want to do?" He asked full of concern.

"I don't know. I was actually warming up to the idea of going back to Washington with you, but I think I need to spend some time with my sister that I never knew I had."

Carlisle nodded his head. "Well you get out of here in three days, then you have two months before school starts, so maybe it's a good idea to spend the summer with them, then come back to Washington in August." He suggested.

"Ok." I said quietly and Carlisle looked like he couldn't have been happier. This was the first time that I actually agreed to him that I'd go back and finish high school, so he had a satisfied, almost proud look on his face.

On the morning that I turned eighteen, the staff threw me a little birthday slash farewell party and even though I'd never admit it out loud, I was actually going to miss some of the people here. The Doctor and his wife Carmen, and Garrett were all people that I felt privileged for meeting. I never really knew Kate very well or their other sister Irina, but Tanya was not someone that I'd miss.

"So here's my number, now that you're legal give me a call sometime. I will really rock your world." Tanya said as I was gathering my things. Then she walked closer to me and kissed me on the cheek, I wanted to vomit.

"Yeah sure." I told her then picked up the paper that she wrote her number on and tossed it on the floor right in front of her.

"Your loss." She said smugly then walked out of the room.

"Hey Ed, it's time." Garrett said and helped me carry some of my things to the hospital lobby. "I'm really going to miss you dude, it's been real." He said and offered his fist.

"Yeah, take care man." I said and bumped my fist to his.

"Well, you're all set, here are your papers." Doctor Eleazar said and handed me a folder. His wife started crying and said something in Spanish to me, before hugging me quickly.

A van pulled up outside and a couple of overzealous girls jumped out and ran over to hug me hello.

"Edward!" Alice and Bree yelled at the same time. They weren't allowed to visit me in the hospital because they were underage, so I hadn't seen them since leaving Forks. Emmet and Jazz were both eighteen already, so they came a few times to see me with Carlisle, but Rose never did, and I really couldn't have cared less.

After Alice and Bree let me go, Esme and Carlisle came to tentatively embrace me. They were always paranoid that a hug would invade my personal space, and in truth it did make me feel uncomfortable, but when it came to my step sisters, the only thing I felt when they hugged me was the need to gasp for air.

They brought me to the house that they had been living in, which now displayed a For Sale sign, because they were leaving the next day to return to Forks. It actually felt really good being with all of them, it was a strange sense of home, even though I never set foot in that house before. I guess it was ironic and only fair that I was finally starting to feel like part of the family just in time for me to leave with my biological mother and sister.

They threw their own little party for me, even though Alice went way overboard with the decorations, and we all just hung out until the doorbell rang, and the party was over. Carlisle gave me a reassuring smile before he went to answer the door to greet my mother.

"Ms Mason, I'm so happy to finally be meeting you. I'm Carlisle and this is my wife Esme. Please come in."

"Thanks so much, and please call me Lizzy. This is my daughter Vanessa." She said, and they walked in the room.

"Hi Vanessa, I'm Alice." Alice jumped up to shake her hand. Alice was always the first to introduce herself to anyone and Bree was usually right behind her, but this time Bree had a sullen look on her face and she refused to talk to them.

I stood up uneasily, and went to go meet my sister for the first time. My mother gave me a hug then pulled Vanessa in front of her so we could properly meet.

"Vanessa, this is your big brother Edward." She said with a smile.

"Hi" She said uncomfortably.

And I responded with an equally uncomfortable "Hi" right back. Vanessa was shy, but not overly so, but we just had no idea what to say to each other. She looked at me finally, and I noticed that she had the Mason green eyes, but her hair was a strawberry blond and it was long hanging past her lower back.

"Oh Bree, look how long Vanessa's hair is. I bet that would be a blast to braid." Alice said trying to engage the youngest Cullen.

"Her hair is too long, I like braiding Bella's hair." Bree responded full of attitude and I think I knew what was wrong with her.

I walked over to Bree and sat next to her on the floor where she was sulking.

"Hey, I'm not going to be gone forever." I said quietly to her. Bree was the only Cullen who never pissed me off during my stoned stupor days. We always had some kind of bond, and I knew that she was upset when I was arrested and taken away.

"But you have a new sister now, and you'll forget all about me." She said as she wiped away her tears.

"I could never forget you." I told her sincerely.

"But you have already been gone so long, and how do I know that you won't change your mind about coming home?" She asked.

"I promise that I will come home." I told her. "Remember last winter, I promised to buy you that turbo sled for Christmas this year?" She nodded. "Well, when have I ever broken a promise to you?"

"Never" She said then wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me as she cried.

"Hey, no more tears." I told her as I dried her face with my sleeve. "I'll be back before you know it." I smiled at her.

"We should probably be getting on the road." My mother said suddenly. I hugged everyone one last time and said goodbye, before climbing into my mother's run down old VW van.

I never expected saying goodbye to the Cullens would be that difficult. I was already away from them for months, but I guess I never really had a chance to say goodbye before, and that was a forced separation. This was different, I was choosing to leave now and I know it hurt their feelings. It didn't really matter to them how much of a fuck up that I was, they still wanted me around. Maybe they were all crazy after all.

"Please call us when you get to where ever you are going." Esme called after us. They wanted to get me a cell phone before I left so they could keep in touch, but time ran out so I told them I'd call them whenever I could.

It was strange how quickly life changes. I was born to a mother that had no business being a mother, and then I was raised in crappy situation after crappy situation, before being placed with an amazing family who cared about me despite how much I tried to hate them. Only now as I was leaving, did I realize how good I actually had it with the Cullens, and I was so lucky that they were willing to forgive me time after time.

I never cared enough before to try to be a productive member of their family, but now I was determined to return to them a better person. I guess the fact that I was now eighteen and they didn't have to legally be there for me but still wanted to, made me believe that I could truly give them something I never gave to anyone before, trust.

***The whole Edward/Bree part was to show Edwards softer side and that maybe fatherhood won't be completely difficult for him, and I hope that came through. There will be one more chapter of Edward being with his mother and sister before he returns to Forks, but the big reunion is coming and I already have the whole thing practically finished. There will be a couple more EPOV's, and then we will be back to Bella's POV. I know this chapter was kind of boring, but I'd really appreciate a review anyway. Thanks***


	17. Ch 16 Lost in the Vines

**Moon Scars**

Ch 16 – Lost in the Vines

…

(EPOV)

"Ok guys, so I have a favor to ask you." My mom said as we packed our stuff up for the day. We had been traveling around aimlessly for the whole summer, just staying at cheap hotel after cheap hotel and I was starting to catch on that she had no long term plans whatsoever.

"Ok, so what's the plan now?" Vanessa asked frustrated. It was obvious that she wasn't used to the circus lifestyle, her grandparents were the epitome of stability and being with our eccentric mother was a definite adjustment for her.

"What's wrong Van, I thought you enjoyed seeing the country like this, it's been fun so far right?" Lizzy asked her.

"No mom, this isn't fun. Where are we going to live, school starts in two weeks and I really don't want to start behind." Vanessa whined.

I looked over at Lizzy and it was clear that she was starting to stress out from the pressure. I knew that expression, it was one she always had when she was about to lose it completely.

"So what's your favor?" I asked quickly before she had a chance to blow up. I took it upon myself to mediate between Lizzy and Vanessa because they were always bickering. Lizzy wasn't a prostitute anymore and as far as I could tell she wasn't doing drugs either, but her personality quirks were still the same. She would get overstressed easily, and then explode lashing out at anyone in her path screaming how this wasn't the life she was supposed to be living, and then she would place blame on everyone but herself. I heard it all from her before, and I felt bad because Vanessa just wasn't accustomed to it yet and didn't know what buttons not to push and when to back down.

Lizzy took a deep breath and let her exploding mood pass before answering me. "I'd like Oregon to be our next stop."

"Why Oregon?" I asked.

"Well that's where I'm from. I left when I was seventeen and never had the guts to return, but now that I have you two, I feel strong enough to face it."

"Do you have any family there?" Vanessa asked hopefully. I could actually see the wheels in her head turning as she was coming up with a plan. I wasn't a mind reader or anything, but I just knew she was hoping that we had some relative there that would take her in and save her from a life with our mother.

"My father was there when I left, but that was so long ago that I just don't know anymore." Lizzy said full of regret.

"Can we try to look him up?" Vanessa said way too excitedly.

"Yes, actually that was one of the main reasons why I wanted to go back there."

"Is this like your bucket list or something?" I asked knowing that her illness was scaring the shit out of her.

"Not exactly, but I do feel the need to tie up loose ends. Now that I'm clean, I owe it to my father to try to reconnect with him. After my mother died, he became an alcoholic and like everything else in my life, it got out of hand and we had a huge blow-up. I ran away and I never stopped running, but I'm tired of running now and it's time for me to go home."

When my mother spoke of home, I was surprised as to what popped into my head; it was an image of Bella. I tried to keep my mind busy on other things, but at the end of the day, she was always there completely haunting me. The Cullens house in Forks was the closest thing that I ever had to a real home, but my secret make-believe relationship with Bella, was more real to me for the brief time that I was lucky enough to be with her, then anything else I ever experienced. Maybe I clouded my feelings for her with obsession, but either way I couldn't help longing through memories of times with her that would never be replicated.

I still planned on returning to Forks, but I hoped that Bella would have moved on by now, and wised up to wanting to be with a guy like me. No matter how much I was trying to be better than that loser strung-out jack ass that I was before, I would never be good enough for Bella Swan.

"Ok, so let's go to Oregon." I said trying to sound enthusiastic. I actually was somewhat excited because we had been traveling east, so at least now we'd be going back to the Pacific coast, which was just another step closer to Washington. I felt bad for my sister though, I had a family and a home waiting for me, but she had no idea where her future lied.

Three hotel stays later, and we finally pulled into Eugene Oregon. I vaguely wondered where Lizzy was getting money to pay for the rooms, and gas, and food, but I really didn't want to know, some things are better left not being said.

We checked into another cheap hotel in town, and Lizzy left us for a few hours so she could try to find out any information she could about her dad.

"Edward?" Vanessa asked while she was flipping through the channels on the TV.

"Yeah?" I looked up at her from the book I was reading.

"So, you're leaving us soon right?" She asked.

"Well, I told Carlisle that I'd be back to finish high school, so yeah."

"But what if Mom and I haven't gotten settled yet somewhere? Are you going to leave even though you won't know where we are?"

"I don't know but I need to get back to Washington; I haven't even talked to Carlisle since we left Alaska so I really need to reconnect with them."

"Why don't you just call them?"

"Well for one thing, it's too expensive to make long distant phone calls from these crappy hotel rooms, and I guess I could call collect, but I really just don't want to worry them about our lack of a decent place to live. I don't know, I guess I'm just a coward."

"I'm sure they are more worried not hearing from you, then they would be about us not having a place to live." For a sixteen year old, Vanessa was actually pretty mature.

"I'll get around to calling them soon, I mean it's almost time for me to go back anyway so maybe I'll just show up there."

"Edward, have you ever been in love?" She asked me suddenly.

"Why, have you?" I asked kind of amused.

"No, and I've never had a boyfriend before either. I never even kissed anyone before, is that like completely pathetic?"

"It's not pathetic, you're only sixteen, what's the rush?"

"I guess with my grandparents dying so close together, and with Lizzy being sick, I just feel like life is too short and I'm getting older every day. Who knows, tomorrow I could get hit by a bus and die never knowing what it feels like to be with someone."

"Hit by a bus?" I couldn't help but laugh at her.

"It's not funny, I had a friend who was hit by a bus."

"Ok, sorry, not funny. But you really can't live your life being afraid of getting killed like that. Life is actually pretty long and you have a long time to find someone, so don't rush into it."

"But I don't want to find just anyone, and I don't want to have a bunch of meaningless relationships, I want to find The One, like my soul mate. Do you believe in soul mates?"

"No. In fact, I don't really believe in love at all. I think it's just a chemical reaction in our brains that makes us stupidly think we belong with someone. It's just a way to continue the human race and to keep us from killing each other."

"Wow, cynic much? Who broke your heart?" Vanessa asked me.

"No one, but I've been around enough to know that the whole 'love concurs all' thing doesn't happen because if it did, the world wouldn't be as shitty as it is. Even if love was real, it doesn't last forever, life always finds a way to bust in and tear people apart."

"So tell me about her." Van said.

"Who?" I asked her confused.

"The girl who you are in love with. I mean come on, it's so obvious."

"I'm not in love with anyone; I just told you that I don't believe in love." I said annoyed.

"No I heard you, but I also heard the pain behind your words. And I also hear you at night when you sleep '_oh Bella, I'm so sorry please forgive me, I need you_'." She said trying to impersonate my voice.

"You don't know what the hell you're talking about." I said bitterly.

"Really, so this isn't Bella?" She asked and pulled out my notebook full of sketches. She started flipping through the pages before I grabbed the book from her.

"Where the hell are your boundaries, this is private."

"Hey, I really don't want to know what you do in private while looking at those." She teased. _Ok so I take back the thought of Vanessa being mature. Little twit._

I ignored her trying to control my temper, but she continued. "So how long did you date her? Where did you meet? Where is she now? Are you going to be with her again when you go back to Washington? Did you guys have sex?"

"What the hell is your issue really? Why don't you just mind your own business and leave me alone." I grabbed the notebook and took it outside and threw it in the dumpster, before sulking back into the room and putting on my headphones trying to drown out the thoughts that were sure to intrude my mind after all of Vanessa's invasive questioning.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to upset you." I heard her say, so I cranked up the volume even louder.

I never set out to sketch Bella, it always just happened. Sometimes when I closed my eyes, her face was so clear in the darkness that it seemed to be burned into the retinas of my eyes. Then other times, I feel like I can't bring her image to mind, and for some reason it scares the shit out of me so I find myself involuntarily drawing her to relieve the pain of her absence.

I've known recovering drug addicts who say that the desire for their addictions never fully went away, but over time they learned to manage the cravings. I guess that's how it was with my addiction as well; I just hope that I was able to handle my cravings for _her_ when I was at the same school again. I'm sure it will be like a sober alcoholic working as a bar tender, but I have to try, I owe it to the Cullens to at least try.

Another two hours went by and I was starting to think that maybe Lizzy ditched us completely, when she finally came back.

"I found him." Lizzy said excitedly. "He lives just outside of town…come on get ready, what are you two waiting for?"

Van and I both stopped what we were doing to get ready to meet our grandfather; she was a little more excited than I was. I mean how happy is this guy going to be after finding out that his daughter was a prostitute and a drug addict, who not only got pregnant by one of her disgusting clients but also contracted HIV. Yeah, he's going to be thrilled, I can't wait.

We pilled in the little piece of junk that Lizzy bought after we flew out of Alaska; I actually missed the VW and wish we didn't have to leave it behind.

It didn't take long to arrive at a strange metal gate with a huge M on it. Vanessa and I both looked at each other confused so Lizzy decided to explain.

"This winery has been in my family for generations, but we went bankrupt and lost it. I guess my father was able to buy it back somehow; isn't it beautiful? This is my home, where all of my fondest childhood memories took place."

Lizzy got out of the car and pushed the gate open, and I was surprised that the massive thing wasn't locked. She got back in the car and drove up the long road that cut through vast rows of green vines adorned with plump red grapes, which led to a big Victorian style home.

After she parked in front of the house, we all got out and were greeted by a barking German Sheppard. I immediately started looking for a rock or a stick to throw at the thing, in case it tried to attack us. I hated dogs, I was bit by one when I was younger, and I never got over my grudge against the species. And this particular dog reminded me of those fucking wolves that had Bella cornered at the meadow that one day. I almost wanted to hit it just out of my anger towards the wolves, whether it attacked us or not.

"Hey puppy, you are a pretty boy aren't you?" Vanessa said in a weird gooie baby voice. Apparently she did like dogs, and this particular dog really liked her too. At least I didn't have to worry about the damn thing trying to bite us.

"Hey, what are you people doing here? This is a private residence; we're not open for any wine tastings." A woman said as she came out of the house.

"Uh, actually, I'm here to see my father Anthony." Lizzy said. Well now I know where I got my middle name.

"You're Tony's daughter?" The woman asked skeptically.

"Yes, my name is Elizabeth Mason." Lizzy said annoyed with the woman for doubting her.

"Lizzy had reddish hair, not blond. It was more like the color of his." The woman said pointing to me.

"Yes, it's called hair bleach." Lizzy said smugly.

"And who are they?" The woman asked her referring to Van and me.

"These are my kids; can you please just tell my father that I'm here?"

The woman huffed then went inside for a few minutes before an older looking man appeared in the doorway.

"Daddy?" Lizzy said quietly.

"Lizzy? Is it really you?" He asked in a raspy cracked voice.

"Daddy." Lizzy repeated and ran to the door practically jumping into his arms.

They held each other for a while and both cried. Vanessa had tears of her own as we watched them embrace, but all I could think about was how disappointed and sickened he was going to be when he learns what she had been doing the whole time she was away. I was confident that after he learns the truth about her life style, illness, and bastard kids, that he would throw us all out and warn us to never come back.

"Dad, these are my kids, Edward and Vanessa." She introduced us, and the old man came and hugged us both as his tears kept flowing. I really hated people hugging me, especially strangers that smell like mothballs and peppermint, but I didn't really have an opportunity to protest.

After he greeted us and I got a closer look at him, I noticed that I actually looked a lot like him. He was tall and thin but even at his age, he was still solid looking. His eyes were green like ours and his hair was a reddish color that was mixed with chunks of grey.

We all went inside the house where he offered us coffee and asked about our lives. I cringed when Lizzy reluctantly told him her story. Anthony sat there in shock as he listened to his daughter's disgusting life, and I waited for him to blow up and kick us out, but he never did. He looked heartbroken and disappointed, but never angry; in fact he actually blamed himself for her horrible life.

Anthony insisted on us staying with him at his house, so we went back to the hotel and got our things. It didn't take long for me to realize that he was a very lonely man with a lifetime of regrets, and I felt really sorry for him. He had people around the property all the time to help him take care of the winery, but they were all just employees and a few friends, and he longed for a family for so long.

After having yet another horrible dream about Bella, I got out of bed in the middle of the night and went down stairs to the kitchen. Damn I missed the sleeping pills they gave me in the mental hospital.

"Can't sleep?" I was surprised to see Anthony sitting at the table reading a newspaper.

"Nope. You either?" I asked him.

"I never sleep all night anymore, too many bad memories to haunt my nightmares." He told me, I guess we were more alike than just in appearance.

He gestured for me to sit next to him, so I did but then he got up.

"I find that _Cocoa Puffs_ help sometimes." He said and poured me a bowl of the chocolate cereal.

"Uh, thanks." I said uneasily. It was actually my favorite cereal, which was just strange.

He poured himself a bowl too and we ate in awkward silence for a few minutes, and I could tell that he had something he wanted to say to me, so I waited for him to spit it out.

"Edward, your mother told me that you were in a mental hospital for a while." He said finally; here we go.

"Yep" I said shortly.

"How are you doing now?" He asked.

"Just peachy." I said rudely back. I didn't mean to be so rude, but I had conversations like this so many times and it always ended badly.

"Edward, what are your plans for the future? Lizzy said that you want to go back with your adoptive family in Washington to finish school?"

"Yep"

"But what about after that? Do you have a college in mind, or is there something else you wish to do?"

I had a feeling he wasn't going to give up very easy, so I decided to humor him a bit.

"I haven't really thought past high school. I guess if I can straighten out my grades and get a decent score on my SAT's it would be nice to go to college. Who knows maybe I'll go to New York."

"Really? What's in New York?" He asked.

"I have a spot at Julliard waiting for me if I want it, but I haven't decided yet."

"Julliard." He said incredulously. "Your mother wanted to go there when she was in high school."

"Really? Cool." I said shrugging not really caring at all. I actually had no desire to go to Julliard, but I thought it would get him off my back.

"Look Edward, I'm not getting any younger and I lost this winery once already. It's been in my family for generations and I'd like nothing more than for you to take it over in the future."

I looked over at him like he was crazy. I just met this guy a few hours ago, and now he was offering me his family business? I guess craziness does run in the blood.

"I know it's a lot to think about, but it's yours if you want it, of course I hope you allow your sister to be a part of it too."

He was right, it was a lot to think about and so I did. Stressing over something like that though, was a welcome break from my continued obsession with Bella, so I was grateful for it.

We spent the next week getting to know each other and as I was preparing to get ready to leave for Washington, fate stepped in and halted my plans. Anthony suffered a heart attack, and while recovering in the hospital, he asked me not to leave.

I thought about calling Carlisle, but every time I picked up the phone and started dialing the number, something always stopped me. Maybe I was too much of a coward to tell him that I wasn't coming after all, or maybe I was worried that if I talked to him, that I'd want to go home even more and I just couldn't right now.

Weeks turned into months and before I knew it, I was chasing a damn turkey around the yard to try to catch it for Thanksgiving dinner. I just didn't get it. Why the hell couldn't we just buy a frozen turkey at the store? But Anthony insisted that killing our own bird was healthier and more satisfying.

After Anthony recovered from his ordeal, he started teaching me all the ins and outs of running a winery. I learned about the grapes, and how to prepare them for the incoming frost, as well as the process to harvest the grapes and ferment them into wine.

I had a lot of fun with Anthony, and the wine business was actually fascinating to me. I could see why he loved it so much, and I knew I could easily get lost here and forget about my life before. But with the frost, also came the realization that I was about to break my promise to Bree.

"Anthony, I need to go back to Washington." I told him one particularly cold evening. Lizzy was sitting nearby and looked at me with hurt in her eyes.

"Why Edward, I thought you were happy here?" She asked me.

"I am, but I made promises that I have to keep. I never even finished high school, and I can't just forget about that." I told her.

"The school year is already half over." Vanessa chimed in.

Both Vanessa and I had been doing an online school, so I wasn't too worried about being behind but it wasn't the same as an actual high school.

"Yeah well, that doesn't change anything, I still have to go back." I told them.

"Will you come back?" Vanessa asked me quietly.

"Yeah, I'll come back. Maybe I'll cove visit during spring break." I told them making sure that I said 'maybe', because it seemed like promises were just too hard to keep.

"And what will you do if they don't let you finish school there? Maybe your internet courses won't transfer to the high school." Lizzy asked.

"I don't know. But I can't keep breaking promises." I said quietly.

"Edward, that school isn't healthy for you. Remember how you ended up in the mental hospital? You have been doing so well here, just stay… please." Lizzy was sounding desperate now. I never knew me being here was that important to her.

"I can't. But it's only like six more months before its summer again, and then I'll come back." I told her. I felt like a child being torn between two divorced parents. As much as it was hard to admit, I did feel like I belonged here with them, but at the same time I belonged with the Cullens too. I hated feeling so confused, and I actually think that it was better when no one wanted me, then having two families and being pulled in both directions.

But it wasn't just Bree and the rest of the Cullens that I needed to get back to; I needed to see Bella too. I needed to know that I didn't destroy her life and that she was happy now. And I also needed to test myself around her. I wanted to let her go, I wanted to prove to myself that I wasn't a slave to my obsession with her, and only then will I know that I can truly be better.

I packed some clothes even though I really didn't need them, because I was sure Alice would be appalled when she saw all my T-shirts and ripped jeans, and she'd buy me a whole new wardrobe. She was just like that. I actually smiled while I was thinking about my compulsive step sister, I didn't realize until that moment just how much I really missed all of them.

"Now son, I want you to take this time and really consider what you want to do with your life. This winery will always be here for you, but if you want to go to Julliard or any other college, then do that first. Don't waste your life not being fulfilled, but above everything else, take time to find love. I lost my wife and there were times that I wished that I never had her at all just so I'd never have to feel that pain, but looking back at my life, _She_ made it really worth living." My grandfather hugged me again and I didn't even feel the need to protest. I guess after being subjected to so many freaking hugs, I kind of got used to it.

My sister hugged me next and of course, cried. Damn why was everyone always crying all the time, I hadn't cried since I was a kid and never planned to again.

"Are you going to be ok here?" I asked her as she sobbed. She nodded slightly, unable to speak through her cries. "Ok, you have the Cullen's phone number right? Call me if you need anything." I told her as she hugged me again.

I hugged Lizzy last. "Please don't go Eddie?" She asked one more time.

"It'll be ok mom." I tried assuring her, but she just shook her head then let me go before retreating up the stairs.

One of the guys, who worked at the winery, gave me a ride in his truck to the airport. It wasn't a long flight from Oregon to Washington, but it was long enough to make my stomach churn from the anticipation.

I had no idea what the Cullens' reaction to me would be after so long. They expected me to be there in August, but here it was the middle of December and I was just getting there. More than anything though, I just didn't want to see that disappointed look on Carlisle's face, like the one he had when he read my journal and found out about my desire to hurt the Swan's and Black's. I hated that look, and I really wanted to never be the cause for Carlisle's disappointment again.

***Ok, so next chapter will be the ExB reunion. Thanks for reading and ****Please Review*******


	18. Ch 17 Coming Home

**Moon Scars**

A/N: Ok so I decided to publish this tonight instead of tomorrow because Friday's can be a little hectic. I hope you like it.

Ch 17- _Coming Home_

…..

**I Was Broken – by Robert Pattinson**

I was broke  
I was tied but now unbound  
My head is off the ground  
For a long time I was so weary  
Tired of the sound, I've heard before  
The gnawing of the night time at the door  
Haunted by the things I've made  
Stuck between the burning light and the dusty shade

Said I used to think the past was dead and gone  
But I was wrong, so wrong  
Whatever makes you blind must make you strong, make you strong  
In my time I've melted into many forms  
From the day that I was born, I know that there is no place to hide  
Stuck between the burning shade and the fading light

I was broken for a long time  
But it's over now  
Said I was broken for a long time  
But it's over now

Yes and you,  
yeah well you walk these lonely streets that people send, people send  
There are some wounds that just can't mend  
And I do pretend  
Now I'm free from all the things that take my friends  
And I will stand here till the end  
Now I know I can take the moon  
Stuck between the burning shade and the faded light

And I was broken for a long time  
But it's over now, it's over now

…..

(EPOV)

When I arrived in Seattle, it was pretty late at night, so there weren't any busses to Forks until the early morning. I rented a hotel room for the night, but of course I couldn't sleep, so I walked to the store around the block, which luckily was open for 24 hours. Even though it wasn't Christmas yet, I thought this would be the perfect time to buy the turbo sled that I promised Bree, and they had them on sale ten percent off. I considered the fact that I'd have to carry the thing on the bus the next day, but I really didn't care, it was worth it.

The first bus to Forks was at five in the morning, which I didn't mind, it's not like I was sleeping anyway. I wrestled the sled to my seat, and was grateful that the bus wasn't full so I wouldn't have to have the thing on my lap the whole way. After about a three hour horrific ride, I finally got off that disgusting bus at the Forks central station. I hired one of the only cabs in town to drive me out to the Cullen house, which they charged extra for because it was out in the woods, but I knew no one would be home because it was a Monday, so I dropped off the sled in the back, and hopped back into the cab to have it take me to the school.

I was eighteen so I didn't need Carlisle to sign me back up for classes, and I had all my paperwork and transfer papers from the online school, so that was all that I needed to enroll. By the time I got there, it was already ten O'clock, so I didn't expect to start classes that day, but the office lady told me that I should, so I did.

I actually hated being back at that hell of a school, I felt strange and awkward, as if I was a completely different person then the last time I was there, and I guess that I was.

It was first break, so the halls and courtyard were full of students lounging around and snacking. I looked around and was surprised at how many faces I didn't recognize. I didn't know if they were all just freshmen, or was I too stoned before and now seeing them with a clearer head?

"Oh my god, look what the snow dragged in." I knew who that was, and I was already regretting my decision to come back here. I turned to see Lauren standing there with her arms crossed and a smug expression on her face.

"Snow doesn't 'drag' things in Lauren, you got the phrase wrong." I said annoyed and walked away.

I really had to fight the urge to flee, so I went inside the building by my first class to wait for the break to be over. I was just about to turn the corner down the hall, when I backed up immediately and froze. Bella was sitting against the wall with that Black prick, and they were giggling about something. I stayed hidden around the corner, but their flirtatious banter was making me sick, so I started to retreat when finally the bell rang to relieve me.

I don't know why I was so upset, this is what I wanted, I wanted her to go back to him, but I couldn't stop the jealous feelings and the desire to beat the shit out of Black. I tried to remember the exercises that Dr. Eleazar taught me to stop the obsessive thoughts, but I was having a very difficult time with it.

I went to the bathroom to splash water on my face, before heading back to where my class was. I didn't really expect the water to help, but it actually did calm me a little. Since being clean off of all the drugs, I haven't wanted to get high as badly as I did in that moment. But I fought through the craving and, hurried to my class before the tardy bell could ring, and handed the teacher my referral slip.

"Well, well, Mr. Cullen, I had no idea you planned on returning to Forks High." The teacher said as he looked over my slip. I never had this guy as my teacher before, but I did spend several detentions with him, so I'm sure he hated having me in his class.

"Please go take a seat in the last desk on the left." He instructed. I turned around to follow his directions, and my eyes locked on the one person who I hated most in this fucking school.

Jacob Black was sitting there with a dumbass expression on his face that was a mix of shock and anger as he looked at me.

I bit the inside of my lip so hard that I could taste the blood as it washed into my mouth. It took all of my will power to restrain myself from punching him, just to get that repulsive expression off of his face. I sat three rows away from him, but his mere presence in the room made it completely impossible to concentrate.

And the worst part was the fact that I could see him out of the corner of my eye as he kept looking over at me. I hated everything about the guy; I hated his smugness, his attitude, his jock mentality and his nice guy personality. I even hated the way he smelled, it was more repulsive then a wet dog. But as much as I hated who he was, I still hated myself more and the fact that he was so much better than me at everything.

The class couldn't have ended sooner, and I raced out as quickly as possible. I didn't have time to lose it because my next class started right away, so I bottled up my rage, and rebuilt that wall that Dr. Eleazar worked so hard to bring down. After forcing myself back into that internal black hole, the numbness that accompanied it made the rest of the day more bearable. I just shut myself off and tried to move around the campus undetected.

At lunch time, I went and hid in my car until the next class started. I wondered where Alice was though, I always thought she had a sixth sense or something because she always knew when I was upset and would come find me, even if I didn't want to be found. But she was nowhere in sight, and I wasn't sure if I was happy about that, or if I really wish she would come. I wondered who she was spending her time with now that Jasper and the others graduated, but Alice was so friendly that I'm sure she didn't have any problems making new friends.

Several girls that I used to mess around with, tried talking to me as I passed them by in the hall between classes but I ignored them. A few guys who I used to party with tried to greet me too, but I didn't want to speak to them either. I wasn't here to socialize; I was only here to get school over with. Practically everyone looked at me and stared, but I didn't care anymore because I was protected behind my internal wall.

I finished the day and headed out to the parking lot, forgetting that I didn't have my car. I looked around for Alice's car but I didn't see it anywhere. I did see Bella's old truck however, and knew I had to get out of their before she showed up.

I started walking down the street, not really sure where I was going because the Cullen house was way too far to walk to, when the familiar purr of a car's engine pulled up behind me. I turned around and saw Carlisle getting out of his Mercedes. I didn't know how he found out that I was in town, but I really didn't care in the moment either. He smiled at me and jerked his head to the side motioning for me to get in the car. I walked back and stood in front of him for a moment.

"Welcome home son." He said and put his hand on my shoulder, so I hugged him. I still hated hugging but I figured that I had been forced into them for months by Anthony, so I might as well hug Carlisle too.

We got in the car and he started driving towards the house.

I was expecting Carlisle to give me the third degree as to where I had been all this time, but he waited for me to explain.

"I'm sorry it took so long for me to get back here." I told him. "I just sort of got hung up." I said not thinking of a better explanation.

"You're here now, and that's all that matters." Carlisle said in a strange tone.

"How did you know where I was?" I asked finally.

"Alice called and said that you were at the school."

"I never even saw Alice." I said confused.

"No, she said that she didn't see you, but a couple of her friends did and told her."

"So, how is everyone?" I asked trying to break the tension in the car.

"Well things are definitely different." He said strangely. "But good."

"How so?" I asked. I knew that Emmet and Rose didn't live there anymore, but it seemed like there was something else that I didn't know.

"It's not really my place to tell you, so you'll find out soon enough. How is your mother?" He asked changing the subject. I was confused but shrugged it off.

"Uh, good I guess. We were living in Oregon with her father on his vineyard, and I would have been back sooner, but he had a heart attack and asked that I stay there to help with everything until he got better." I explained.

"I really wish you would have called, there are things that you should have known but we had no way to contact you." He said cryptically, which was completely irritating.

We pulled up to the house, and Bree came running out with a huge smile on her face.

"Edward!" She yelled and leaped into my waiting arms.

"Hey munchkin, god look how big you are." I said as she giggled. "See I told you I'd be back before Christmas." I told her as I spun her around.

I looked up at the porch and saw Esme standing there crying. God, more tears.

I walked over to her and hugged her, and she returned the hug tightly then pulled back and squeezed my face in her hand. "I missed you so much. Don't ever go that long without calling me again." She sweetly scolded me. She glanced at Carlisle and I followed her glance and saw that he was shaking his head at her. What the hell was going on?

"Come on, let's get inside where it's warm." She said then wrapped her arm around me leading me in the house. "You must be starving, I'll put something together for you. Carlisle will you help me in the kitchen?" It was obvious that Esme wanted to speak to Carlisle alone about this big secret that Carlisle couldn't tell me, I just wish they would drop the act and be honest.

"Edward guess what." Bree said excitedly.

"What?" I asked her with a smile trying to forget about Carlisle and Esme's strange behavior.

"We have a baby."

"A baby?" I asked confused and that's when I noticed the baby swing in the corner and the monitor in the end table.

"Yeah, she's so cute too. Do you hear her sleeping?" Bree picked up the monitor and held it up to my ear. Sure enough, there were tiny breathing noises coming from the speaker.

I knew that Esme and Carlisle always wanted a baby, but they decided on adopting older kids instead because there weren't as many people willing to, and babies found homes easily. But I was happy that they finally decided to adopt a baby, they deserved to raise someone from the beginning.

"Bree, go upstairs and finish your homework." Carlisle said as he came into the room quickly.

"No, I want to show Edward the baby."

"Bree." He said sternly to her.

"Yes daddy." She said then ran up the stairs. It only took a minute for Bree's little voice to come onto the baby monitor as she sang and cooed to her. Carlisle rolled his eyes then took off after her.

"Bree, homework." I heard Carlisle whisper though the monitor.

"Ok, sorry" She whispered back, then Carlisle came back down the stairs.

"So finally adopted a baby huh, that's really cool." I told him.

"No, not exactly." He said but then we both heard the loud rumble of a truck pulling up out front. I knew that sound and my gut did flips as a response.

I looked out the window and saw Bella's truck parked there, and Alice jumping out of the passenger door. Ok, as if it wasn't hard enough seeing Bella briefly at school, now she was invading my space at home too. Alice linked her arm to Bella's and was smiling and saying something to her, but Bella just looked nervous and the two of them walked up to the house like they were best friends.

God she was beautiful.

Alice opened the door and walked in with Bella. Alice immediately started squealing and ran over to give me a hug, but my eyes never left Bella and I could actually feel my stomach in my throat. Bella smiled at me tentatively, then flashed a similar look to Carlisle that Esme did when I first got there, and again Carlisle shook his head.

"Uh, let's give them some time to talk" Carlisle said and grabbed Alice by the hand to pull her with him but before they could leave, the sound of the baby crying came from the monitor.

"I got her." Esme said and quickly ran upstairs while Carlisle continued to pull the exuberant Alice out of the room.

As much as I was glad that they left before seeing me completely lose it from being alone with Bella, I really wish they would have stayed so I tried harder to maintain control.

"What are you doing here?" I asked her after a few more silent moments.

"I uh, sort of live here now." She said quietly.

"Why?" I asked confused.

"Um, my dad and I sort of had a falling out. How have you been? Carlisle said that you've been with your mother?" She asked trying to be casual while changing the subject.

"Bella?" I said ignoring her question. Her name felt so strange coming out of my mouth and the fact that I was in the same room with her after obsessing about her for so long, was completely surreal. "Why are you living with the Cullens?" I asked her not willing to let her dodge the question.

Just then the front door opened and Jasper walked in. "Hey little brother, this is a surprise. It's good to see you man." Jasper greeted me then looked back and forth between Bella and me. "And I have horrible timing, sorry."

"It's ok." Bella said, but then grabbed my hand and pulled me up the stairs. All I could think of is how amazing her hand felt around mine and the urge to grab her and hold her against me was stronger than ever.

"Where are we going?" I asked her but not really caring. She was actually there and holding my hand, so I didn't care where we were going as long as she didn't let go. She brought me to my old room and opened the door, then pulled me inside and shut it behind us.

"Edward, you've been gone for so long, and so much has happened." I was so focused on the way her mouth was moving, that it took me a moment to notice the twin bed in the room and the freaking crib against the far wall. What the hell?

She saw how I was looking at the room, so she explained before I had a chance to ask. "Your couch is still here." She pointed out. "Rose and Emmet moved out, so Jasper has a room to himself, and Alice moved to Bree's room and we weren't sure how long you were going to be gone for so Esme and Carlisle said I could stay in here."

"With the baby?" I asked even more confused.

"Yeah…she's mine." She said slowly.

"She's your what?" I asked refusing to believe the obvious.

"She's my baby. Esme watches her during the day while I'm at school and work." We just stared at each other completely locked in the unbelievable reality of the moment.

There was a soft knocking at the door, followed by Esme peaking in. "I'm so sorry Bella, but I can't get her to take her medicine. She keeps spitting it back out."

"Oh, yeah, you have to get it in the back of her cheek, here I'll take care of it." Then Esme handed Bella the baby.

I felt like I was hearing everything from under water, all the sounds, especially their voices were so fuzzy and distant sounding as I really started understanding what was happening. I was so fucking angry at the situation. How stupid was I for ever thinking that even a few times having sex without protection was Ok? I just spent months with a mother who fucked around without protection and here I was making her same mistakes and now I screwed up Bella's life forever too.

The overwhelming desire to kill myself started creeping back into my mind, but like before I pushed the feelings away knowing death was too easy of an escape for what I did.

"There we go." Bella said as she finished putting something in the baby's mouth. "She just got her first cold and it turned into an ear infection, so she needs antibiotics but she absolutely hates it." Bella explained. "Edward, are you Ok?" She asked suddenly.

I had no idea what kind of expression was on my face, but I had a feeling that it wasn't a good one. I felt like I was going to be sick, Carlisle was wrong before when he said that things were 'different', because everything was far worse than 'different'.

"I'm sorry, I know that this must be hard for you. I had nine months to prepare for her but I'm kind of thrusting this on you."

The baby coughed a little and the sound made my heart leap out of my chest, causing me to actually look at her for the first time. She was dressed in a little frilly pink thing with a matching hat, and she was so freaking tiny. Bella saw that I was looking at her, so she turned her around and came closer to me so I could see her better.

"She looks like you, everyone says it." Bella said, and she was right; the baby had my face. Bella pulled off the hat that the baby was wearing, exposing a full head of curly bronze colored hair, just like mine.

My first thought was that I absolutely hated her, as if it was the baby's fault that she was born and ruined Bella's life. I hated myself for her existence, and she not only had my disgusting blood running through her, but she also had my horrible face and hair.

But then she looked at me, and smiled and everything changed. Her eyes were an exact copy of Bella's and there was no way I could ever hate anything that looked like her. At that moment I didn't see her as my horrible mistake anymore, but as something truly amazing that came from Bella.

"Her name is Carlie Cullen. Carlie is sort of a combination of Carlisle and Charlie's names, I just looked at her when she was born and knew that is what her name had to be. Here, hold her for a minute while I go get something."

"No, no, no, I don't know how…" I protested but Bella didn't give me a choice and put her in my arms before running out of the room.

Carlie just looked up at me and we stared at each other until Bella came back. I was still in shock from it all and had no idea what to think or feel as I held my daughter in my arms for the first time. _My Daughter, jeesh._

This year definitely had to go down in the history of all time strange years. I started out as a loner fuck up, then I was arrested and sent to a mental hospital. Next, my long lost mom comes and tells me about this surprise sister, then I meet my grandfather and inherit a vineyard, all the while I continued to be completely obsessed with Bella, now this.

One of my main purposes for coming back to Forks, was to try to let Bella go and get her out of my system. But now we were completely connected for life, and nothing I could do will ever change that.

When Bella came back, she had her back pack with her. She reached inside and pulled out a camera.

"Are you seriously going to take a picture of me?" I asked her slightly annoyed.

"Yes I am. I want to take the picture to remember the first time you held her." She held the camera up to her face, but then dropped it again. "Edward, can you at least try to look happy?" She said with a scolding tone.

"Uh…?" I didn't know how to smile in that moment, I didn't even know how to move in that moment. I looked down at Carlie again and got completely lost as I looked into the depths of her eyes.

Snap. "That was perfect." Bella said smiling.

"So, how did you come to living here?" I asked finally finding my brain.

"Well my dad didn't want me keeping her, so I had to find a different place to live. I stayed with my mom all summer and planned on living with her at least until I graduated, but then her husband got a job playing baseball for a minor league team in Phoenix. She was going to stay with me, but then the Cullens came back to town at the end of June, and I ran into Alice who told Carlisle about me being pregnant, so they suggested that I stay with them here. Carlie was born on September tenth, three days before I turned eighteen, and we've been living here together ever since. They actually completely saved me because I had no way to pay for day care and support her while going to school. They let me live here and Esme takes care of her for free during the day. I work part time, but they have been buying most everything that she needs, I'm so lucky and grateful to have them. I feel like I'm taking advantage of them though, but they keep insisting that they are happy to have us here."

I really didn't know what to say. I was so thankful to Carlisle and Esme for taking in Bella like that, and I knew that I'd never be able to repay them. It just further proved how amazing they were and how much of an idiot I was for ever being rude to them.

"Edward look, no one knows about this at school. I mean, everyone knows that I had a baby because I was huge earlier in the school year, but they don't know that she's yours. Jake and Alice are the only ones who knows the truth there, and I'm Ok if you want it to stay that way." She told me, and I just looked at her for a moment trying to understand that she was saying.

"I choose to have her, so I want you to have that same choice. Just because we're here, that doesn't mean that you have to be a part of this if you don't want to be. No one even knows that I live here, so it's up to you."

"Bella…"

"You don't have to decide right now." She said quickly. "You just got back, so think about it for a while."

I shook my head. "There's nothing to think about; I'm her father and I always will be, it's not a choice, just a fact."

Bella's face completely relaxed and I could actually feel the stress fade off of her, and be replaced by relief.

We spent another couple of hours together just talking about the baby and everything else. Bella tried filling me in on everything that I missed, and for the first time since I first touched Bella, I wasn't obsessed with taking her clothes off. I still wanted to be with her in that way, but right then it wasn't about that, it was about connecting on a deeper emotional level.

We went down stairs after a while because Esme made dinner and the baby needed a bottle. I thanked my parents for taking care of Bella and Carlie in my absence, and once again there were tears on their part and Carlisle said something about being proud of me, though I had no idea why.

Alice complained about my clothes like I expected, but then she settled for taking Carlie upstairs and using her as her own personal doll, Bree helped her of course. I had a feeling that Alice and Bree played dress up with Carlie as a nighttime ritual.

Everything was different. Carlisle and Esme talked to me like an adult and didn't nag or police anything I did. Alice and Jasper treated me different too, but the biggest change occurred between Bella and me. It actually felt amazing being in the same room with her and not be paranoid that someone would see us together. It was easy being around her, and felt right. We weren't physical at all with each other and only touched that one time when she dragged me up stairs, but I still felt closer to her than I ever had before.

That night I volunteered to sleep in the living room because Bella and Carlie were in my room, but Bella insisted that I stayed with them. Bella slept on the bed, and I stayed on my couch, but just knowing that I was breathing the same air as her, made me fall asleep and dream my first pleasant dream that I could ever remember having.

Even with the peaceful sleep, I was still woken up in the middle of the night but this time it was because Carlie coughed and started whimpering. Bella was still sound asleep, and she looked so beautiful that I just didn't want her to wake, so I went over to the crib and picked the baby up. I was pretty sure that she didn't need to eat, so I kind of rocked her a bit but her whimpers got louder and Bella started to stir. Without even thinking, I started humming to her to try to calm her, and I was surprised when it actually worked. She looked at me and smiled once before falling back to sleep.

I put her back in the crib but the moment that she touched the sheets, she started crying again. So I picked her up and hummed her back to sleep. This happened three more times before I gave up and decided to just hold her all night. I sat on the couch and laid her on top of my chest before we both fell asleep.

***So I hope you liked Edward's POVs but the next chapter will be back to Bella, and back to school. ****Please Review****.***


	19. Ch 18 Trust

**Moon Scars**

Ch 18 - _Trust_

**The Way You Look At Me – by Christian Bautista**

No one ever saw me like you do  
All the things that I could add up too  
I never knew just what a smile was worth  
But your eyes see everything without a single word

'Cause there's somethin' in the way you look at me  
It's as if my heart knows you're the missing piece  
You make me believe that there's nothing in this world I can't be  
I never know what you see  
But there's somethin' in the way you look at me

If I could freeze a moment in my mind  
It'll be the second that you touch your lips to mine  
I'd like to stop the clock, make time stands still  
'Cause, baby, this is just the way I always wanna feel

I don't know how or why I feel different in your eyes  
All I know is it happens every time…

…

(Bella's POV)

…

Being a teenage mother wasn't easy, but I was lucky and I knew it could be a whole lot harder. The Cullens were amazing to me and I had no idea what I would have done without them. Esme took care of Carlie during the day, but made it perfectly clear that she was just a babysitter and grandmother, and Carlie was still my responsibility, which couldn't have been more perfect. For the brief time that I lived with my mother, she talked about the baby like as if it was hers and I was just the incubator.

I still spoke to my mother on the phone every once in a while, but I was so glad that I was with the Cullens instead of her, she wasn't exactly the most stable person to be around. I haven't spoken to my dad since the day Carlie was born. I was still seventeen, even though my birthday was only three days later, but the hospital staff called him because he was my legal guardian. He came and visited me, and asked me one more time to give the baby up, but after refusing again, he left and never even saw his granddaughter. I wasn't allowed to leave the hospital with Carlie until I was officially an adult, so on my birthday Carlisle and Esme came and picked me up from the hospital to bring me to live at their house.

I only missed two weeks of school after I had the baby, and was actually happy to get back into some kind of routine. My friends were sweet and asked about the baby and how I was, but most of the others were cold and refused to talk to me but gave dirty looks instead. I heard the words 'whore' and 'tramp' a lot when people were talking about me, but I tried to ignore them, there wasn't anything I could do about it so why worry.

Everyone knew that my long term boyfriend Jacob, wasn't the baby's father so I understood where the name calling came from, but I refused to say who the father was, because it was none of their business and I wasn't sure if Edward would ever come back anyway.

After having the baby, I actually missed being pregnant. I know it may sound strange, but I missed Edward so much and having his baby inside of me was like having him inside of me, and I ached for him when she was gone. Carlisle said I had postpartum depression, but the truth was that I just longed for Him.

Jake came by and saw Carlie every couple of weeks or so, he even made her a little carving of a wolf which I keep by her crib. He was really great with her and I knew that when he finds someone worthy of him, he's going to make a great father when the time comes. We hung out at school every once in a while too, but I mostly spent my time with Alice and Angela. Jessica seemed to be hanging around Lauren a lot since her break up with Mike, and even though we didn't talk very often anymore, I still cared about her and worried about Lauren's bad influence.

Carlisle said that Edward was with his mother and sister but promised to come back, but I really had my doubts. Edward had many issues that he needed to work through, and after Carlisle told me that the abuse really did happen, I figured that Edward would be so hurt from everyone's lack of trust in him that he'd just spiral further downwards and be completely lost. I wanted so badly to leave Forks and search for him, even though I had no idea where he'd be, but I couldn't because I had Carlie to think about and she needed stability.

It was just a normal Monday when the school started buzzing about the return of Edward Cullen. I had been showing Jake pictures that I took of the many silly faces of Carlie, when Laruen and Jessica walked by talking about him. I didn't really believe her especially because Alice and I shared the next class together and she didn't know anything about it. But then at lunch time, Jake sought me out and told me that he had a class with Edward.

Alice and I started looking for him, but we couldn't find him anywhere. After school was over, I became anxious and impatient as Alice took forever to meet me at my car, and I seriously thought about leaving her. I had butterflies in my stomach the whole way home and the hole in my chest started throbbing as if my body knew that Edward was near and he was the cure to my pain.

Alice tried to calm me down, but I was not only going to see him after needed him for so long, but I also had to tell him that I had his baby. When we got inside the house, I was actually surprised to see him almost as if I had daydreamed the gossip around campus that he was there. It was a surreal moment and the fact that he looked so healthy added to the dreamlike state I was in. I hated that my last image of him was when he was all drugged out, but this was so much better than I could have ever imagined, I never saw him look so good.

I looked at Carlisle to see if he told Edward about Carlie, and he understood what my meaningful look meant and he shook his head no, so I knew Edward still had no idea about our daughter.

Edward took the news better than I ever expected, and it gave me hope that he really was recovered from his emotional and drug problems that have plagued him for so long. He seemed uncomfortable the first time he held her, but when he looked at her, I could see the bond between them solidifying.

Things were strange between us, but not in a bad way. We were completely connected, even though we hardly touched, and sleeping in the same room as him again was so amazing. I wanted him to come lay with me on my little bed the way he did before when he used to climb through my window at night, but he didn't and I knew it was going to take time.

When I woke up in the morning, I started to panic because Carlie never slept in this late. I jumped up and looked in her crib and she was gone so I was just about to completely lose it, when I turned around and saw her sleeping on Edward's chest as he slept too. If I wasn't already completely in love with him, then I would have fallen in love with him in that moment.

I grabbed my camera and took a picture of them, and the sound of the snap, woke up Edward.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Edward asked groggily.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." I said quietly trying to not wake Carlie, but she started stirring anyway.

"Is she hungry now?" Edward asked me.

"Yeah, here I'll take her." I told him before picking her up.

After feeding her, Esme took her so I could get ready for school. Edward was already in the shower and I had to fight the urge to break into the bathroom to join him.

He was done quickly and came out with wet hair, wearing a white wife-beater tank, and boxers. God, I loved this living arrangement.

"Bella, are you Ok?" He asked me.

"Huh?" I didn't realize that I was completely gawking at him, and I may have been drooling a bit. "Oh, yeah, sorry" I walked past him to the bathroom so I could take a shower.

When we were all ready to go, I kissed Carlie on the head and melted as I watched Edward do the same. I never expected him to be so natural with her, but nothing could possibly make me happier.

"So, why are we driving to school in your busted old truck?" Edward asked me as Alice and I started to get in.

"Hey, don't knock the truck." I said offended.

"No really, where's your car Alice?" Edward asked her.

"Every time I drive my car to school, it always draws too much attention and someone actually keyed it. So I'm not going to allow my beautiful car anywhere near those stupid people." Alice said bitterly.

"Hold on." Edward said and went back into the house briefly then came back spinning keys around his finger.

"Why haven't you guys been driving my Volvo?" He said walking to the garage.

He pulled the car out and Alice climbed in the back, and I sat in the passenger seat.

When we got to the school, we all separated to go to our different classes because we were running a little late.

I wasn't sure what to expect from him at school. We never spent any real time together there besides in art class last year, so I was nervous at the thought that he would continue to pretend that we didn't know each other. And when first break rolled around, my fears grew when I never saw him. The clock ticked slowly until lunch, and I went to my normal table with Angela but I felt too sick with worry about Edward to eat.

"Hey, aren't you hungry?" Angela asked.

"Uh, not really." I said as I kept scanning the room for Edward.

"Hey guys, have you seen Lauren?" Jessica asked as she came up behind us.

"No." Angela said annoyed. She hated Lauren almost as much as I did.

"God, Edward Cullen comes back to school and Lauren is already all over him. I swear she is like totally desperate." Jessica said annoyed at her friend, and her words absolutely made me want to vomit. I might be able to handle it if Edward wanted to be with someone else, but not the horrible bitch known as Lauren.

"Speak of the devil. See I told you she'd be with him." I turned to the direction that Jessica was looking in, and saw Edward and Lauren walking together towards the lunch line. I couldn't see Edward's expression clearly, but he definitely didn't look upset.

When they bought their food, they both walked over to us and sat at our table. Jessica and Angela looked surprised that Edward was sitting with us because he never sat with anyone before except for his family.

"Hey." He said quietly to me, and I wasn't sure what to think, or say back.

"How have your classes been?" I asked him.

He shrugged "Could be worse."

"So Edward, where have you been all this time?" Jessica asked him.

"Um, Lauren and I were…"

"That is none of your business Jessica." She said quickly cutting him off.

Edward looked at me, so I quickly looked down at my plate of untouched pasta, and started pushing the food around with my fork.

"Actually, I was asking where you were over the past several months, not over the past few minutes." Jessica told Edward.

"Oh, I was in Oregon with my mom and sister." Edward told her. He scooted his chair in towards the table and somehow when he did that, he became closer to me too. We were actually sitting so close, that our shoulders were touching so I looked at him again and he smirked at me.

Lauren must have seen his smirk, so she got bitchy. "Oh Edward trust me, you don't want to fuck around with Bella, she got knocked up last year so I bet her vagina is all stretched out from pushing the little pig out."

"Lauren, you are such a bitch." Angela came to my defense.

"Well it's true." Lauren said.

"You should really fucking talk Lauren. Just how many guys have you fucked at this school anyway? Tyler said fucking you was like throwing a hotdog down a hallway." Edward said quickly as he moved even closer to me.

Angela and Jessica both covered their mouths trying to hold back their laughter.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? That doesn't even make sense." Lauren said, then Angela let her mouth go and started laughing out loud hysterically.

"I know you don't have a very high IQ or anything, but think about it, you'll get it eventually." Edward said cockily to her.

Lauren scowled then got up and left. I half expected Jessica to follow her, but she just stayed seated where she was.

"So where's Alice?" Angela asked after she finally stopped laughing.

"Uh, yeah that's sort of why I wasn't here at break. Alice fell and hurt her ankle so I stayed with her until Carlisle came." Edward explained.

"Oh my gosh, is she OK?" I asked worried.

"I don't know. Carlisle thought it was just a sprain, but he wanted to take her in for X-rays just in case."

Edward was so close to me, that I absently leaned against him as if we were magnets, and turned my head so that my lips were at his shoulder. It just felt so good being with him again, that I didn't even care that Jessica and Angela were staring at us strangely.

Edward responded to my closeness by putting his hand on my leg and caressing my knee. It could have just been in my head, but it was almost as if he was welcoming my advances and actually wanted me that close.

We looked at each other and I could feel my lips aching to meet his, but the bell interrupted us and he pulled away from me immediately.

"See you later?" He asked as he got up. I nodded so he walked away.

"Uh, what was that about?" Jessica asked me.

"What?" I said.

"Oh come on, you know what. Are you fucking Edward?" She asked.

"No" I said honestly.

"Oh my god, Edward is your baby's father right?" Angela said suddenly. I just looked at her not exactly sure what to say. "You showed me that picture of her the other day and she reminded me of someone but I couldn't exactly place it, but it's Edward, that's who she reminded me of."

"Are you serious?" Jessica asked.

"Come on guys we're going to be late for class." I said trying to get away before I had to answer them.

"I didn't know that you even liked him. We'd always drool over him but you were just happy with Jake." Jess said trying to figure everything out. "Come on Bella, now I have to know."

"It's ok, you can tell us." Angela said.

"Ok fine. Yes, Edward is my baby's father."

Jessica covered her mouth with her hand as if she was in shock and couldn't believe it.

"Were you like dating him?" Angela asked.

"Uh?" I had no idea how to answer that question.

"Holy crap, you were fucking him while you were with Jake. Wow, I have to say, I'm kind of impressed. You were always such a goodie-goodie before, I would have never expected this from you." Jessica said.

Two weeks went by, and nothing really changed. Edward and my relationship was still strange, we were close and would even occasionally hold hands, but we never kissed or anything else that went beyond that. But we were together a lot at school, so of course the rumors of my 'baby daddy' started again but Edward didn't seem to care.

At home we still slept in the same room but separately, and he completely stepped up and shared all the baby duties. It was actually hilarious watching him change a diaper for the first time, he freaked out a bit, but got the hang of it soon enough.

All and all, things were going smoothly as we got to know each other in these new roles. But just as I started to get comfortable with our strange relationship, things changed again.

I was sitting in my calculus class when I just happen to glance out the window and saw Edward walking to what looked like the guy's bathroom, and Lauren was following behind him. I thought about the times that we spent in that bathroom while everyone else was in class, and I started to freak out.

I raised my hand and asked to be excused, before practically running to the guy's bathroom. I didn't know what I wished to accomplish by barging in on them, but I couldn't just sit back knowing what was going on.

I opened the door, and saw Lauren hanging on Edward with her shirt off and his pants were unbuttoned. The sight of it made me fall backward into the door, causing them to both look at me.

"S s sorry." I said quietly and stumbled trying to get out of the bathroom. After seeing them going in there together, I knew what they were doing, but actually seeing it was so much harder than I imagined. I told myself that I'd be ok if he didn't want to be with me, but seeing him with her made me feel like I was dying inside.

"Bella, wait!" He yelled at me. But I didn't want to wait, I wanted to run away and throw myself in a dark hole until the pain stopped. But I was so pathetically in love with him that I would probably take any explanation that he could come up with.

I turned around just in time to see Lauren grab him and press her lips to his. Edward responded by shoving her off of him, and she fell backwards and hit the back wall.

She stood up and yelled at him. "You fucking loser prick! We'll see if I ever let you fuck me again!" Then she went to leave but stopped in front of me.

"Just to let you know, I fucked him more times then you could possibly imagine. And he always came crawling back, begging for more." She said cruelly then stormed out.

I looked back at Edward and he was at the sink washing his face vigorously.

"Edward?" I asked confused and worried, but he didn't look at me, he just kept scrubbing his face and mouth, and spitting in between.

I walked over to him slowly, and put my hand on his shoulder. "Edward stop." I said quietly then I noticed that he was shaking.

I wrapped my arms around him, and finally he stopped washing his face, but he kept shaking. "B-Bella, I didn't…" He was so upset that he could hardly speak.

"It's Ok, shhh"

I was really terrified because I had never seen him like this, so I let him go to try to go find Alice, maybe she knew what to do.

"No, Bella, please don't leave me, please. I swear nothing happened, please I need you." He looked like he was on the verge of crying and his voice was completely panicked. He wrapped his arms around my waist, then sunk to his knees but didn't let me go. He pressed his face into my stomach and kept repeating "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry"

I had no idea what was happening, but I knew I couldn't leave him either. I wrapped my arms around his head and leaned over so my chin was lightly resting on the top of his head.

"I can't lose you, not now, not like this." He said finally.

"You're not going to lose me." I assured him and I knew in that moment that I would always forgive him, no matter what he did, or who he did it with.

He pulled away suddenly, got up, and ran to the stall and vomited violently. I didn't know what to do but wait for him to finish, but I felt completely helpless having no idea what was really wrong with him. He came back out after a minute and started washing his mouth out again, then looked at me. His face was paler than I ever saw it before, and his eyes were glazed over almost like he was on drugs again, but I knew that he wasn't.

"Are you Ok?" I asked still terrified.

He shook his head and finally regained control of himself. "Bella, I swear, I didn't touch her…at least not today."

"But you have before?" I had no idea why I asked that, I knew they used to mess around, but I guess I was really asking if he's screwed her lately.

"I was a fucking idiot back then and I fucked a lot of girls, but I swear to you, all that stopped when I got with you, before that actually. I haven't touched another girl since I first started meeting you in that damn meadow."

"At all?" I asked surprised.

"No, not at all. Bella I was obsessed with you and never even thought about other girls again. I wasn't lying before when I told you that I hated sex and used it as a form of self punishment. But after being inside of you, that changed. You are all I have ever wanted, ever, and there is no way in hell that I'd ever screw that up with anyone for anything."

"What happened then, and why were you with her on your first day back?"

"We were partnered for a stupid speech and debate project, and not by choice. So we were just going over things that day. I would have just blown off the whole project in the past, but I've really been trying to fix my grades."

"Well, we were forced to be partners and look what happened to us." I said trying to joke but it didn't come out that way.

"Bella, she is not You. And today I came in here just to piss, and I had my pants undone not knowing she was following me. She had her fucking shirt off before I even turned around and grabbed me right before you came in."

"Why were you washing your face like that?" I asked him just trying to understand everything.

"Did you see what that bitch did to me? She fucking put her disgusting mouth on mine. I've never kissed anyone besides you and it made me sick, literally. I kept washing but I just couldn't get the feeling of her off of me, in fact I still can feel her on me and I feel like throwing up again. Bella please, you have to believe me, I've only been back a couple weeks and I already don't know how to live without you."

I grabbed him and pressed my lips to his, hoping that he could forget about Lauren. He held on to me and moved his lips with mine desperately. I almost forgot how amazing it was to kiss him, but his lips were like a salvation to me, and everything else disappeared. I needed this for so long, and at times thought it would never happen again. But in that moment, I felt like I would have lost myself completely without that kiss, and I knew without a doubt that I would never lose my trust in him again.

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	20. Ch 19 Luv

**Moon Scars**

A/N: Ok, this chapter is mainly sappy mush; I hope you enjoy it anyway. I think it was only fair to give Bella at least one completely happy chapter, because the drama isn't over just yet.

Ch 19 – _Luv_

**Secret Love – by Mandy Moore**

Once I had a secret love  
That lived within the heart of me  
All too soon my secret love  
Became impatient to be free

So I told a friendly star  
The way that dreamers often do  
Just how wonderful you are  
And why I'm so in love with you

Now I shout it from the highest hill  
Even told the golden daffodils  
At last my heart's an open door  
And my secret love's no secret anymore

…..

(BPOV)

"Hey, let's get out of here." I said after forcing myself to pull away from him.

"And where are we going?" He asked amused.

"It's a surprise." And I grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the bathroom towards the parking lot.

"Uh, what about Alice?" He asked me after realizing that I planned on leaving for the day.

I pulled out my cell phone and texted Angela asking if she could give Alice a ride home after school, and less than a minute later, she texted back with a -**Sure**

"There problem solve, now hand over the keys." I said with a smile.

"Right, like I would take my car keys with me to use the bathroom." He returned my smile.

"Well, go get them then." I said eagerly.

"This isn't following the rules at all. You know, I always thought that I was a bad influence on you, but here I am trying to do everything right, and you want me ditching classes." He shook his head in fake disapproval.

"No, actually I just saw you throwing up in there, so I'd say that you're sick and need to leave for the day. See, I'm just trying to help you and be a good friend."

"Oh really? Ok then, but if you kiss all your 'friends' like that, then maybe I don't want to go anywhere with you." He joked.

"Well, I only kiss the really cute ones like that."

"Cute? You know, I've been called a lot of things, but I don't think that 'cute' is one of them."

"Who said I was talking about you?"

"Ouch, that hurt."

"Edward, please go get the keys." I whined.

He chuckled a little then kissed me again quickly before heading back towards his classroom. He was back in just a couple of minutes and I reached for the key, but he pulled it away.

"You know, I don't usually let people drive my car."

"Good thing for you that I'm not 'people' then" I told him and reached for the keys again, but he held them above my reach.

"What, you think that just because you had my baby that you're entitled to anything of mine that you want?"

"Yes" I said without hesitation. He smiled then surrendered the keys.

I started driving towards the familiar location that I had in mind, and from the corner of my eye I could see Edward staring at me, so I glanced over at him and saw that he had his famous smirk plastered on his face.

"What?" I asked amused and annoyed.

"You know, I could have easily driven to the meadow myself."

"No you couldn't, because the road doesn't go all the way to the meadow." I wasn't surprised that he caught on to where we were going, but I still enjoyed pretending like it was a surprise.

Besides the first time that I tried to find the meadow alone, getting there today took the longest that it ever took. Neither of us had been there since the last time that we were there together about a year ago, but the reason why it took so long was because we had to keep stopping to kiss and touch each other.

The second that we stepped on the lush green wild grass of the meadow, I automatically started unbuttoning his pants. I didn't even get them unzipped before running my hand down his boxer briefs to his eager harness. He groaned against my lips, but then he pulled my hand out so he could lift my shirt over my head, and then started working right away on my pants.

"Shit" he said suddenly pulling away.

"What?" I asked feeling rejected.

"I don't have a condom." He said looking like he needed a release as much as I did.

"Are you kidding? I've lived with Dr. Carlisle for months now. The first thing he did after I had Carlie was get me birth control. We're good, I promise."

He looked at me with a blank stare for a moment. "You mean we could do it anytime, anywhere and never have to use a condom?" He asked in a monotone voice.

I smiled and nodded, so he grabbed me quickly and went back to getting my pants off. When I was completely naked, Edward pulled us down to our knees while never taking his mouth off of me.

"Edward" I breathed, "Why am I the only one naked?"

He laughed once before moving over me so I laid with my bare back against the soft grass. He positioned his self between my legs before finally taking off his pants. I could feel his tip touching my opening so I arched my back in response, before he finally relieved my agony and pushed himself in.

It had been over a year since the last time he was inside of me, and with so much that has happened and so many changes, this was just as amazing as ever. We fit together just as perfectly as always, and we both let go allowing our bodies to take over as they rediscovered each other. Edward's thrusting turned into desperate pounding going deeper inside of me than ever before, and the harder he pushed the louder I ached for more. We were so close as we moved together, that you couldn't tell where one of our bodies ended and where the other began. There was absolutely no space between us.

He brought one of his hands down to my sensitive folds as he continued to move in and out of me and that completely put me over the top. I clawed my nails down his back as I tightened around him in the most amazing explosion of a climax I ever had. He pumped in me a few more times before clenching his hands in fists full of my hair and huffing breathlessly, while releasing his warmth into me.

"Are you OK" He asked while trying to catch his breath. Maybe it was his question, or maybe it was because it had been a long time since we were together, but when he asked that, I had a déjà vu and flashback to our first time together.

And like after our first time together, I said "Never better"

We just held each other for a while before he finally pulled out of me.

"Well I definitely like the birth control pill." He said casually and I couldn't help but laugh.

We got dressed because we needed to get back, but as we walked to the edge of the meadow, I suddenly got a sinking feeling.

"Edward, are we going to leave all this behind like we used to?" I asked worried that we were going to fall in the same routine as before he left. The one where we were perfect in the meadow, but once we left, everything just got screwed up.

He looked at me, and by the intense expression on his face I knew that he was trying to think of exactly how to answer me.

"Bella, I am so sorry for every crappy and horrible thing I put you through. I know I told you before, but it's still true and always will be, but I don't deserve you. You are far too good then to waste any of your time with me. I screwed up over and over again, but for some reason you're still here. But I will not fail you again. As long as you want me, I'm yours; any time, and any place, and I will never be untrue to you."

"Why me?" I asked not understanding his attraction to me.

"Huh?" He asked not understanding my question.

"Why me? I'm not so much better than you at all, and I'm definitely not better than a lot of girls at this school. You say you hate kissing and sex but feel different with me, and I just don't understand why. You could have anyone you wanted, and I'm just this awkward plain looking girl with no particular attractive attributes. It just doesn't make sense why you would ever want me."

"Bella, you really don't see yourself clearly at all. You are the most amazing person I have ever known, and you are smart and funny and the most beautiful person that I've ever seen. But even more than all of that, you saw me. You saw right through all of my shit, and knew the worst part of me but you just kept coming back anyway. I pushed you away and treated you like crap, but you're still here giving me chance after chance without me deserving any of it." He walked closer to me, and caressed my cheek with one hand, while wrapping the other around my waist.

"Bella…" He paused and swallowed hard. "I love you." I looked at him completely in shock. Even if I thought that he felt it, I never thought he'd actually say it. "I love you so much that it hurts and I have since that first day here with you, I realize that now. I fought it for so long, trying to convince myself that it was just an obsession and overtime it'd go away. But Bella, this will never go away, I will never stop loving you. People can't always put into words exactly why we feel the way that we do sometimes, but when I'm with you, nothing else matters. You and Carlie are everything to me, my whole reason for existing and I will spend the rest of my life, living to make you happy and to keep you safe. I screwed up before and I hurt you so much, but I will spend the rest of forever trying to make it up to you and be the man that you need me to be."

"I love you so much." I told him behind my tears, and we held each other again, and left the meadow knowing that we were going to be together and let nothing get in the way of that.

He let me drive home, but spent the whole time leaned over, kissing my neck and shoulder while caressing his hand against my upper thigh. I really had to fight the urge to close my eyes from the amazing feeling of it.

"You know, you are really going to make me crash the car." I told him but didn't want him to stop anyway. And he didn't stop.

When we got home, we greeted everyone, kissed and played with Carlie, and did our homework, all the while staying together by holding hands and kissing when we could. Neither of us were worried about the others seeing us, and no one commented on it either, we were just supposed to be together like that.

We put Carlie down for the night, and squeezed onto my small bed before making love. We just hated being apart so much that we actually went to sleep with him still inside of me, as we would do many more amazing nights after that.

At school the PDA between us didn't stop or hesitate whatsoever. Edward had no problem touching me and kissing me. If anyone around had their suspicions that we were a couple before, then there was absolutely no doubt anymore. We tried to be good and wait until after school before having sex, but the urge was too much sometimes and we would find a secluded area to have a quickie.

**I need U & I don't know if I can wait** – He texted me while I was in Spanish class.

**U R going 2 have 2 wait. Taking a test** – I wrote back with a smile. As a general rule, we never turned the other down when they wanted sex, but I just couldn't escape class right now.

**I luv U** – He wrote after a few minutes. Since he first told me that he loved me a month ago, it was like he just couldn't stop saying it, and he always texted it to me repeatedly throughout the day, which made me smile uncontrollably every time.

"Bella?" Jessica asked quietly.

"What?" I whispered back.

"Are you back with Jake or something?"

"No, why would you ask that?" I asked confused. Jess knew that I was with Edward and we were sickly in love; everyone did.

"Well you are both texting and smiling at the same time, so I just thought that maybe you guys were secretly humping or something." She said.

The teacher cleared his throat trying to give Jessica a warning for talking, so she looked at him, and then went back to the test.

I glanced at Jake, who was sitting on the other side of the room as me, and he was definitely smiling at his phone; in fact, he almost looked like he was glowing. Jake and I hardly spoke anymore. Edward still hated him and we both understood that it was just easier to keep our distance. But after class was over, I decided to chance Edward's resentment and talk to Jake.

"Hey" I said.

"Hey. You know, you're crossing enemy lines by talking to me." He said honestly but in a joking manner.

"I think I'll be Ok. So how are things?" I may have seemed like a jealous ex inquiring about his new girl, but I wasn't at all. In fact, I was really hoping that he'd tell me that he was in love, because if anyone deserved it, it was him.

"Things are…good." He tried to fight it, but the smile wouldn't leave his face.

"So, who were you texting?" I tried to ask casually.

"Who were you texting?" He asked.

"I think you know who I was texting, so don't try to dodge the question."

"Hey, you know, I haven't seen Carlie in a while, do you think Edward would ever let me come over to visit?" He asked, and I just stared at him waiting for him to answer my question.

"Ok, look I didn't really want anyone knowing 'cause it's really new. But I met this girl last week at the store, and we just totally hit it off. She's really amazing and I can't even stop thinking about her, it was an instant connection."

I smiled completely overjoyed for him. "Who is she, can I meet her?"

"No. What the hell am I supposed to say, 'hey meet my ex girlfriend, you'll really like each other'?"

"Ok, you have a point. Well maybe when you have been with her longer, we can all go out or something."

"Yeah right, like Edward would ever choose to spend time with me. It's hard enough sharing a class with him every day for an hour."

"Well, he'll get over it eventually. You still mean a lot to me, we've known each other forever and you're like practically Carlie's uncle."

"You know I don't understand why he hates me so much anyway. He's the one who stole _my_ girlfriend, not the other way around."

"Well, aren't you glad that he did now? You never glowed like that over me." I teased.

"Yeah, I have to admit, you were right about us. I still love you though."

I smiled. "I love you too. Hey, have you seen my dad lately?"

"Uh, yeah the other day."

"How is he?"

"Well, I think he misses you a lot. He asked me if we ever talk and how you were doing but he always closes off whenever I mention Carlie. It's not like he doesn't care, I think he almost cares too much and just doesn't know how to handle it." Jake told me.

"Really, how can someone care too much, and then leave them homeless?" I said bitterly.

He shrugged. "I don't know Bella. Maybe he was just scared or something." Jake looked towards the door, and I could feel his mood change immediately. "I'll see you later Bella." Then he walked out quickly.

I looked at the door and saw Edward waiting for me, so I went to meet him but he came into the classroom instead.

"What's up with Black?" He said in almost an accusatory manner.

"Nothing." I said annoyed by his tone. "I was just asking about my dad."

Edward's face softened a bit. "Bella, I'm sorry that your dad hates me enough to take it out on you."

"It's not your fault and it's not about you, he just hates the fact that I kept Carlie. If I would have agreed to put her up for adoption, then he wouldn't still have a problem." I could see Edward's jaw clinch when I mentioned adoption. He couldn't stand the idea of Carlie being in the system, just as much as I couldn't.

"Thank you Bella, for keeping her. I know that must have been a hard decision." He said unexpectedly.

"It wasn't hard at all actually. I knew right away that I'd never giver her up." He smiled and kissed me softly.

"Hey, it's almost spring break." He said casually while sitting on top of the desk

"Yeah?"

"Well I was thinking that if you don't have any other plans, we could go down to Oregon for the week."

"Really? Like to meet your family?" I asked with a smile.

"You already know my family, you live with them remember. But yeah, my mom, sister, and grandfather. Besides, if we're going to take over the vineyard someday, I'd like to know you would actually enjoy living there."

I loved when he talked about the future as if it wasn't even a question that we would be together. It felt really good knowing that he thought of us as a cohesive unit.

"Sounds great, I'd love to go. But you know, Esme is going to have a hard time being without Carlie for a whole week." I told him.

"Nah, maybe they'll go on vacation or something."

"I don't think they know what a vacation is." We both giggled then relieved the annoyed teacher by leaving.

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	21. Ch 20 Fighting

**Moon Scars**

Ch 20 – _Fighting_

**The Fight- by Sia**

We are born  
without a care  
as we grow old  
but unaware  
as we grow tall  
begin to falter  
we want to know ourselves  
spread love to all

but we fall down cause we are human  
yes sweet anger will feed the hunger  
yes we push through  
just me and you

we made it through the darkness to the light  
uh huh we fought  
but still we won the fight  
oh yes, we stand to gain love

a fantasy for you and me  
a beauty light and reality  
no need to feel  
the proof that something  
for all of it is love and harmony

but we falter and yes we are flawed  
as we play victim to such conviction  
and breathe heavily  
both you and me

for the day by day  
worried we would fail  
how we flailed and we wailed and we screamed in pain  
took it step by step  
we could not forget the wounds we felt  
and how we screamed for help  
from the dark, dark nights when you held me tight  
and we prayed for light to rescue us  
yeah, we were distressed  
now we're nothing less  
we are strong  
we are blessed  
we are united

…

(BPOV)

"So, does anyone want to go in together for a limo for prom?" Alice asked us at lunch.

"Yeah totally, Ben and I were just talking about that." Angela said.

"Well, since Lauren is being a total bitch, I guess I'm in too. Tyler asked me to go, but I'm so not excited about it. These are the times that I really wish Mike and I were still together." Jess said.

They all looked at me and Edward for a response from one of us. "Uh, no thanks. I have no desire to go to prom." I said. Edward and I never really talked about it before, but I highly doubted that prom was something he really wanted to do anyway.

Alice gave me a dirty look, and then turned her glare to Edward. "Oh no babe, we're totally going." He said finally.

"What? Since when are you Mr. High School?" I protested.

"Since now. Besides, we have to go, I already bought the tickets." He said with an evil grin.

"Ugh!" I groaned annoyed and frustrated. "I have two left feet, you know. Dancing and I are not friends, especially in a fancy dress."

"That's Ok, love." He said softly then kissed me just as soft. "You can stand on my feet."

"And where did you learn how to dance?" I asked completely giving up my side of the battle. I was completely helpless against him when he used that tone, and he knew it too. Sneaky jerk never played fair.

"Hey, I've been around." Edward said then paused while we all just stared at him. "Ok, that didn't sound right. I mean, I've picked up dancing sometime along the way. It's really easy actually."

"Hey sexy" Ben came over to the table and kissed Angela before sitting with his plate of food. "Oh, hey Edward, I was hoping you could take a look at my engine real quick after school today, you said that you were good with cars right?"

"What is he not good at?" Jessica said half annoyed and half bitter because she still had a crush on him.

"Yeah, no problem, I'll meet you out there." Edward told him. I was actually surprised how easily Edward molded himself into my group of friends. Besides Alice, Edward hardly ever talked to any of them before. They were all kind of uncomfortable around him in the beginning, but since then, they have all relaxed and accepted him as if he was always there.

After lunch, Edward walked me to my class like he always did, because his class wasn't too far from there.

"Are you serious about the prom?" I asked him because I thought maybe his answer would be different when we weren't in front of the others.

"Of course." I made a face so he continued "Bella, prom is an important part of high school, and I don't think you should miss it."

"You've been talking to Esme haven't you?" I guessed.

"Na-yes." He said mashing 'nah' and 'yes' together while shaking his head. "She told me that I should take you, but I already planned on it anyway. Just think of it as a practice for when we get married next year." He told me taking me by surprise. We never talked about getting married before and he spoke of it like it was just a fact.

"Married?" I asked trying to fight my smile.

"Well, we are both eighteen, so I guess we can go get married now if you really want to. But I thought it would be better if we waited until after graduation, besides Alice would have a fit if she didn't get to plan it."

"Oh no. If Alice plans it then it will be some huge event and she'll have me wearing some large frilly dress that makes me look like a cupcake."

"But you'll look like a very tasty cupcake." He teased, and playfully kissed me and bit my bottom lip.

It wasn't as if I never thought about my wedding when I was growing up like most little girls do, but back then I just assumed that I'd marry Jake, and neither of our families were really fancy so I just assumed it would be something very tiny with just family and close friends. But now having Alice as my future sister in law, I'm going to have to get used to the idea of it being extremely elaborate and I just know I'll find a way to embarrass myself before the day is over.

"Oh hey, tomorrow's Saturday and I sort of told Angela that we'd go with her and Ben to dinner and a movie." I told him as we arrived at my classroom.

"Uh, Esme can't babysit tomorrow, she and Carlisle have that charity event in the city."

"I know, but Rose and Emmet are in town for the weekend and Rose offered to watch her."

Edward glared at me for a moment. He and Rose haven't really spoken since she first found out about us; they've seen each other, but always seemed to ignore one another.

"Oh come on, she loves Carlie and is actually really great with her." I hated Rose before, but after I had Carlie, she actually became really sweet and I'd almost consider her a friend, almost.

"Fine." He said reluctantly.

When we got home that day, Carlie was sitting on Esme's lap and the moment she saw us, she immediately started screaming. Esme looked confused, so I went over to grab her but her screaming didn't stop. Edward and I both looked at each other worried, but then I noticed that she was staring at him, so I handed her to him.

The second she was in his arms, she stopped screaming and touched his face with a smile. I looked at him offended and annoyed, but he just laughed.

"What, she missed me." He said to me. "Don't take it personally, I just sing better then you do."

Carlie was joined at Edward hip for the rest of the day, anytime he'd put her down, she would start crying right away, but he didn't seem to mind. The next morning, Rose came home with Emmet, and the tension between her and Edward was still there. Edward was still the only one Carlie wanted holding her, but it almost seemed as though he was the one wanting to hold her, just so Rose didn't have a chance to.

"Hey sweet pea, come to Auntie Rose" She said.

Edward didn't even give Carlie a chance to protest. "No, she wants to stay with me." Then he walked away with her.

"Edward, why won't you let Rose hold her?" I asked him when we were away from everyone else.

"She doesn't want to go to Rose." He said then looked down at Carlie "You just want to stay with daddy, huh princess" She smiled at him and grabbed his face again. "See?" He said to me.

"Oh come on, she hasn't seen her in weeks."

"Not my problem."

Edward complained for the rest of the day about letting Rose babysit, but I'd glare at him so he'd let it go. We kissed Carlie then took off for our double date with Angela and Ben.

We went to a lame action movie, then dinner at some Italian restaurant by the theater. Angela and I spent the whole time bored out of our minds because Edward and Ben wouldn't stop talking about cars.

"You know, I bet if we left, they wouldn't even notice." Angela said to me.

"I think you're right." I agreed.

"Hey, let's go across the street to that book store" She suggested.

"Ok." I said then turned to Edward. "Hey, we're leaving. Come meet us when you're done."

"Huh? Oh, Ok." He said, then Angela and I left. The movie theater, restaurant, and book store, were all in the same business complex, so there were people everywhere. We fought our way through the crowd when I saw a familiar face and couldn't help but stop to say _hi_.

"Jacob, hey." I said from behind him.

He turned around and flashed his wide smile at us. "Oh hey there Bella, hey Angela."

"Hey, haven't seen you in a while." Angela said to him.

"Yeah, we don't have economics together anymore." Jake said to her.

"No, I had to transfer due to conflict in scheduling" Angela said.

"So are you here with someone?" I asked wondering why he'd be there alone.

"No actually…" He started to say when a girl walked up to him and wrapped her arm around his waist. I was sure that I had never seen her before, but she looked really familiar anyway.

"Um this is Bells and Angela, their friends from school." He said to her, then he looked at us. "Guys, this is Nessie." He introduced us.

"Hey, it's nice to meet you." I told her and couldn't help but think she had a strange name. Who would name their kid after the Loch Ness Monster?

"Yeah, it's good to meet some of Jake's friends." She said.

"So are you guys here with Edward and Ben?" Jake asked us.

"Yeah, they're still inside gabbing like a couple of old women." Angela said.

"Wait, Edward?" Nessie said confused. "Holy crap, did you say that your name is Bella?" She asked me.

"Yeah?" I asked confused. Jake and Angela had equally confused looks on their faces as I did.

"Oh my god, what a freaking small world. Wow, he really sketched you perfectly." She said while looking at me closer.

"What's going on Ness?" Jake asked her.

"Oh, uh, crap, he's going to get mad." She said.

"Vanessa?" Edward said sounding surprised from behind me.

"Crap I knew it." She said quietly. "Hey Eddie."

"Uh, you two know each other?" Jake asked sounding a bit worried.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Edward said getting more and more upset. "Where's Lizzy?"

It became obvious to me that this was Edward's sister, I never saw her before, but she had similar features as Edward, which is why I thought she looked familiar before.

"Don't get mad Ok. But I left to come here to find you, but then I lost the Cullen's number and didn't know how to call." She said quickly.

"Hold up, what's going on?" Jake asked.

Edward glared at him full of hate. "Yeah, I'd like to know the same thing."

"Edward is my brother." She told Jake, and Jake's expression went from confused to straight fear.

"I didn't know that the Cullens adopted anyone else." He said quietly.

"No, he's my biological brother, we have the same mom." She told him.

"How long have you been here?" Edward asked her not caring about her conversation with Jake.

"A couple of weeks." She said then braced herself for his anger.

"A couple of weeks! Where the hell have you been staying, and why the hell would Lizzy and Anthony let you come alone in the first place?"

"I cashed in my trust fund that my grandparents left me, and I've been staying in a hotel over on First Street. It's actually a good hotel, it has a kitchen and everything. Way better than those roach motels that Lizzy made us stay in all summer. Look, I left because Lizzy started getting drunk like every day, and I just didn't want to deal with it anymore. Anthony is always busy with the winery so he doesn't even notice, not like he could do anything anyway."

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose as a response to the stress of what she was telling him. "So they have no idea where you are?" He asked her.

"No, but I called there to tell them I was Ok, but I just needed to be away for a while." She said. She then turned and looked at me, and I could tell that she was about to try to change the subject. "Bella, you are so beautiful, I can tell why my brother loves you so much. Hey, is Carlie here, I really want to meet my niece."

Edward answered for me "Vanessa, she's a baby, we don't usually take her out this late. Most _kids_ are at home around this time." He said emphasizing the word 'kids'. He then looked at Vanessa and noticed how she was hanging on Jacob.

"Why are you touching him like that?" He asked disgusted.

"Jake and I met around the time when I first got here. I was at the store by the hotel to pick up some snacks and stuff, and we sort of bumped into each other." She said with a smile.

Edward glared at Jake. "Vanessa, you are not dating him." He said sternly.

"Edward, Ness and I are…" Jake started to say before Edward cut him off.

"I wasn't fucking speaking to you!"

"Eddie, just listen…" Vanessa said.

"No, I'm not going to listen, this is ridiculous. You are a teen runaway, and here you are dating that prick."

"Look, I don't know what I did to piss you off so much, but I'm sick of your shit." Jacob spoke forcefully.

"Guys, come on, calm down." I told them, but they ignored me. Angela and Ben took a step back assuming that this confrontation wasn't going to end peacefully.

"No Bella, this needs to end." Jacob said without looking at me.

"How about you don't talk to her, the sound of your voice saying her name just makes me want to beat the shit out of you." Edward seethed.

"Listen Jackass, she was my girlfriend first, and you fucked her behind my back, so what the hell did I ever do to you?"

"Oh right, and you're so fucking perfect. What, did you get sick of being such a 'nice guy' all the time and you figured, '_hey, I'm going to get back at Edward by messing around with his little sister?'_" Edward said bitterly to Jake.

"No idiot, I didn't even know that she was your sister. This isn't my issue, it's yours. I'm not the fucking bastard that got someone else's girlfriend knocked up then ditched her to be ridiculed at school and kicked out of home before having a baby alone completely scared to death." Jacob said harshly.

"Jacob, shut up!" I yelled at him, Edward didn't need to relive all that. I knew for a fact that he hated what happened and there wasn't anything he could do about it now.

"No Bella, he screwed up your life and you just let him strut his way back without any problems. He wasn't here the whole time you were pregnant, he has no idea the kind of shit you went through."

Edward was quiet next to me, but his intense expression never left his face, and I could see that he was ready to explode; actually, I was surprised he didn't already. Jake was pushing every single one of his buttons, and I knew this was about to turn ugly.

"Do you know who the first person to visit Bella in the hospital was?" Jake got in Edward's face. "Me. And do you know who held your daughter before anyone else besides Bella?...Me"

And that did it, Edward snapped. He punched Jake hard in the jaw, and he fell back but recovered himself and they both landed blow after blow. I started screaming for them to stop, and so did Vanessa, but they might as well have been alone because they weren't listening to anything. They were both locked within their own rage that had been building up inside each of them for so long. At one point, Ben tried to get in between them, but he got shoved away, so he gave up.

If I wasn't completely freaking out by watching them pounding on each other, I would have been surprised at how evenly matched they were. Jake would be most people's obvious guess at who would win in a fight between them, because he was a jock, always working out, and so much brawnier. Edward was also muscular, but much leaner, so most wouldn't think that Edward would stand a chance. But Edward was a fighter, one that has been fighting for most of his life, and he knew just how to numb himself emotionally as well as physically and just keep fighting, while feeling no pain.

The fight went on and on and I wondered what could possibly stop them, but I didn't have to wonder very much longer. A crowd had formed to watch, and someone must have called the police because suddenly there were three cop cars and they all got out and rushed over, and pulled them away from each other forcefully.

"Cut it out, calm down!" The cop who had Jake yelled at him. "Hey – ya, Chief? Isn't this Black's boy?" He asked. I didn't recognize him, or the officer that pulled Edward away, but I definitely knew the third.

"Jacob?" Charlie asked him. I was standing further back towards Edward, so he didn't see me or notice who Jacob had been fighting yet.

Jake spit some blood, before answering him. "Hey Charlie"

"What the hell son?" Charlie said frustrated then looked over towards Edward. "Well, well well, Edward Cullen, when the hell did you get back into town?"

Edward just stared at him for a moment, but then looked briefly over at me, and Charlie noticed.

"Bella? What's going on here?"

"Nothing, everything is fine, they were just having a disagreement." I said defensively.

"Are you back with him?" Charlie asked angrily.

"I don't see how that's any of your business." I said coldly.

"Chief, what should we do here?" The officer holding Edward asked.

"Well, let's see. How old are you Jake?" Charlie asked unexpectedly. What kind of question is that, Charlie know exactly how old Jake is.

"Seventeen." Jake said confused.

"Uh Huh. And how old are you Cullen?" He asked.

"Go to hell." Edward said quietly.

"Officer Miller, cuff him, we're bringing him in." He said to the cop holding Edward. "Nelson, let him go." He said to the cop holding Jake.

"Dad, you can't do that!" I yelled at him.

"Oh yes I can. Cullen is eighteen, so I have every right to charge him with assault of a minor. Take him in boys." Charlie directed them.

"Dad if you do this, then that's it, we're through. I will never speak to you again." I threatened him.

"Bella, don't. It's Ok." Edward said quietly.

Charlie looked at me thoughtfully, but then turned to the other cop and said. "Read him his rights."

I shook my head at him as the tears rolled down my cheeks.

"Charlie, this is ridiculous, I turn eighteen in just a couple of weeks. We were both fighting, he didn't assault me." Jake stepped up and said.

"I can't ignore the facts Jake." He said the motioned to the others to leave.

I was so angry at my father that I couldn't even see straight. I never hated anyone more than I hated him in that moment. He had no right to arrest Edward like that. I bet he was just waiting for an opportunity to lock him up, and there was no way that I would ever forgive him for that.

I watched helplessly as Edward was put in the back of the police car, he looked at me full of regret and mouthed 'sorry' before he was driven away.

"Bella, I'm sorry." Jake said quietly from behind me.

"Go to hell Jacob." I said coldly then walked towards where Vanessa was standing looking terrified, and Jake followed me.

"What the hell just happened?" Vanessa said in a panicked voice.

"Ness, I'm sorry. I don't know why I said those things." Jake said softly to her. He reached for her hand, but she pulled hers away.

"So what? You used to date Bella, and now my brother hates you?" Vanessa asked him.

"Look, I don't really know why he hates me. Bella was my girlfriend, we were together for a long time, and she left me for him. I got over it, but for some reason he never did."

I just glared at Jake. I knew it wasn't a one sided fight, but I couldn't help the pure rage I felt towards him. Vanessa looked at me full of hurt, and was questioning me with her eyes but I just didn't have any answers for her at that moment.

"Nessie please, I'm so sorry." Jake said when she wouldn't look at him.

"Ok enough." I said loudly. Angela came up behind me and put her hand on my shoulder for support. I gave Ange a thankful look, but then walked closer to Vanessa and grabbed her hand before dragging her towards the car.

"Wait, where are we going?" She asked me.

"I don't think Edward would appreciate me leaving you here, and I have to go talk to Carlisle." I said without slowing or turning to face her.

"Nessie, please?" Jake started but then I did turn, and gave him a vicious look warning him to just keep his mouth shut. Vanessa looked at him, but didn't say anything and let me led her to the car. I was glad that at least Edward put the keys in my bag before dinner, otherwise we would have had to ask Angela to drive us home because there was no way I'd go anywhere with Jake in that moment.

I drove home quickly and didn't speak to Vanessa the whole way. I didn't know her well enough to have a conversation but more than that, I was just so fuming, that I wasn't sure if I was capable of saying anything nice in that moment.

When we got to the Cullen house, I was grateful that Carlie was already sleeping; I don't think I could have handled it if she was looking for her daddy.

"Vanessa, what a pleasant surprise." Esme said when she came in to greet us in the living room, it looked as though she and Carlisle just got in from the charity event they attended that night. And that's when Vanessa lost it. She started bawling hysterically, and Esme looked at me confused before noticing that Edward wasn't with us.

"Honey, what happened?" Esme asked me.

"Jake, and Edward got into a fight and my dad showed up and arrested Edward." I said quickly trying to remain in control of myself.

"Oh dear" Esme said then left quickly to assumedly find Carlisle.

"Come on." I said quietly to Vanessa and took her up to our room. I figured that even if Carlisle managed to get Edward out that night, it would still be late and she might as well sleep in our room. Edward had been sleeping on my tiny bed with me anyway, so I made up his couch for her to sleep on and gave her a pair of my sweats to change into.

"Thanks Bella." She said quietly.

I sighed. "Get some sleep." I whispered. I kept the light off so I wouldn't wake Carlie, so Vanessa never even realized that she was there and laid down right away, but there was no way that I'd be able to sleep, so I turned on the monitor and went down stairs to wait for Carlisle to come home, hopefully with Edward.

***Just a quick question, does anyone like when I put song lyrics at the beginning of chapters, or do you think they just take up space? Please let me know in the reviews.***


	22. Ch 21 Hate and Laughter

**Moon Scars**

A/N: _Thanks to everyone who reviewed for the last chapter. So it seems that most don't read the lyrics and a couple said that they actually hate them. That's cool; I just wish I would have asked like 20 chaps ago so I didn't have to waste so much time on them. I may still post shorter versions of lyrics if they are super important to the chapter, but not often._

*This is the first time that I ever wrote a multiple POV chapter. It won't keep happening so if it's confusing or you just don't like it then don't worry, it was just necessary for this chapter. This chapter also has a lot of dialogue and is very long, so I hope you enjoy it and it's not too much.

Ch 21- _Hate and Laughter_

…

**(EPOV)**

Stupid fucking prick! Who the hell did he think he was messing around with my sister? I just couldn't believe it, the guy that I hated most in this freaking town, ends up trying to date my sixteen year old sister. I actually knew this was going to happen, well not exactly this, but something close, something that would keep that jackass in my life when I wanted nothing more than to forget he ever existed.

I still couldn't really place why I hated him so much exactly, besides the fact that he's better than me at everything, but it didn't really matter why, I just did. Now I'm worried that my _not always so sweet but innocent just the same_ sister, was going to fall for that jerk, and I'd be stuck with him.

I didn't really blame Charlie for arresting me, even though I knew this went beyond doing his job. I was eighteen, and Jacob was seventeen, whatever. But I knew the truth was that this was actually personal for Charlie, he hated me, and I understood why. I hurt his daughter and that was unforgivable to him, and that's Ok, I just wish Bella didn't have to lose her father because of my worthlessness.

Truth was, that I was exactly where I belonged, and I deserved so much worse for everything that I've done in the past. But I promised Bella that I would stop doing shit like this, and here I was, in jail. I swore I'd never leave her again, but now I had no idea how long I'd be stuck in this place.

I heard the door to the cell room opening, before Chief Swan walked in and looked at me through the bars.

"So why'd you come back?" he asked me.

"This is where I belong." I said quietly.

"Yeah, but why'd you come back to Forks?" He said, which confused me at first, but then realized that he was acting as if when I said 'this is where I belong', that I was talking about prison.

"I promised Carlisle that I'd finish high school here." I said dryly.

"And that's it?" he asked knowing that wasn't just 'it'.

"And I wanted to see Bella." I said, even though he already knew that.

"Why, so you could mess around with her head some more, and continue to make her think that she's actually in love with you?" He sounded disgusted at the thought.

"She _is_ in love with me." I said confidently.

"No, she's just a kid and confused about her emotions. It's natural for a young, naive, girl, to think she's in love with the punk who took her virginity. And when she matures over time, she'll realize how she wasted her life on someone as worthless as you."

"You're right, I am worthless…but I'm trying not to be, everyday. I'm trying to be exactly what she needs me to be." I told him.

"No you're not. You just want to mess with her some more to get back at me for pulling you and your hoodlum buddies over, three years ago. Believe me, I regret pulling you over that night too. Had I just let you go, or not been there that night, my best friend wouldn't have crashed into you leaving him paralyzed, and you would have ended up in a different town to terrorize. I talked to Carlisle last year when you were hanging around Bella, supposedly being partners for some art project. He called me and told me to watch out for you, because you had some vendetta against me and were going to use Bella to do it. Yeah, I know exactly what kind of guy you are and what you are trying to be." He said full of anger.

"Yes, I did plan on using Bella as revenge against you, but that changed after only spending one day with her. I swear Charlie, I love her more than anything, and I am trying to make everything right."

"You actually expect me to believe that you love her and have since spending only a day with her?" He asked in disbelief, then got mad. "You left her alone and pregnant, people in love don't do that!"

"I didn't know she was pregnant, I didn't know what leaving would do to her. I thought with me gone, she could have her old life back." Then I started getting angry. "But you knew. You knew that she was pregnant and needed help and you didn't care. You left her alone and never even called to ask if she was OK."

"I asked her to give the baby up, she didn't have to go live with the Cullens. She decided to keep it, so she needed to leave because I couldn't just stand by and watch her choices ruin both of their lives. One day she will grow to resent that baby because of everything in life that she can't do because of it. They will both be miserable when it could have been raised by a family who could care for it the way that it needs to be, and Bella could have had her life back too."

I shook my head as I tried to understand what the hell he was going on about."What the hell do you think that Bella can't do because she's a mother?"

"How about college, a chance at a real job, even a proper senior year full of dating, and dances and so on. Adoption would have solved that."

"You don't even know what you're talking about. Sometimes adoption can be great, I realize that, but many times it can be horrible too. This world is full of disgusting people and you have no way to really know where the kids are going when they are adopted. I know all about that, I lived through it."

"Right, like the Cullens are so horrible." He said full of attitude.

"And how the hell do you know? What because you've talked to Carlisle a few times over the years, and seen him at the hospital when he fixed whatever injury Bella had, that you know what kind of man he is? Well it just so happens, that Carlisle is a good man, but I've lived with some people who were just as good on the surface, but were disgusting and abusive behind closed doors. You never know what people are really like, and that's just _one _reason why Bella decided to keep our baby."

"That still doesn't change the fact that Bella will grow to resent that baby one day, and they'll both lose because of it, and I can't stand by and watch that happen." Charlie said quietly, then I understood.

"Charlie, Bella is not Renee. Bella doesn't feel like she is missing anything by being a young mother and if you ask her, she'd tell you the same thing. She still has friends at school, she's keeping her grades up, and she is still happy. We both have jobs and are saving money to live on our own next year, but we still find time to have fun too." I told him and he just stared at me for several long awkward moments.

"You're living with the Cullens now, and they're helping you. But when you have to do it on your own…"

"Then we'll handle it. I know it'll be hard, we both do, but we don't have to make our mother's mistakes. Neither of us had mothers that were worth anything, but we are not going to give up the way that they did." I said with conviction.

"For that baby's sake, I hope you're right, but I'm sorry I just don't believe you." Carlie said quietly, then walked out, slamming the door behind him.

…**.**

**(BPOV)**

I didn't realize that I had fallen asleep until I woke up to the sun blaring in my eyes through the huge windows in the living room, and the sound of Carlie crying in the monitor. I looked around confused for a moment before finally remembering why I was in the living room still fully dressed, and then I ran upstairs to get Carlie.

When I got in the room, Vanessa was standing over the crib talking to Carlie, which was only making her cry more.

"Oh, she hates me." Vanessa said.

"No, she just doesn't know you. She's been a little shy with people she doesn't know lately, in fact, she's just wanted Edward lately, so don't take it personally." I said while picking her up and trying to calm her down. I gave her the little lion stuffed animal that Edward bought her, and she started to quiet.

"What's the lion about?" Vanessa asked.

"Oh, Edward said he always liked them, and he saw this in the store sitting next to a bunch of lambs. I wanted to buy her the lamb, but Edward insisted on this one, and she absolutely loves it." I explained to her as I started heading towards the door, it was time to feed Carlie a bottle.

"She is so cute; she looks so much like Edward." Vanessa said with a smile.

"Yeah she does." I agreed.

"But she has your eyes." She added and I nodded.

We walked down stairs and into the kitchen, where Esme was sitting at the table with a cup of coffee.

"What happened last night, was Carlisle able to get Edward out?" I asked anxiously without even saying good morning.

"He's been down at the station all night, the police are trying to throw any charges they can at Edward. Don't worry sweet heart, Carlisle will get him out." She said with a smile that was meant to be reassuring. "You girls must be starving, I'll make some eggs, and there are muffins already in the oven."

"Thanks Esme." I said while going to the fridge to make Carlie's bottle.

"So Vanessa, I had no idea you were coming for a visit." Esme said while cracking the eggs.

"Uh no, I didn't tell Edward. I've been staying in a hotel in town for a couple of weeks, and we sort of ran into each other last night." Vanessa said.

"A hotel?" Esme said horrified. "You are family, and family stays here with us. Bella, you should drive her to the hotel so she can get her things."

"Uh, I don't know how long I'm going to be in town for, so it's probably better if I just stay there. Thanks for the offer though." Vanessa said politely.

"Nonsense. You can stay here as long as you need to honey." Esme was always the most selfless compassionate person whose kindness knew no bounds.

"Well, when Edward gets back he probably won't want me around at all." Vanessa said quietly.

"Esme, can you watch Carlie, I really need to go down to the station and yell at my dad and make sure he lets Edward go."

"Oh, that's not a good idea." Esme said quickly. "Carlisle called and said it would be best if you stayed home."

"Why, this is ridiculous. Charlie has no right to lock up Edward for this, and I'm not going to just leave him there. Edward needs to know that I'll do anything to get him out."

"He does know that sweet heart, but he doesn't need you getting yourself any more worked up than you already are." Esme tried reasoning with me.

"Bella, I'm so sorry, this is all my fault." Vanessa said quietly.

I was kind of annoyed by her comment; I just didn't have time for her self pity party.

"No it's not, that fight has been building for over a year now." I told her.

"Longer technically. Those two have hated each other since Edward first came to live here." Esme jumped in.

"See?" I told Vanessa. "You had nothing to do with it, besides, a simple fight between them would have been done and over by now, this is all Chief Swan's doing." I said bitterly refusing to refer him as my 'father'.

"But if I didn't ask Jake to the movie that night, then…"

"What's up with you two anyway?" I asked her.

"Nothing…anymore." She said and crossed her arms in front of her, while looking like she was fighting back tears.

"It's Ok Vanessa." I said trying to comfort her.

"I don't know what happened. We met and it was like this instant connection, and now he's all I think about. I know it sounds stupid because we only met a couple of weeks ago, but I think I'm in love with him."

"It's not stupid. I knew Edward since freshman year but never really talked to him before, but after spending just one day with him I was completely in love. I mean, sure I denied it and fought it because we were so different and I had a boyfriend at the time, but it was still there and very strong." I told her.

"Your boyfriend was Jacob?" She asked, but already knew.

"Yeah, we grew up together, and just always were that way. Our dad's are still best friends and we did absolutely everything together as kids."

"That's kind of weird." Vanessa said softly.

"No, neither of us were really in love, it was just comfortable."

"No, that's not what I meant. I mean it's weird because you talk about him more like a brother, not a boyfriend." She said coming closer to the truth then she knew.

"Yeah, I guess that's why we didn't last. We were more like brother and sister, well more like just close friends."

"But you hate him now, for what happened last night?" She guessed.

"No, I don't hate him. I'm really pissed, but I don't think I could ever really hate him. But Edward is more important to me than anyone, so if he wants me to never speak to him again, then I won't."

"What am I supposed to do?" She asked with tears pooling back in her eyes.

"I can't decide that for you. You are still young, so I'm not going to tell you that Jake is the 'one' for you, but sometimes, when we know, we know."

"And what if he is the 'one'?" She asked.

I shrugged. "I know if it were me, then nothing could get in the way of that. When you find that person, then there's nothing you won't do, or be, for them. I knew Edward and I belonged together, so I decided that was most important and I did what I needed to do until he came back."

"We were all trying to get him to _not_ come back." She said quietly. "He was going to come back here in August, but Anthony had a heart attack and we convinced him to stay. It was strange, like he was the one keeping us all together and we knew it. But he wanted to leave, he said it was to keep a promise to Carlisle, but I knew he was going back to you. He used to talk to you in his sleep, and draw you all the time. He really loved you, even if he pretended not to."

"I know he did, he told me. And that's what I'm talking about. You have to decide who is most important to you." I told her.

"But Edward is my brother, and I don't want him to hate me for staying with Jake."

I shrugged again. "I lost my dad to be with Edward, and I'll never regret it. I was raised by just my dad, so we were always really close, but when Edward became more important to me than anything, I was willing to sacrifice that relationship. If you aren't willing to give up everything else for Jake, then maybe he's not the 'one', or maybe you're just not ready." I actually hated telling Edward's little sister to cut ties with him and go be with Jake, especially after what happened last night, but if anyone felt anything close to what I feel for Edward, then there isn't anything stronger in the world and it's just cruel to want them to stay apart.

…

**(EPOV)**

I actually wasn't mad at Charlie, I felt sorry for him. Maybe it was because I was a father myself now and could understand where he was coming from, or maybe because he reminded me of Anthony, bitter and lonely.

I could tell that he loved Bella very much and is still afraid for her, but I just wish he would see how wrong he is. He didn't trust me, and I didn't expect him to, but he was letting that get in the way with his relationship with Bella. But even worse than that, he was projecting his emotions about his ex wife, onto his daughter who was nothing like her. Just because Renee was bitter about being a mom and took off leaving Bella without a mother, that doesn't mean Bella will do that to Carlie.

Maybe if I didn't trust Bella completely, then my past experience with my own shitty mother might make me question Bella's future flight risk, but I knew better now.

At least my conversation with Charlie told me that his distance wasn't something that I could fix.

The empty jail cell was so quiet that my mind started running away with me again. I started thinking about Bella, and the look on her face as they were taking me away in the police car. She was so angry, and scared and made me feel like shit. I swore to her and to myself that I'd never be the cause for those emotions on her face again, but for some reason, I just couldn't help getting myself into trouble. It was like I was a magnet for stupid situations like that, and I should have been in better control of my emotions, then to lose it on Black.

I figured I'd be locked up for the night at least, so I laid back and attempted to sleep, even though I knew I never could. I spent most nights sleeping with myself still inside of Bella after making love a few times, so sleeping without her now, was next to impossible.

I hated being so far from Carlie too. I was so used to drifting off listening to the little noises she made in her sleep, and wake in the morning to see her tiny pink hands reaching up to me while she wore a big smile on her face meant just for me.

I didn't care how pissed off I was, or how much of an idiot Black was being, nothing was worth the torture of being away from my _girls_ all night like this. I knew then that I would always be able to control my temper from here on out. I learned my lesson; my life was more important than anything that could make me that angry again.

The next morning, I had a visitor bright and early. Carlisle came after I had only been in this place for an hour, and promised that he'd keep Bella away, I didn't want her to see me behind bars, so I knew my visitor wasn't her. But for some reason when my visitor did come into view, I wasn't surprised.

"So, you thought you'd come in to laugh at me, prick?" I asked Jacob full of attitude. And couldn't help but smirk to see the damage I made on his face, by pounding my fist against it the night before.

"No, I came to apologize." He said unexpectedly.

"Mr. Perfect apologize, what the hell for?" I asked annoyed by his very presence.

"Look, I shouldn't have said those things to you, so I'm sorry." Jake surprised me and actually sounded sincere.

"Why shouldn't you have, they're true." I said bitterly referring to his harsh but true comments he said which made me start the fight.

"Edward, I just want to put all this shit behind us, I'm sick of it. I don't want to look at you and just see the guy that messed around with my girlfriend and screwed up her life, because I don't feel that way anymore." He said calmly.

"How did you get in here anyway? I thought minors weren't allowed in to see prisoners?" I said trying to ignore his previous comment.

"Well, I have connections around here. My dad used to work here until he was forced into early retirement by a couple of degenerates who left him paralyzed, remember?"

"Yeah I remember that." I said quietly while putting my head down. "It doesn't change anything, but I wasn't driving that car." I said to him.

"No, that kid died." He said harshly.

"I _am _sorry for your father, Jacob. I was an idiot back then, and I was an idiot when I was with Bella before too, I didn't deserve her."

"You still don't" he said quickly.

I shook my head. "And probably never will." I agreed.

"Edward, I love Bella, she's my best friend and I realize now that she always was _just _that. I didn't love her the way that I _hope_ that you do, but she's still important to me. And I love Carlie too, I don't get to see her anymore because Bella said you wouldn't want me to, but I miss her, I miss both of them. I'm not asking to be friends with you, but it's really important to me that we at least try to be civil and tolerate each other."

This is exactly why I hated Jacob Black. He was just that sickly nice guy who goes around and tries to make peace everywhere and do the right thing all the time, it's just unnatural.

"And?" I prompted him knowing he had more to say.

"And…I'm in love with your sister." He said slowly.

"Ugh!" I whined in disgust thinking of the two of them together. I walked over to back wall and started gently but effectively, pounding my head there, just to escape the horrible image of it.

"I swear I didn't know she was your sister, and I never expected such strong feelings especially in such a small amount of time, but I understand how Bella was describing the way she feels for you now, because that's exactly how I feel for Nessie."

Crap, Shit, Fuck, Damn! I really hated this guy.

"How the hell did you come up with that horrible nick name for her anyway?" I asked annoyed.

He shrugged. "She is just so amazing and I thought that Vanessa was just too common for someone like her, so I just came up with it."

"Here's a thought, how about 'Van' for short?" I said

"Van's boring, and Vanessa is far from boring."

"She's sixteen, you do realize that right?" I asked him.

"And I'm seventeen."

I glared at him. I knew all too well that he was seventeen, that's the only reason why I was in jail in the first place.

"Ok, almost eighteen, but still, it's not like it's a huge age difference. Besides, Ness is very mature for her age." He said defensively.

"Yeah, when she wants to be." I said mostly to myself. I walked over to the chair closest to the bars where Jacob was sitting on the other side, and sat down.

"This animosity that I have for you is definitely getting in the way of who I really want to be, so I'm going to try to drop it." I forced myself to say. "I still hate you, but I'm going to try to keep it to myself for now on."

He nodded before saying "Why do you hate me though? I mean I appreciate the whole cease fire thing, but I just don't get it."

I took a deep breath. "I really don't know." I said honestly, and after staring at me for a minute completely dumbfounded, he busted out laughing.

I watched him laugh at me and it just pissed me off, but for some reason I found myself laughing too. Ok now I know I'm crazy, laughing with Jacob Black while locked up in jail, what's the world coming to?

"You know, I do have to admit, you are a lot tougher than you look." Jacob said after calming down.

"Yeah, well, I've been fighting for a long time, you just get used to it after a while." I said. "But you are nowhere near as strong as I expected." And we both started laughing hysterically again.

"What the hell is going on in here?" Charlie came storming in. "Jake, what the hell are you doing here?" he asked surprised and angry.

"Sorry Charlie." He said and got up to leave, still trying to contain his laughter.

Stupid prick.

…**..**

**(BPOV)**

We all jumped up when we heard Carlisle's car pulling up to the house.

"Did you get him out?" Esme asked quickly.

Carlisle shook his head regretfully. "Charlie isn't going to let this go without a fight." He said then turned to me. "I'm sorry Bella, but I'm going to need to involve my lawyer and this may get ugly."

I nodded in understanding.

"What does that mean?" Vanessa asked confused.

"It means that if Charlie won't drop the charges, then I'm going to sue him for harassment and wrongful imprisonment." Carlisle said regretfully. He didn't want to sue my father because he knew that he could afford a much better lawyer than Charlie could, and it would probably end up costing him his job. As angry as Carlisle was with Charlie, he still didn't want him to get fired over it, but he'd do what he had to, to get Edward out of prison and this wiped off his record. The last thing Edward needed on top of his prior arrests, was an 'assault on a minor' conviction.

Carlisle left again, and Esme went out to run some errands. I had no idea where the rest of the Cullen's were, so that just left me, Carlie and Vanessa. We spent the next few hours getting to know each other better, when someone came to the door.

I never really answered the Cullen house door before, because no one hardly ever came over and when they did, whoever that was expecting them, was waiting close by the door.

I opened the door tentatively and was appalled at who was standing there.

"What the hell?" I asked annoyed before trying to shut the door again, but he put his hand in the way stopping it.

"Bells, please just hear me out?" Jacob asked, then he looked past me at Vanessa who was holding Carlie behind me. "Nessie, are you Ok?" he asked her.

I looked back at her sympathetically, because I knew how hard all this was for her too. She nodded to him and kissed Carlie on the head before walking towards me and putting her in my arms.

"I need to talk to him." She said to me, then grabbed his hand and pulled him outside, shutting the door behind them.

"Well Carlie, what are we supposed to tell daddy now?" I asked, really to myself. How upset was Edward going to be after finding out that Vanessa ran off with Jacob, and I actually encouraged her to do that.

I felt so torn about the situation. My loyalties were always to Edward first and foremost, but how could I tell her to stay away from Jake if she really loved him? It was like when people tried to keep Edward and me apart, that sucks and I wasn't about to do it to someone else.

I put Carlie down for a nap and went back down to the living room feeling completely helpless. I hated sitting and waiting for some news about Edward, when I really wanted to go down to the jail to see him. I didn't understand why he didn't want me there, but I wasn't going to push it either. Things were finally really good between us, and I wanted it to stay that way.

I was surprised when Vanessa and Jake came back into the house after only being gone for twenty minutes. They both looked way too happy and were holding hands.

"What's going on?" I asked not really interested.

"Edward should be home pretty soon." Vanessa said excitedly.

"What?" I asked confused but overjoyed.

"Well, with Carlisle's lawyer, the only way that they could keep him in jail any longer, is if my dad decided to press charges. And he asked me about it and I told him not to, so he didn't. Of course Charlie will probably be pissed at him for a while, but…" Jake said then shrugged.

"Ohmygod!" I said smashing it into all one word. I was so happy that I jumped at Jake and hugged him, before pulling away quickly. "Thanks Jake, I really appreciate it, but you probably still shouldn't be here when Edward gets back." I said still upset with him, despite my action.

Just then Carlisle's car pulled up and everything else disappeared as I locked eyes with Edward, who was getting out of the passenger side door. I ran to him and he smiled as I jumped into his open arms, and pressed my lips to his.

I had been away from him for about a year before, but for some reason this one night away was almost as hard, if not harder. Maybe it was because we weren't completely together before, but now, I just can't imagine my life without him.

"God, I missed you." I said to him out of breath from our kiss.

"I missed you too. Bella, I'm so sorry. I was such an idiot, I love you so much." He murmured to me, keeping his lips close to mine.

"No, no, you don't have to be sorry, my stupid dad…" I said but his lips shut me up as we kissed again, desperately.

After several minutes of me welcoming him home, he asked me how Carlie was, before looking up at Jake and Vanessa. Crap, Jake was such an idiot for coming over here.

"We cool?" Jake asked him unexpectedly.

Edward sighed and rolled his eyes, before saying. "Whatever." And then he led me in the house, and didn't say anything when Jake followed us in while holding Vanessa's hand.

What the hell did I miss?

…**..**

***I know it was long, hopefully not too boring. ****Please Review****."**


	23. Ch 22 Never Better

**Moon Scars**

*Rated **M **for sexual content*

Ch 22- _Never Better_

…..

(BPOV)

We spent the rest of the afternoon talking and spending time with everyone. When Carlie woke from her nap, Edward raced upstairs to get her, and I couldn't tell who was happier to see who. Edward squeezed her tightly and she grabbed his face with a smile and some cooing. Carlie never babbled and cooed more then when she was with Edward, almost as if she was trying to sing to him because he always sings to her.

Jacob stayed for a few hours, and Edward never said anything about it. Occasionally though, I'd see him glaring at Jake, but then he looked like he was trying to shake off whatever hostile feelings he was having towards him. I was so confused at their strained but peaceful coexistence, that it was actually giving me a headache.

"God, she's getting so big Bells." Jake said to me as we watched Edward arguing with Alice over what Carlie was wearing. Alice wanted to take her to change her outfit, but Edward wasn't about to let go of her at the moment for something like that.

"Yeah, it feels like she was just born yesterday." I agreed but never took my eyes off of Edward and Carlie. Watching them together was my absolutely favorite sight in the world, and I couldn't help but smile whenever I saw them.

"What did she say?" Edward asked Vanessa as she came back in the room. Edward insisted that she call their mom to tell her how she was doing and check in.

Vanessa shrugged. "Anthony said she wasn't home and didn't know where she was." Vanessa walked over to where Jake was sitting, and sat on his lap, and he wrapped his arms around her torso.

"Vanessa sweetheart." Esme said as she came walking down the stairs. "I just made up an air mattress for you in the study for the night."

"Oh, you didn't have to do that Mrs. Cullen." Vanessa said.

"Oh don't worry about it, and please call me Esme."

"Uh, she could have just stayed on Edward's couch like she did last night." I offered.

"No she couldn't." Edward said quickly.

"Damn, being in the clink make you horny, or what?" Emmet teased and then laughed his deep boisterous laugh.

"Emmet." Esme scolded him, completely appalled.

"What?" He asked like a dumbass.

Esme and Carlisle knew that Edward and I had sex in our room, and they allowed it because we were both eighteen and were in no way kids anymore, but that didn't mean that they were going to publicly condone it in front of the others either. Carlisle was the son of a preacher, and pre-marital sex wasn't something he would ever be comfortable with.

"I should be going." Jake said as he stood up and stretched his arms. "I'll see you tomorrow after school?" He asked Vanessa. She nodded and smiled at him, so he kissed her on the lips. Edward's face turned into one of disgust and looked like he was going to puck when their little kiss turned into a bigger, wetter one.

"Ok, enough." Edward said to them finally.

Jake pulled away, and said goodbye to everyone.

I wasn't sure, but I may have heard Edward say 'fucking prick' very quietly as Jake left.

Edward put Carlie to bed, and came back down to sit with me for a while as we continued to hang out with his family.

"So what are your plans Vanessa?" He asked his sister.

"I don't know yet. I just really don't want to go back when all Lizzy does is drink."

"But you are still a kid, you can't just live on your own." Edward told her.

"Maybe I'll get emancipated." She said.

"Then what? Are you still doing that online school thing?" he asked her

"Yes, and I'm getting good grades too. I still have a good amount of money left from my inheritance, so that should hold me over for a while, maybe I'll move in with Jake when he goes off to college in the fall."

"Oh, no you won't." Edward said forcefully. "Look, let me just think about this for a while. I'll call Lizzy tomorrow and talk to her about everything."

After we were sure Carlie was in a deep sleep, Edward and I went to bed for the night too. We kept the lights low, but didn't worry about talking or making noise, because Carlie slept like a rock.

"So what's up with Jake hanging out here?" I asked him finally.

"Oh, he came to the jail and we talked." He said casually.

"Wait a minute. He was allowed to go see you, but I couldn't?" I said offended.

"I, in no way, let him come. He just showed up there and we talked a little, and I just decided that fighting with him wasn't worth it. I didn't want to drive Vanessa away because of the way I feel about him, and he asked to come visit you and Carlie, so I decided to just at least attempt to tolerate him. I still hate him though."

"You are so beautiful." I told him completely mesmerized by the lines on his perfect face.

He smiled and it took my breath away. He put his hand under my chin. "Come here" he said softly and brought my lips to his. He kissed me sweetly, before pulling back and flashing me an evil grin. "Ok, take your clothes off."

I smiled widely back at him and started stripping. I loved making love to him, soft and sweet and completely combining our souls into one. But sometimes we just needed it hard, deep, and passionate, and I knew right away that it was going to be one of those nights.

My body was already ready and waiting for him as it buzzed in an impatient anticipation. We locked our lips together eagerly as we grabbed on to each other, up on our knees, on top of the bed. He was in nothing but his underwear, and I was down to my bra and panties.

He pulled me down on top of him so I was sitting, straddling his waist, and could feel his hardness at my core through our last remaining clothing. He unsnapped my bra and rubbed his hands down the side of my bare torso while looking at my chest with smile and a look of awe. He leaned forward and brought his lips to my right breast and kissed my nipple, then did the same with the other sending electric waves down my spine.

I started uncontrollably grinding myself onto his boxer covered erection, as he moaned breathlessly. We both became desperate, so he brought his hands to my hips and lifted me off of him so he could pull his boxers off, and didn't waste time being careful with my delicate panties, he just ripped them without a second thought.

I expected him to roll me over and get on top of me, but instead he replaced his hands on my hips, and guided me back over him.

"I've never been on top." I said surprised at his desired position.

"I'll help you." he whispered as he positioned my opening over his tip, never letting his hands leave my hips. He gently pulled me down on him so he was deep inside of me, then loosened his grip so I could have a chance to take over.

"What do I do?" I asked pathetically.

"Whatever you want. Just let go."

I started moving slowly, but after a minute I followed his advice and let go of my worry about how it was feeling for him, and concentrated on making it feel good for me. I rocked faster and harder until his huffing got too anxious and it was obvious that he was having a hard time letting me be in control. He met my rocking with upward thrusting, until it became too much for him and he rolled us both over in one swift move, never missing a single thrust, before he finished us both off by pounding me into an explosion until we were both completely and blissfully numb.

"You just couldn't handle not being in control, could you?" I asked struggling for air, after he collapsed over me.

"No. I tried though." He said while panting, and we both giggled.

We laid there and just let the high that followed linger, until it lulled us both to sleep.

The next morning, I awoke to Carlie's cries and expected Edward to jump out of bed to go get her, but he was gone. I forced myself to not panic from his absence, but I couldn't help the uneasy feelings I felt. Edward hardly ever got out of bed without me knowing, and if he did, then it was usually because something was wrong.

I got dressed, then picked up Carlie, and went downstairs right away to see if I could find Edward. I turned the corner into the kitchen and was relieved when I saw him sitting at the table talking to someone on the phone, but the expression on his face looked like the exact opposite of relief, he looked extremely stressed.

"You have responsibilities. You can't just run away from life and just be free to do whatever the hell you want." Edward was saying into the phone. I made Carlie a bottle then sat at the table next to Edward to feed her. "Damn it, Lizzy. What the hell am I supposed to do?... Well that's great….because it is your problem….You know she's not going to forgive you for this." Then he hung up.

Edward threw the phone to the side out of frustration, then looked over at me. "Lizzy decided that her measly life is too much for her, and she's moving to Vegas. Wonderful, right?"

"What about Vanessa?" I asked concerned.

Edward shook his head. "I don't know. She said that she just can't handle it, and that Anthony offered take care of her, but because of his health, child protective services will step in and say he's an inadequate guardian."

"Maybe the Cullens." I suggested.

"No. I mean I know that they probably would, but the system doesn't work like that. She'll go to an orphanage for a few months, then placed in a few different foster homes before she can even be eligible to be adopted."

"Can't this be her foster home?" I asked confused.

"No, in order to foster, the kid has to have a room which can only be shared with two others, and this house is pretty full. Besides, you can't really request a particular foster home. It goes by numbers and works on a rotation, so who knows where she'll end up." Edward told me, then rubbed his face with his hands, before resting his head down on the table.

"Edward, the obvious thing to do is take her yourself, you're eighteen and her closest relative. They should let you have guardianship of her right?" I asked.

He shook his head. "I have a criminal background. I've been arrested three times and have two felony drug charges. They probably wouldn't let me have sole custody of Carlie if I needed to, either."

"That's ridiculous, you're clean now and do everything right." I said frustrated.

"They don't care. The way they see it is that I could always screw up again."

Then I had an idea.

"What if you were married?" I asked.

He stared at me for a moment. "No, even if we get married this summer, she will already be in the system by then."

"So, let's go get married today. We'll go down to city hall and just make it legal. Nothing has to change, we don't even have to really tell anyone if you don't want to, but at least then I'll be a legal relative of hers, and I can use my clean record to get custody."

Edward looked down at his hands while deep in thought.

"It could work." He said finally. But then he looked up at me and smiled. "But you really don't want to marry me."

"Of course I do, that was the plan already right?"

"But this will be legal and binding, so you can't just change your mind when you realize how much of an idiot I really am."

"No, I already know that." I teased him.

He laughed for a moment, but then got serious. "You know I don't deserve you, right?"

"You keep saying that." I said annoyed. "Ok then, forget about you, what about what I deserve, don't I deserve to be happy?"

"Baby, you deserve happiness more than anyone else in the world."

"Well _you _are what makes me happy, so stop with the self loathing crap." I ordered him.

He smiled at me again. "So, we get married now at city hall, but when we can afford it we'll have a real wedding; the whole thing, white dress, cake, dancing."

"No, I don't want to waste money on something like that. I don't care about having a big wedding, in fact, I really don't want one at all. I just want to be married to you and spend our lives together in every way humanly possible."

"God, I love you so much." He said to me.

"And that's all I need." I told him back.

"Come here." He said, so I put Carlie in her baby chair and walked closer to him. He pulled me down on his lap and we kissed for a few minutes, until Carlisle came into the room and cleared his throat.

"Good morning." He said to us, then went over to kiss Carlie on the head.

"Morning." I said back.

"Hey Carlisle, we're going to get married." Edward said excitedly.

"Well, that is excellent news." Carlisle said with a smile. "Are you planning for a summer wedding?" He asked.

"No, we're going to go get married today." Edward said, and Carlisle looked stunned and somewhat concerned.

"What's the rush?" He asked us.

Edward told him about his mother and our plan to keep Vanessa out of foster care, and Carlisle still looked concerned, but he also looked a little proud too.

"Well, you two are definitely stepping up. But, I'd hate for you to get married before you're ready and for any other reason than just because you love one another."

"We do love each other." I told him. "And we are ready; I mean sure it would be easier to wait until after graduation, but there's only a couple months left and if this keeps Vanessa out of the system, then why not? It's not like we're getting married just for Vanessa, we were planning on it anyway."

Carlisle nodded. "Well ok then. I'll call my lawyer and have him contact social services to start the process of getting you two legal custody of her. You know, being married at eighteen with a baby and another teen to be responsible for, is not going to be easy. But I truly believe that if anyone can do it, it's you two. Now, I'd like the four of you to stay here, at least until graduation."

"Thanks Carlisle." Edward said.

"I'm really proud of you Edward, you really turned your life around and took responsibility where you were most needed."

"Thanks, but I never would have gotten better without your support, and Bella to make me want to be better." Edward said.

"This I do know. Thank you Bella, I know that you saved him." Carlisle said, making me feel very uncomfortable.

"I didn't do anything." I said quietly.

"Yes you did." Edward said just as quiet. "If it weren't for you, I'd have no desire to be better. I may have cleaned up my act for a while, but I would have fallen right back into my old crap, just like Lizzy did."

"You are no more your mother, then I am mine. We are better than them and we're going to be Ok." I promised him.

"Better than Ok." He said.

"Better than Ok" I repeated.

We all took the day off and went down to city hall. Esme and Alice cried the whole time, and Emmet and Rose kept kissing and exchanging meaningful looks, like they were planning their own wedding. Vanessa was holding Bree's hand and they were swinging them between each other like little girls. Carlisle was standing closest to us as Edward's best man, and he was holding Carlie because she wanted to be as close to Edward as possible.

We said our 'I dos', then kissed for the first time as a married couple, and everyone clapped for us. It wasn't exactly the most beautiful setting, but the intensity of the emotions between us was so magical that we could have been in the most glorious setting and not felt any different.

"I love you so much" he said to me.

"I love you too." I said with tears rolling down my face. Edward didn't cry because he never does, but I knew he was feeling every bit as much love and happiness as I was.

"We'll take Carlie and Vanessa, home. You two should go out and celebrate." Esme offered.

"Thanks Esme." We both said together.

We all walked out towards the car and said our goodbyes, when Edward and I crossed paths with Charlie on our way to the car. Charlie spends a lot of time at city hall because he's the police chief, so I wasn't that surprised to see him there, but I was just hoping we'd miss him.

"What's going on?" He asked us suspiciously.

Edward looked at me to see if I wanted to tell him or not, so I figured, what the hell.

"We just got married, do you want to congratulate us?" I asked with a little more attitude than I intended knowing what his reaction would be.

"No really, what's going on?" He asked in disbelief.

I held up my left hand to show him the ring that Edward's grandfather gave him which belonged to his grandmother before she died. "Not kidding." I said flatly as his face dropped into a very pale color of white.

"Can I call you dad?" Edward joked humorlessly.

Charlie closed his eyes and tilted his head up towards the sky, before looking at me again briefly and walking away.

"Are you Ok?" Edward asked me.

And like every other time that he asked me that question, I answered truthfully with "Never better."

*******Please Review*******


	24. Ch 23 Legal

**Moon Scars**

Ch 23- _Legal _

…

(BPOV)

We didn't have the time or money for a proper honeymoon, so we went to the one place that was sure to be more magical than any tropical getaway could possibly be. The meadow. It was the place where it all began and there couldn't have been a more perfect place to begin our lives together as a married couple.

We spent the rest of the day swimming in the spring, and basking in each other's glory as we couldn't separate from one another. We had our clothes off the whole time but when the sun lowered in the sky, we forced ourselves to separate and get dressed.

"Well Mrs. Cullen, are you ready to go home?" he asked me and I couldn't help but smile.

"No. But if we must." I said in a complaining manner but the smile never left my face. He had been inside of me most of the day, but I could never seem to get enough of him and I knew I never would.

"Don't worry love, we'll continue this later at home." He promised, so I reluctantly agreed.

I was feeling a little woozy from making love all day, and I kept stumbling as we hiked down the mountain, so Edward laughed at me and offered me a ride.

"What?" I asked him questionably.

"Come on, jump on my back."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes, get on." He said, so I jumped on his back and he actually gave me a piggyback ride the rest of the way. I felt stupid at first, but after a few minutes, I actually let myself have fun with it.

"Come on, go faster." I teased him, so he got me back by spinning around while I screamed and begged for him to stop.

"How are you not dizzy?" I asked him as he walked completely straight after he finished spinning.

"I just have a good equilibrium. It helped all the times when I used to get high." He said casually.

We spent the rest of the evening as if it were any other day, just talking and hanging out with everyone. And we spent that night as if it were any other night, making love and sleeping on the little bed, attached together like we were one and completely intertwined. We didn't really expect things to change between us just because we had a piece of paper that said we were legally bound, because we were already as close as two people could possibly be.

I fell asleep that night, watching a replay in my mind of all of our time together since the very beginning. We started out in some strange reluctant and secret friendship that quickly became the most important part of my life. Then that small but significant part of my life, became my whole life and I just sleep walked through my time away from him because I was only me, and only truly alive when I was with him. Everything came crashing down after that, and I had to find a way to survive without him when he was gone for all those months. Looking back on it now, I was actually extremely thankful that I was pregnant because having a part of him in our baby, was the only way that I survived his absence. But now he was my husband, and life was perfect.

We still had issues that we needed to figure out, like how we're going to handle finances and things in the future, but as long as we stayed together, I knew nothing could bring us down. But every time I thought about our future, I could never see past this year, as if there was some kind of ominous cloud hovering over us, concealing the life we are meant to share.

When I was getting ready for school the next day, I realized that I had a small problem. Do I take off my ring and act as if nothing happened, or do I wear it and answer truthfully if someone asks about it? We didn't have enough money to buy Edward a wedding band, so he didn't have to worry about it, but Edward already had his grandmother's ring and was planning on giving it to me after graduation, so we used that as my wedding ring.

"Edward, should I wear this to school?" I asked him as he came out of the bathroom.

"If you want to. I don't really care either way."

"You don't care?" I asked in disbelief.

"No. I get to keep you forever and have you whenever I want, so why would I care what other people think?"

"Wow, you sure have changed." I said with a smile.

"Hopefully for the better." He said seriously.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him gently. "Definitely for the better."

We started for the stairs, when Edward made a left turn towards the study, and he knocked loudly.

"Vanessa, you have to get up." He said through the door.

"What for?" She yelled back.

"Because I'm signing you up for school today, so get your ass out of bed."

We heard a loud thump, followed by rushed footsteps as they thundered closer to us until the door swung open.

"Are you serious?" She asked excitedly.

"Yeah." He said annoyed. "So hurry up."

"But there's only like six weeks left of school." She said.

"So, you'll be all ready for next year then won't you?"

Vanessa was overjoyed at the idea of being able to go to school with Jake, even if it was only a few weeks, so she got ready faster than I thought she was capable of.

We left early because we knew we had to go to the office to take care of some legal things. We weren't technically Vanessa's guardians yet, but as her eighteen year old brother, Edward was able to sign her up for classes anyway. I had to go in too because my legal name became Cullen, so I had to transfer everything into that new name. I loved the idea of my diploma reading '_Isabella Cullen_' and I couldn't wait to actually see it.

"Come on, I'll walk you to your first class." Edward told Vanessa as the bell rang.

"Ok, thanks" She said.

Edward kissed me goodbye, and I went to my first class. When I walked in the room, Angela looked up at me surprised and waited for me eagerly, to take my seat next to her.

"Oh my god Bella, I've been so worried about you since what happened on Saturday and then you weren't at school on Monday and I got even more concerned, is everything Ok, what happened with Edward?" She asked in a rush.

"Oh I'm sorry, I saw that you called but I was pretty busy over the weekend and didn't find a moment to call you back." I told her. "Edward is fine, his step dad got him out by Sunday morning, but then yesterday we just took the day off." I said vaguely.

"Alice was gone yesterday too."

"Yeah, she had to help us with something."

"Bella, what aren't you saying?" She asked suspiciously.

"Ok, what the hell." I told myself quietly. "Yesterday, Edward and I got married."

"What?" She said a little too loudly.

"Sshhut up." I shushed her.

"Oh, sorry." She whispered. "Are you serious, you and Edward really got married?"

"Yes." I whispered back and showed her my ring.

"Oh, wow. Why now though?" She asked me.

"Long story." I told her. "I'll talk to you more at break."

"Ok."

When break finally came, Angela was eagerly waiting for me at our normal meeting area, but Edward beat me there, and she was questioning him while Ben was listening to his explanation with wide eyes as if he was worried Angela would want to get married right away too.

"So you guys just decided to get married? That is so sweet and romantic." She said to him as I walked up. I sat in front of Edward and he put his arms around me and kissed my neck.

"But they only got married because they had to, for his sister. Right Edward?" Ben said nervously.

"No actually Ben, we were planning to get married this summer anyway, we just bumped it up a few months because of my sister." Edward said with a smug expression.

"Thanks man, now Angela is going to get ideas." Ben whispered to Edward.

"Hey guys." Jacob said after walking over to us. Ben and Angela looked uncomfortable right away from his presence and eyed Edward for any signs of snapping.

"Hey Jake." I said casually. When I told Angela about our sudden preempted wedding, I never mentioned the fact that Edward and Jake declared peace, so they were still worried about another brawl erupting between them.

"How's Vanessa today, I haven't talked to her since Sunday, and I couldn't get a hold of her yesterday." Jake said sounding concerned.

"Oh, that's because she was at our wedding yesterday and she was busy with Alice and Esme afterward." Edward said nonchalantly.

"Wait, what?" Jake said confused.

"We got married yesterday at city hall, so Vanessa was with us." I explained.

"Sorry, we meant to invite you, but we must have lost the invitation." Edward said sarcastically.

"You're not joking are you?" Jake asked me.

"Nope." I told him, then I explained the situation about Vanessa, and Jake had a mixture of worry, and relief written all over his face.

"So, how sure are you that you'll get custody of her?" he asked us.

"Carlisle has a very good lawyer, it should work." Edward said flatly.

"I gotta go see her." Jake said then headed for the parking lot, before he noticed Vanessa a few feet away walking towards us.

"Jake." She said happily.

"You're here." He said surprised.

"Yeah, my dad over there made me come." She joked.

Jake wrapped his arms around her waist and hugged her tightly, as if it had been months since they had seen each other last, instead of a couple days. "I missed you."

"I missed you too." She said with a smile, then they started kissing again.

"Ugh." Edward whined from behind me like he did the last time we were witness to them making out.

"Hey man, at least he doesn't have eyes for Bella anymore." Ben said to Edward.

"That's true." Edward agreed. Edward and Ben weren't exactly best friends, but they seemed to get along pretty well, which Angela and I were happy about. Jake used to hang out with us sometimes when we were together, but he got along better with his football buddies than with Ben, so it made sense that Ben would take Edward's side on anything, over Jake's.

"Well, well, well. What do we have here?" I turned around to see James, the school menace.

"Leave us the hell alone." I told him. I looked back briefly, and Edward had a strange expression on his face.

"Edward, my old buddy, when on earth did you get back?" James asked in a falsely friendly tone.

"I should be asking you that. I've been back for a couple months, but I haven't seen you at all until now." Edward said sounding a little wary.

"That's because I just got out of jail myself. I heard you were arrested a few months back for drug possession." James said to him with a sadistic smile.

"Yeah, so?" Edward said annoyed.

"So, you were hiding some of my shit in that big old house of yours too, and since the cops ransacked the place and took everything, I'm going to need you to pay me for all of it because if you don't, I'm going to have to kill you." James sneered.

"Go to hell." Edward said dryly.

James grabbed Edward by the collar of his shirt, and pulled him up. "What the fuck did you just say punk?"

Edward shoved James off of him easily. "Don't fucking touch me prick." Edward warned him.

"Oh yeah, what are you going to do about it?" James said as he flicked Edward's shirt with his fingers.

I started to freak out inside from the thought of Edward getting into another fight. The last time he was in a fight at school, he got suspended and then all hell broke loose and he disappeared from my life for almost a year. Not to mention the fact that his face was still bruised from when he and Jake got into it a few days ago.

"Edward, it's not worth it man." Jake said as he walked closer to the confrontation, and I was suddenly grateful that he was there. Edward was tough and I knew he could handle himself, but James was unpredictable and it made me feel better to know that Jake could help control the situation if it turned to that. Ben stood up too, as a sign that he'd back up Edward if it turned into a fight. James looked at Edward, then at Jake and Ben and decided to back down. But as a parting insult, James looked at me and put his two fingers up to his mouth and stuck his tongue out between them. Edward saw his disrespectful gesture and lunged for him, but Jake caught him from behind before he could reach him and James just kept walking away.

"He's not worth it." Jake repeated to him, still keeping his arms locked around Edward's shoulders.

"Ok!" Edward yelled at Jake and pushed his arms off of him.

"What the hell was that about anyway?" Jake asked him.

"What, I actually thought it was perfectly clear. James thinks I owe him money because the police confiscated the drugs I was hiding for him when they ransacked the Cullen house last year." Edward explained.

"Well how much does he want?" Ben asked.

Edward shook his head. "I don't know, a few grand." He guessed.

"Why don't you just ask for the money from Carlisle?" Vanessa suggested.

"Because its bull shit. I'm not going to ask Carlisle for drug money, besides the whole thing is ridiculous, he stole a bunch of drugs from me and if I was going after him for a pay back, he'd owe me a lot more than what the police took of his from my house."

"Well why the hell is he coming after you then?" Jake asked him.

"Because he's a moron that doesn't know how to count." Edward said coldly. "I don't know. James is just a trigger happy idiot, who's always looking for a fight. It's like a game to him; he just likes to mess with people and is only happy when he thinks he's terrifying people."

"Edward, maybe we should talk to Carlisle anyway. Just let him know that James is threatening you so he can help us figure out how to handle this." I suggested

"Babe, don't even worry about it, James is just all talk, he's really just a pansy under it all. I know for a fact that he's terrified of Jacob, and now that he thinks Jake's my friend, he'll leave me alone." Edward tried reassuring me, but I wasn't convinced.

"Really, he's afraid of me?" Jake asked smugly.

"Yeah, he used to take the long way to class so he wouldn't have to cross paths with you. He never said why, so what did you do, kick his ass or something?" Edward asked excitedly.

"No, not that I can recall. But maybe one of my friends did or something."

"No, he's specifically afraid of you, he never said anything about any of the others." Edward told him.

Jake thought about it for a moment, and then shrugged. "Whatever; that's cool though."

The rest of the week went by uneventful. Our little group of friends changed a bit; in the beginning of the school year basically it was me, Alice, Angela and occasionally Ben. Ben usually spent lunch in the audio visual room working on his projects, but since Edward came back, Ben's been spending more and more time with us almost as if he thinks he'll be cool by association or something. Girls still fell all over themselves for Edward, and they didn't even care that he was with me or that we had a baby together, in fact, it almost seemed to make them want him more, but he just ignored them. Most guys still thought Edward was cool too; they all just wished girls liked them as much as they like Edward. But since Vanessa started here, Jake has joined our little group too. I actually expected her to hang with his friends because she saw us enough at home and I figured she'd get sick of us, but the truth was that her and Edward were actually pretty close and she tended to lean on him for support a lot.

It was actually very nice hanging with Jake again. We were still very good friends and now that he was head-over-heels for Vanessa, there wasn't any more resentment or jealousy from anyone anymore. Edward didn't even care if Jake and I were ever alone together either, it was like everything was balanced, we all had someone we couldn't live without.

"So, why don't you ever hang out with your other friends anymore?" I asked Jake while we walked to class the following week.

"Well, there's still the whole Kim issue." Jake said.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Jared still hates Edward for what happened last year with Kim, and we all pretty much stick together, so everyone hates Edward. It's almost as if everyone shares a brain or something, it's crazy. Anyway, they weren't too happy about me spending so much time around him, so they called me a traitor and all that fun stuff, so I broke away from them and now none of them will speak to me."

"Awe Jake, I'm sorry about that. I hate that you lost all your friends over that." I told him.

"Don't worry about it; Nessie is far more important to me then being part of their little pack. I mean, not all of them hate me, Seth still tries to follow me around like a lost puppy. But then again, he has an elective class with Edward and he actually really likes him, so I'm not sure if Seth just still wants to be my friend, or if he really just wants to hang out with Edward more."

"Well, you should tell him to come to lunch with us every once in a while, I bet Edward likes him too."

"I don't know, he's only a junior, so…"

"And Vanessa is a sophomore, so you might want to get them acquainted so he can watch out for her next year." I suggested.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. But all the biggest jack asses in this school are all graduating this year with us, so there really isn't anyone that I have to worry about being around Nessie."

"You never know." I teased, and his face became stressed with worry.

"How am I going to keep Ness interested in me for two whole years while she's here without me?" He asked concerned.

"If she really loves you, then it won't be a problem. What about you, you'll be at Washington State, and there will be tons of pretty college chicks who would love to date a football stud like you." I joked, but was serious at the same time.

"No way. Bella I know this might sound strange because it's only been a few weeks, but Nessie is my soul mate, and I don't even see other girls anymore, it's as if they are just featureless blank faces."

"It doesn't sound weird, I know exactly how that feels." I assured him.

Over the past short week, Edward and Jake actually started getting along pretty well, they even joked with each other and would peacefully hang together during breaks and lunch, while they waited for the rest of us to join them. Jake came over the Cullen house just about every day after school, and we'd all just hang together, do homework, and play with Carlie until the evening. Edward even stopped giving dirty looks when Jake would hold Carlie, he didn't seem to care about Jake's presence in our lives at all anymore.

"There is someone here who wishes to see Mr. and Mrs. Cullen." Carlisle said to us as we were all doing homework in the kitchen.

Edward and I exchanged glances, before getting up and following Carlisle to the living room. I looked back and Vanessa real quick, and she had a panicked expression on her face knowing this probably had something to do with her. Jake grabbed her hand, and she immediately relaxed from his touch.

When we got into the living room, a man in an ugly brown suit was sitting there with a huge stack of papers. He looked at us, and stood as we came closer.

"And you two must be Mr. and Mrs. Cullen?" he asked and put out his hand for Edward to shake. "My name is Jason Jenks, I'm a legal representative for social services."

"Uh, right, we've been waiting for your visit." Edward said and shook his hand. "I'm Edward, this is my wife Bella."

"Very nice to meet both of you." he said while shaking my hand. "It's always wonderful when young people such as yourself, steps up to care for a family member."

"So, does this mean that the guardianship has been approved?" Edward asked eagerly.

"Well, let's see here. You already have her in school, so that's a plus, and you have a place to live," he said while reading a paper in front of him. He then looked up at Edward "So where do you plan on living next year, this is just a temporary home, is that right?"

"Uh, yes. We're saving money to rent a three bedroom apartment next year." Edward answered.

"And besides the minor in question and the two of you, who will be living at the apartment?" Jenks asked.

"Just our daughter." Edward said.

"Uh Huh," he said and wrote something on the paper.

"So it will just be the four of you then?"

"Yes." Edward said.

"Ok, well everything looks to be in order, now the only issue is your prior drug use. So if you can pass a drug test that can detect drugs in your system over the past month, then all this should be finalized within the next week or so."

"Ok, no problem, thanks Mr. Jenks." Edward said.

"You know, had you not been married to your beautiful young wife here, I highly doubt this would have all gone through. Your record alone would have made it extremely difficult to allow a minor to be put under your care."

"Yes well, I'm grateful for her in many more ways than that." He said to him while looking at me.

"So here's the paperwork for temporary guardianship of the minor Vanessa Mason, until the drug test comes back and if it's clean, you'll get your permanent guardianship paperwork next week."

"Thank you very much." I told him.

"Thanks" Edward agreed, and walked him out.

The second Edward and Mr. Jenks were out of the living room, Vanessa and Jake came running out of the kitchen.

"Did he really say that it's all going to be Ok?" She asked excitedly.

"Yep." I said with a smile and Vanessa jumped at me hugging me tightly.

"Thank you so much Bella, you really saved me. You saved my brother too, you are so amazing."

"But wait." Jake said. "He said it's dependent on Edward's drug test, how sure are you that he's been clean for at least the past month?"

"Edward has been clean for almost a year." I said confidently. "He even quit smoking cold turkey as soon as he found out about Carlie."

"Ok." Jake said uneasily.

Edward came back in the room and Vanessa ran to him and hugged him tightly. "Thanks Eddie." She said into his shoulder. "You're the best brother anyone could ask for."

*******Please Review*******


	25. Ch 24 Prom

**Moon Scars**

A/N: _This is kind of a light-hearted filler chapter, but there will be more drama in the upcoming chapters__**.**_

*****Rated **M **for sexual content*****

Ch 24 – _Prom_

…

(BPOV)

"How about this one?" Vanessa asked as she pulled a gown off the rack and held it up to herself.

"Looks great." I told her.

"Oh no, that is just awful. What is wrong with you two?" Alice said annoyed.

"Alice, she can pick whatever dress she wants." I defended her.

"Oh come on, that dress does nothing to bring out her eyes and it doesn't compliment her natural coloring either. It completely washes her out and makes her look pale. Now this, this is her color." Alice said pulling out a silky emerald colored dress.

I looked at the price tag. "Yeah, and it's also eight hundred dollars."

"It's Ok Bella; I have my inheritance to pay for it." Vanessa said with a smile.

"Vanessa, I really think you should be saving that money for college. Edward and I talked about it and decided that we should buy your dress."

"Bella, you have to buy your own dress, besides, I applied for a job at the Newton sporting goods store. So I'll be able to pay for this kind of stuff on my own."

"That's great that you are trying to get a job." I told her. "But, I don't need to buy myself a dress because I'm not going to the prom."

"Oh Bella stop being such a downer. Edward already bought the tickets, so stop complaining and go try on some dresses." Alice ordered.

"Alice, I can think of about a million other things that I could spend this money on, and me getting a dress to go to a dance that I really don't want to go to, is stupid."

Alice rolled her eyes at me. "Bella, I know you have all these responsibilities and all, but you need to enjoy being young while you still are. You act like you're an old woman or something."

"Ok, alright, I'll go and stop complaining." I reached for the closest dress to me and handed it to Alice without even looking at it. "How about this one?"

"Bella, that's actually really pretty." Vanessa said. Alice looked it over and considered it for a few moments. She looked at me, then back at the dress.

"Ok, go try it on." She said and handed it back to me.

I did as I was told and, and was surprised at how well the dress actually fit me. I walked out of the dressing room tentatively, and waited for their reactions.

"Oh Wow, you look amazing." Vanessa said.

"Well, I wouldn't say '_amazing' _yet, but you will after hair and makeup and the proper shoes. Ok that's it, and it's deep sapphire, which is Edward's favorite color and just so happens to be the best color for your skin tone." Alice said in approval. So I bought the damn dress.

That night after we put Carlie to sleep, Edward got a little nosey about my dress. "So can I see it?"

"I'd let you, but Alice said she'd make me pay if I showed it to you."

"Oh come on, I just want to see what it looks like."

"Since when are you all into what I'm wearing?" I asked him suspiciously.

"You're right, I'd rather see you without anything on at all." He said with his crooked smile.

"Well, that can be arranged." I said to him seductively and started taking my clothes off in a playful striptease.

When I was down to my bra and panties, Edward brought his hands to my hips and pulled me into him forcefully and brought his lips to mine. He then pushed me over on the bed and I couldn't help but giggle at him as he positioned himself on top of me. He smiled at my giggles but then shut me up as he trailed his lips down the length of my body sending electric waves down my spine.

He pulled my legs apart and let his hand slither between the lace fabric of my panties and my skin, and started gently caressing my sensitive folds. My body tensed from his touch and became even more desperate when he pulled down my panties and slipped two fingers into my seeping opening.

"Edward" I moaned, but he just smiled and chuckled at my anxiousness.

He removed his fingers, but replaced them with his tongue as he moved his lips and mouth around my heated center. I bent my legs up from the intensity of it, but he grabbed onto them holding us both in place. I couldn't take it, it was just too much so I pulled myself up to a seated position, but he didn't stop so I tangled my hands in his hair and balled them into fists.

"Edward" I said again breathlessly.

He chuckled again, but didn't move his mouth when he did it so his laugh sent vibrations against my most sensitive spot. He could tell that I was close, so he got up and pushed me back to a laying position on the bed and undid his pants before pushing into me. He only pumped a few times before I was tightening around him, but he continued to thrust until I could feel his warmth shooting into me.

"You really suck." I said as I was laying there panting.

He laughed again. "You know that's not something a guy wants to here after servicing his woman.

"No, it was amazing, but you know that it drives me crazy."

"Of course I do, that's why I do it." He said.

"And that's why you suck." I told him and he laughed again.

We all spent that Saturday at the beach celebrating Jake's birthday. It was the first time that Edward had been to the beach in LaPush since they got into their first fight three years ago, but their attitude towards each other has completely changed since then.

"Ok, let's play football." Ben suggested.

"Hell no, it's no fun playing football with football players." Edward protested.

"Awe come on, we'll go easy on you princess." Jake teased

"Oh alright, fine, you're on. You and Ben, against me and Seth." Edward said to Jake.

"Fine, let's go." Jake said and the guys all got up, and took off down the beach to play their little game.

"Hey, why can't we play?" Angela said offended.

"Because woman, this is a man's sport." Ben said to her, so she playfully flipped him off as he ran to catch up with the others.

"So, how close is she?" Angela asked me as we watched Vanessa trying to get Carlie to crawl.

"Uh, she's pretty close, but she definitely doesn't like her hands in the sand." I said with a laugh as Carlie kept looking at her hands and getting a disturbed expression on her face.

"Oh come on Carlie, do it like auntie." Vanessa said, and then started crawling around to show Carlie how to do it, but she just giggled at her.

I looked up at the guys just in time to see Seth tossing the ball to Edward, and he caught it easily then took off running with Jake right behind him. Edward was able to keep away from Jake and scored, making Seth cheer loudly.

"Woo, in your face sucker." Seth yelled at Jake and held his hand up to Edward so they could bump fists.

"Damn, you are one fast son of a bitch." Jake said to Edward. "Why didn't you ever try out for the team?"

"Please, I had better things to do then play football with a bunch of guys wearing too tight of pants." Edward said.

"Like what, get high and screw around with other people's girlfriends?" Jake asked.

"Yeah, well it seemed like a good idea at the time." Edward joked and they surprised me by both laughing.

When it started to get dark, the guys built a bonfire and we all roasted hot dogs. Jake and Seth ate at least an entire package of hotdogs each, so it was a good thing that I brought tons of them. I was worried that Carlie would be afraid of the fire, but she didn't seem to care, though that just worried me more because it was more likely that she could get burned from the fire if she wasn't afraid of it.

Everyone took turns holding Carlie, and she absolutely loved the attention, until she fell asleep so I bundled her up and laid her on the blanket.

Jake decided it would be fun to tell scary stories as we sat there, so he told us a story that his grandfather told him about the 'Cold Ones' or vampires. It was supposed to be scary, but we all just laughed at the ridiculousness of it. I guess it was a story meant to scare kids into listening to their parents or something like that.

"Come on; are kids in your family really afraid that there are real vampires?" Edward asked incredulously.

"Well I was, you know until I was like ten or something." Jake said defensively. "It's no different than believing in Santa Clause or the Easter Bunny."

"I never believed in those things." Edward said dryly.

"Well those of us with normal childhoods did." Jake said.

"Maybe so, but you are the only one who was afraid of vampires coming to get you in your sleep at night. Were you afraid of big bad werewolves too?" Edward teased.

"No, werewolves were like the heroes of our stories." Jake said quickly.

"That's so lame. Dogs of any kind suck." Edward said.

"That's just because you were bit by a dog when you were younger." Vanessa told him. "Dogs are the best, they're my favorite animal."

"Mine too." Jake agreed, and they kissed each other. "We can get a bunch of dogs when we get married."

"Well, I'm never coming to your house." Edward told them.

"Oh Eddie, you have to come to our house, I'm your sister so you're stuck with me." Vanessa said sweetly.

"If you want me to visit you at your house, then don't have dogs."

"You didn't mind Blaze after a while, and he was a German Sheppard." She told him.

"Well Anthony had that dog completely regimented and it knew better then to come near me." Edward said to her.

"Jacob, how are you man?" One of Jake's old friends said. He looked like he was going for an evening stroll on the beach with his girlfriend.

"Oh hey Embry, how are you?" Jake said.

"Hey Embry," Seth said.

"Oh hey Seth, I didn't see you over there. What are you guys doing?"

"We're just hanging out for Jake's birthday." Seth said.

"Oh yeah, its Jake's birthday isn't it? Don't you and your dad usually go out with Chief Swan and his daughter on your birthday?" Embry asked.

"Uh, we haven't done that since the year before last."

"Oh right, that's because that chick cheated on you or something right?"

"Ancient history dude." Jake said casually.

"What the hell, is that Edward Cullen?" he asked suddenly.

"Yeah, that's funny though that I have no idea who you are, but you seem to know me." Edward said smugly.

"Dude, why the hell are you hanging out with Edward Cullen?" Embry asked Jake, completely ignoring Edward's comment.

"Embry, really. Why the hell are you over here playing stupid? You know damn well that I've been hanging out with Edward lately, so knock the shit and be on your way." Jake told him bitterly.

"I just don't get it. Is his sister's ass is really that good, that you ditched all of your real friends over it?"

"Don't talk about my sister that way fucktard." Edward threatened him.

"Or else what?" Embry goaded him.

"Or I kick your ass." Jacob stood up and said.

"Really Jake, you're taking his side?" Embry asked in disbelief.

"No, I'm taking my girlfriend's side. Besides Edward grew out of his jackass ways, but you're still acting like an idiot. Just walk away and leave us alone."

"We're through Jake; after all these people screw you over, don't even think that you can come crawling back to us." Embry said angrily.

"Don't worry about me Em, I'm going to college in the fall so I won't need to stay around here and be a loser with you." Jake said with a vindictive smile.

Embry sneered, before walking off with his girlfriend, who was never introduced to us.

"I'm sorry for that Jacob." Edward said unexpectedly, taking Jake by surprise.

"For what?" Jake asked confused.

"For making all your friends turn on you. I know it's really about me, so I'm sorry. I was a fuck-up for so long and messed around with a lot of people, now it all seems to be coming back on the people around me."

"Can't really change the past, we just have to fix who we are today." Jake said.

"See? There you go with all that nice guy crap again. You know, that's why I hated you for so long, you just always say and do the right thing, it's just unnatural to be so freaking perfect all the time. Don't you ever just feel like cussing me out or just being a dick sometimes?" Edward asked him.

"Yeah I do, fucking ass wipe. I hate your fucking guts, you bust into town, get my dad in a wheelchair, fuck around with my buddy's girlfriend, fuck around with my girlfriend, leave town, come back to town, now I have to put up with your shit forever because you happen to share DNA with one of the most amazing people I've ever know. You really think I want you in my life and part of my family forever? I fucking hate you, but I deal with you because I love your sister. Fucking jerk, ass, prick, son of a bitch." Jake said quickly, hardly taking a breath in between words.

"Wow, why don't you tell me how you really feel?" Edward said. "You know, I think I might actually like you a little now." He said with a straight face.

"Well, I fucking hate you." Jake said humorlessly.

Vanessa just stared at them with a confused expression on her face, and looked like she was about to cry.

"You guys are idiots." I said quickly. "Edward, Jake was already an ass to you, remember? It resulted in my dad arresting you for fighting."

"Oh yeah. Right." Edward said.

"Yeah I forgot about that, no wonder why none of that shit I just said felt right. I was thinking it would be a release to get all that off my chest, but I really don't feel any different." Jake said, mostly to himself.

"How could you forget all of that, it didn't happen that long ago?" I said annoyed.

"Well maybe 'forget' isn't the right word. Maybe I just really liked repeating it all, but I'm over it now." I glared at Jake, so he said "What, your boy Eddie over there was asking for it." He said defensively.

"Hey, I didn't ask you to rehash the past man. I just said to quit trying to be so freaking nice all the time." Edward teased him.

"Whatever. Hey you guys want to play night football? I actually have a ball that glows in the dark." Jake said casually.

"Really? That's awesome." Edward said excitedly.

"Hey, let's switch teams though." Ben said. "Me and Seth"

"Awe, you guys are going down. Between Edward's speed and my strength, you don't stand a chance." Jake said cockily.

"Damn right man." Edward said and they gave each other a hi-five and took off running down the beach.

Angela shook her head. "Boys" She said annoyed.

"What the hell just happened?" Vanessa asked confused.

"I think Edward and Jake got over everything." I told her.

"But, they've been getting along fine lately." Vanessa said confused.

"Yeah but boys hold on to things even when you don't know it, and sometimes they just need to act stupid like that to truly get over their issues. Watch, now Edward and Jacob will be best friends; guys are just idiots sometimes. That's why they say that men and women are from different planets, we just think completely differently." Angela explained.

"I still don't really get it." Vanessa said.

"In time, you will." I said confidently.

We watched the guys play two more rounds of football, before we all left for the night. Angela was right about Edward and Jake, I mean they weren't exactly best friends or anything, but they were much closer than I ever thought they were capable of. They hung out in the Cullen garage a bunch, and worked on cars together. Jake brought his Rabbit over so Edward could help him work on it, because Billy still didn't like Edward and they figured it would be too much of an issue for them to work on the car at their house in LaPush.

Before I knew it, Carlie started crawling and was all over the place, resulting in the house needing to be baby proofed. Edward was so excited to witness Carlie becoming mobile, that he practically called everyone that we knew to gloat, it was actually really cute of him. And that weekend was the dreaded prom.

Vanessa, Alice, and I got dressed, and Alice did all of our hair. Carlie was sitting on the floor close by, and was playing with a clean make-up brush that I gave her, but she started biting it and pulling all the bristles off so I had to take it away from her. She cried for a minute, but Alice gave her a big hair bow, which seemed to make her happy.

When we were all ready to go, the three of us went down stairs where Edward, Jake, and Jasper were waiting for us. We all went to the arms of our significant others, and exchanged compliments on the other's appearance.

"Wow, babe…that dress is…I mean you look…just, wow." Edward said, finding it hard to come up with the right words.

"You look amazing." I said to him, and he really did. I never saw him in a tux before, and it actually made me almost miss the fact that we didn't have a wedding, almost. It would have been worth all the suffering through the guests and dancing and walking down an aisle, just to see Edward in all of his perfection wearing a tux.

Angela and Ben arrived, and so did Jessica and Tyler, so we all grouped together and Esme took pictures before we climbed in the stretch limo. Jessica and Vanessa were the most excited for the limo ride, they wouldn't stop pushing buttons and opening the little doors.

The prom was held just outside the city limit, in one of the nicest restaurants in the area. It overlooked the ocean and had a beautiful terrace outside so people could dance under the stars. We all sat at the same table, but separated most of the time just keeping to ourselves.

"So, is this so horrible?" Edward asked as we danced with me standing on his feet.

"No, I imagined a whole lot worse." I said honestly.

"You know, we can still have a wedding, maybe not right away but eventually." He said sweetly.

I thought about it for a minute. "Nah, I still wouldn't like everyone staring at me and all that. You know I'd probably fall on my face when I was walking down the aisle."

Edward smiled. "Yeah probably."

"You aren't supposed to agree with me, you're supposed to be supportive." I said playfully offended.

"I'm sorry Love." He said quickly. "What I meant to say is, 'no honey, you'd be perfect and I'm sure you would be completely graceful." He smiled.

"You can't even keep a straight face." I said pretending to be angry.

"I'm so sorry." He said completely laughing, and I laughed with him.

"I love you so much." I told him, then laid my head against his chest as he continued to dance for the both of us.

"I love you too, more than you'll ever know." He said back.

I used to believe that everyone in life was only allowed to have so much happiness, before their good fortune ran out. But after having such an amazing time with Edward and our daughter, I started to forget my old cynical beliefs.

After the events that followed that dance however, I knew for a fact that my first beliefs were actually right and my good fortune was just about up. I had more happiness and love than some people ever see in their whole lives, and it was time that fate took her revenge.

***Huge event in the next chapter, so I hope the lack of reviews doesn't mean that people lost interested in this story. Tis the season, so I know people are busy and don't always get to commenting, and that's Ok. It's just hard to know if people still like the story or not without reviews, so ****Please Review ****(If you can) Thanks.***


	26. Ch 25 Fate's Revenge

**Moon Scars**

A/N: Ok, I promised a huge event and here it is. This might make you completely hate me, but remember that this is a 'Twilight' story, and 'Twilight' always has happy endings, so keep that in mind when you read this chapter and please stay tuned to read the rest of the story, because it will all end on a high note. Thanks.

…..

Ch 25 – Fate's Revenge.

_I used to believe that everyone in life was only allowed to have so much happiness, before their good fortune ran out. But after having such an amazing time with Edward and our daughter, I started to forget my old cynical beliefs._

_Now however, I know for a fact that my first belief was right._ _I had more happiness and love than some people ever see in their whole lives, and it was time that fate took her revenge._

…_.._

(BPOV)

"Are you getting tired?" Edward asked me after dancing for the umpteenth time.

"Yeah, and my feet hurt from these damn shoes that Alice made me wear."

Edward smiled at me and I just stared at him for a surreal moment. He was so beautiful that sometimes it's just hard to believe that he's actually real, and belongs to me. I wanted every part of him, I didn't want there to be any part of him that I haven't explored, and that's when I realized that there was something that I never tried before.

"Hey, come with me for a minute." I told him and pulled him to a dark and secluded part of the beach that the restaurant overlooked.

"You know, this is kind of creepy." He said referring to the darkness.

"I think it's romantic, look at the way the moon shines on the water."

"Yeah, the full moon. It gives me chills, I hate full moons, we should go back inside." Edward said looking ominously at the sky as if he was expecting something horrible to happen.

"No wait, I brought us down here for a reason." I said with a sly smile, as I started unbuttoning his pants.

Edward caught on to my mood, and started kissing my neck as I slid my hand down his pants and started stroking his shaft. He hardened immediately, but like all the other times that I did that before, he pulled my hand out, and started pulling down his pants preferring to actually have sex over a hand job. With his pants around his ankles, he started reaching under my dress for my panties, but I stopped him.

"I want to try something else." I told him with a smile.

"What?" he asked confused.

I got down on my knees and lifted his shirt up so I'd have full access to all his glory.

"What?" He asked again quickly before I put my lips around his member, and started moving my mouth back and forth on him.

He'd preformed oral on me many times without me ever asking him to, he actually always seemed to enjoy it. It drove me crazy though, and I preferred regular intercourse because I was always so desperate to have him inside of me, but he loved torturing me.

But I guess it never occurred to me before now to go down on him and I hated having something that we have never tried before, because I wanted all of him.

It was a strange feeling having him inside of my mouth, it wasn't my favorite, but wasn't bad either, some girls absolutely hated it.

"Bella." He said suddenly, almost sounding pained.

"Bella." He repeated when I didn't stop.

"Bella please." He said and at first I thought he was just pleading with me the way I do with him when he was going down on me, but this pleas was different, almost desperate and not in a good way. So I pulled away from him.

The second I was off of him, he quickly turned away from me and pulled up his pants. He started panting with his forehead against his arm, almost as if he was hiding his face, as he was leaned on a tree.

"Edward? Baby, what's wrong?" I asked him concerned.

He was quiet for a moment and I was really started getting afraid.

Finally he explained, but didn't turn. "I just can't stand not being in control." He spoke so quietly, that it was hard to hear him. "They always made me stay still. Not that I would have wanted the control back then, but I still can't stand it."

And then I understood, and felt like the worse scum on the universe. Edward was sexually abused as a child and I was stupid to think that it wouldn't still have a lasting effect on him at all. He always seemed fine when we had sex, better then fine, but he was always in control of it and the one time that he tried letting me be on top, he couldn't make it the whole way and had to roll us over and finish it himself.

I should have realized that, I should have been more aware of those things and known that he wouldn't like something like a blow job. That's probably some of the disgusting things that those monsters did to him when he was young, and here I was making him relive it.

"Edward, I'm so sorry." I said to him with tears in my eyes as I put my hand in his lower back.

He spun around to face me quickly and grabbed my face in his hands and locked his lips to mine. His kiss was hard and though it didn't hurt physically, it absolutely killed me because I knew he was trying to use it to escape the horrible memories that were replaying in his mind from his violent childhood. And it was all my fault.

"Edward, I didn't realize." I said pathetically while I sobbed. He was the one hurting, but I couldn't even be strong for him, instead I was completely losing it. I hated myself for being the one to cause him that kind of pain, and I didn't know how to make it better.

"Shh." He said trying to comfort me. He was trying to comfort me?

"I'm so sorry Edward." I said again.

"Don't be sorry." He said with a calmer voice then I was expecting. "You didn't do anything wrong." He whispered trying to look at me in the eye.

"Yes I did, I should have known that you would have been hurt by that." I said through my blubbering.

"No Love, that was just me being stupid, I'm the one who's sorry, I don't know why I acted like that." He said reassuringly.

"I love you so much and I just don't want to ever make you feel like that." I told him.

"I love you too; and hey" he grabbed my chin and lifted it, forcing me to look at him. "I told you before, nothing hurts when I'm with you. I just still get a little wigged-out sometimes that's all. If you really want to do that, then just let me know ahead of time, and I'll make sure I don't freak again."

"We don't have to do anything you don't want to do." I told him.

"I want to do it all, there's just some things that I need to psyc myself up for first." He said with a crooked smile.

He leaned forward and kissed me again, taking over where he thought we were going in the first place. He spun us around so my back was against the tree, and he started lifting my dress to reach my panties. He pulled them off and took his pants back down before lifting me up so I could wrap my legs around his waist. His kiss became frantic as he started pounding into me and my body responded the way that it always does when he was inside of me, tightening in throbbing waves until I climaxed into a burst of electric explosions throughout my body.

After we both came, we tried to recover ourselves and return to a presentable appearance before heading back to the prom.

"Oh crap." He said suddenly.

"What?" I asked concerned.

"The back of your dress is all scuffed from the tree. I'm sorry babe, I wasn't thinking."

I tried to look behind me, but couldn't see anything. "Is it really bad?" I asked.

"No, but I don't know if it'll come out." He said while trying to brush the dirt off my dress.

"That's Ok; Alice would be horrified if I tried to wear this dress again anyway."

"But it is one amazing dress, of course that's only because you're in it. Once it's off of you, it's just blue material."

"I love you." I told him.

"I love you too." He said back and we headed up to the dance. I still felt awful for what happened but he kept reassuring me that he was fine and not to worry. I think he was actually embarrassed by the way he reacted, and seemed to just want to forget it and move on, so I tried hard to not let it overtake the rest of the night.

"Where have you two been?" Jessica asked suggestively.

"Oh. My. God. What did you do to your dress?" Alice said from behind me, completely horrified.

"Oh well, we…."

"Got it on." Jessica teased but didn't know that she was actually right.

"Oh well, at least the night is almost over." Alice said with a sigh.

"Alice, it's not that bad. It's just a little smudge." Angela said after examining the back of my dress.

Edward took off his suit jacket and helped me into it, just to shut Alice up. The rest of the evening went pretty well, and all in all, the evening was a success but I was just glad that it was over.

Prom marked the beginning of the end of our senior year, and our time as high school students. We haven't been kids in a while, but now we were officially free from childhood and the day of graduation came. We dressed in the ugliest yellow gowns and matching tasseled hats, but it wasn't about the gowns themselves, was about what they symbolized. A golden end, and a bright new beginning.

Jessica surprised us all and was the valedictorian, and she gave the most 'epic' speech, as we all joked, but it was actually pretty good. I loved that my last name was Cullen, because I was able to sit with Edward, instead of with the other S's. Jake's name was called first out of all our friends, and we all stood and cheered for him. I could see his dad in the front row looking so proud with tears in his eyes.

Alice's name was called shortly after, and she went to the podium to collect her diploma, and everyone cheered. Jasper had a glowing look on his face, but Emmet was by far the loudest voice in the room as he cheered for his little sister from the audience. Edward went next and got the same proud applause from the watching Cullens, and then it was my turn.

"Isabella Cullen." The principal called my name. I went up to the podium and shook his hand and looked out at Emmet who seemed like he was making Rose go deaf from his hollering. Carlie was smiling and clapping on Esme's lap, and Edward was grinning and waiting me at the end of the stage. Something made me look towards the door, and I saw my dad standing there clapping too, and it actually made me feel really good that he came, even if he was trying to hide in the back. It gave me hope that our relationship wasn't completely lost and maybe with time we can find a way to salvage it. I went into Edward's waiting arms and he hugged me tightly, and spun me around while kissing me passionately.

I wanted to go talk to my dad when it was all over, but he disappeared as the crowd of overjoyed families went to meet their graduates.

"I'm going to go look for my dad for a minute." I told Edward as we were making our way to the rest of the Cullens.

"Do you want me to come with you?" He asked.

"No, I think it would be best if I go alone. If I can't find him, I'll meet you by the tables."

"Ok, hurry back to me." He said quietly.

I made a circle around the school and didn't see him anywhere, so I decided to give up, but then I saw him from behind heading towards the parking lot. I couldn't run to catch up to him, because Alice forced me into the worst heels imaginable, so I just walked as fast as possible. I got to the parking lot, just in time to see his cruiser drive away. I figured that this strain between us went on long enough and I decided then that I'd go to his house this weekend and try to work things out. Maybe I'd bring Carlie with me as an ice breaker. He never saw her before and she was completely irresistible, so he just needed to be forced to meet her and he'd fall in love with her instantly.

I turned around to head back towards the Cullens, when I saw James standing there staring at me intently. I looked away and tried to walk around him, but he moved so he was blocking my path.

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked annoyed. James looked at me like he was surprised that I spoke to him so forcefully, but the surprised expression turned into an evil smirk.

"I knew that you were fucking around with my buddy Edward, but I had no idea that he was your baby daddy, and now you are married to him." He said.

"I didn't know that it was any of your business." I said with attitude. I wasn't in the mood to mess around with him, not that I was ever in the mood to be in his presence, but still.

"Oh but it's my business when your husband owes me money." He said cockily.

"Go to hell." I told him and started walking around him, when he grabbed a hold of my wrist. "Let me go, or I swear I'll scream." I threatened him.

"Oh, I don't think you will." He said with a smile and looked around at the few onlookers who were watching us.

"Try me." I said and tried to jerk my hand free, but he wouldn't let go, so I spit in his face.

"You fucking cunt." He said, and then punched me hard in the face, and everything went black.

…..

I awoke to the biggest headache I ever had in my life, and it took me several minutes of looking around at my surroundings before remembering what happened to me. I looked down and saw that my hands were tied to the chair I was sitting on, and the chair was in the middle of a big empty room, which looked like an old abandoned ballet studio. The room was surrounded with mirrors on the walls, and the floor was made of broken plywood.

I pulled at my wrists to see if I could get them free, but the rope was too tight and it was actually cutting off my circulation.

"James. You son of a bitch, let me go!" I yelled even though I didn't see him anywhere. "JAMES!"

"Screaming won't help. No one can hear you." A girl said that I had never seen before.

"Who the hell are you?" I asked her annoyed that anyone would be helping that loser James with whatever the hell he had planned for me.

"My name is Victoria. I'm James's better half." She said in a sickly sweet tone.

"That's not saying much." I said bitterly and she responded by slapping me across the face. The sting from her slap wouldn't have been so bad if my face wasn't already bruised from James' punch earlier.

"Listen bitch, you better keep that pretty little mouth of yours shut, if you want to get out of here alive."

"Calm down Victoria." James said as he walked in the room. "Bella is our guest, and we wouldn't want to make her uncomfortable, now would we?"

"What the hell do you want with me?" I asked him frustrated.

"Oh, Bella, Bella, Bella. Haven't you been with Edward long enough now to realize that nothing is ever to do with you, it's always about him? Like I said before, he owes me money and I'm not going to let you go until I get that money."

"Fine, just call him and he'll get you the thousand dollars, or whatever, and let me go, I want to go home this is ridiculous."

"Oh no, it's not just a thousand dollars. I want a hundred thousand dollars for your release." James said

"Hundred thousand dollars, are you nuts? We don't have a hundred grand to give you." I almost laughed at him, but then thought that maybe it wasn't such a good idea at the moment.

"No? Well that's funny, because I see that pretty car that he drives around, and I've been in that huge house of his, so I think a hundred grand isn't too much to ask for, seeing how I'll need money to leave town and all, after this. You see people saw me taking you, so they know that I have you, so I'll need a good amount of money to get away and live comfortably if I'm going to let you go.

"So this is about ransom? I asked incredulously.

"Not exactly. Edward was a good buddy of mine for a while, and it was actually him who gave me the idea for this."

"Edward would never have you kidnap me." I said angrily.

"No, course not. But it was his vendetta against your dad and boyfriend that sparked this idea for me. He wanted revenge against Black and the police chief, well now I want revenge against him. Getting the money and hurting the police chief are just added bonuses."

"You're not going to get away with this." I said to him.

"No, you don't think so? Well we'll see about that."

I didn't know how long I sat there for, but my hands were completely numb and I was starting to feel sick and achy all over. I dozed off for a while, but the last thing I wanted was to be vulnerably asleep in front of them. James left for a while, leaving his red headed girlfriend to babysit me, but he was never gone for too long.

"I need to pee." I said eventually. I really did have to pee, but I also was tired of just sitting there and I wanted to try something.

"Victoria, give her a bucket." James ordered.

"I can't pee in a bucket, isn't there a restroom over there." I asked pointing at the door with the broken blue sign on it.

"This is an abandoned building, those toilets don't work." James said annoyed by my ignorance.

"So, at least they're toilets." I told him.

"Fine, Victoria, take her." James said, and she shot him a dirty look before following his command.

When we got into the bathroom, I peed quickly in the waterless toilet, and was disgusted when there wasn't any way to wash my hands.

"Ok, let's go back." She said

"After you." I told her, so she turned and walked towards the door. I grabbed her quickly in a head lock and tried to knock her over, but she tossed me off of her and kicked me in the stomach. I kicked her back and she fell and started screaming. James must have heard the commotion because he ran in and pulled me up by my hair.

"We were treating you like a guest, but that's all over now." He said evilly then back handed me hardly. I had never really been hit before at all, but I wasn't going to let being hit and kicked repeatedly now, stop me from trying to escape. They wrestled me back to the chair and re-tied me tightly.

James grabbed my chin in his hand and just stared at me for a minute, before leaning into me and licking me along the length of my face. I tried to pull away, but it was useless and the smell of his disgusting saliva, as it dried on my face, made me want to vomit.

"Maybe I can get rid of Victoria for a while, and you can show me exactly what you do that drives my buddy Edward wild." His voice slithered like a snake and was equally slimy.

"Over my dead body you fucking piece of shit." I said to him, completely disgusted by the thought of him touching me in that way.

"That can be arranged." He said and pushed something cold and hard against my cheek. He then pulled it back so I could see for sure that he did in fact have a gun, and it was defiantly loaded. Because I was the police chief's daughter, I was raised around guns and knew exactly how they worked and what they looked like when loaded. My dad used to take me to the shooting range with him, so I knew how to handle a gun in case I ever needed one.

"You're not going to kill me, because you wouldn't get your money for sure if you did." I said confidently.

"Oh no? Well, maybe I'm saving this in case your husband is stupid enough to involve the cops." He said with a smirk.

"Wait, you called Edward? What did you tell him, is he Ok?" I asked in a panic. I saw the way Edward tried to attack James at school when he made that rude gesture towards me, so I can imagine how angry he'd be right now.

"Don't worry princess; lover boy is on his way here. He was pretty pissed off when I called him though, so let's hope he's calmed down by now, otherwise, we're going to have problems."

We waited another ten minutes, before Victoria came back into the room. "He's here." She said with a smile, and my heart raced anxiously. I almost wished that they would just kill me and leave him out of it.

"Well, you've done good James." A voice said that I didn't recognize, then a man who I didn't know, came into view and smirked at me.

"Laurent. I wasn't expecting you here today. I have it on good authority that the money that I owe you is on its way." James said in a shaky voice.

"Excellent" Laurent said. "I don't have to kill you after all."

"Uh, no sir." James said uneasily.

"When this is all over, I want them killed quickly. Do you hear me Victoria? I don't want any of that torturing crap that you love so much." Laurent ordered.

"Awe, what's the fun in that?" She said disappointedly.

"No, please don't hurt us." I begged. I was never into begging before, but the idea of them hurting Edward made me desperate.

"Don't worry my dear; I'll make sure they do it quickly." Laurent said in a strangely pleasant tone that was almost meant to be comforting.

"Why do you need to kill us, you'll have your money, please, just let us go home to our daughter."

Laurent narrowed his eyes at me, before leaving the room. I looked over at James who had worried expression on his face. James was a lot of things, but I don't think he was planning on adding murderer to the list.

"James, please don't do this. Edward was your friend right? Please?" I tried getting through to him.

"I don't have a choice. Laurent is a drug dealer, and I owe him a lot of fucking money. He was going to kill me until I told him of this plan, so then he decided to take a more hands on approach, so now he's calling all the shots. I told him that Edward comes from a rich family and would be willing to pay to get you back; I didn't know that he planned on taking the money and not letting you go. But it doesn't matter now, I can't do anything about it and your life is far less important to me than mine."

"James, there are police cars pulling up out front." Victoria said in a panic.

"What the fuck? Fucking prick called the police." James said while looking out the window, and then he turned to me. "Your fucking moron of a husband just made the wrong move, so now, you're dead." James pointed the gun to my head, and I automatically closed my eyes.

My heart was racing a mile a minute and I could feel the sweat beading up on my temple and palms as I realized that this was it. My life was about to end and I'd never see Edward or Carlie again. But I was thankful that the police were here, at least then, they'd keep Edward outside and he'd be OK.

Then I opened my eyes quickly because I heard the sound of gunshots coming from outside. James ran back to the window to see what was happening.

"Fucking fool." He said with a sinister chuckle. "Laurent thought he could shoot his way past the police, and now he's dead. Well, that's one problem solved."

"Put your hands up!" A familiar voice yelled from the other side of the room. I turned to see Charlie with a gun pointed right at James's back. We locked eyes for a moment and he had range of emotions there, from regret and relief, to worry and panic.

"No, you put your hands up." Victoria said calmly, with a gun at Charlie's head.

Charlie didn't look like he was going to obey, so I yelled. "Dad, please, just do as they say."

"I have back-up coming, and you won't stand a chance." Carlie said to James before lowering his weapon.

"Oh right, like we're afraid of this po-dunk little town's measly police force." James said sarcastically.

"Bella!" Edward came running into the room, and Charlie huffed.

"Damn it Edward, I told you to wait outside." Charlie scolded him.

Victoria kept moving her gun back and forth between Charlie and Edward; they both stopped and put their hands up trying to keep the peace.

"Awe Edward, my buddy, welcome. Now why did you go and involve the police like this?" James asked him.

"I didn't involve the police, you did. Tons of people saw you kidnapping Bella from the parking lot and there were at least a dozen calls to the police. Charlie just followed me here, I didn't even know he was behind me until I got out of the car and started coming in. He held me outside until another police car came and they locked me in the back of the car." Edward explained while never taking his eyes off of me.

"How did you get out of the car then?" Victoria asked him.

"When your buddy started shooting at us, they let me out so I could take cover. There's only three police cars out there, you guys can still get away if you just let Bella go." Edward said.

"Edward, keep your mouth shut." Charlie warned him.

"Listen to daddy, Edward." James seethed. "You better just keep your fucking mouth shut while I think for a minute."

"James, this is between you and me, let Bella and her father go, this has nothing to do with them." Edward said convincingly while taking two steps closer to me.

"Don't you fucking move." Victoria warned him and pointed the gun back at his face.

"Edward, stop." I said quietly. James was about to lose it, and Edward was going to push him over.

"It's ok babe, you're going to be just fine, I promise. James doesn't want to kill anyone." Edward said to me soothingly while taking two more steps closer to me.

"I said don't move." Victoria warned him again.

"Laurent was right, the only way out of this, is if you're all dead." He said emotionlessly. He held the gun up towards me and cocked it.

"CHARLIE!" Edward yelled and then everything happened so fast. Charlie elbowed Victoria in the jaw and got the gun from her, at the same time Edward charged James and knocked him to the ground. They wrestled on the ground for a few minutes trying to get control of the gun.

Charlie held the gun towards them, but didn't have a clear shot because they were rolling around.

"Dad!" I yelled when I saw Victoria getting up and had a knife which she threw at Charlie's back, but missed.

Somehow, the gun that James and Edward were fighting over fell to the ground and went skidding across the room. James was closer to it, and had the advantage, so he shoved Edward to the side before running for the gun. Edward got up just as James's got to the gun, and he re-pointed it at Edward, but by this time Charlie had control over his gun too, and had it pointed at James.

"Drop your gun Chief." James threatened as he kept his gun pointed at Edward.

"I don't think so." Charlie said sternly.

"Put your hands in the air!" Three more police officers came into the room now, and all had their guns drawn on James. One cop put Victoria in cuff and took her outside.

"You're out numbered son, let's put the gun down before you do something that you'll regret for the rest of your life." Another cop said to him.

I was so fixated on James and his gun, that I didn't even notice Edward creeping closer and closer to me, until finally he was only a few feet away.

"My life is already over." James said quietly. "I guess I'll only have time for one shot, so I might as well put it where it will hurt the worst." He moved the gun from being pointed at Edward, to point it at me.

"This is your last warning, PUT THE GUN DOWN NOW!" Charlie yelled at him.

"No." He said calmly and pulled the trigger.

*** Not what you were expecting? ****Please Review*******


	27. Ch 26 Slipping Away

**Moon Scars**

A/N: Ok, if you didn't hate me last chapter, you'll definitely hate me on this one. Remember, this is Twilight, happy endings and all, it just might take a little longer than expected to get there. Please don't get so pissed that you stop reading because of this chapter, read the reviews if you want, everyone seemed to love the ending, so don't give up!

Ch 26 – _Slipping Away_

…

(BPOV)

It all happened so fast, and yet it was completely in slow motion at the same time. I saw James pull the trigger, but the fact that he was the one who fell, confused me. My mind was in a haze and the sound of the gunshot was muffled in a way, and the loudest sound I heard was my own blood rushing behind my ears, followed by more muffled gunshots.

After the muffled gunshot noises, I could hear the police officers yelling something, but I couldn't make out the words, everything sounded like I was listening to it from under water.

"Bella? Bella, look at me." Edward's voice was the most significant sound in the world to me at that moment, and I was just grateful he was Ok.

But I started to get tunnel vision and fought to stay conscious, while Edward was messing around with my leg.

"Chief, Dr. Cullen is outside, he wants to come in?" A police officer asked Charlie.

"Yes, of course, and hurry." Charlie said frantically.

"Bella, honey, you have to stay awake for me, just keep your eyes locked on mine. I love you so much baby, I'm so sorry." Edward said trying to remain calm.

"There's so much blood." Charlie said in a panic.

"The bullet hit her main artery in this leg, I'm keeping pressure on it, but it just keeps bleeding out. Charlie keep talking to her, you have to keep her conscious."

"Bells, come on honey, stay awake." Charlie said while holding my hand.

"Edward." Carlisle said while running in the room and opening his doctor's emergency kit. "She's going to be Ok son, take off your belt, and make me a tourniquet." He looked at Edward for a moment, who looked extremely pale. "Son, you did an amazing job keeping pressure on her artery, you saved her life, she would have bled to death by now if you didn't do what you did, but I need you to stay focused, and give me your belt." Carlisle instructed.

Everything would go from hazy, to black, to clear again as I fought to remain conscious, but it was getting harder and harder.

"Ed…wa..Edward." I said trying to see his face, hoping to stay awake by staring at his perfect face, but I didn't see him, and everything went completely black.

* * *

Beep

Beep

Beep

I woke to the noise of a beeping monitor and realized that I was in the hospital.

Beep

Beep

Beep

I looked around expecting to see Edward sitting by my bed, but was surprised to see my dad instead.

"Dad?" I said groggily. My throat was dry and I realized that I must have had a tube down it for a while, but I was happy that they removed it before I woke up.

"Shh, it's Ok honey. Don't try to talk right now." Charlie said.

I looked around again and was confused as to why none of the Cullens were around. With how frantic Edward was over my wounds back in the ballet studio, I would have thought that he'd not leave my side until I woke up. I guess maybe he was in the bathroom, or getting something to eat or something. Actually I bet he went to go see Carlie and she wouldn't let him go, so he had to stay out there with her.

"What happened to James?" I whispered to Charlie.

"We took care of it sweetheart." Charlie said cryptically.

"What happened?" I asked again. I didn't want some vague explanation; I wanted to know everything that I missed when I blacked out.

"James is dead, and so is the other guy Laurent; Victoria is in jail. James shot at you, so we opened fired and killed him quickly." Charlie explained.

"So, he shot me in the leg?" I asked confused. It may be insensitive to think smugly about how bad of a shot James was when he's now dead, but I couldn't help it. He wasn't far from me and couldn't even get a decent shot.

"Well, I don't know exactly how it all happened but, it was very bad." Charlie said fighting back tears.

"Is now a good time?" A nurse came in and asked us.

"Sure" I said at the same time as my dad said "No".

"Chief Swan, we just need to speak to her about her husband." The nurse said, which confused me.

"No, not now." Charlie said angrily.

"What about my husband?" I asked eagerly, ignoring Charlie.

"Oh uh, she doesn't know?" the nurse asked him.

"No, I haven't told her yet, she just woke up." He said bitterly.

"I'm sorry, I'll go get the doctor for support." She said and hurried out of the room.

"Dad, what happened, what was she saying about Edward?" I asked annoyed that he wasn't talking.

"Mrs. Cullen, I'm glad to see that you're awake." A doctor that I never met before came into the room and greeted me. "My name is Dr. Stephan Vladimir, and I preformed the surgery on your leg. So how are you feeling this morning?"

That's when I realized that I had no idea how long I had been out for. "What day is it?" I asked him.

"Today is Wednesday. You were unconscious for a little over four days. It wasn't a real coma, we put you under so you could have time to heal. The surgery went as planned, and I expect you to make a full recovery." He said mechanically. This doctor needed to take lessons from Carlisle on bedside manner, because he was horrible.

"Where's Carlisle?" I asked confused. I thought for sure that Carlisle would be my doctor since he was the Chief of staff at the hospital.

"Dr. Cullen has been busy with other patients." The doctor told me. I was a little surprised by that, I mean how many more critical patients could there possibly be in this small hospital?

"Dr. Vladimir?" A woman asked from the doorway.

"Ah, Dr. Katrina, just in time. Bella, this is Dr. Katrina, she's the on-staff therapist, and she's going to help us out for a little while."

"Wow, I need a physical therapist already?" I asked confused, I thought that it'd be a couple more days before they got my leg working again.

"No, I'm not a physical therapist, I'm more like a grief and emotional trauma counselor."

"Oh, I'm fine emotionally, I mean I guess it was hard to know that a man was killed right in front of me, but I didn't really see it. Um, where's my husband, maybe he could use you to talk to." I said worried that all this would remind him of his violent past again.

"Bella, Edward can't come in here." Charlie said unexpectedly.

"Why not, he's my husband." I asked confused.

"Bella, Edward was hurt, and it was pretty bad." Charlie said.

"Hurt how?" I asked in a panic.

"When James shot at you, Edward jumped in front of the bullet."

"How? James only fired once and it hit my leg." I asked in scared confusion.

"James shot once and Edward jumped in front of the bullet, but we didn't know that it hit him, we thought that James missed. After he fired on you, we fired on him and one of their stray bullets hit you. Baby, we didn't know that Edward was hurt, he didn't say anything and he seemed fine. He even kept you from bleeding to death, all the while he was bleeding himself but it was under his coat and we didn't see it."

"Oh my god, I have to go see him." I said trying to get up but the doctor came and restrained me.

"Bella, you can't get up right now, you're still in recovery. Look honey, Edward was shot in the abdomen, and it hit his liver. He had a lot of internal bleeding and Carlisle was in surgery with some of the best surgeons in the area, but the bleeding just wouldn't stop."

I shook my head in disbelief. "Dad, what are you saying?"

"Honey, he died three times on the operating table when they were working on him, and now he's on life support in a coma." Charlie said sympathetically.

My breathing hitched and I could feel my heart taking off, beating rapidly. "But he's going to be Ok right, I mean he's in a coma, but in a couple days or so, he'll wake up right?" I asked Charlie, but was really asking the doctors in the room.

"No honey, he's not. That's why the other nurse was in here earlier, she wants you to sign the papers to end life support."

"What?" I asked shocked and angry. What the hell was Charlie trying to pull? "You know Charlie, I knew you hated Edward, but this is an all time low, how could you say such a thing? I know you don't care about your granddaughter, but Edward is her father and I can't believe you are capable of such cold hearted maliciousness." I said while shaking from the anger.

"Mrs. Cullen, your husband lost a lot of blood and his heart stopped for some time before we were able to get it restarted artificially. But we've been running scans and have determined that he is in fact, brain dead. I'm sorry, but it's not possible for him to sustain life on his own. As his wife, the hospital needs your authorization to remove the life support machines, so he can go peacefully." The Doctor said.

"No." I said shaking my head refusing to believe a word they were saying.

"Bells, I'm sorry, but he's gone. All that's left is a body that machines are keeping alive, but there's nothing left of him inside." Charlie tried reasoning with me, but he's the last person I'd ever listen to when it came to Edward.

"He's not gone, but you sure would love it if he was, wouldn't you?" I said full of hate for my father. "You hate him and wish he were dead, don't deny it, I know it's true."

"No Bells. I did hate him, but I never wished this, I would never wish this on anyone. Bella, he acted bravely, and mature, and he absolutely saved your life by taking the bullet, then afterwards again when he stopped you from bleeding to death. Bella, I could see how much he loved you, and I realize now how wrong I was about him. I'm so sorry Bella, I never wanted this to happen I swear. He was just a kid with his whole life ahead of him, who made some bad choices before. But he was turning his life around and this is just horrific what happened to him." Charlie wiped the tears from his eyes.

Charlie wasn't a man that cried easily, so seeing him cry now took me off guard. But I refused to cry myself, and I refused to allow myself to give in to the grief that was fighting its way to the surface of my heart. Instead, I retreated into myself and found a way to become completely numb. This wasn't real, this had to be some horrible nightmare that I dreamed up because I was so afraid to lose my perfect piece of heaven.

Fate wasn't this cruel, it couldn't be.

It wasn't even about me, I was more privileged than most, with my perfect husband and daughter; but Edward didn't deserve for his painful life to end like this. He had more torture and agony in his short life than most people ever see.

It was the beginning of June, just shy of his nineteenth birthday and I had a whole trip planned for him. Carlisle bought Esme an island a few years ago off the coast of Brazil, and they offered it to me to use, so I was going to surprise him with a tropical get away as a birthday and honeymoon surprise. But now…..

I didn't know what to do or think, this world just wasn't real without him, or maybe it was never real with him. Maybe I just made him up completely and he never even existed at all. I always said he was too perfect to be real, so maybe I was right all along.

After sitting there for a while, locked into numbed silence, the nurse came around and asked if I'd like to go see Edward. I could see her mouth moving, and understood what she asked, but the words just sounded all jumbled up. She and Charlie helped me into a wheel chair, and pushed me down the hall and into an elevator. We went up two floors before exiting and going down another long hall. When we turned the corner, I could see Jacob sitting there on a bench, looking absolutely exhausted, with Vanessa sleeping in his lap.

"Hey kid, how are you holding up?" Charlie asked Jake quietly.

He shrugged, then looked at me sympathetically. "How are you feeling Bells? I came to visit you, but you were sleeping." He said.

"I'm fine." I said shortly. The last thing I wanted was anyone's sympathy because I refused to just give up and accept that Edward was really gone.

"Rose and Emmet have Carlie at home. She wasn't allowed in here so the two of them have been switching off with Alice and Jasper babysitting." Jacob informed me.

"Ok." I said momentarily forgetting about my daughter because I was so consumed with trying not to feel anything at all.

Charlie pushed my wheel chair into the room where Carlisle and Esme were sitting huddled against the bed. The room was loud with the sound of machines beeping and pumping, and buzzing. Carlisle and Esme looked over at me, and I was shocked by the way that they looked. I had never seen Esme look so undone, her hair and clothes were a complete mess and there were black smudges under her eyes from days old makeup. Carlisle wasn't in his white doctor's lab coat like I expected, he was wearing sweat pants and a wrinkled T-shirt, and his hair was sticking up all different directions.

"Bella, sweetheart, how are you feeling?" Esme asked me, but her voice broke at the end.

I heard her voice, but it seemed so far away as I noticed her hand clasping Edward's. All I could see was his fingers, but they were extremely pale and didn't move at all, not even a twitch. Charlie pushed me closer and Carlisle moved out of the way so I could see Edward's face, and I was completely horrified at what I saw.

I was expecting him to just look like he was sleeping, but he didn't. He was pale, almost white, and his face looked hollow and sunk in. He just didn't look real, and was nothing like the magnificent perfection that I was used to seeing him as.

I just stared at him, trying to get the image I was seeing to register in my head as being my new reality.

"Carlisle." I whispered. "Please tell me that he's going to be Ok?"

He put his head down in a defeated posture, before looking back up at me with tears in his eyes. "I'm so sorry Bella. He's not going to get better, his brain suffered what is called '_prolonged hypoxia'_ where it just shut down from the lack of oxygen when his heart stopped. We did everything we could, but the damage was just too much. He's gone sweetheart, these machines are keeping his lungs going and his heart pounding, but it's not him anymore."

"No, see you're wrong because Edward wouldn't leave me like that. He promised me that he'd never leave me again, but here you are telling me that he's gone? No. How could he just be gone?" I told him again.

I reached up to his face and caressed his cheek, but the freezing cold temperature, and papery feel to his skin made me pull away immediately. "Uhhuh" I felt like I had been punched in the stomach and the wind knocked out of me, from the foreign feeling of his skin. That hole that had once been so raw in my chest when he was gone before, ripped back open and festered in agonizing torture.

I never experienced this level of pain before, and I knew I never would again because nothing could ever feel anything like this. There is no greater, more powerful feeling in the world than being with him and in love, but now that was over, and there wasn't a pain greater than from that lost.

The numbness melted away and I cried longing for the release from the pain, but I knew it would never come. I broke down and bawled uncontrollably, begging for him to wake up and wrap his arms around me telling me everything would be ok. I was so hysterical, that the nurses had to come in and sedate me. Everything was _slipping away_, my life, my soul, reality, it was all just sinking into a black hole of nothingness.

The last thing that I saw before the medicine took me into unconsciousness, was Edward's white hand, limp on the bed.

…

I couldn't sign the release forms allowing for the life support machines to be turned off, but I couldn't bring myself to go back to that room either.

"Hey peanut." Charlie said as he came in to visit me. It had four days since I woke up and saw Edward's lifeless body, but now I was being released from the hospital and I had to leave him behind. Carlisle only asked me one time to sign the papers, after that he promised to let me do it on my own time, when I was ready. But how could I ever be ready to let go of my husband?

"Hey dad." He had been by to see me every day, but I wouldn't say things were healed between us, because I wasn't capable of healing anything at that time, and probably never would.

"I was hoping I could give you a ride home today?" Charlie asked me.

"Um, Esme is supposed to come by." I said to him.

"Yeah, I called her already, but if you don't want me to, I can call her back." Charlie said.

"Um, ok." I reluctantly agreed to let him drive me home.

As we drove away, I couldn't take my eyes off the hospital building until it was out of view, knowing I was leaving my heart and soul behind.

When we got to the Cullen house, I stayed sitting in the car for a few minutes, completely forgetting how to move.

"You know, maybe it would be better to come home with me for a while. I know how hard it's going to be in there without him." Charlie said. I know he was just trying to be supportive, but it just made me feel even worse.

"Dad, this is my home, and I still have responsibilities here. This is the only home that Carlie has ever known, and I still have legal guardianship of Vanessa, so I have to be here."

"I know sweetheart, I was just thinking about for a few days or something."

I shook my head. "When I close my eyes… all I see is the sunken in, cold shell, which is all that's left of him." I told him with a shaky voice. "I need to be back here, I need to remember him the way he was." The tears started rolling down my cheeks as he tried to reach out to comfort me, but I pulled away. "I CAN'T PICTURE HIS FACE!" I screamed at him. "I can't remember what he really looked like anymore. All I see is machines, and tubes and emptiness." I said softer, in barely a whisper now. "I need to be around the people that loved him, and I need to figure out a way to force myself to let him go."

I turned away and got out of the car before walking into the house, closing the door behind me. As much as I wanted Charlie to meet Carlie, now wasn't the time and I just needed him to leave. My leg hurt, but I was put into a walking cast, so I could still use my leg, and the pain of walking was nothing compared to the pain I was feeling inside.

Being home without Him was harder than I ever imagined. The tiny bed was just too large, and the silence of the night was so loud that it was deafening . The light from the house was completely gone as well. Everyone felt his loss, and I would lay awake at night just listening to the cries of Vanessa, who was the most vocal with her sorrow. The Cullens all turned to each other for support, but Vanessa felt like an outsider, and losing her brother after losing her grandparents and her mother's abandonment, was all just too much for any sixteen year old to handle.

But we were all living in a bubble, stuck between his life and our life without him, because he wasn't completely gone yet. So after being home for a week without him, I forced myself to sign the papers.

A lawyer for the hospital came to the house, because I refused to go back to that hospital, and my body felt like I was dying inside as I made my best attempt at signing my name on the half dozen of dotted lines, authorizing for the life support machine to be turned off. Carlisle went with Emmet, Alice and Vanessa to the hospital to say goodbye to Edward for the last time, but the rest of us couldn't go, I couldn't let that be my last memory of him, and I knew I'd never be able to get through it.

I didn't realize at the time, but that day was June twentieth, it was Edward's nineteenth birthday.

If I had known that it was Edward's birthday, I would have waited until the next day to sign the papers, but then again, maybe not. When we were learning about William Shakespeare, Edward actually thought it was cool that he was born on April twenty third, and also died on that day. It was ironic now that Edward's life had ended on his birthday, and if he had to die at this time, maybe he would like the fact that it was on his birthday.

Edward was cremated the next day, per his request before he died, and we had a small ceremony and a memorial three days after that. There was a grave site for him, which most of his ashes were placed in, but really it was just a headstone, a place where we could visit him. All our friends from school came, and even some others that weren't exactly friends but still came to say goodbye anyway. I was upset for Vanessa's sake, that Anthony and Lizzy never showed to at least support her, but I couldn't waste any emotions on it either.

As Carlisle read a eulogy, I cried for the last time. I broke down and became hysterical for him so many times, but now he was really gone and so were all of my tears. I completely dried up inside and let my soul fly away with his and I was left with nothing but an empty shell, just like he was the last time I saw him. That horrible image would be ingrained in my mind forever, but the love that we shared was not something that could ever be replaced or erased and would remain in my heart for all of eternity.

* * *

***Ok, how bad do you hate me right now? PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP ON THIS STORY AND DECIDE TO STOP READING, EVERYONE WHO STUCK WITH IT UNTIL THE END WERE VERY HAPPY WITH IT. CHECK THE REVIEWS IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME! **

**I promise, this will have a happy ending and know that Bella could only have a happy ending if she's with Edward. So hum, what does that mean? No, this is not a dream, but there are a few twists in the chapters ahead. Please keep reading, the payoff will be worth it in the end. ****Please Review*******


	28. Ch 27 Unreal

**Moon Scars**

_A/N: Ok, since there was a good amount of reviews for the last chapter, and people were pretty upset by it, I decided to post this right away. You may not get the answers that you're looking for just yet, but hopefully you will be happy with it._

Ch 27 – _Unreal _

….

(BPOV)

I really hated my job, I worked long hours and it didn't even pay well. But it was enough to keep the lights on and food on the table with new clothes on our backs. Everyday though, it was a struggle just to get out of bed. I worked as a paralegal in one of the top law firms in Seattle, for one of their best lawyers, but it was only supposed to be a temporary job while I worked my way through college. I guess sometimes people find themselves in a rut, and that's where I have been for the last six years.

I did eventually graduate from college, but I just haven't been able to go out and finish getting my law degree, maybe I was comfortable in my rut after all.

We lived in a four bedroom, two story house in a suburb of Seattle. Jacob was a police officer in the city, and Vanessa worked for the local newspaper. We all lived together, not out of necessity, but just because it was nice being so close, and we were all comfortable that way.

The rest of the Cullens were all spread out. Carlisle and Esme still lived with the now teenage Bree, in Forks. Alice and Jasper were married living in Port Angeles, she owns her own boutique, and he works as a psychologist. Emmet and Rose were also married, and lived in a condo in Seattle. We lived closest to them, so we saw them the most frequently. Emmet, was actually on the police force with Jake, and Rose was a school teacher.

My dad was still the police chief in Forks, but he's been dating Seth's mom Sue for a couple of years now, and seems pretty happy. I have a pretty good relationship with Charlie now, and Carlie has him wrapped around her little finger, just as I predicted she would.

"Bella, have you seen my red blouse?" Vanessa called to me from upstairs.

"Did you check the laundry room?" I called back.

"No….Found it, thanks."

"So, big night huh?" I asked her as she frantically ran around the house looking for her shoes.

"Yes, and I have to be perfect, Jake deserves that."

"He's home." I said while looking out the window.

Vanessa's frantic running around just got even more frantic.

"Hey, how's it going?" Jake said as he came in and put his gun holster on the table.

"She's almost ready; it'll just be another hour or two." I joked.

"Uncle Jakey" Carlie said running out of her bedroom. "Did you catch any bad guys?

"Hey Shorty. Yep, caught a lot of bad guys today, and they are all locked up where they belong." He picked her up and spun her around. "Man, how long has it been since I've seen you last, you have to be a foot taller."

"We saw each other this morning, silly." Carlie said with a giggle.

"Oh that was you? See you've grown so much that I didn't even recognize you."

"Will you tell me a story tonight before bed?" She asked him.

"Not tonight sweetheart, it's Auntie Nessie's and my anniversary, so we're going out and won't be back until late."

"What's a annafersary?" She asked with a perplexed expression on her face.

"Anniversary." He corrected her. "It means that your Auntie and I have been married for one year today."

"So it's like a birthday?" She asked him.

"Yeah kind of, I guess you can call it that."

"But I didn't have time to get you any balloons." She said with a pout on her face.

"Oh it's Ok pumpkin; we don't need any balloons, but thanks for the thought."

"Jacob, you're not dressed." Vanessa said as she came down the stairs.

"Babe, I just got home. Give me two seconds." Jake said then ran up the stairs.

"Auntie Nessie, you look beautiful." Carlie said with a smile.

"Thank you princess." Vanessa bent down to give Carlie a kiss. "Well, what do you think?" She asked me as she twirled around so I could see all of her outfit.

"I think that you spend way too much time with Alice, she is definitely a bad influence on you. But you do look beautiful."

"Thanks."

"Wow babe, you look amazing." Jake said as he came down stairs dressed in more appropriate attire.

"Thanks, let's go though, or we're going to be late for our reservations."

"Ok, ok." Jake said and they both kissed Carlie on the head, and then kissed me on the cheek before leaving.

"Well princess, it's bath then bed for you." I told her.

"Ah man, why do I always have to go to bed so early?" She complained.

"Eight o'clock isn't early, besides, it's a school night. Now let's go missy."

After Carlie was in bed for the night, I was so excited to have some time with my man. It wasn't often that I virtually had the house to myself, besides the fast asleep six year old upstairs, so I was going to take full advantage of it.

I put on something silky and put a movie on while I waited for him to come, but I never had to wait long.

"Hey beautiful, how was your day?" He asked as he came into the room.

"Better now that you're here." I said and leaned back so he could kiss me.

"So I assume that the munchkin is asleep." He asked me.

"Yep, like a rock." I said commenting on how deeply Carlie slept.

He smiled and kissed me again passionately.

"You know, I was thinking. Maybe we could get away for a while, just us. Esme and Carlisle still have that island; I could ask them if we could borrow it for the week." I asked him as he came and sat next to me, so I snuggled up to him.

"A week on a private island, _alone_?" he asked in a strange tone.

"Yes, why what's wrong with that?"

"I don't know, I just think that might be a little strange." He said.

"Strange, how so?"

"I just don't think that Carlisle would be very comfortable with it, that's all."

I pressed my lips together while considering what he was saying.

"I'm not crazy you know." I told him.

"No, never said that you were, but I just think we should just keep it local."

"Ok, you're right." I said giving up.

"You look different." He said suddenly.

"How?"

"I don't know, maybe just older or something." He said while examining my face.

"You see me just about every day." I said confused at his comment.

"Yeah, but today you look different. Maybe you're just maturing."

"Well excuse me, but we can't all be forever nineteen." I teased him.

"It's not my fault that I don't age." He said with a chuckle.

"And it's mine? I tried picturing you older, but I just can't." I said defensively.

"Bella, you know I've been thinking. We've been together like this for six years now; maybe it's time for you to move on." He said cautiously, worried that it would upset me.

"Move on? How could I ever move on? It's not even possible."

"Yes it is. Bella, I come here every night, and every night you have a harder and harder time going back to reality. This isn't healthy; you have a life that you should be living, one that I can't be a part of."

"I'm not hurting anyone by having you here, no one even knows. I'm fine during the day, but at night I just need you with me."

"Bella, I'm not real. I don't exist anymore. I'm just a fragment of your imagination and maybe if you finally let me go, you can actually find someone real."

"Edward, I won't ever find someone real, because no one is more real to me than you are. I could search forever and never find a fraction of the emotions I have for you still, and how is that fair to whoever I pretend to care about?"

"Well maybe you're not ready yet, but promise me that you won't fight it if you do come across something that could be really great for you. I just hate you being so alone all the time." Edward said looking deep into my eyes.

"I'm not alone, I have Carlie. Vanessa and Jake live here with us, and everyone else are constantly coming by to visit."

He shook his head. "Babe, Carlie is going to grow up and move on with her own life, eventually get married and end up who knows where. Jake and Vanessa are going to want their own space someday too. They lived with you originally because Vanessa was still a minor and Jake was helping pay rent. But when Carlisle and Esme bought this house for you, Vanessa was an adult and she and Jake moved in so they could help with Carlie and they didn't want you to be alone. But Bella, you're using them to keep yourself stagnant here, they allow you to not move on with your life, and that's not right."

"You know, for someone that only exists in my imagination, you sure know how to put your opinion in where I don't want it." I said annoyed.

"Momma?" Carlie said groggily as she came down the stairs. "Who are you talking to?" She asked looking around the room and seeing no one.

"Oh no one baby, I was just thinking out loud. What are you doing out of bed, it's late?" I asked her.

"I had a bad dream." She said and curled herself up in my lap.

"Let me guess, vampires again." I said annoyed with my brother -in-law.

"Uncle Jake said that if I don't eat all my vegetables that the vampires will come, and I didn't eat my green beans at dinner." She said looking afraid.

"You didn't eat them, but they were all off your plate?" I asked confused.

"I tried to feed them to Leah, but she wouldn't eat them, so I hid them in my napkin." Carlie confessed. "And now the vampires are going to come to bite me." She said in a panic.

"Sweetie, Leah wouldn't eat your green beans, because dogs don't eat vegetables, and I promise you, there are no such thing as vampires." I assured her.

I took Carlie back up to bed, and let her sleep in my room for the night. Stupid Jacob.

That weekend we had a big family BBQ to celebrate Emmet's birthday. Everyone came to our house because we had it all set up, and our place was bigger than Rose and Emmet's condo.

"I'm telling you man, he looked just like him." Emmet said to Jasper and Jake.

"No way, dude it's not even possible." Jasper said to Emmet.

"Hey guys, what are you talking about?" I asked them as I was putting out the plates and napkins.

"Uh, nothing." Emmet said quickly.

"No come on, I want to know."

"It's nothing really, Emmet just saw some guy that reminded him of Edward." Jasper said casually.

"Where?" I asked not really sure if I was interested or not.

"I was called in to break up a bar fight next door to that swanky restaurant down town. Anyway, when I put the losers in the back of my car, I saw this guy come out of the restaurant, who looked exactly like Edward. I even had to do a double take at first. I got out of the car and called him, but he just looked at me like I was crazy. But I swear, this guy was a dead ringer for Edward. Hey, Vanessa!" Emmet called.

"Don't even think about it." Jake threatened Emmet.

"What? I just wanted to ask her a question." Emmet said defensively.

"What's up?" Vanessa asked.

"Hey is there any chance that maybe your horrible mother may have had another kid at some point?" Emmet asked insensitively.

"Not that I know of, but I never met Edward until I was sixteen so I guess it's possible, why?"

"I think I saw your long lost brother. I mean this guy looked so much like Edward that he had to be related to you." Emmet said enthusiastically.

"Really, where?" Vanessa asked full of interest.

"Ness, I don't think you should get too excited about this. It was dark and Emmet was working a twenty hour shift at the time, so maybe he was just seeing things." Jake said to her.

"Dude, I know what I saw." Emmet said annoyed at Jake's lack of faith in him.

"Maybe Lizzy did have another child at some point." I stated. "I mean, it's possible."

"Yeah, see Bella, that's why you're my favorite sister." Emmet said.

"Hey, I heard that." Bree said from across the yard.

"Go back to texting Prince Charming, Bree" Emmet hollered at her.

"Fine, I will." She said and pulled her phone back out, and returned to vigorously punching the buttons.

"Oh grandma, it's just what I wanted, thank you so much." Carlie said and hugged Esme after she gave her a new doll.

"Hey. I thought this was Emmet's birthday, not Carlie's." I said with a smile.

"Well, it's my right to spoil my _only grandchild_." Esme said suggestively while looking at Rose.

"We will have kids when we're ready Esme." Rose said half annoyed and half amused.

"All I'm saying is that it would be so wonderful to have more little ones around here." Esme said.

"No one wants that more than I do, but Emmet and I really want to get more settled first." Rose said.

I went into the house to refill the chip bowls, when Emmet came up behind me.

"I'm sorry Bella, if I upset you about the whole Edward doppelganger thing."

"Uh, that's OK Emmet." I told him honestly with a smile.

Hearing Edward's name and talking about him, didn't bother me the way it used to. Maybe it was because I was crazy and conjured him up every night, but whatever the reason, I was grateful that his name could be mentioned around me without sending me into excruciating internal convulsions. Carlie was getting older, and because she was so young when he died, she didn't remember him and had so many questions about her father.

"Momma, did daddy like cocoa puffs too?" Carlie asked me the following week, as she was eating in the morning. I didn't usually let Carlie have sugar cereal before school, but for some reason I gave in this time.

"I don't know honey, I never saw him eating them." I said to her.

"Well you don't like them, so I must like them so much cause he did." She said confidently.

"Maybe."

"Carlie, you better eat that banana because otherwise the vamp…" Jake said as he was getting his coffee and ready to leave for the day. I glared at him and smacked him so he'd shut up with all the vampire talk. '_What_' He mouthed, but I just shook my head at him.

"Come on Carlie, let's get going." I told her.

I dropped Carlie off at school and drove into the city for work. I hated being a paralegal. I went into law because I loved it and with my dad being a police officer, and now that Emmet and Jake are too, I just had a healthy respect for the law. But what pushed me over the edge, was when Victoria won her freedom due to a faulty legal system, and I wanted to become a lawyer to do whatever I could to make sure nothing like that happened again when I was around. I wanted to be a real lawyer and eventually be one of the people who actually writes laws and gets them passed.

Maybe my imaginary Edward was right, maybe I needed to get control of my life again and go back to law school, but that didn't mean that I was willing to give up my night time delusions. So many times when I thought I couldn't make it through the day, my Edward would come in and make life a little more bearable. Maybe I was crazy, but at least I was able to function in life because of that particular craziness.

I pulled into the parking garage and braced myself for another day of crappy work. Paralegals are assistants to lawyers, and some actually had great experiences with the lawyers they worked with, but others like me, were treated like the lawyers little bitches, and forced to do degrading work like picking up dry cleaning and take-out for lunch meetings.

"Bella, Caius wants to see you in his office." Gianna whispered to me. Caius was the name of the Lawyer that I was specifically assigned to at the firm, and Gianna was the receptionist who would give him blow jobs under his desk in hopes to climb the professional latter.

"Ok, thanks." I said shortly. Gianna wasn't a very likeable girl, so I tried to speak to her as little as possible.

I walked to where Caius's office was, and knocked slightly.

"You may enter." He said, then looked up from whatever he was doing to speak to me. "Ah yes Mrs. Cullen. I see that you've been a paralegal here for three years now, is that correct?"

"Uh, yes sir."

"Good, I'm putting you on a new case. It's nothing big, but I'd like to see what you can do. First I want you to go pick up six sandwiches from the deli, then come back and we'll discuss what I need you to do."

"Um, Ok. Thanks." I said and hurried to the deli.

The line for the Deli was all the way out the door, and I didn't have a choice to stand in it and wait. The line moved slowly and I kept anxiously looking at my watch knowing that Caius wasn't going to be happy that this is taking so long.

"Uh, excuse me, but do you have the time?" A familiar voice said from behind me. I couldn't exactly place the voice right away, but I figured that it was probably someone that I met casually at some point. I looked at my watch again and said "Eleven fifty five" without looking back at him.

"Thanks. This is nuts, isn't it." He said. "Are these sandwiches made with vodka soaked bread or something?"

"Yeah, that would be nice." I said then finally peeked behind me to see who the hell I was talking to.

He smiled at me, and my heart just about stop beating right then and there.

"Are you ok Miss?" he asked me.

"EE..Edwa…Edward?" I asked barely able to speak and completely lacking the ability to form a coherent sentence.

He looked at me strangely, and scratched his head.

"Um, I'm sorry, I think you're confusing me with someone else." He said in a polite tone.

I shook my head at him and reflexively reached up to his face, but he took a step back before I could touch him.

"Are you Ok?" He asked again as I just stared at him. "Do you need me to call someone for you?" I got completely lost from the way his mouth moved, it was exactly the way that it used to. Maybe I was really going crazy now, maybe I was projecting my delusions onto this unsuspecting man that probably looks nothing like him in reality.

I forced myself to clear my head and look at him sanely. In truth, he was different than my memory of Edward. He was older, more mature looking which told me for sure that this wasn't the Edward from my imagination, because that Edward never aged. His hair was darker and combed in a sophisticated slick style, and he was wearing a business suit. I looked closer at his face, and noticed that he had a beard, which was actually closer to neatly groomed scruff, just longer than stubble. I had never seen Edward with any kind of facial hair before, so that threw me for a moment. Under the scruff, was a face that was more defined then Edward had before, yet it was filled out more as well. This man was not skinny the way Edward was, but he wasn't at all fat, just more filled out.

All of these subtle changes would have been enough for me to doubt the truth that was screaming in front of me, but then there were his eyes. His bright emerald green eyes, which were uniquely his and made it impossible for me to not believe.

"Edward, how…."

He shook his head at me again. "I'm sorry Miss, but I think you're confused; my name is Tony Williams."

"Hey the line is moving." Some guy behind us said full of annoyance.

I scooted up a few steps, but never took my eyes off of him.

"No, Edward. I'd know you anywhere, it's me Bella, don't you recognize me?" I asked him sounding desperate and completely insane.

"Uh" He said shaking his head.

"Edward, please?" I almost begged, and for the first time since the day of his memorial service six years earlier, tears started rolling down my face.

"Miss…Bella was it? I'm so sorry, but I really don't know you. My name isn't Edward, but if there is someone you want me to call for you…"

"No, I'm fine." I said finally snapping out of it while drying my face, and realizing how completely stupid I was being. It was obvious that he had no idea who I was and I must have seemed like an unstable lunatic to him. Then I realized what exactly must have been happening. This had to be the same guy that Emmet saw the week before. And I had to agree, he definitely was related to Edward in some way, he had to be.

I don't know why I was so surprised at their similarities, Jacob looked a lot like his sisters, and Jessica and her little sister had matching faces as well, but this was just eerie.

"I'm sorry, you just look so much like my husband. Do you know someone by the name of Elizabeth Mason? She goes by Lizzy usually?" I asked him, but he shook his head.

"No sorry. You said your husband's name was Edmund?"

"Edward" I corrected him.

"I'm sorry, I don't know anyone named Lizzy or Edward." He looked forward at the line again and had a disappointed look on his face. "Uh, I can't really wait here any longer, I have a meeting in twenty minutes. But it was nice meeting you Bella." He said then turned and walked away.

After another half hour, I finally got the sandwiches and hurried back to work. I tried to get my mind off of the unreal Edward look-a-like, but our conversation kept re-playing over and over again in my mind. His mouth, his eyes, even the cadence of his voice was exactly Edward, and the worst part of it was that I had no way to contact him to try and figure out how exactly he was related to Edward.

Edward never knew his father, so it could be possible that this man was related to him in that way, but the green eyes were inherited from his mother, so that couldn't be right. Besides, this guy had similar features to Vanessa, and she had a different father.

"Where the hell have you been?" Caius shouted at me as I ran into the conference room with the sandwiches.

"I'm sorry, the line was out the door." I said quickly.

"Fine, take a seat." He said frustrated.

I flattened my skirt so it wasn't ruffled before sitting at the large oblong table.

"Mrs. Cullen, this is Mr. Williams and he's here to seek legal representation for a matter concerning his estate." Caius introduced us. I looked up and there he was, Mr. Edward look-a-alike. He was looking at me with a strange smirk on his face.

"We actually just met down at the deli." He said with a smile.

"Well good, we're all friends." Caius said annoyed.

"Mr. Williams is trying to orchestrate a buyout from his family estate, this may take a couple weeks, and it is your job to work with him and get all the details and paperwork done, do you understand?" Caius asked me.

"Yes." I said having a hard time pulling my eyes away from Edward's face, even if it was on a different man.

I didn't understand how or why this guy looked so much like Edward, but I was determined to spend this time with him, to figure it out.

_***What do you think so far? I updated my profile pic/avi to show a picture of the Edward-look-a-like, but it might not have changed just yet, because it said that it could take 24 hours for the update to take effect. So if you take a look and it's still the old pic of Edward and Bella kissing, then look again tomorrow. I hope this chapter didn't leave you too confused or frustrated, all will be revealed soon. **__**Please Review**__*****_


	29. Ch 28 Letting Go

**Moon Scars**

A/N: Yea, my avi updated, so take a look at what Edward-look-a-like/Tony, looks like. I go off of the movie actors so RPattz will always be the Edward in my head.

Ch 28- _Letting Go_

…..

Tony didn't have time to go over anything right away; he had another meeting to get to across town, so we planned on going over everything the next day.

I left after work in a complete daze; it was a miracle that I arrived home without crashing the car. I wanted so badly to tell Vanessa about the man that I was sure had to be related to her, but then I decided that it would be best to wait until I found out some more information on him.

That evening, I went out with Angela and Jessica to celebrate Angela's promotion to editor at the company she worked for. I rarely ever went out, the club scene just wasn't my thing, but I was completely forced into it. We danced, I stepped on a lot of people's feet, and we drank until we were pleasantly buzzed, though Jessica was completely wasted.

"Hey, what's your poison?" Some guy asked me while I was at the bar to get us some more drinks.

"Oh, no thanks." I said knowing he wanted to buy me a drink.

"Oh come on sweetheart, just one drink?" He said in a desperate tone.

"Sorry, I'm married." I said and held up my left hand so he could see my ring, which has never left my finger since Edward put it on.

"Well, he doesn't have to know." The guy said.

"Uh, no." I said and was grateful that my drinks were ready so I could get away from the guy.

After we all had a couple more drinks, we all got into a cab and left for the night. When I got home, Carlie was already sleeping, and Vanessa and Jake were cuddling together watching a movie.

"Hey, how was she?" I asked them.

"An angel, like always." Vanessa said.

"Yeah right, she was horrible, screaming and running around the house like a bat out of hell." Jake contradicted her.

"Well honey, that's because you gave her a bunch of candy and that's what happens when kids are full of sugar, it's not her fault." Vanessa said to him.

I just shook my head at them. "Well thanks for babysitting. I'm off to bed." I told them and we all said good night.

I stopped in Carlie's room first, and kissed her on the head before going off to my room.

"Hey, sorry I'm so late." I told Edward as he was sitting on the bed with his legs crossed and stretched out in front of him and leaning against the backboard.

"That's Ok; I know you have a life, to bad I don't." He said jokingly.

"Well if you change your mind about going to the island, we can spend all day and night together." I said while crawling on the bed next to him.

"Bella, there is no way Carlisle is going to be ok with you going out there all by yourself. And if you tell him that your imaginary husband is going too, then he'll have you committed. I've been in mental hospitals before, and trust me, you don't want to be in a place like that."

"We'll I'll just tell him that I'm stressed at work and need to get away, he'll understand that." I told him.

"No, he'll tell you to spend the day at a spa, not go to a remote island alone. Hey isn't Jasper a psychologist or something now?" He asked.

"Yeah why?"

"Maybe you should talk to him…about me."

"I'm not crazy." I said frustrated.

"I'm not saying that, I just think that maybe Jasper can help you move on. You have been doing an excellent job _pretending_ to get past my death, but you really aren't at all. And now you think this guy at your work looks like me."

"He does look like you." I stated. "Do you know anything about him?" I asked, but already knew what he was going to say.

He looked at me with a disappointed expression on his face. "See? This is exactly what I'm talking about. I'm not real, and I'm not some ghost coming down to earth to visit you. I'm just in your imagination, and I can only _know_, what you _know_. So unless you _know_ who this guy is yourself, then there is no way I could know anything."

"Ok, look. I'm really tired so I think I'm going to go to sleep now." I said and pulled the covers over me and rested my head on the pillow, turning away from him.

"Do you want me to leave?" he asked.

I rolled over so I could lie on top of him. "No, I don't ever want you to leave." I said quietly, and closed my eyes.

The next day I couldn't wait to get into work for once. I was trying to figure out a way to get the questions I needed from Tony without seeming too creepy, though he probably already thinks I'm insane.

I told myself that I was only going to try to figure all this out, so Vanessa and Carlie could get to know this new member of their family, but in truth, I just had to know. Being in his presence made me feel more alive than I had since the day I graduated from high school, the day when my world fell apart. Maybe this Edward-look-a-like, just gave me hope that life can go on.

"Good morning Bella, or should I call you Mrs.…" Tony said while forgetting my last name.

"Cullen. And no, I'd actually prefer you to call me Bella. Is Tony alright for you?" I asked him.

"Yeah, definitely." He said with a crooked smile which was an exact duplicate of Edward's.

"So why don't you start out by telling me about yourself and your estate." I said to him.

"Uh, Ok. Well my father went into business with a couple other guys a few years back, and it completely took off and became very successful. But now that he's sick, the others are trying to force him out and that's why I need this firm, just in case things turn ugly real fast."

"What kind of company is it?" I asked him.

"Well it started out as a small construction company, they did mainly small projects and such, but now they have expanded and build high rises and other major jobs. It's a multi-million dollar company, and so the others involved are really hoping to have a big pay day if and when my father passes."

"And you are hoping that you get his share?" I asked.

"Well I certainly don't think that it should be divided amongst them. I left my job last year to handle my father's affairs, and I've been doing his entire share of work as well. I've even made more business deals than the other two have combined. Besides, this is my father's wish, not mine. I was happy in my job before, I didn't ask for this." He said.

"Ok, do you have any siblings?" I asked. As a paralegal, I was only able to write down what he wants and to learn exactly what he was planning on achieving from having Caius as a lawyer, so I couldn't give him a legal advice.

"Nope, I'm an only child." He said.

"And what about your mother?" I asked

"She died several years ago."

"So you weren't adopted?" I asked without really thinking it through.

He looked at me confused. "No, why would you ask that?"

Crap.

"Well, I was adopted and automatically think everyone else is too." I said, lying horribly.

"Uh, ok. Um no, I was born into a normal family…Not that it's not normal to be adopted or anything, but no, I even look like a younger version of my father."

"So what about cousins, or uncles maybe? Are you related to someone named Anthony Mason?" I asked. I knew for a fact that Lizzy was an only child, so I figured that maybe Anthony was related to Tony's dad somehow.

He chuckled a bit. "Well my name is Anthony." He said unexpectedly.

"Anthony?" I asked in shock, "I thought you said your name was Tony?"

"Tony is short for Anthony, it's my nickname." He explained. This couldn't be just a coincidence, this had to mean something.

"Well, how about the name Mason?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Sorry, I don't know anyone with that name."

"There you are." A woman said as she came into the conference room we were sitting in.

"Oh hey honey." Tony said.

Honey?

"I missed you babe." She said and leaned into him for a kiss. I don't know why, but seeing him kiss this woman made me turn my face and hide the fact that it tore a hole through my chest. I had to keep reminding myself that this guy wasn't Edward, and it wasn't Edward kissing this extremely gorgeous woman who looked like a super model.

"Uh, this is my fiancé Heidi," he told me, then looked back at her. "This is Bella Cullen, she's the paralegal that we're working with."

"Oh nice to meet you." She said politely while holding out her hand so I could shake it.

"Um, on top of all the company stuff, my father asked me to look into a prenup." He said to me.

"A prenuptial agreement?" I asked stupidly, and he looked at me like I was stupid as well.

"Uh, yeah. I really didn't want to get one, but we talked about it and agreed that if it makes the old man happy, then what difference does it make? We don't plan on ever getting a divorce anyway." He said while smiling at her and they kissed again, making my stomach churn.

"Ok, I'll draw up the papers for that too then." I told them.

We talked a little more about all the legal stuff, then somehow the conversation turned into one about their wedding plans. Damn it.

"Well I really wanted to get married on a vineyard, but then his father said that it would be too hard for him to come to something like that because he's a recovering alcoholic. So we talked about it and decided a wedding on the beach would be perfect." She said while they kept exchanging loving looks and little smiles. I absolutely hated her. Not only was she one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen with a perfect body, but she was also sweet and stupidly funny and he looked at her like the sun rose and set out of her ass. Stupid bitch.

Not Edward

This is not Edward Bella, get a hold of yourself.

But she is a stupid horribly nice beautiful bitch, though.

"So where did you two meet?" Why the hell did I just ask that question?

"In college. I was studying to become a ballerina and he was there to be a musician, and we just totally clicked." She said all doe eyed. A stupid fucking ballerina, really? Fucking bitch. Wait, did she just say musician?

"You're a musician?" I asked him.

"Uh yeah. We both went to Julliard in New York, now she dances for the American Ballet, and I was a composer until my father needed me to come back here to help him with the business."

"Do you sketch too?" I asked mechanically, feeling completely numb from what he was telling me.

They both started laughing. "He couldn't even draw a sick figure to save his life." She said while giggling.

"I'm horrible at drawing, but why do you ask?" He asked me curiously.

I shrugged and for some reason, his lack of drawing capabilities made me feel so much better.

"Well honey, I think we should get going." Heidi told him.

"Yeah we've been here for a while." He said to her.

"It was so nice meeting you Bella; we should get together sometime for drinks or something." Heidi said annoyingly sweet to me.

"Yeah sure." I told her but was really thinking '_no fucking way'._

I don't know why I hated her so much, she was actually really nice and seemed like a genuinely good person. My feelings kind of reminded me of the way Edward used to hate Jake so much, sometimes overly perfect people can just be annoying. But Jake was never perfect, and I'm sure this girl isn't either; maybe I was just having stupid possessive feelings for Tony because of how similar he looked to Edward.

The next day couldn't have come quick enough, and I was grateful that Tony came alone to our meeting.

"Is Heidi still coming?" I asked him.

"No, not today, it's just us." He said and I couldn't help but smile when he said 'us'.

Not Edward.

Not Edward.

"Ok, well let's not waste any time then." I said to him.

I had him sign tons of paperwork and I watched how he signed his name and was shocked that even the way he wrote the letters and held the pen, was just like the way Edward did it.

"So Bella, how long have you been married for?" he asked me casually.

"Uh, six years." I said quickly deciding not to mention that Edward wasn't technically alive anymore.

"So why did you think I was your husband? Do I really look that much like him?" He asked me curiously.

"Uh yeah you do, but he was adopted so I figured that maybe you were related somehow and just didn't know it."

"Your husband was adopted too?" he asked surprised. Damn it, why the hell did I tell him that I was adopted, that was so stupid of me.

"Yeah, we met at an adoption convention." I was a really, really bad liar. Maybe being a lawyer wasn't the best occupation for me after all.

"So, did you and your husband have a good laugh at the fact that you thought I was him?" he asked.

"Uh no, not exactly. He just thinks I'm crazy." I said thinking about the little disagreement that my imaginary Edward and I got into the night before.

"So how old are you anyway…if you don't mind me asking? You just look so young to have already been married for six years." He asked.

"I'll be twenty five in September." I said quickly.

"You're only twenty four and have already been married for six years?" He asked incredulously.

"Yeah, we got married when we were eighteen. Long story." I said.

"Well that's cool." He said sounding unsure. "Do you have a picture?" He asked taking me by surprise.

"Why?"

"Well, I wanna see just how similar we really look." He said with a smirk as if he didn't really believe it.

"Ok" I said then went to my cubical really quick to get the picture of Edward that was on my desk.

"Here" I said and handed him the picture. It was the picture I took of him and Carlie when she was still so small, and he was holding her like she was the most amazing thing on the planet. It was still my absolute favorite picture in the world.

He studied the picture for a minute, and had a stunned expression on his face.

"Wow, you weren't kidding. He looks like he could be my younger brother or something. That's really strange. Who's baby?"

"That's our daughter Carlie." I told him.

"Oh I didn't realize that you have kids. She's beautiful." He said with a smile. "How old is she, she looks so tiny."

"She's actually turning seven in September."

"Oh, this is an old picture. Wow, you had her young huh? Is that why you got married?" he asked, and then he looked embarrassed. "I'm sorry, that's an extremely personal question for this business meeting."

"It's Ok, I don't mind." I said. "Carlie was born when we were still in high school, but we got married several months later when we were eighteen so we could help take care of his sister. She didn't have anyone else to care for her, so we got married to get custody." I told him.

He looked back at the picture of Edward, and just stared at it for a few more minutes. "Yeah, we look a lot alike. Creepy." He said slowly and handed me the picture back.

"See, I'm not crazy." I told him jokingly, and then I realized that I've really been defending my sanity a lot lately. That can't be a good thing.

"No, never thought you were." He said with a smile.

Ok that was way too similar to the conversation I just had with my Edward. The more I talked to Tony, the more I was having a hard time separating the two of them, which only made that ancient hole in my chest ache all over again.

"Hey, what time is it?" he asked me after a few moments of awkward silence.

"Uh, eleven." I said.

"I'm starving, do you want to go get an early lunch?" he asked.

"Sure, anything but deli sandwiches though." I said.

"Definitely not." He said with a grin.

We walked to the café down the street, and talked the whole time about anything and everything. Our conversation was easy and there was rarely ever any awkwardness. Even when I'd say something stupid, he just seemed to laugh it off or change the subject completely.

I even tripped once while we were walking, but somehow he managed to catch me.

"So, I'm assuming that you do this often?" He teased.

"Is my awkward clumsiness that apparent?" I asked lightly.

"Well, this isn't the first time that I've seen you stumble in the couple of days that I've known you." He smiled and completely took my breath away.

"Well sorry if I'm not a ballerina." I told him as a joke, but it may have sounded a little bitter.

"Nah, having a constant war with gravity can be very becoming."

"Really, how so?" I asked then bit my bottom lip absently.

"It's the imperfections that can sometimes make a person endearing. Who wants to be perfect all the time?" he said.

"Speaking from someone who has a perfect fiancé." I said truthfully but in a joking manner.

"Heidi isn't perfect, but I don't think anyone is."

We sat at a table in the café, and looked over the menu for a minute before Tony got a phone call.

"Oh, I'm sorry but I really have to take this. I'll be right back."

His phone call took a little longer than expected, and the waiter was getting impatient so I took a chance and just ordered for him.

After fifteen minutes, I was starting to think that he ditched me, but then he finally came back.

"Sorry about that, it was the hospital that my dad's been in."

"Is everything OK?" I asked him concerned.

He took a deep breath. "Yeah, but he just keeps having setbacks. One minute they're saying that he's running out of time, the next they say he's on the mend. It's just so frustrating. I mean, I love my father and all, but this waiting and wondering thing is just driving me insane. It's like living in limbo or something."

The waiter came and brought us our food, and Tony had a confused look on his face.

"Oh I ordered for you, I hope you don't mind." I said sheepishly.

"What is it?" he asked while looking at the plate in front of him.

"It's Chile Colorado. You never had it before?" I asked.

"No, what made you order this?" he asked amused.

"Oh, it was my husband's favorite. I'm sorry I just didn't even think about it, I guess I should have ordered you a burger. Oh my god, are you a vegetarian?"

"No, this is fine, it looks interesting." He said while picking up his fork. He tried a bite of the meat, and had an even more puzzled look on his face. "Wow, that's actually really good."

"Do you really like it?" I asked happily.

"Yeah, I think I have a new favorite." He said while taking another bite.

We finished eating and laughed practically the whole time. I haven't felt this light and careless for as long as I can remember, and I realized then that Tony was a much more easy-going person than Edward was. He had no real pain in his life, and seemed to just be an all around happy guy.

Over the next few days we got to know each other even better, and went to lunch every day. It was hard to get all the work done because we were always going off topic.

"Ok, so Caius needs to meet with their lawyers before we can have everything finalized, then you should be rid of me." I said.

"Thank god." He said with a straight face. "I mean all this legal stuff is fun and all, but hanging with you is just a drag."

"Oh really? Well I'll be glad to be rid of you too; I just dread coming to work knowing you'll be here." I said, but had a much harder time keeping a serious tone.

"Oh you know I completely dazzle you." he said cockily, and immediately my whole attitude changed.

"Actually, I'm starting to not feel very well, so I think I'm going to go home early for the day." I said and started collecting the paperwork so I could put it all away for the day.

"Bella, is everything Ok?" he asked realizing that I was upset.

"No… yes. I just need to get going, but I'll see you at the hearing." I said and practically ran out of the room.

I didn't mean to freak out like that, but it all became too much. Perhaps it was the fact that he used the word 'dazzled' and I had only ever heard Edward use that word before, and it took me off guard. But I knew my time with Tony was almost up and I still didn't get any closer to learning the truth about how he was related to Edward. But thinking back on the week I spent with him, I realized that I actually stopped asking him questions about it.

But even more importantly than figuring out the truth, I just realized that I hadn't seen Edward since I first asked him about Tony, and that was four days ago.

I started to panic and I drove home as quickly as possible. Carlie was still at daycare, and Vanessa and Jake were both still at work so I wasn't worried about anyone seeing my craziness.

"Edward?" I asked looking around the house, but I didn't see him anywhere. "Edward?" I asked again louder than before. I sat on the couch and put my hands to my head hoping that my brain would respond to my desperate pleas and bring him back, but I just couldn't find him. I started absently rocking back and forth as I sat there, trying not to lose it.

I had no idea how I managed to forget to conjure him over the past few nights, but the fact that I couldn't even picture his face in my mind, scared me to death. Every time I closed my eyes to think of Edward, all I saw was Tony. What the hell was happening to me? I never felt crazy when I was happily living in my delusions with Edward, but now that I can't find him, I felt like I was absolutely losing it.

I forced myself to hold it together, and I went to go pick up Carlie. I sleep walked my way through the rest of the evening, and finally after putting her to bed, I went to my room and completely broke down.

I didn't know how long I cried for, but instead of it releasing the pain, it only made it worse. I hadn't been away from him for more than a day or two at a time in six years, and going four days without him now without even realizing it, made me feel like I was betraying his memory.

"Bella?" I looked up, and could breathe again.

"Edward, thank god." I said and ran to him. "Where have you been?" I asked him while trying to calm myself down.

"You're asking me?" He said with a chuckle.

"I'm so sorry, I don't know what happened."

"I do. You didn't need me." He said taking me by surprise.

"What are you talking about? I always need you."

"No Bella, you're finally moving on with your life, and you don't need these delusions anymore to make it through your day." He said in a content tone.

"Edward, I really don't understand what you're saying." I said honestly.

"Bella, you're falling in love with him."

I just stared at him completely shocked.

"No Edward, I swear, I only love you. If I have any feelings for him at all, it's because he reminds me so much of you, I mean his face is…"

"Bella." He said interrupting me. "It's Ok Love. I want you to fall in love and be happy."

"I'm not in love with him." I said frustrated. "I've only known him for less than a week."

"You fell in love with me after spending only one day with me." He retorted.

I shook my head. "He has a fiancé."

"And you had Jacob when we fell in love." He argued.

"It's only because he looks like you." I said confidently.

"Bella, you didn't fall in love with me for my looks, cause if you had, you would have been like every other desperate girl at school. Besides, his personality is nothing like mine, you even thought about how different we were in that way."

"Edward." I said not knowing what else to say.

"I know you love me, and you always will, but its time." He said while nodding his head reassuringly.

"I can't just let you go." I said with tears rolling down my face.

"Yes you can. You are the strongest person I ever knew, and I believe that you can do anything. I'll always be here for you Love, but not like this. Keep me in your heart, but make room for the life that you need to be living."

"I love you so much, you're the love of my life, my entire soul." I said while putting my hand on his face, but instead of feeling his skin the way I have always been able to, I couldn't feel anything and my hand went right through him as if he was fading.

"Edward?" I said in a broken voice.

"I'm not the love of your life, because you have so much life left to love. But Bella always know this, you were the love of mine. You saved me from a life without love, and I'm at peace now because I had you. And nothing makes me happier than knowing that I can leave and be sure that you'll find love again. Please just live now, live for the both of us."

"Edward please?" I whispered.

"We never said goodbye before, so let's say it now. Goodbye my love, My Bella." He said softly.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to stable myself. I didn't want to let him go, I didn't want to live without him, but I couldn't live in limbo anymore. Edward died because he jumped in front of a bullet for me. He sacrificed his life for mine, and I wasn't even living it; I was completely wasting his sacrifice.

I knew that this Edward was just in my imagination, and the real one was in heaven, but I also knew he'd be telling me the same thing if he could. Edward always wanted what was best for me, he pushed me away back then as well because he thought he wasn't right for me. He was so wrong then, but he was right now. It was time for me to wake up.

"I'll love you forever…goodbye." I said so quietly that I could hardly hear it myself, then I opened my eyes slowly and he was gone.

…

***Ok, now that Bella has let go of her delusions, she can move on with her life and finally figure out who Tony really is. It's coming in the next chapter, and I hope it doesn't disappoint. I'll post it ASAP, hopefully Thursday evening. ****Please Review*******


	30. Ch 29 Love and Hate

**Moon Scars**

A/N: Ok some might love this, and some might think it's so stupid that you hate the whole story now because of it, but this was always my intention. I hope you do enjoy it and aren't disappointed, but here it is.

Ch 29 – _Love and Hate_

…..

I felt sick all night, and the next morning as well. During the night I even broke down a few times and begged Edward to come back, that I was wrong and still needed him, but he never showed. Maybe my subconscious took him away because I knew deep down that I had to let him go, but it still hurt like hell. It was like losing him all over again except this time, I had to completely hide my grief because otherwise everyone would know for sure that I was insane.

I took Carlie to school in the morning, but then came back home and called in sick. I laid in bed all day and just grieved what I lost. Though the real Edward was gone, he was still such a major part of my life for so long, that I actually loved my delusion for a longer amount of time then the real Edward was actually in my life. Had Edward actually survived, then the passing of time would have changed him into something completely different than how I remembered him. Who knows, maybe he'd be just as happy and carefree as Tony is, maybe his face would have changed and matured over the past years to look even more like Tony.

I took the rest of that day, and the night that followed, to allow myself to be broken over my new found sanity. But the next morning came, and it was time to get back in my life where I belong.

I went into work, just like any sane person would, and sat at my cubicle and did my morning prep work. I didn't expect to see Tony that day, because all of my work with him was finished until the day of the hearing. So when he walked past my work station, I was surprised to see him, and my stomach filled with all kinds of unwanted butterflies.

"Hey Tony." I said to him because he didn't notice me sitting there, but I regretted it almost immediately. He was happily engaged, and I didn't need to torture myself by being around someone who could never want me the way I was denying wanting him.

"Bella? Hey you weren't here yesterday." He said in a strange tone.

"No, I had a family emergency." I said which wasn't really a lie.

"Bella, is your husband dead?" he asked me unexpectedly.

"What?" I asked him confused as to how he would know that.

"I came in here yesterday to meet Caius for a few things, and I just happened to mention something about your husband, and Caius sneered and said that you don't have a husband anymore because he died years ago."

"Uh" I didn't know what to say, or even how to say it. Losing Edward was still raw for me because I just became sane, so talking about him in this way now, was extremely difficult. "He died almost six years ago." I forced myself to say.

He looked at me perplexed for a moment. "I don't get it. Why would you say he's alive when he's not?"

"Because I'm crazy, literally." I told him honestly. "I just couldn't let him go, so I didn't."

Tony grabbed a chair and pulled it closer to me, then sat. "He died not long after you married him?" He asked.

"Yeah, he actually officially died on his nineteenth birthday." I said and my voice broke at the end.

"So that picture you showed me?"

"That was only a few months before he died."

"How did he die?" He asked, and I held it together enough to tell him. I told him the whole story about James and the way that Edward was in physical shock after he was shot, and was able to keep it together long enough to save my life.

"I'm so sorry Bella, that is just…awful. But you're Ok now?" he asked in a concerned tone.

"I don't really know, but I think I will be, someday." I told him, but was telling myself as well. "Look, I completely understand if you want a new paralegal to help in your case, I know it must be hard to trust me after finding out I lied about my husband."

"I don't want a new paralegal, and I still trust you. Everyone handles grief in their own way and who am I to tell you that what you did was wrong. But I'm glad I know the truth now." He said while looking deep into my eyes.

The day of the hearing arrived, though it wasn't really a hearing in a court with a jury or anything. It was more like both sides of the case got together with their legal teams, and sat at this big table with a judge and stated their case.

"Hey, where's Heidi?" I asked Tony quietly.

"She had to fly back to New York to work on a ballet production." He whispered back, and then the judge came in and started the proceedings.

The lawyers stated their cases, and the judge looked over everything, before releasing us for two hours while he deliberated and went over all the paperwork.

"Are you nervous?" I asked him as we were sitting in the lobby waiting room.

"No, why would you say that?" He asked confused.

"Because you're shaking your leg like crazy, and you completely messed up your hair from twisting it." I said while reaching up and smoothing out the hair that he ruffled. Edward had the same nervous ticks, but by this time, I was past being surprised by their similarities.

"How do you know me so well when we only met a little over a week ago?" He asked with a crooked smile.

I shrugged. "Maybe you're just easy to read."

"No, it's more than that. It's like you see through me, like we've known each other forever." He said while seeming to pierce through my soul with his intense stare.

It's not often that people have an instant connection with someone, but for some unknown reason, I had that twice in my one life and it completely baffled me. Edward was right, I was completely taken by Tony and he quickly started dominating my thoughts. But I fought my feelings because he was engaged, but more than that, I still couldn't imagine spending my life with anyone but Edward.

"It's time." Gianna said to us.

"Ok, thanks." I said to her even though I had no idea why Caius needed his receptionist at the hearing.

We got up and as we walked to the room, our hands brushed together and there was an instant electric connection that sparked between us. I thought it was in my head, but I looked up at him quickly and he looked back at me, and I knew then that he felt it too.

We sat, and waited for the judge's ruling.

"This case seems fairly simple. I see no reason why Mr. Williams shouldn't be granted his request to maintain control over his father's estate, including his share of the business. I rule in favor of the plaintiff." The judge said, and then signed a few more documents before leaving.

Tony looked at me and smiled in a sigh of relief. "Thank you." he said when everyone started to leave.

"Oh I didn't do anything, I'm just the paralegal." I said feeling embarrassed.

"No, you did it all, and I really appreciate it." He said with a warm smile. "I should go call Heidi and my dad."

"Yeah, definitely." I said then he walked away. I didn't know if I was going to see him again because I knew he actually lived in New York and was only in Seattle to handle business. But I couldn't bring myself to ask him to keep in touch. If I tried to keep in contact with him, then I would just be turning myself into a masochist. He wasn't available and seeing him with her, just made my heart hurt like hell.

I went home and called Angela. If I ever needed a girl's night out, tonight was definitely it. Carlie was having a slumber party at her friend's house, so I had all night to drink away my sorrows.

We went to a loud and noisy club, which normally I'd hate but tonight it was exactly what I needed. The loud music made it hard for me to think, and thinking was the last thing I wanted to do at the moment.

"I'm going to get some more drinks." I told Angela.

"Ok." She said with a smile. Angela was still one of my best friends and she was still in her extremely long engagement with Ben. But I think she was getting frustrated with his lack of willingness to set a date for their wedding, so she would turn to flirting with random men when we went out.

"Two vodka tonics please." I said to the bar tender, when I felt my cell phone buzzing. I looked at it right away worried that there could be some kind of emergency with Carlie, but when I looked at the number, I was confused as to who it was. It was just a text message from a number that I didn't recognize, but whoever was texting me was definitely watching me.

**You really shouldn't drink so much, it's bad for one's balance.**

I looked around the bar, but didn't see anyone I knew.

**Are you going 2 drink both of those?**

I looked over at the crowded dance floor, but still didn't see anyone. I knew for sure that this wasn't Angela's number, so I was completely confused and a little freaked out about the stalkerish texts.

**R U really that blind? I'm right behind U**

I turned quickly and saw Tony standing there with a devilish grin on his face.

"You are really funny." He said with a chuckle.

"Where did you come from, you were not there a minute ago." I said with a smile but was annoyed anyway.

"What are you talking about, I've been here the whole time." He said in a falsely innocent tone.

"Yeah right, I think I would have noticed a guy in a business suit in this club."

"Do I really stand out that much? This isn't my fault though, a couple buddies of mine dragged me out saying they wanted to celebrate my big win today, so stupid me thought they wanted to go out to a place with a little more class. I didn't have time to change anyway; I've been in meetings all day."

"Oh, I thought you'd be on your way back to New York by now?"

"Uh no, I'm living here now. Well at least most of the time. The business is based here so this is where I have to be, but Heidi and I can afford to fly back and forth enough to see each other as often as we need." He explained.

"Still, that has to be tough, long distant relationships are always hard."

"Bella, hey, what's taking so long?" Angela said as she dizzily walked over to us. She looked at Tony and her mouth dropped open. "Wow, I must be drunk already, you look exactly like Edward." She said while gawking at him.

"Yeah, maybe we should get going. Anymore drinks and I'll have to carry you out of here." I told her.

"No let's stay for a little while longer, I don't have a proper buzz yet. So take Mr. Edward look-a-like, and get on the dance floor." She said and then went off to dance with some guy who she just met.

"Sorry about that, my friend knew Edward pretty well." I said to Tony.

"No it's cool. She seems like a good friend, we should probably follow her advice." He said then grabbed my hand and started pulling me to the dance floor.

"Uh, I only come to drink, dancing isn't really my forte." I said while pulling my hand away from his. The electricity between us was just too much and there was no way I'd be able to keep my new sanity if he kept touching me.

"Oh come on, you can dance on my feet." He said with a smile.

I stared at him in compete shock. What the hell was going on? This guy might have a more cheerful, friendly, personality than Edward did, but he sure did say similar things and that just sent chills down my spine.

"It's not a slow song." I said mechanically.

"So? Maybe you don't have to dance _on _my feet, but I won't mind if you step on them." He said teasingly.

I bit my bottom lip, then reluctantly agreed to dance with him.

I must have looked like a complete idiot out there, but he just laughed and followed my awkward movements. And as predicted, I stepped on his feet…a lot.

After a while, the alcohol kicked in and I relaxed a bit and found myself actually having fun. Tony took off his suit jacket and tie, and unbuttoned his top buttons of his white dress shirt so he wouldn't overheat to death while dancing. His hair started getting messy, and he never looked more like Edward than he did then. And for the first time, I noticed that his hair definitely had some bronzed colored highlights in it.

It was actually an amazing night, and we had so much fun, but as I learned from my time with Edward, all good things must come to an end.

But they didn't come to an end, at least not yet. He started calling and texting me throughout the day when I was at work. Just little things like him telling me how bored he was, or how lame the traffic was. But I didn't really mind what he wrote, it just always made me smile.

We started hanging out more too. We'd meet for lunch and go out sometimes on the weekend. Tony quickly became one of my best friends, but my feelings for him went far beyond friendship, even if he'd never know that.

"Hey, another late night?" Vanessa asked me as I came home after hanging out with Tony one evening.

"Well Esme took Carlie for the weekend down in Forks, so I figured, why not." I said defensively.

"Hey, I didn't say it was a bad thing, I think it's great that you have a boyfriend." She said with a wink.

"He's not my boyfriend, he has a fiancé. We're just friends, that's it." I said to her. Even though I had been spending a lot of time with Tony lately, I still never told Vanessa that he could possibly be related to her. I guess I really just wasn't ready to know the truth just yet.

"What's his name?" She said while patting the seat next to her so I'd come and sit.

"Tony Williams." I said quickly.

"Tony Williams?" She said in a strange tone.

"Yeah why?" I asked her.

"Well that's my grandfather's name." She said unexpectedly.

"No it's not. His last name is Mason right?" I never actually met their grandfather before. Vanessa said that he took Edward's death very hard and completely lost it. She didn't even talk to him anymore.

"Yeah, but his middle name is William. Anthony William Mason. That's just so close to Tony Williams. I mean I guess that they are common names, but it's kind of weird."

I sat there feeling completely numb. Vanessa didn't know that Tony looks like Edward, so she didn't know how right she was by calling it weird, but I couldn't keep avoiding the issue, it was time to figure everything out.

The next morning was a Sunday, so I decided that it would be a good time to do a little digging at the office. No one worked on Sundays, so I had the place to myself to try to search for the answers I was looking for, and I was relieved to finally find what I needed.

I pulled out Tony's file, and found an address for the facility that his father was being cared for in, so I copied it down and drove there. His name was Antony Williams senior, and it was easy to find his room. I just told the receptionist that I needed to question him on a legal matter, and I showed her my paralegal ID.

I went into the room quietly and sat down next to him not sure what to do because he was sleeping. But then he coughed a little and woke up. He turned and looked at me with a confused expression on his face.

"Um, my name is…" I said but he interrupted me.

"I know who you are, how did you find me?" He said angrily.

"Uh, I just had a few questions about your son's case." I said even though the case was closed.

"Why the hell would you ask that?" He said which confused me, maybe he thought I was someone else entirely.

"Mr. Williams, my name is Bella Cullen; I'm a paralegal with the firm that your son was using in his case. I just came here to ask you a couple questions." I said to him.

"You're not here to talk about a case, you came to ask questions about your husband." He said making my heart completely jump out of my chest.

I just stared at him not quite sure what he was talking about, but afraid at the same time.

"I couldn't just let him die Bella, you have to understand that." He said softly after a few moments.

"What? What are you talking about?" I asked confused.

He pointed to the drawer next to him and motioned for me to open it. I did, and inside was a small locked case, which I pulled out.

"The combination is 6-2-0" he said to me.

I put the numbers in and realized as I did it, that it was Edward's birthday, June 20th.

When I opened the case I was shocked into utter silence. It was a bunch of pictures and all of them were of Carlie at different ages. I was in a couple of them and so was Vanessa. I didn't know what to say or think, but I knew that I had never been more angry in all my life. Vanessa had sent these pictures to her grandfather over the years, and here they all were in Tony's father's locked case.

"I couldn't just let him die Bella." He repeated.

Tears started flowing down my face uncontrollably as I finally understood what he was telling me.

"How, it's not possible." I whispered, barely able to speak.

"I sold my vineyard and all my other valuable possessions in order to pull it off. I paid four different staff members at that little hospital, a lot of money to help me with this and to keep their mouths shut. They kept him alive and snuck him out of the hospital and faked all the documents for me."

"No, he was brain dead." I said in denial.

"Obviously, they were wrong. It's been known to happen, someone in Portugal was declared brain dead last year, only to wake up months later. They call it miracles, but whatever the reason, that is exactly what happened to Edward. He was in a coma for a year, but then something happened and he somehow came back. It took another year of rehabilitation, but then he was well enough to go to New York and go to school."

"No, this isn't possible, Carlisle went there, he was with him when he died, are you telling me that he was one of the doctors that helped you?"

"No, that doctor didn't know anything. But he was too upset to stay there for too long, so that worked in our favor. One of the doctors that was working for me, switched the wires on the machines and when they turned off the life support, he was actually still connected to separate machines in the next room. Dr. Cullen was so upset that he left without making sure that he was actually gone."

I shook my head at him. "The ashes?"

"It was just dirt and soot."

"Why, why would you do something like this?"

"You gave up on him, you signed the papers to end life support, but I couldn't let that happen. I lost my family already once, and I wouldn't allow for it to happen again, not with him."

"They said he was brain dead." I said starting to get more and more angry but the tears just kept pouring out.

"And they were wrong." He said getting equally upset. "I brought him to a small intensive patient care facility in Oregon, being told by doctor after doctor that he'd never wake up, and if by chance he did, he'd be a complete vegetable unable to move or even form a coherent thought, but I didn't give up, I spent every last cent I had keeping him alive. And now look at him. Doctors aren't perfect, they know nothing of miracles or pure determination."

"How could you do this, how could you take him from me, FROM HIS DAUGHTER!" I screamed the last part.

"You gave up on him." He said flatly.

I shook my head and turned around to leave. I wasn't sure how much of this I believed but if there was even the slightest chance that Tony was actually Edward, then I had to go to him.

"Bella wait!" He called after me. And for some stupid unknown reason, I turned back to him.

"I could have you arrested for this." I said with more anger and hatred than I felt since James.

"Do you really think that I care if I spend what little time left I have in this world, behind bars? It was worth it to give him his life back." He said with conviction.

"You didn't give him his life back, you gave him someone else's. He obviously doesn't remember me because he'd never leave us intentionally, so how the hell did you pull that one off?" I asked bitterly.

"The lack of oxygen to his brain when his heart stopped during his first operation, caused permanent damage and killed those cells where he kept his memories. He doesn't remember anything from before, and he probably never will. I told him that he was in a car accident that left him with amnesia, and I made up a new life for him, for both of us."

"You bastard." I said full of hate. "And what if he did remember , what would you have done then?"

"Then I would have let him go. But don't you see Bella, this is what's for the best. Edward doesn't remember you, but he also doesn't remember the life he had before you either. He doesn't remember the hell he went through as a child, and all the pain and destruction that the abuse caused to him isn't an issue anymore. He's happy and he is in love, and if you really loved him, you'd leave him alone and let him go."

"He's my husband. He has a daughter, he wouldn't want to be away from us if he knew."

"Bella, this is the life he was meant to be living. He was never supposed to be hurt and abused the way that he was. If my daughter would have taken him to me, instead of putting him into the child welfare system, this is exactly where he'd be today. He would have become an amazing musician, he would have helped me with my business and he would have been happy. If I had him all along, he would have never ended up in Forks with the Cullens, and he would have never met you."

"But he did." I said trying to convince myself that Anthony was wrong, that Edward and I belonged together, and we were meant to be with each other.

"Bella, if you tell him the truth and he feels an obligation to be with you, he'll still love Heidi. He doesn't remember you but he's a good man, and he'll do what he thinks he should, but he will always love her."

"He doesn't have to be with me, but he can still be a father to his daughter. He doesn't need his memory for that."

"And what if he starts spending time with you and somehow something jogs his memory. He's living proof that miracles do happen, and what if he miraculously gets his memory back? I talked to countless psychologists about this and they all said that when an amnesiac gets his memory back, it's like he has to live through each and every one of those memories as if it was happening all over again. Do you really want him to relive that kind of abuse, that kind of pain. You and your daughter will be the last thing he remembers, and by then, what will be left of him? He's happy now Bella, can you tell me that he was this happy before, that the pain never got in the way?"

I thought back to the night of the prom, when he was so upset by the way I touched him. I thought back even further to the way it hurt him the first time we kissed, and the way he said that sex was a punishment. I remembered the story he told me about what happened to him as a kid, and how much pain was in his eyes. I never wanted him to feel that, and I could never live with myself if I was the one who brought those memories back to him.

"He's my husband. He can't just go and get married to Heidi when he's already married to me." I said quietly.

"No, Edward Cullen is you husband, and you have a death certificate for him which now makes you legally his widow and legally allowed to marry someone else yourself. Bella please, I'm an old man now so if you want to have me arrested then fine. But don't make Tony pay for something I did."

"His name is Edward, and he's my husband." I said bitterly. "If you wanted to keep him away, then why not get him to stay in New York, or even in Oregon, why let him come back to Washington at all?"

"I tried to keep him away, but I got sick and the choices weren't up to me anymore. I lost everything to pay for his care and to keep him alive. But then I took a chance and went into business with some acquaintances of mine and it completely took off. We expanded, and it just happened to expand to Seattle. I didn't know you lived there, I thought you were still in Forks. He loves his fiancé, so I figured he'd move back to New York with her and expand the business there, but then he decided to stay. I don't know what made him make that decision, but he did and now here you are learning the truth."

I stared at him for a minute and had no idea what to say. I was so confused and heartbroken but thrilled he was actually alive at the same time. What was I supposed to do, what would be best for him? I wanted Edward back more than anything else in the world, and on top of that, I actually fell in love with Tony too and now that I know they are the same person, I wanted both of them. But Anthony was right, he was happy and I knew he loved Heidi, so how could I take that from him? But even more importantly, how could I risk him having to relive all his childhood pain?

Carlie deserved her father, but Edward deserved to live a normal happy life as well, and Carlie doesn't even remember him enough to miss him. I couldn't be selfish right now, I needed to do the right thing, Edward deserved that. Edward spent the first fifteen years of his life living in hell, and four years after that living in the aftermath of the terror he endured. Was the small amount of happiness that we had together enough to balance that pain and lesson the intensity of it?

Tony said to me that he and Heidi have been together for three years, Edward and I weren't together consistently for longer than several months. So even if he could remember me, he's been in a relationship with her much longer than he ever was with me.

As much as I hated Anthony and hated what he did, I loved Tony enough to know that Anthony is right. Tony isn't Edward, and he didn't belong in Edward's world with me. So I did the most painful thing I could imagine at that moment, and I agreed to keep my silence.

It absolutely killed me and every fiber of my being protested my decision, but I had to let him go. Both of him. I couldn't be in that horrible room any longer, but there was one thing that I needed to do before I left.

I looked down at my hand at the ring that once belonged to Edward's grandmother, and for the first time since he put it on my finger, I took it off.

"Here." I said to Anthony and handed him the ring.

He huffed once while looking at it. "You don't have to give this to me you know. I gave this to Edward to give to you, and I know he would have wanted you to keep it."

"I just can't." I said and turned and walked away.

I went home and ran right into my room and was grateful that no one was home. I picked up the picture of Edward that I had by my bed and looked at it with new eyes. I touched his face in the photo, then something in me just snapped.

I threw the picture across the room and the glass and frame broke, shattering all over the ground. I was so angry. I was pissed at Anthony for taking him away from me, and I hated myself for ever signing the papers to remove life support and not fighting harder for him. But at that moment, I was the most furious with Edward himself.

"DAMN IT!" I screamed into the empty house. "FUCKING BASTARD!" I screamed at the top of my lungs as loud as I possibly could. How could he do this to me? How could he forget me and fall in love with someone else? I hated him for it, and I hated her. I wanted them both to fall off the face of the planet and burn in hell as I laughed on their graves. I wanted them to suffer the pain I was feeling, so perhaps it would be only fair to tell him the truth and hope that he can remember that pain.

I picked up the stupid stuffed lion that he bought for Carlie when she was a baby and I ripped the head off and threw it to the ground. I took every last trinket and picture of him and threw them to the floor. I ripped off the covers of the bed because my stupid brain had made me conjure him up, and that delusion of him had laid on this bed, and so I wanted it gone. I tore up the whole room and screamed until my throat closed up from the dryness. It was actually surprising that none of my neighbors called the police from all the noise.

I punched the wall and hurt my hand in the process, but that didn't stop my rage. I probably would have destroyed the whole house, but then I heard the front door open, and Carlie's little happy voice made me snap out of it. Nothing else mattered to me more than her. I was locked in my own grief for so long, for most of her life, and now it was time for me to let that go and be the mother that she deserved.

I made her dinner and got her washed up for bed, before tucking her in and reading her a story. My destruction was isolated to my room, so I just kept the door shut so no one saw it.

"Momma, did you ever sew the little hole in my lion's tail?" She asked me before I could turn her light off.

"Uh, no honey, but I'll make sure I do that first thing in the morning Ok." I told her softly.

"But how will I say goodnight to daddy if I don't have the lion he gave me?" She asked worried.

I stared at her for a moment, then took a deep breath and said. "Honey, you don't need that lion for daddy to know that you love him. And he loves you too, more than anything."

I kissed her on her head then turned off the light and shut the door. No matter how much I hated Edward for forgetting us, despite the fact he didn't have control of it, I couldn't let my anger spill over onto her. So I went to the disaster in my room and found the decapitated lion, and sewed the head back on before placing it next to her as she slept.

***Ok, so hate it or love it? I know it's a little unbelievable, but I grew up watching soap operas and bringing people back from the dead with memory loss, was a common occurrence so I always loved that storyline. Anyway, I hope you liked it, if not then I'm sorry. ****Please Review*******


	31. Ch 30 Stages of Grief

**Moon Scars**

Ch 30 – _Stages of Grief_

_…._

(BPOV)

Knowing that Edward was alive and living close by, was almost more difficult than thinking he was dead. I was still so angry with him, and I didn't know if that would ever go away. But the fact that Tony kept texting me didn't help either. I felt horrible for not responding to any of them, but there was no way that I could continue being his friend after learning the truth. Edward and I never worked as 'friends' so I doubted that I could make it work with Tony either. Besides, the fact that he was so sickly in love with Heidi just ripped me apart inside.

"So, what's going on?" Vanessa asked me when she saw me dismiss yet another text.

"Nothing, why?" I asked her.

"Oh I don't know, because you won't respond to any of your texts from this mystery guy who is just your 'friend'."

"He _was_ just my friend because he has a fiancé and I'm still not over Edward. But I just can't be friends with him anymore and he'll just have to get that point eventually." I told her.

For the first couple of days, I'd read every last text that he'd send me, but it just became too difficult, so now I just delete them without even looking at them anymore.

"Momma, can I have Claire and Emma come to my birthday party?" Carlie asked me as I was making her lunch before school.

"Of course you can, we'll invite all the kids from your class to your party." I promised her.

It was the middle of August, but Carlie was already in full planning mode with her aunt Alice for her big birthday party on September tenth. I was actually grateful that Alice was so good at planning things like that, because I was so bad at it. Every year we always had a huge celebration for her birthday and since she's almost seven now, she's come to expect these huge events.

Carlie may have my eyes and Edward's face, but her personality is becoming more and more like her aunts. She was fashionable and outgoing like Alice, beautiful and witty like Rose, and sweet and overly dramatic like Vanessa. But I couldn't have been happier about all of their influences on her, she was becoming an amazing little girl and I just wished that Edward knew her.

Over the past couple of weeks I found myself thinking about Edward in the present tense, like as if we were just broken up or something, instead of him being dead like the way everyone else still thought he was. But thinking of him that way, just made me even more angry. He eventually stopped texting me, for which I was grateful, but maybe a little regretful as well. I kept second guessing my decision to leave him alone and I was constantly worried if I was doing the right thing by not telling his family about him. If they ever did find out some way, they would never forgive me.

I went to work like always, and like always I spent the day considering ways to be able to quit that miserable job.

"Mrs. Cullen, get in here now." Caius yelled at me.

"Yes Caius?" I asked as I came into his office. He motioned for me to shut the door, so I did.

The second the door was closed, his whole demeanor completely changed.

"Bella…Do you mind if I call you Bella?" Caius asked me.

"Uh no." I said confused.

"I have some good news for you. The firm has looked over all the paralegal's who have been employed here for longer than two years, and have chosen you to be sponsored for a scholarship to be on the fast track in law school." He said with a forced smile.

"Are you kidding me?" I asked in disbelief.

"No, I don't kid." He said flatly.

"Oh My God, this is amazing!" I said way too loudly.

"Quiet down. You don't want to cause a mutiny amongst the other paralegals do you?"

"Uh, no Sir." I said quickly.

"Ok, now go pick me up four sandwiches at the deli." He ordered.

"Yes Sir." Shit.

I grabbed my coat and headed down to the deli and was frustrated, but not surprised, to see an extremely long line out the door.

"Fuck!" I said out loud and got a bunch of dirty looks from people standing close by.

I got in line and to my horror, Mr. Doesn't-Look-Like-Edward-Because-Actually-Is-Edward, came and got in line behind me.

"This line is nuts, but I cleared my afternoon schedule and am determined to get a damn sandwich. Are you sure there's no vodka soaked bread?" he asked me casually.

I didn't respond to him in any way, besides turning away and giving him the cold shoulder.

"Ok Bella, what the hell did I do to make you pissed off at me?" he asked.

"Nothing." I said honestly. Him being 'nothing' for Carlie and me, was exactly why I was pissed.

"Bella please, I hate not talking to you." I refused to look at him because now that I knew the truth, there was no way that I can see him as just Tony, and not my husband Edward who forgot about us.

"Look, whatever I did, I'm sorry, so can you please stop ignoring me?"

"Tony, I'm not trying to ignore you, but I just can't be your friend anymore." I said to him while moving up the line.

"What? Why?" He asked confused.

"Because I just have too much going on right now to worry about making any new friends." I said coldly.

"What kind of bullshit is that? What the hell is going on Bella, you won't even look at me?" he said seeing right through me.

I took a deep breath to steady myself, then forced my head to turn to look at him in Edward's perfect eyes.

"Tony please, I can't really explain anything to you, but you need to just leave me alone, Ok?" I said, then forced my eyes to unlock from his, and turned away.

He stood there for a few minutes quietly, before taking a deep breath, and walking away. A single tear rolled down my cheek, but I wiped it away quickly refusing to allow myself to break down right there.

After work was over for the day, I walked down to the parking garage and I was overjoyed and completely furious, when I saw Him waiting by my car. He was smoking a cigarette and I thought briefly about how the fact that he was smoking would piss Edward off, because after he quit for Carlie's sake, he'd always snubbed his nose at people who smoked.

***Flashback***

"What the hell is people's problem? Just because they want to give themselves lung cancer, doesn't mean they need to give it to my baby." Edward said and covered Carlie's little nose until we were away from the cloud of smoke.

We were walking to the park with Emmet and Rosalie, and it was one of Edward's first times being away from home with her, so he was a little paranoid. Not to mention the fact that Edward was trying his hardest to get along with Rose, so he was already on edge.

"Wow Edward, when did you become such a prude?" Emmet asked him.

"What, I just think people should be conscious to others, especially kids." Edward said defensively.

"And when did you ever be 'conscious to others' when you were puffing the cancer stick?" Rose asked snobbishly.

"I didn't have a kid then." He retorted.

"Awe, the overprotective daddy, how sweet." Emmet teased.

"Damn right, and I'm never going to stop being that either. Just wait until she starts dating little pricks like I was, I fully plan on scaring the shit out of them." Edward said seriously, Rose and I just rolled our eyes.

"Hell yeah, I'll be right there with you bro. Maybe we can even make some of them piss themselves, that'd be hilarious." And the two of them bumped fists.

***End Flashback***

"What are you doing here?" I asked Tony as he put out his cigarette.

"This is where my car is parked." He said in a scheming way.

"And since when do you park your car in this garage, don't you work across town?" I asked frustrated.

"Well I had a meeting with Caius today." He said casually.

"I didn't see you there." I said not believing his story.

"Well that's because you said you didn't want to see me, so I didn't stop to say hi."

"What was the meeting about?" I asked curiously, despite myself.

"Prenup" he said quickly. See, I knew I didn't really want to know.

"Great." I said full of attitude.

"So I was thinking we could go bowling this weekend, maybe we could take your daughter or something"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "I thought I just told you that I couldn't see you anymore."

"Yeah, but I thought maybe you got over it by now. So are you over it?" he asked with Edward's irresistible crooked smile.

I shook my head at him. "No." I said shortly and then got in my car and drove off.

It seemed that the more I pushed Him away, the more he tried to pull me back. I didn't understand it, but I was having a very hard time fighting it as well.

"I got you something." He said, surprising me by coming to sit on the edge of my desk at work the following week. I didn't even know he was in the building.

I sighed "What?" I asked knowing he wouldn't leave unless I gave in and took whatever he had for me.

He put a wrapped rectangular box on my desk in front of me. "Open it." He said with a smirk.

"It's not my birthday, or Christmas, or any other ridiculous holiday where people give meaningless gifts."

"Oh it's nothing like that, just open it."

"Ok" I said giving in.

I opened the wrapping, and was surprised at what it was.

"You got me a camera?" I asked confused.

"Well…yeah. I mean I've seen the way that you're always snapping pictures at random things from your phone camera, so I figured that you might be into photography. You know it's good to have an outlet when you're surrounded by all the craziness of work all the time, and I figured you've been stressed lately."

"Oh yeah, why do you figure that?" I asked softly.

"Well you've been thoroughly mean to me lately, and that's not like you." He said in a teasing manner, but I knew he was serious. "But believe it or not, maybe I can read you just as well as you read me."

I laughed once humorlessly. "I bet not."

He pressed his lips together just like he always did when he was thinking intently on something. "You bite your bottom lip when you're nervous or feel unconfident. You twist your hair around your index finger when you're worried, but that's not to be confused with when you twist your hair around your ring finger when you're deep in thought. You tap your foot when you're anxious, and when you're embarrassed or just want to hide, you let you hair cover you face like a curtain; just like you're doing right now."

He swept my hair away from my face, and tucked it behind my ear before burrowing his eyes into mine, then he continued. "When you're happy you smile, but when you're really happy, your smile reaches your eyes and your whole face lights up. And when you eat a salad" He said with a smile. "You make sure you have a little piece of everything on your fork, so you can have that perfect bite."

He took a deep breath and when he breathed out, I breathed in and I could actually taste him inside of me, and it made me want him even more.

"I know something has been bothering you lately, something that probably won't get fixed with a camera. But I know that if I didn't have my music to escape to, all this business stuff would drive me insane. So if it's not taking pictures, then find something else to do creatively which will give you a release from the normal drudges of everyday life."

"This is really nice of you, but I can't accept it. This is a real photography camera, and I know for a fact that they're expensive." I told him. "It's just too much."

"Well you're going to have to accept it because I got it on sale and they won't take returns."

"Even on sale, these things can run…"

He put his hand up to stop me from talking. "Bella please. I really can't take it back and I don't have any use for it myself."

I looked at the camera again, and for a few moments I couldn't help but let my guard down. "I used to take pictures all the time when I was in high school. I had an art class where we had an assignment that involved photography, and I absolutely fell in love with it. My teacher said that I took one of the best photos that she had ever seen, and she even wanted to submit it to some kind of state wide photography contest."

"Really, what was the picture of?" He asked with a grin.

"Edward." I breathed while looking at him, but then I had to look away. "It was him in this meadow a few miles from home. He was standing over me and the sun was coming out from behind him so perfectly, it was like magic. People thought that I faked the picture somehow, but that was just a perfect moment and I just happened to catch it." I paused while I was deep in my memory of that perfect day. "That's it, that's the day I fell in love with him."

He stared at me, and had a strange expression on his face, one that I didn't quite recognize. The closest thing I could compare it to, was whenever I'd speak of Jacob in front of Edward. Almost jealousy, but that couldn't be right, why would Tony be jealous of anyone when it came to me? Especially my long dead husband who was actually his alter ego.

"You don't usually talk about him." He said.

"Who?" I asked stupidly.

"Your husband."

I looked at him trying to disconnect what I knew to be true, and see him just as Tony. But it was very difficult, so I decided that this would be a perfect way to tell him exactly how I feel.

"I've just been so angry lately. Every time I think about him, I just get so mad that I can't even think straight. I've even gone as far as blaming him for what happened, as if he could have somehow prevented it. The rage is just so much sometimes, that it completely takes over."

He nodded his head as if he completely understood. "Yeah, it's one of the stages of grief."

"Huh?" I asked.

"Well when people lose someone, they start out in shock, then its denial." He said and I could definitely relate to the denial part, I created a delusion of him to live in that denial for so long.

"But after that, it's anger and resentment. But it won't last forever, because then comes acceptance. There are a couple other stages in between those, but you get the idea."

"So you're saying that I'm so mad at him because it's part of moving on with my life?"

"Yeah, and that explains why you've been so mean to me." He said unexpectedly.

"And why's that?" I asked confused.

"Well I look like him, right? If you're all upset with him right now, then it would make sense that you'd take it out on me. It's cool, I get it, and I won't take it personally." He said lightly, and for some reason, I started laughing hysterically. The whole thing was crazy and completely ironic, but I had to release the pressure somehow and instead of exploding in anger, I just couldn't stop laughing.

He looked at me like I was crazy, but he laughed with me anyway.

"So let's move to the next stage of grief already, cause I can't stand you being so pissed at me." He said after a couple minutes.

"It's just that simple huh?" I said with an amused smile.

"No I wouldn't call it simple, but if anyone can do it, it's you. So repeat after me '_you are not Edward'_"

I looked at him shocked, but I repeated him anyway "You are not Edward"

He nodded "_And I'm not mad at you_"

"And I'm not mad at you" I said to him.

He nodded again "_And I think you're really cool and I want to hang out with you this weekend and I'm going to stop being mean and take the wonderful camera you got me and take lots of pictures and actually try to be happy_." He said quickly with a smile.

"I can't repeat all of that; I don't even remember everything you just said." I told him but couldn't help but smile back.

So maybe I was a masochist after all, because I actually agreed to see him this weekend. I just couldn't help it because I was completely powerless under the intensity of his perfect eyes.

The weekend came, and so did his texts.

**Do U want me 2 pick U up? **

**No **– I texted back.

**Y, U don't want me 2 C your house or something?** – He wrote

**Nope**

**Is it because it's a mess & U R embarrassed?** – He asked

**Yep, U caught me** – I lied.

**So if I was already here then you would probably be mad, right?**

Crap! I looked out my living room window and saw his car parked in front. Shit, Crap Fuck. What the hell was I supposed to do now?

He got out of the car and started walking towards the front door. I looked behind me to see if Vanessa or Jake were anywhere around, and I was grateful when I didn't see anyone. But I knew for sure that Carlie was playing upstairs, and I definitely didn't want her to be anywhere near him, she just wouldn't understand.

I opened the door before he had time to knock.

"How did you find out where I live? I never gave you my address." I asked him as he walked up the porch steps.

"Hey I have my ways." He said cryptically.

"A little more warning could have been nice."

"Sorry, but I didn't want to give you a chance to say no. Besides, I'm really anxious to see this disaster of a house of yours." He winked at me.

"You can't." I said and took a step outside and closed the door behind me so he couldn't look in.

"Oh come on, I don't care if it's a mess."

"It's not a mess, but you still can't come in."

"Why?"

"Because my daughter is in there, and you look way too much like her dead father and that might upset her a bit." I said truthfully.

"Oh crap, I'm sorry Bella, I didn't even think about that. God I can be a real idiot sometimes."

"It's Ok, but we're just going to have to meet somewhere if you want to hang out." I told him.

A police car pulled into the driveway, and I completely started panicking. Tony followed my worried glare and turned to see the cruiser as its engine cut off.

"Wow, you called the police on me? I knew you were mad at me, but damn." He joked.

"No that's…" Jacob got out of the car and took off his aviator sunglasses, and stared at Tony for a minute, and Tony stared back.

Jake then turned to me with a confused expression on his face. "Hey Bells." He said strangely.

"Um Jake, this is Tony. He had a case with my firm." I explained quickly. "Tony, this is my Jake." I meant to say '_this is my brother-in-law Jake'_, but I was freaking out so badly inside, that it came out wrong.

Tony narrowed his eyes at Jake and I almost had to laugh at the expression on his face. It was the exact one that he used to glare at Jake back in high school, when he was Edward and absolutely hated him.

Jacob kept looking back and forth between Tony and me, and he looked confused and a little angry.

"So this is the guy that Emmet was talking about?" Jake asked finally, referring to when Emmet said that he saw an 'Edward Doppelganger', as he called him.

"Uh, yeah I'm assuming. Small world huh?"

"So how are you related to them?" He asked Tony.

"To who?" Tony asked him.

"To Edward and Vanessa." Jake said annoyed.

"I have no idea; I don't even know who Vanessa is." Tony told him truthfully.

Jake just kept staring at Tony as if he was seeing a ghost, and I guess in a way, he was.

"Tony was just leaving actually." I said after a few awkward moments.

Tony looked at me like he was upset and didn't want to be leaving, but I nodded and gestured for him to go to his car.

"I'll call you later." He said quietly and gave Jake a parting glare.

After everything that happened between Edward and Jake in the past, and then finally they were able to make peace and actually be friends, this was just too funny. Tony didn't remember Jake at all, but it was obvious that he didn't like him already. Maybe their dislike went beyond unhappy memories, maybe it was just naturally in them and they had to work hard to be civil.

"What the hell was that about?" Jake asked me after Tony drove away.

"What?" I said annoyed and walked into the house while Jake followed me.

"You know what." Jake said equally annoyed. "Is that the guy you've been hanging out with lately?" he asked incredulously.

"It's really not that big of a deal Jake." I lied. "He's just some guy that looks like him." I lied again.

"He doesn't just look like him Bella, he looks exactly like him. If I didn't know any better, I'd say that it was him." He said frustrated. "Bella, this isn't healthy. You shouldn't be hanging on to this guy because he looks like your dead husband."

"I don't need you telling me that what I'm doing isn't healthy." I said getting angry. "You have no idea what it's like to lose someone the way that I did, and you have no right to say anything about it. I'm an adult and the last thing I need is another father telling me that I shouldn't be spending time with someone. So just mind your own business." I said then walked upstairs to check on Carlie.

After only ten minutes, I got a text from Tony.

**U said U'd hang with me this weekend.**

**Ok, where do U want to meet?**

**Brew house on Main 20 min.**

**Ok, I'll be there.**

I went to ask Vanessa if she could babysit, and Jake had a disappointed, almost scolding look on his face. But I just ignored him. Vanessa said "no problem" so I went upstairs to get changed and kiss Carlie goodbye, but then I got another Text.

**I have 2 cancel, something just came up. I'll talk 2 U later. **

I thought that it was strange that he would just cancel so quickly like that, and it actually worried me a bit. Was he just upset by Jake for some reason, or did something happen?

**Is everything Ok?** – I texted him back.

**Just got a call from the place my dad's at. They need me to come down right away. I'll call U later.**

And I knew right away that Anthony must have just died. He didn't tell me that, but I just knew, and now I felt sick knowing I was the only one who knew the truth. It's just too much for one person to handle.

* * *

***Next chapter will be at least partially Tony/Edward's POV. I haven't decided if I'll go back and forth between him and Bella again, or if it will be all him. I won't know until I write it so whatever flows right, that's what it will be. Please Review.***


	32. Ch 31 Facing the Truth

**Moon Scars**

A/N: Ok, longest chapter yet, I hope you enjoy it.

Ch 31- _Facing the Truth_

….

(BPOV)

I waited nervously for the rest of the day for any news from Tony about Anthony, but he never called. I waited the whole day that followed as well, but still nothing. So finally I couldn't take it anymore, and I called him.

The phone rang and rang, until his voice mail came on. I left a message asking him to call me, and as soon as I hung up, he was already calling me back.

"Hey Bella." He said, sounding much more like 'Depressed Edward' than 'Happy Tony'.

"Tony, hey. What happened, is everything Ok?" I asked even though I already knew the answer.

"Uh no, my dad just died." He said and his voice broke at the end.

Even though I already knew that Anthony probably died, hearing it out loud made it that much more real. I was officially alone. I was the only one in the entire world who knew that Tony Williams, was actually Edward Cullen. And I absolutely hated it.

"Tony, I'm so sorry." I said sincerely. I absolutely hated Anthony for taking Edward away from us and lying, but at the same time, he did save his life and without his deceit, Tony wouldn't have been alive today.

"Oh, it's Ok. He was in a lot of pain, at least now he can have some peace." Tony said sounding extremely tired.

"Is there anything you need? I can come to you if you want." I offered him my support…as a friend.

"No that's Ok. Heidi actually flew out to help me sort out his things, and make all the funeral arrangements."

I still hated her, probably even more now.

"Well that's good. If there is anything else you need, just give me a call."

"Thanks Bella." He said, then hung up.

I didn't know what I hated more, the fact that he was hurting at the moment and I wasn't there to comfort him, or the fact that his perfect ballerina fiancé, was. I wanted to hold him and make him feel better the way that only I could before. But Tony didn't need me the way that Edward did, he needed her, and it absolutely killed me.

A week passed and he never contacted me in any way, and it actually scared me. I pushed and pushed him away, and now it seemed like I was getting exactly what I was trying for. But I didn't call him again because I knew he had Heidi, and he'd call me if he wanted to talk.

It was two weeks until Carlie's birthday and Alice was constantly over making all the arrangements.

"So, I had a dream about Edward last night." She said casually as we were sitting at the table drinking coffee.

"Uh, Ok." I said not sure what to say.

"I haven't dreamed about Edward since just after he died, but he was very clear in my vision last night."

"What was it about?"

"It was actually strange and very confusing. He said that I needed to tell you that he's mad, and you did the wrong thing. What does that mean?" She looked at me confused.

I almost fainted after hearing her say that, so much so that I had to go sit on the couch and rest my head back. I wouldn't exactly call Alice psychic, but she often had bizarre and eerily accurate dreams, and this one scared me to death.

She came to sit next to me on the couch. "Bella, what's going on?" She asked concerned.

I shook my head. "I wish I could tell you."

"So tell me then." She said frustrated.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because something very bad could happen if I did. I hate having this secret, but I can't be selfish about it either." I said thinking about how if Tony remembered being Edward, he'd have to remember his horrible past as well.

"Well, I'm here if you need to talk. And you do know you can trust me with anything right?" She assured me.

"Oh Alice, if you only knew, you'd probably hate me." I told her.

"I could never hate you, you're my sister, and I absolutely adore you."

She hugged me and it actually did make me feel so much better.

"So how's Bree, I haven't talked to her lately?" I asked trying to get my mind off of her haunting dream.

"Oh that's because she's _Miss Popular_ at school and her social calendar is always so full. She has a new boyfriend and Jasper wanted to scare him, but the guy wasn't intimidated at all. I think Emmet needs to talk to him." Alice said with a giggle.

Alice and Jasper lived closest to Forks, so they saw Esme, Carlisle, and Bree the most. The rest of us still saw them a few times a month, but we lived almost three hours away and didn't get back there all the time.

Alice stayed in our guest room through the weekend, but then she had to get back to Jasper and her boutique. So far we have clowns, a petting zoo, and pony rides coming to the party. I hated the fact that Carlie was so into circuses at the moment, because I absolutely hated them and clowns freaked the hell out of me. But Carlie's wishes were all that mattered on her special day, so I bit my tongue and kept my mouth shut about all of it.

"Momma? Who is 'Tony' and why does he need to see you 'right now'?" Carlie asked me unexpectedly. I looked over at her and she was holding my cell phone and reading my texts. Carlie was just learning how to read, so I wasn't sure how accurately she read it.

"Come here baby; let me take a look at that." I said to her while reaching for the phone.

I read the text and sure enough it said.

**I need to see U right now** – and it was signed with Tony's name where the number was listed.

**What's wrong? **- I texted back.

**Right now** – He responded quickly.

I was confused about his urgency and the vagueness of his words, but I wasn't going to say no to him for anything. All my anger and hostility towards him completely melted away the day we talked about the stages of grief. I understood him then, and I understood myself better as well. Edward saved my life and lost his life in return. But he was like a phoenix and he rose again, but out of the ashes, he had to become someone else entirely and that wasn't his fault. I knew then that I reached the next stage of grief, acceptance. He wasn't exactly who I wished he was to me and especially to Carlie, but that's just the reality of the situation. I still loved him limitlessly and I would take as much of him, or as little, as he would give.

**Ok, I need 2 get a sitter first, where do you want me 2 meet U? **

**My place, and B here soon** – he wrote, and gave me his address.

I have never been to his home before, so I was a little surprised that he wanted to meet there; usually we just met at a restaurant or something.

Driving in the city has always been a challenge for me. It was always so congested and all the one way streets were extremely confusing, and aggravating. So I was so grateful for GPS and I had no idea how anyone ever drove without them.

Tony's condo was in the heart of the city, in one of the tallest residential high-rises. I was terrified of heights so the idea of being so far up freaked me out, but I forced myself in anyway.

32nd floor…Damn. How the hell does he stand sleeping so high up?

I found his door easy enough and suddenly became terrified to knock, though I had no idea why.

I tapped on the door lightly and he must have been waiting at the door, because he answered it almost immediately.

"Tony hey, what's wrong?" I asked him concerned.

I had never seen Tony look such a mess. Usually he was very well put together with his hair smooth, and his clothes perfect. But at the moment, his hair was completely wild and almost dirty looking, and the white T-shirt and grey sweat pants he had on looked as though he had been wearing them for days.

He didn't respond in any way, but his intense glare was almost painful.

I looked past him and saw that his condo was a complete mess with things thrown around; I even thought I saw some broken furniture.

"Tony, where's Heidi?" I asked thinking maybe they got in a fight or something.

"I asked her to leave for a while. I needed to speak to you and I don't want an audience." He said coldly.

"Ok, so are you going to speak to me in the hall, or should I come in?" I asked.

"By all means." He said, and then moved to the side so I could walk in. Inside his condo was even worse than what I could see from the hallway. Either he was horrible at cleaning up, or something was horribly wrong.

"I have something for you." He said in an unreadable tone.

"It's not another camera is it?" I joked trying to lighten his mood.

"Close" He said bitterly and handed me a large folder. I reluctantly opened it, and pulled out a stack of pictures, and I understood right away. They were all of Carlie.

I didn't need to look through them because I knew exactly what each one of them was, and where he got them.

I looked at him speechless, because I wasn't sure how much exactly he knew. But then I had never seen him look at me with so much hate and anger and betrayal in his eyes, that I knew that he must know everything, or at least the important parts.

And he knew that I knew. "How long have you known?" He seethed.

I shook my head. "A few weeks."

"Why? Why the hell wouldn't you say anything?" He asked and I could see his battle within himself as he fought to remain in control of his anger.

"Because he asked me not to."

"Bullshit, why the hell would you listen to an old man about something like this." He said while he started to shake.

"I thought about it, and I agreed that it would be better if you didn't know."

He put his head down for a minute and seemed to be thinking real hard.

"What kind of…_monster_ doesn't tell someone that they have a child?" He asked calmly, but there was a definite hostile undertone.

…..

(Tony's POV)

I was relieved when I realized that Bella's distance was only due to her misplaced resentful grief, because I absolutely hated not talking to her. I couldn't really understand why I felt so close to her and why I felt I needed her around me, but the connection I feel was almost instantaneous the first time I met her. She just made me feel good, and for some reason being with her gave me a strange sense of home.

I wasn't exactly sure why I decided to stay in Seattle instead of moving back to New York with Heidi, but every time I thought about leaving, Bella's face always came to my mind almost as if I was locked to this city and she was the chain. But that just confused me because I hardly knew her, and I was sure that my future was with Heidi.

But business was good in Seattle and that's how I justified staying, plus my father was ill and in a hospice close by, and I didn't think it would be right to move him. Heidi understood and neither of us was worried about the time apart. We had been together for over three years and we trusted each other completely.

Bella had commented on how perfect Heidi was, and I rebutted by saying that she wasn't because no one is, but in truth, Heidi was the closest that a person could come to perfection, and I was extremely lucky to have her. We never fought and rarely even disagreed, she was the easiest person to talk to and one of the kindest people I had ever known. She was selfless and beautiful and everything that any guy would ever want but never think they could ever find.

So why was I having such intense feelings for someone else? Someone who was nothing like Heidi, someone who had qualities that I never thought I'd ever be attracted to. Heidi was blond and blue eyed, like a living Ballerina Barbie. Her makeup was always perfect, she never had a hair out of place and she was the epitome of grace.

But Bella was her exact opposite. She had dark hair with chocolate colored eyes, which were actually so deep that I was certain to get lost in them forever if I stared too long. Her hair was always a mess and falling in her face, and she was so clumsy. She didn't wear much make-up and she had more little nervous tics than I had ever seen on anyone. But with all her imperfections, she was the most complex and interesting person I had ever met. There were so many layers to her; she was like this mystery novel, one that I just couldn't stop turning the pages.

But she was beautiful, in a subtle, alluring way. There was just something undeniably amazing about Bella, and I wasn't the only one who noticed. I had a business meeting with Caius one day, and he commented on how attractive Bella is. Whenever we go out to a club or even to lunch, guys are always drooling over her and completely fall all over themselves while looking at her. But the funniest thing about that was the fact that Bella never noticed. She is so unconfident and has no idea how people really see her.

Over the short time that I've known her, Bella has become my best friend and there wasn't anyone that I'd rather spend my free time with. But I knew something was bothering her lately, and I hated the fact that she was pulling away from me, it was strange, almost like it was physically painful the further she got. She was almost like a drug to me, I was completely addicted to her presence and would actually go into withdraws when I didn't see her for so long.

After I gave her the camera and I forced her to talk to me, I felt so much better. But I was tired of our extremely casual friendship, I wanted to know all of her, I wanted to meet her daughter and get to know her friends. Hell, I just wanted to see where she lived so I knew where she spent her time away from work, and away from me.

So I got her address from one of her co-workers at the firm, and went to surprise her at her house. It seemed like she got over her resentment towards me for looking like her dead husband, so I didn't think she'd really mind me showing up unexpectedly, but she did mind.

I felt horrible for not considering the fact that her daughter would have a hard time seeing me when I looked so much like her dad, but at the same time, the initial shock of seeing me would fade and she'd get over it right? I mean, most children are resilient and get over things that can be explained; even though I have no idea how to explain why I look like her dad.

But I didn't want to make Bella angry with me again, so I said I'd leave, and that's when a police car showed up. I was kind of confused why a cop would pull into her driveway, but when he got out of the car, it was obvious that he knew her personally. And there was something about him that just made me want to punch the guy.

"Um Jake, this is Tony. He had a case with my firm." Bella explained to him, and she seemed nervous, as if she was caught doing something wrong. "Tony, this is my Jake."

My Jake? Why wouldn't she tell me that she had a boyfriend, one who was looking at me now like he'd like nothing better than to see me locked up in one of his cells at the police station?

Stupid Prick.

After a few quick stupid exchanges between us, Bella finally said "Tony was just leaving actually." And I couldn't help but feel upset that she wanted me to leave, and this jackoff got to stay and hang out at her house. Stupid face of mine. It's not my fault that I look like her dead husband. She gestured for me to go, so I couldn't help but give _Mr. Huge Muscled Police Guy_, a parting glare.

I didn't understand why this guy bothered me so much, she never said he was her boyfriend other than calling him 'my Jake', but I could live in denial and convince myself that she could have meant anything by that, and what difference would it make to me if he was her boyfriend. I was a happily engaged guy, but for some reason, I felt overly possessive of Bella, and I hated the idea of any guy being with her like that.

I drove away feeling a jealousy that I had no right to be feeling, and I only got to the interstate before I just had to text Bella. They just passed that new law making it illegal to be texting while driving, so I had to smirk to myself as I was breaking that law, because 'Her Jake' would love to give me a ticket for this.

After she agreed to meet me, my phone started ringing so I broke the 'no talking on you cell phone while driving' law as well, and answered my phone. I knew it wasn't Bella, because I had her number memorized and this wasn't it, so I almost decided to ignore the call but something made me answer it anyway.

"Hello"

"Mr. Williams, you need to come down to the hospice right away, we will explain when you get here."

"Uh, of course." I said and I knew in that moment that everything was about to change. I texted Bella, canceling our date, friendship lunch date that is, and hurried to the hospice.

"Mr. Williams, I regret to inform you that your father just passed. It was peaceful and he didn't seem to be in any pain."

I went in to say good bye to my father one last time before calling Heidi. She said she was going to be on the next plane out, and I was grateful she was. My father and I were extremely close so this was going to be very hard on me, but we all knew this was coming and I prepared myself for it beforehand.

It took several days to go through all of his things, but I knew it would have taken a whole lot longer had Heidi not been with me. She was the most well organized person, and she was able to look through everything quickly.

"Babe, what's this?" She asked me when we were almost finished.

"Uh, that's his case. I don't really know what's inside, he never showed me."

"Do you know the combination?" She asked.

I shook my head. "Nope."

"A favorite number, or a date or something?" She asked.

"I have no idea." I said. Since I was in that car accident five years ago, I couldn't remember anything from before then, so this case could be absolutely anything.

"Well, we can take it to a locksmith and have it opened." She suggested.

"Maybe we shouldn't. I mean, he had it locked and never let me see for a reason, maybe I should just let it die with him, throw it in his casket or something." I was almost afraid of whatever was locked in that case, almost as if I knew it was something horrible and would change the way I thought of my father, and I didn't want that especially now that he was gone.

"Ok, well we can do whatever you want." She said supportively, just like I knew she would.

After everything was taken care of, and all the arrangements were made, I brought the case to his casket and said goodbye to him before placing the case inside. But right before they were about to close the casket for good, something in me started freaking out, I needed to see what was inside the case, otherwise it would haunt me forever.

We didn't have a big funeral or anything, because he didn't have many friends and I was his only family left, so Heidi and I just stood there alone as they lowered him into the ground.

Afterwards, I decided that I had put it off long enough, and we brought the damn case to a locksmith. He opened the lock for me, but I waited to open it until we got back to my condo.

"Are you ready?" Heidi asked me.

"Ready as I'll ever be." I took a deep breath and opened this mystery case.

I looked through it and was stunned and completely confused.

"What is it?" Heidi asked full of concern.

"Pictures. Just lots and lots of pictures." I said.

"Pictures of what?"

"Some, little girl. It's very odd, why the hell would he have these pictures of some random girl at all different ages?" I asked, mostly to myself.

"Is there anything written on the back?" She asked.

I turned a picture over, and saw the name Carlie, and a date. I thought it was strange that this little girl had the same name as Bella's daughter, but I couldn't believe what was right in front of me, not until I actually came across a picture of the same girl, and Bella was in the background.

"What the hell?"

"What's wrong?" Heidi asked me.

"This is Bella." I said and pointed to her in the picture.

"Why would your dad have a picture of Bella?" Heidi asked. Heidi met Bella before at the law office, so she knew we had become friends, and she was confused as to why Anthony would have pictures of her as well.

I decided to go back to the hospice with the pictures to see if they had any information about them whatsoever. Maybe he talked to someone there about them before he died. In the back of my mind I knew that I had all the pieces to put the puzzle together, but I didn't want to believe it, I didn't want to believe that my life has all been a lie.

I looked exactly like Bella's dead husband, and my name is Anthony, which was the name she was asking me about when we first met. I could have just dismissed those things as just mere coincidence, but the fact that there are pictures of her and her daughter in my father's locked case, made the parallels too great and all I needed was just a little more information.

I showed the pictures to the nurse who was in charge of his care and was with him when he passed, hoping that maybe he made some kind of death bed confession or something.

"Nope, he never said anything. But I do recognize the girl in the picture, Bella Cullen right?" The nurse asked, and I was completely floored. Why the Hell was Bella here? "She came in and talked to your father for a while. It got pretty heated between them and there was some yelling, but then she left and looked extremely upset."

I started to feel numb as the nurse was speaking. Not only was I realizing that my life was a lie that my father must have created, but now I know that Bella knew the truth as well and never told me. The numbness I was feeling slowly started melting away then boiled up until it turned into full on anger.

I went home and Heidi knew right away that something was very wrong.

"Tony? What happened?" She asked concerned.

It took me a moment to be able to speak, but when I did, it came out in an angry outburst. "My prick of a father lied to me, about everything!"

"Babe, what are you talking about?"

"Bella said that I look exactly like her husband who died six years ago. I can't remember anything earlier than five years ago, but I was in a coma before that so that could explain the difference in time. Then we find a bunch of pictures of her in his locked case."

"Tony, I'm sure there's some kind of explanation for all of that." She tried reasoning.

"And then" I ignored her "the nurse there said she saw Bella come in a while ago, and she and my father talked and argued and even yelled at each other." I said getting angrier and angrier.

"What are you saying?" She asked even though she knew exactly what I was saying.

"It's so obvious; I've been so stupid to not realize all the signs before. I'm him; I'm Bella's husband Edward. I don't know how or why my father told her I was dead, but somehow he pulled it off and changed my name and invented a new life for me."

"Why would he do that?" Heidi asked.

"Who the hell knows? But what I do know, is that Bella knows the truth; she has to because why else would she be at the hospice yelling at him. Which would explain why she's been so distant and angry with me lately. Damn it, it all makes sense now. She said she couldn't be my friend anymore and she wouldn't say why, God, I'm so fucking stupid. But how the hell did she figure it all out?"

"So, you're pretty sure about all of this then?" She asked me.

"Are you kidding, it's so fucking clear, there's no way to deny it anymore it's just too much. DAMN IT!" I screamed and threw Anthony's now empty case across the room, breaking a lamp.

"What the hell am I supposed to do now, who the hell am I supposed to be? HOW COULD HE DO THIS TO ME?" I yelled and pushed everything that was on the table to the ground.

"Tony." Heidi said calmly, but I ignored her.

"I just don't understand what could cause him to remove me from my life and give me a new one."

"Tony." She repeated.

"And how long has Bella known, and why wouldn't she tell me as soon as she found out?"

"TONY!" She yelled to get my attention.

"What?" I asked frustrated. I looked at her and she was looking at all the secret pictures.

"You have a daughter." She said taking me by surprise. I've been so focused on my confusion and anger, that I didn't even think about the fact that me being Bella's dead husband, meant that I was also her daughter's father. Heidi handed me one of the pictures she was holding.

I looked at them and my heart completely jumped out of my chest. I saw the pictures when I first opened the case, but I didn't really 'Look' at them.

"She looks just like you." Heidi said in an adoring manner.

The little girl in the picture did look like me, but surprisingly she was still beautiful. She had to be one of the most amazing little girls that I had ever seen, absolutely perfect. And she looked so happy in the pictures. Most were random shots where she was playing, and running, and doing cartwheels, and she had the biggest smile in all of them.

But seeing the picture of Carlie, who I was now certain was my daughter, I just became even angrier. This happy little girl had no idea who I was, and her mother seemed to plan on keeping it that way.

"I need to talk to Bella, right now." I seethed. It was hard to contain my rage in that moment, but the last thing I wanted to do was take it out on Heidi.

"Do you want me to leave?" She asked.

"I think that would be best. I'll call you later."

…

(BPOV)

I couldn't believe this was actually happening, I accepted the fact that Edward would never know Carlie, but now here he was, calling me a monster for keeping her from him.

"I didn't mean for this to happen, do you really think I wanted you to be away from her. When I found out the truth, I was going to leave right away to come tell you, but…"

"BUT?" He yelled. "There should have never been a '_but._"

"You don't understand, there were things that we had to consider, things that would be better left forgotten and Anthony was worried that if you knew the truth, it could be possible for you to remember those things." I tried explaining, but I even managed to confuse myself.

"What the hell could possibly be more important to forget, than it is to remember my daughter?"

"There were things that happened to you when you were a kid that made life very difficult for you. I just didn't want you to have to relive all those memories again."

"I don't give a shit what happened, there is nothing in this world that would be worth missing out on my kid's life."

I knew that this would happen. If he were to ever find out the truth without actually remembering it, I knew he'd be angry. Tony was a very responsible good person, and he'd hate the fact that he wasn't there to care for Carlie, but I still can't convince myself that it was wrong not to tell him. Now that he knows the truth, learning the whole truth about his abuse, is very possible.

"Do you know what really gets me though?" He said suddenly after a few moments of silence between us. "It wasn't that long ago when you told me how angry you are at your husband. What right do you have to be angry at all? If anyone deserved anger directed towards, it's you." He said coldly.

"This wasn't my plan, I thought you were dead, I only just found out." I defended myself.

"You knew before you told me that. You've known since you started distancing yourself from me. You sat there and told me how much rage you were feeling for your dead husband knowing damn well, that he was me and I was sitting right in front of you."

He backed away from me a few steps, and put his arms straight out to the sides. "Well I'm not dead, I'm right here, why don't you let it out and tell me exactly why you're so fucking pissed at me." He said condescendingly.

"No" I said trying to fight back my tears.

"Oh come on Bella, you sure had plenty to say before. You sure were pissed at me for a long time for something that I had no control over and didn't even know about, so give it to me, tell me what I did to piss you off so much." He goaded.

"I was angry because you forgot us!" I exploded. "You moved on with your life and I was alone for so long, and you weren't there for me when I needed you!"

"I wasn't there for you?" He yelled back incredulously. He pulled up his shirt and pointed to a scar on his abdomen. "Do you know what this is? See, Anthony always told me that this was from having my appendix out when I was younger. I couldn't remember anything from back then so I believed him. But now I know what this really is because you told me the story about what happened. I was shot because I jumped in front of a bullet to save your life, right?"

I nodded with tears in my eyes while looking at the bullet wound scar. I automatically reached my hand out to him, wanting to trace the outline of the scar, but then he pulled his shirt back down forcefully and took another step back.

"Don't touch me." He said bitterly. "So tell me again how I wasn't there for you."

"You were there for me then, you saved my life but I was angry for that too. Life was hell without you and maybe I should have just been grateful for your sacrifice, but I would have rather died then live without you, so yeah, I was angry." I tried making him understand.

"And how the hell is that my fault?"

For some reason his attitude when he said that, just made me snap.

"It was all _your _fault. I was kidnapped because of you. I was tied up, kicked, punched and told that they were going to kill me, because you pissed off a seriously deranged guy that wanted you to pay by hurting me. I loved you so much so I didn't hold any of that against you, but don't you dare tell me that I don't have a right to be angry."

"You don't have a right. Maybe you did before, but none of that excuses what you did now. I was standing outside your house, with MY daughter inside, and you didn't have the decency to tell me. You even went as far as to say that I would confuse her because I _look_ too much like her dead father. I AM HER FATHER, and you had no right to keep her from me!"

"You had a new life, one that had nothing to do with us. I didn't do that, Anthony did, so maybe you should direct your hatred on him. He's not your father you know, he lied about that too, he was really your grandfather."

He paused for a moment and blinked a few times, then re-fixed his face back into an angry mask. "Anthony, isn't here for me to hate. And even if he was, I'd still hate you more."

"Why?" I asked almost desperately.

"Because Anthony was an insane old man that had nothing to lose, but you have a responsibility to our child to do the right thing."

"I thought I was." I said quietly.

"For who? Certainly not for her. Isn't a parent supposed to put their kid's needs above all else? Doesn't a kid need her father?"

"Carlie is a happy little girl who was only a baby when you died. She is constantly surrounded by people who love her…"

"People who aren't her father, and I'm not dead!" He raised his voice again.

"You're right." I told him softly but with a broken voice. "You're absolutely right. But I believed the things Anthony said, and I was confused, and I might have done the wrong thing…"

"MIGHT?"

"I honestly can't tell you if it was wrong or not. I understand how you must be feeling right now, but you can't remember the truth, and I hope that you never do. I was afraid for you, I ached for you, and I didn't ever want you to remember the hell you lived through. You were happy with Heidi in your new life. And I made a decision which I thought was the least painful for everyone; everyone but me. Do you think it was easy for me to see my husband with another woman…engaged."

"Oh I get it now. You were jealous." He said scornfully. "You didn't want me in Carlie's life because I was with someone else. You're just a selfish bitch. So what, you were just going to sit back and let me get married knowing that it would be bigamy? You know I'm sure you broke some laws by doing what you did, and I thought you worked for the law. What kind of mother are you, putting your own self-centered needs in front of hers?"

"It wasn't like that. Anthony said that it wouldn't be bigamy because I was married to Edward Cullen and he was legally dead."

"Again with blaming Anthony. I don't give a shit what he said, don't you have a fucking brain yourself?"

"And you being engaged had nothing to do with my decision." I said ignoring his previous comment.

He just stared at me for a while, before looking down at the ground and taking a deep breath. He looked back up at me with a calmer expression on his face, so what he said next shocked me, and completely broke my heart. "I hate you. I can't remember ever hating anyone or anything more than how much I hate you. I thought you were my friend, I thought I could trust you, but I have never been more wrong about someone. You are a horrible person and you have no business being raising a child. You need to leave now and tell Carlie the truth because I'm going to sue you for custody."

"What?" My heart started racing from the idea of it. My breathing hitched uncontrollably and I could hardly speak. "You don't even know her, and she doesn't know you." I whispered.

"And that's because of you. Anthony may have started this, but you never planned on finishing it. You let your own selfish feelings get in the way of doing the right thing for Carlie."

"And taking her away from her mother is the right thing?"

He shook his head. "I'm done with this conversation, I want you to get the hell out of my home. You will be contacted by my lawyer, and don't worry, I'll get a much better one than Caius." He opened the door and stood there waiting for me to leave.

"I am sorry that I hurt you, but this isn't right either." I said quietly. "Carlie is only six years old, you can't just take her from the only home she's ever known…you just can't."

"Get. The. Fuck. Out." He said slowly, emphasizing each word.

So I left feeling like I was bleeding to death again. I really didn't think that he could win custody from me, but just the fact that he was going to try, just destroyed me.

His anger was so much greater than I ever imagined he was even capable of, and I hated that I was the cause of it. Though I was sure that his resentment was somewhat misplaced, he hated me for my part in all of this, but I knew him well enough to know that he was angry at so much more than that. His whole life has just been turned upside down, and he was confused and bitter. Now he was lashing out at me, because there was no one else to blame.

But I was out of options now, I needed to go home and face the truth head on, starting with telling his family that he's alive.

….

***I hope you aren't too mad at Edward for his reaction, he's just not handling the news well but he'll get past it. Please Review***


	33. Ch 32 Bonding Over Tea

**Moon Scars**

Ch 32 – Bonding Over Tea

…..

"Hey, what's wrong?" Vanessa asked me as I walked in the door. I must have looked horrible or something for her to ask me that so quickly.

"Where's Carlie?" I asked her quietly.

"She's next door playing with Claire. Bella, have you been crying, you look awful?" She asked so I must have been right in thinking that I looked bad, but I hadn't been crying. I forced myself to hold back the tears on the drive home because I knew I had a whole lot more explaining to do, and Vanessa was the perfect person to start with.

"Vanessa, I need to tell you something, something that will surly make you hate me." I told her slowly.

"Are you kidding? I could never hate you Bella." She said almost like she was offended.

"Just wait." I rebutted. "Vanessa, your grandfather died over a week ago, and I didn't know how to tell you."

"Anthony died? Oh my god, how did you find out?" She asked upset and confused.

"Uh…Someone told me." I said.

"Oh. Well is there going to be a funeral?" She asked.

"Uh, I think it already happened. I'm so sorry, if I wasn't so stupid you would have been able to go."

"Well, it's not that big of a deal, I mean he and I weren't close, but still, why didn't you tell me?"

"I just couldn't at the time. I'm sorry."

"Bella, it's OK. Why would you think that I'd hate you over something like that? You are much more my family than he ever was."

"Well that's not the part that would make you hate me. Do you remember Emmet saying that he saw a guy that looked like Edward?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Well, I've since met him and he's actually the guy that I've been hanging out with lately. I couldn't figure out any way that he was related to you guys, but a few weeks ago, I went to the hospital where his father was being cared for at, and I found out that he was actually Anthony."

"My grandfather Anthony? He doesn't have a son; my mom is an only child." She said confused.

"No he didn't have a son, but he found a way to take Edward from the hospital and move him to a different place when we all thought he was dead. The ashes that were supposed to be Edward were just dirt and soot, and eventually Edward woke up and that guy, who looks like Edward, is actually Edward but he doesn't remember anything." I said in a rush.

Vanessa just stared at me for a long endless moment. She opened her mouth a few times, but then would close it again. Finally, she figured out something to say. "Edward is alive?"

I nodded.

"How is that even possible?" She asked, so I went over everything that I knew, but slower this time, and waited for her hatred towards me.

"Bella, I don't hate you. You saved me from being forced into the system when my mother abandoned me, and you took care of me and Carlie by yourself after Edward…." She couldn't say 'after Edward _died'_, so she skipped the last part. "I could never hate you, but I can't say I understand your reasons for staying quiet about it either. But I'm not you, and I didn't know about Edward's past, he never talked about it with me, so I have no idea what I would have done in your position. Have you told any of the Cullen's yet?"

"No, I just got back from him telling me that he hates me and that he's going to sue me for custody of Carlie, so I haven't had time to tell anyone else yet."

"What? He can't do that. Look Bella, I'm sure he's just upset right now, he doesn't really mean that." Vanessa tried to reassure me. She was handling this far better than I ever thought she would, and it was kind of throwing me for a loop a bit. It would have almost been easier if she lashed out at me and said hateful things the way that Edward did, because that's what I was prepared for.

"He was pretty serious about it." I said quietly.

Vanessa grabbed my phone out of my bag, and started looking through it.

"What are you doing?" I asked confused.

"I'm looking for his address, and now that I've found it, I'm going to go talk to him myself." She said then got up to find her car keys.

"Vanessa, you can't just go over there. He's really upset right now, and I didn't even get around to telling him about you. He needs some time to cool off before you contact him."

"No Bella, I'm going now. He's my brother and I'm just going to introduce myself, tell him what an idiot Anthony was, and then I'm going to tell him what an idiot he's being."

"He's not being an idiot; he has every right to be angry with me."

"Yeah, but he doesn't have a right to try to take Carlie from you. You are the most amazing mother and she loves you more than anything. I've been on both sides, I knew Anthony and I know you, so I'm the perfect person to mediate all of this. I'll be back later." She said then walked out of the house.

I was grateful that Vanessa was being so understanding about everything, but she was only one person that I needed to come clean to. So I picked up the phone and called Carlisle, and told him that I needed to speak to them in person, and it couldn't wait. So he and Esme went to pick up Bree, and the three of them were on their way. I called Jasper and Alice, and Rose and Emmet as well. I thought it would be best if they all heard at the same time, that way I could get all their anger at once instead of in doses.

Carlie came home from her friend's house, but I thought it would be best if I waited to tell her about her dad, after I told everyone else. I wanted to focus all my attention and energy on her when I told her, and not worry about still having to tell everyone else. So I asked our neighbors if she could stay longer and they said 'no problem'.

Three and a half hours later, Esme, Carlisle, Bree, Alice and Jasper showed up. Though Emmet and Rose lived much closer, they came after, but I was very concerned at the fact that I still hadn't heard from Vanessa. I could only hope that she and Edward were talking about everything, and he wasn't hateful towards her for not hating me. And I had no idea where Jake was at the moment, but he was the least of my concerns, Vanessa could fill him in later.

"Bella, honey, what's going on?" Esme asked sweetly concerned.

I asked everyone to sit, and then I told them all the whole story, from the beginning as I knew it. They all had mixed reactions from the news. Esme cried the whole time. She wasn't mad at me, because all she cared about was the fact that Edward was alive. She wanted to go to him and hold him tightly, but she understood that he doesn't remember her so he wouldn't welcome her embrace, which only made everything harder for her.

Emmet and Rose were angry, but surprisingly not at me. They were pissed at Edward for threatening to take Carlie away. Jasper was quiet and unreadable, and Alice looked upset, but I had no idea what she was most upset by. Bree was crying quietly to herself and had her arms wrapped around her knees like a little girl, and her head was down.

But Carlisle had the most surprising reaction. "Bella, I love my son very much, but I think you did the right thing by trying to keep all this from him. He was an extremely disturbed young man, and I'm fairly certain that if I saw him happy in a new life, I would have left him alone as well. I'll always care about him, but you and Carlie are our priority now, and we will stand by you and make sure that we do whatever it takes to keep Carlie here with you."

"Hell yeah sis!" Emmet said loudly breaking the quietness in the room. "We're with you." He added.

"I agree, but I do think that Edward needs to meet Carlie." Jasper said finally.

"Yes, but he doesn't have to be a dick either." Emmet rebutted.

"He wasn't a dick, he was just hurting." I said quietly.

"Damn Bella, after everything that's happened, you're still defending him? It's not like you found out the truth a long time ago, it was only a few weeks right? And you didn't force him into a new life." Emmet said.

"But he's mad because I probably would have never said anything if he didn't figure it out on his own."

"Yes you would have." Jasper disagreed with me. "We could all tell that you've been having a hard time lately, and you are an honest person so there is no way you'd be able to keep up with the lie."

"Why are you guys being so understanding about all of this? Shouldn't you all be pissed at me, even a little?" I asked feeling even worse that they were making it this easy on me.

"You seem to beating yourself up over it enough, so there's no need to add to it. You've been through a lot, and us being angry now isn't going to accomplish anything." Esme said.

"You are a member of this family Bella, and right or wrong, families stick together and protect each other." Carlisle said compassionately.

"But you were Edward's family before mine." I said quietly.

"Bella, you have been a part of our family for longer than Edward was. He was with us for a couple of years, then he was gone for almost a year, then he came back for several months, then he was gone again. But you've been with us for six years straight, our loyalties are to you, no matter what." Rose said surprisingly.

"I want to see Edward." Bree spoke for the first time.

"We all want to see him honey, but it needs to be his decision. We can't force ourselves on to him, because that will just push him away even more." Esme said.

"It's not fair. Why does Vanessa get to see him now?" Bree pouted.

"I tried to get her to wait, but she wouldn't listen to me." I told her.

"Well why should she? She will always be his sister, just like Carlie will always be his daughter, they're connected by blood." Bree said bitterly. "The rest of us have no real claim to him. We're nothing to him but some people who he doesn't remember. He hates Bella now and is going to have a new wife, so the chances of us being around him at all are slim. Damn it Bella!" She yelled at me.

"Bree." Esme scolded.

"No mom. If Bella wouldn't have lied to him, he wouldn't hate her and he would have been willing to come and be around us. She ruined her relationship with him, and killed our chance at having one as well." Bree said angrily.

"I'm so sorry Bree." I said with tears in my eyes. "I did the wrong thing, and I don't know how to make it right now. I was so stupid and confused, and now I screwed everything up for everyone."

"Bella, Edward loves you more than anything in the world, and he'll forgive you anything, just like you did for him. Nothing you did came anywhere close to the things he did to you in high school, but you always took him back. He just needs to remember how he feels, that's all." Alice said confidently.

"Edward doesn't love me anymore, he has the most perfect fiancé in the world and he's head over heels for her. And their perfect together, just wait until you see them. Edward and I won't ever be together again, but I can accept that, I already have. I just hope I haven't ruined all your chances to be in his life again." I said honestly.

"Bella, Edward isn't perfect… and neither are you. If this chick is so freaking perfect, then there is no way they're right for each other." Emmet said sure of himself.

"I agree." Jasper said "I've always been good at reading people's emotions, and I know how much Edward loved you. That kind of love doesn't just disappear, he'll remember and if he can't, then he'll fall in love with you all over again, because you guys belong together."

"We used to, but not anymore." I told him.

"Hey everyone." Vanessa said as she walked into the house finally. Jake walked in behind her and greeted us as well.

Everyone turned and looked at her expectantly, and waited for her to explain what happened with Edward.

"So I guess you all know by now?" She asked while looking at me, I nodded so she continued. "Well I went there, introduced myself, and we talked for a couple of hours. God he looks so good, I just still can't even believe it. He was actually very nice and friendly. I mean at first he was a little weirded out by some strange girl showing up at his door, claiming to be his sister. But after a little while he warmed up to me and opened up."

"So what did you discuss?" Carlisle asked her.

"Well we talked about Anthony for the longest time. I told him about our mom Lizzy, and he was a little upset by the fact that she was a prostitute drug addict, but with everything else that's happened, that seemed pretty insignificant. He told me about his life and about his career and his composing that he does in New York. It was all pretty fascinating actually."

"Did he speak of suing for custody?" Rose asked.

"No. He asked me about Carlie, so I told him all about her personality and the things she likes, but every time that I talked about the custody issue or even about Bella, he completely shut down and refused to comment on it. I think he really want to come meet her, but he's just still so angry."

"So that's all you've been doing all this time?" Emmet asked frustrated.

"No. His fiancé came back so I spent some time talking to her a bit. Then we all decided to go out for dinner to get to know each other better. I called Jake, and explained everything and he came to meet up with us."

"You talked to him?" I asked Jake surprised.

"Yeah, the guy's a douche." Jake said bitterly.

"What the hell does that mean?" Emmet asked him.

"Edward was perfectly nice to me, but when Jake came, Edward got a little aggravated." Vanessa explained, but then she turned to Jake. "Why did he think that you and Bella were together?"

"I don't know, because he lost his memory and reverted back into his douche bag ways. I swear I didn't do anything to him, and he automatically got all bitchy to me."

"I think it's just naturally in him to hate you." I said seriously.

"I guess." Jake agreed.

Rose and Emmet went home for the night, and Jasper and Alice left as well, but Esme, Carlisle, and Bree slept over because they didn't feel like driving three hours at the moment. We stayed up talking most of the night. I told them everything I knew about Edward as Tony, and they kept reassuring me that they weren't mad at me and they understood why I withheld the truth.

They left in the morning because Carlisle had to go in to work, but I know he was having a hard time leaving knowing that Edward was alive in Seattle, but he didn't want to force himself on him either.

Carlie came home from her sleep over with the neighbor, and I sat her down to tell her about her father.

"Honey, you know how we talk to daddy every night in heaven?" I asked her.

"Yeah, and he listens and always watches over us right?" She said with a smile.

"Well baby, that's the thing. It turns out that daddy isn't in heaven after all." I told her softly.

"He's not? Did he get lost or something?" She asked worried.

"No…well maybe, I guess you can say that. Daddy got hurt and when he did, his brain forgot everything, so he went to go live somewhere else. But now he wants to see you." I said with a smile, trying to explain it in a way that she would understand.

"So daddy's alive and he's coming home to us?" She said excitedly. "Do you think he'll recognize me?"

"Well, he doesn't remember anything about us, but he's seen your picture and he's really excited to meet you." I told her.

"Is daddy still your husband, are we all going to be together like a real family?" She asked innocently.

I had to stable my emotions with a deep breath and think for a moment about how to answer her. "No, daddy and I aren't married anymore." I said even though _technically_ we still are. "We aren't going to live together, but that doesn't mean that he loves you any less." I told her as honestly as possible.

"Why doesn't he want to be your husband, doesn't he love you anymore?"

"Baby, sometimes people just don't feel the way that they used to, and daddy doesn't remember when we used to love each other."

"What if he can't remember how to love me?" She asked concerned and it completely devastated me.

"Daddy will always love you. There is nothing in this world that can make him stop loving you. Daddies and mommies love their kids no matter what, but sometimes they just don't love each other anymore."

"Do you still love him?"

"I'll always love your daddy because he gave me you, but we just can't be together like a couple anymore." I said not knowing how else to answer that question.

She asked me a few more questions, but more than anything, she just wanted to see him now. I tentatively tried to call him to see when he wanted to come meet her, but he didn't answer his phone. Vanessa tried calling him too, thinking that maybe he just wouldn't answer the phone knowing it was me, but she couldn't get through either.

A week went by without any contact from Edward whatsoever, and Vanessa even went by his condo, but he wasn't home. Carlie was getting impatient, especially since her birthday party was a week away, and she was hoping he'd come.

I started to get really worried about him, when someone came to the door.

"Isabella Cullen?" The man asked me.

"Yes?" I said confused.

"Sign here please." He said and handed me a pen. I signed then he handed me a large manila envelope.

"You've been served." He said then walked away.

It was a legal document from the law offices of Berman and Associates. It was the best law practice in the city and they never lost a case. Caius absolutely hated their top lawyer, but it was just because he never won a case against him, no one had.

My hands started shaking as I opened the envelope. I didn't think Edward had grounds to win custody away from me, but the prospect of going to legal proceedings against him, made me feel physically ill.

I looked at the paperwork, and was surprised as to what it was, because it wasn't just a custody lawsuit like I expected. The first page was a document stating that _Edward Cullen's death certificate was invalid_, and that he was now _legally living_, making him legally my _husband_ again. And the paperwork that followed, were divorce papers.

Looking over the paperwork made me so sick that I actually had to go throw up before coming back to finish reading them.

Petitioner: Edward Anthony Mason Cullen

Respondent: Isabella Marie Cullen

Petition For: Dissolution of Marriage

Dissolution of Marriage Based on: Irreconcilable Differences

Petitioner Requests: Joint legal custody of the minor _Carlie Esme Cullen_

….

I would have been able to handle it if the petitioner was Anthony Williams, but seeing Edward's name there, made it so much more real. But then I read that he was only seeking 'joint' custody, which made me break down and cry thankfully and relieved. I could handle anything as long as I didn't lose my daughter.

We didn't have any assets to spit, and since neither of us was going for full custody, the divorce was fairly simple; I just had to sign the papers.

So I did.

**Papers are signed and turned in. Carlie knows everything and would like to see you**. - I texted him, not really expecting a response.

**When?** – He surprised me by writing back almost immediately.

**You tell me, and she'll be ready**. – I replied.

**Tomorrow morning. I want to make her as comfortable as possible, so I think it would be best for me to come to your house**. – He wrote back.

**Ok. Tony, thank you for not going for full custody, I would never be able to handle it if I lost her. –** I planned on thanking him in person, but I thought I'd start with this.

**Didn't do it for you. – **He responded and then his phone was turned off.

….

"Momma, what if he doesn't like me?" She asked the next morning as I was helping her get her leggings on.

"Honey, he will love you. Everyone loves you, it's not possible not to." I said truthfully.

"But what if I say something stupid or I accidently spill something on him, or…"

"Carlie, there is nothing you can do that will make him not like you. He doesn't need to remember you in order to love you more than anything else in the world." I told her knowing without a doubt that it was the truth. Edward may hate me more than anything, but I was sure he would fall in love with her instantly, how could he not.

I combed her hair and helped her finish getting ready. She picked out her own outfit, and waited anxiously for Edward to come. But when the door bell rang, her eyes grew large and she had a mix of fear and excitement written all over her face.

"Do you want me to get it?" Vanessa asked as she hurried into the room.

But before I could answer, Jake grabbed her from behind and pushed her to the side gently.

"Let me do it." He said and opened the door.

"Hey." Edward said coldly. The sound of his voice made Carlie huddle into my side and almost bury her face into my neck, hiding in my hair.

Jake just stared him down and said nothing.

"Uh, I'm here to see…"

"I know why you're here." Jake said quickly. "I just want to let you know that I'm here too, and I'm always watching." Jake tried intimidating him, but it didn't work.

"What are you, a freaking guard dog?" Edward asked annoyed.

Jake leaned closer to Edward so that Carlie couldn't hear him, but I was listening really hard so I caught most of it. "If you hurt that little girl in there, in any way, I'll fucking kill you. Do you understand?"

"Jake." Vanessa said angrily as she came up behind him.

"What?" He asked her as if he didn't think he said anything wrong.

"Hey, _my brother from the same mother_." Vanessa said jokingly but accurately to Edward, and gave him a hug then pushed Jake to the side to make room to let Edward in the house.

Edward walked in and we locked eyes briefly, but then he looked away quickly looking around for Carlie. He didn't see her hiding next to me.

He actually looked pretty good. He was back to his 'Tony' fashion with his well put together, neatly groomed hair and clothes. I don't know why, but I was expecting to see him look messy, like he did the last time I saw him when we fought. Or maybe I was expecting to see him look more like Edward with wild hair and more casually dressed.

"Carlie, sit up honey, say hello to your daddy." I said quietly.

She didn't loosen her grip on my side, but she peeked out from the tangles of my hair, and looked timidly at Edward.

He looked at her too, and he took a few steps closer and squatted down so he was more on her level. When he first walked in the room, his face was set in a hard mask, but the closer he got to Carlie, his whole demeanor changed and completely softened.

"Hey Carlie, how are you?" He said gently.

Carlie didn't respond, so Edward smiled at her and said. "It's ok sweet heart; you don't have to be afraid. I have something for you." He said and pulled something out of his pocket. "Your aunt Vanessa said that you love collecting rocks, so I brought you one I thought you might like." He said and held out his hand for her, but she didn't reach for it, so he just tried showing it to her himself.

"It's a rose quartz. I guess it's actually a crystal, but I thought it was pretty cool, what do you think?" He asked her.

She sat up a little to get a better look at the rock, and in the process, she let her guard down slightly. First she just looked at it, and then she put out her hand to try to reach for it, without even looking at Edward. He handed it to her anyway, and she turned it over in her hand as she examined the stone.

"It's pretty." She said finally. "Thank you." She looked up at him at last, and smiled.

I could actually see it happening. I could see it in his eyes the moment he really had a chance to see her and hear her voice; he completely and instantaneously fell head over heels in love with her. It was there so strongly, just as it was the first time he saw her for the first time. I had a flashback to the day I placed her tiny body in his arms when he first came back to live with the Cullens. It was like a replay of that picture of them, which is still my favorite, when he first looked into her eyes with that forever kind of love.

But as I watched them closer, I noticed that this was actually slightly different than before. It wasn't like he was falling in love with her for the first time, it was more like he was rediscovering a love that was always there, one that was just in disguise or hidden, but always there just the same.

"Do you want to see my other rocks?" She asked him after a few moments of him staring at her in awe.

"Yeah, I'd love to see them." He said, so she smiled and jumped off of the couch and grabbed his hand before pulling him up stairs. And that was it, Carlie had her dad back, and all her shyness and fear completely melted away.

I couldn't hear everything that was being said between them, but she kept giggling and her excited voice carried happily throughout the house as she was talking a mile a minute, about anything and everything. I wondered how much he actually understood her, because of how quickly she was talking.

"Wow, they are really hitting it off huh?" Vanessa said with a smile as she came down for her room which was close by Carlie's. Carlie and Edward had been up in her room for almost two hours already, and by the sound of it, they were still having so much fun together.

"What are they doing?" Jake asked in an almost protective manner.

"Oh, it's hilarious. She has her pink boa around his neck and he's wearing one of her tiaras, and they're playing tea party. She was even correcting the way he was holding his cup, saying that he needed to put his pinky up." Vanessa started laughing "He couldn't get it right, so she grabbed his pinky finger and pulled it up forcefully. I think she even hurt him a little, but he didn't say anything."

"You Ok Bells?" Jake asked me unexpectedly.

"Yeah why?" I asked confused, and that's when I felt something wet on my cheek. I actually had no idea that I was crying, but I did know why as soon as I wiped the tears away. Carlie was so attached to him when she was little, and now I knew it was going to be the exact same. He was her absolute favorite person, and even if neither of them remembered that, their bond was still undeniable and I was so grateful for it.

I was so stupid and so wrong for ever thinking that they'd be Ok without each other, and that it was for the best for them to be apart, because it's obvious now that they do need each other and always will. I can only just hope that Carlie won't hate me someday for my short but significant betrayal in keeping her from him. And I know that Edward will never forgive me, but maybe over time I can earn his trust enough to form some kind of allied friendship, or at least a little less hate from him, if only for Carlie's sake.

…**..**

***What did you think? Please Review***


	34. Ch 33 Finding Pieces

**Moon Scars**

A/N: Hey everyone, thanks so much for all the reviews. It seems some are getting frustrated with Edward's amnesia, but I promise, everything is coming to an end and hopefully it will be satisfying. I hate stories that drag on, so everything that you've been waiting for is coming soon.

Ch 33- _Finding Pieces_

….

(BPOV)

Over the past week, Edward had come by the house to see Carlie every day, but now he wanted to take her to the zoo with Heidi. Carlie had yet to meet her, but I wasn't worried about it at all, Carlie loved ballerinas and Heidi was like a living doll, she was sure to love her.

But I was so nervous having Edward taking her for the first time, but Carlie couldn't have been more excited.

Edward's time over our house has been a mixture of strain and complete ease. He still preferred to be called Tony and he justified it by saying that many people go by their middle name. So I called him that, but whenever I thought about him, my mind always thought _Edward_.

He was completely relaxed around Vanessa and Carlie, but anytime Jake or I was in the room, he'd get all tense and quieter. We talked of course, but he was still bitter, even if he tried not to be when Carlie was close by. We usually only spoke directly about Carlie and any plans we needed to work out on her behalf. It was strange having joint custody, because I had to always check with him when I wanted to take Carlie somewhere, and I was so used to not needed anyone else's opinion when it came to her.

"Remember to listen to daddy, ok?" I told her as we were waiting for Edward to come pick her up.

"I know mommy." She said with a smile. "I wish you were coming with us too."

"Well honey I told you that daddy's friend will be there right, and she's a real ballerina." I said trying to sound excited for her.

"Yeah, I guess, I'd still rather you be there though." Carlie sad sadly

The door bell rang and Carlie rushed to open it.

"Daddy!" She yelled happily and practically leaped into his arms.

"Hey princess." He kissed her on the head.

"I missed you." She said even though he had only been away for the night.

He chuckled once "I missed you too."

"Then maybe you should just move in here with us. You don't need to live somewhere else." Carlie told him as if it was so simple and she didn't know why we didn't think of it sooner.

He laughed again uncomfortably, not sure how to respond to that, so he just changed the subject. "Carlie, this is my friend Heidi, she's been so excited to meet you." He said and until then I didn't notice that Heidi was waiting on the porch.

"Are you a real ballerina?" Carlie asked her excitedly.

"Yes I am, maybe someday you can come to New York with your daddy and you can see me dance." Heidi said sweetly.

"Can mommy come too?" She asked innocently.

Heidi looked uncomfortable with the question, but she smiled anyway, so I decided to step in "Honey that would be something special that daddy would do just with you. You don't need me there getting in the way." I told her convincingly.

"You wouldn't get in the way momma; I'll sit right between you and daddy." Carlie was relentless.

"Well, we'll see." I said just to end the conversation.

The three of them left, and it was the hardest separations that I ever went through with Carlie. I knew she'd be fine, and even though it was a stupid completely untrue thought, I couldn't help but feel a little jealous of Heidi spending time with her, almost as if I was worried that she'd like her more than me.

I didn't have any plans for the day, so I lamely just sat there and read a book. But after being gone for only a couple of hours, I saw Edward's car pull into the driveway, which confused me, I expected them gone all day.

It was only a second before Carlie was jumping out of the car and running towards the house. Edward got out as quickly as possible after her, but Heidi stayed sitting inside.

I opened the door for her and saw that she was crying.

"Honey what's the matter?" I asked as she ran into my arms and kept crying.

I looked up at Edward questionably. "She's upset because I told her that Heidi and I are planning on getting married." He explained.

"No you can't marry her, I want you to marry mommy." She yelled at him through her tears and sniffles.

Edward gave me a suggestive look, like he wanted me to fix it, but I just didn't know how. I pulled her inside and he followed us, leaving Heidi alone still waiting in the car.

"Baby, it's Ok. You like Heidi don't you; I think she's very nice." I told her.

"Yes she's nice, but that doesn't mean he has to marry her. He still loves you, he just doesn't remember." She said while trying to catch her breath from all the crying.

"Honey I told you that sometimes people just don't love each other anymore, and that's OK."

"No it's not!" She yelled and stormed up the stairs.

"I'll keep trying to make her understand after she's calmed down a bit." I told him quietly.

"Yeah thanks." He said just as quiet. He stared at me for a long moment, before turning and leaving.

Carlie's big party was two days later, and all the Cullens came extra early to help with all the preparations. None of them had talked to Edward yet because they were trying to give him space, but they all knew that they would come face to face for this big party. Vanessa had told him all about the Cullens already, but he really didn't seem to care one way or another. Bree was right; to him, they were just people that he didn't remember.

I talked to Carlie over and over again about Heidi trying to make her understand, and she still hated the idea but she was willing to be nice and let her come to the party. So I called Edward and told him that it was Ok to bring her. Neither Edward nor Heidi wanted her to come if it was going to upset Carlie that much, but Carlie was just going to have to get used to the idea…just as I was.

It was early in the morning when all the circus stuff started arriving. Alice was in full 'boss' mode and directed everything where it needed to be. Esme was helping me get all the food together, and Rose was working on the perfect lighting and sound system for the event.

Edward said he'd come a little early too, that way he could meet everyone before too many people showed up.

All of the Cullens seemed nervous about the encounter, but Edward seemed perfectly at ease, he just came in and introduced himself as 'Tony' and acted like there was no history between them. But it broke my heart all over again, when he casually shook Carlisle's hand and went right on to meeting the next person. Carlisle and him had become so close right before he was shot, and I hated that he just didn't seem to care about salvaging any of these relationships.

Carlie was polite to Heidi, but she didn't want to spend any time with her at all, and would give Edward dirty looks when she saw him holding her hand. Most of the time Carlie went to play with her friends, or one of the Cullens, and hardly spent any time with Edward at all because he was with Heidi; which left plenty of time for Emmet to force himself on him. Emmet was the only one not willing to give Edward any of the space that he wanted.

"So Edward, how about them Mariners?" Emmet said while nudging him.

"Uh, actually, I prefer to be called Tony, and I don't really have time to follow baseball."

Emmet nodded in understanding. "Well cool. Hey Edward, can you toss me a soda?" He said completely unwilling to call him 'Tony'.

My dad showed up to the party as well. I told him over the phone about Edward, and though all his previous hostile feelings for him were long gone, he certainly didn't care to get to know this 'Edward', so he kept his distance.

"So Eddie, how do you like living in a condo? You always hated high rises before." Emmet said almost as if he was just trying to pester him.

"Uh it's Tony." He said again. "And I don't mind living up high at all."

"You know what Ed. You look like an idiot with your hair all combed like that, it looks horrible, you should change it up a bit. And for god's sake, lose the tie; this is a kid's party for crying out loud, what the hell's wrong with you?" Emmet said annoyed by Edward's business suit. I don't think Edward thought anything of the way he was dressed before. He was from New York, or at least that's what he remembered, and people dressed less casually there. Heidi was dressed up as well.

I went inside the house to check on some things, so I didn't hear Edward's response to Emmet, and I was glad that I didn't. Emmet and Edward got a long pretty well before, and I hated watching all the strain between them now.

I was putting more snacks on the table when Heidi came inside.

"Wow, it's really hot out there." She said in a surprised manner. No one else was inside, so I knew she was talking to me.

"Yeah, it's strange. But it is September, so it's not unheard of." I told her as friendly as possible.

"Yes but September in Seattle is usually just rainy. I'm surprised you planned an outdoor event for this time of year."

"Oh I didn't plan it, Alice did. She's usually pretty good about predicting the weather, so I leave it all up to her."

"Oh, now she's the little hyper one right?" Heidi asked.

"Yeah, but she's not hyper, she just has a lot of energy." I defended her even though I knew that Heidi didn't mean anything negative about what she said.

We were quiet for a few minutes and I didn't understand why she was just standing there, but then she asked me a strange question that completely took me by surprise.

"Did he use to kiss you a lot?"

"What?" I asked confused.

"Well ever since I've known him, he's always hated kissing but never really said why. He'd give me little pecks once in a while, but nothing with any more passion than that. It's strange, I mean I've gotten used to it and he's affectionate by holding my hand and things, but I was just wondering if he was the same with you?"

I looked at her for a minute not sure how to answer her, so I just gave her a vague explanation. "Well, he had issues with kissing before, it's just because he grew up differently and kissing wasn't really around much. But he doesn't remember any of that so I'm surprised that he still feels that way." I said lightly, though I was feeling nothing close to light inside. Why would he have any issues with kissing her? It's not like she was some random girl that he was just fucking, like the girls he refused to kiss at high school.

Even though I had no right to feel this way, but it almost made me feel good knowing that I was still the only one who he ever liked kissing.

"He still loves you, you know." She said suddenly. "He won't admit it, especially to himself, but he's still drawn to you. Before he found everything out, I was almost sure I'd lose him to you. The way he spoke about you to me over the phone, was unlike any way I ever heard him speak before." She said calmly.

"Heidi, we were only together officially for several months, and that was a long time ago. You have been with him for years, there's no competition, trust me." I said trying hard not to feel the butterflies that her words brought to me.

"It' doesn't matter. Some people just belong together, and even if we can fight it, it won't change that fact." She said, and wiped a tear away from her cheek. "I've tried to convince myself that maybe he just was feeling a connection to you because of Carlie, but I see the way he still looks at you, and I know that he and I will never make it."

"Heidi, he hates me."

"No, he's hurt and untrusting right now, but he still looks at you like you're the most amazing person in the world, I guess you just don't see it. But Carlie does and that's why she's so upset that he's with me. She's a very smart little girl and she knows that's he's making a mistake. It's not about her wanting her mommy and daddy together; it's just about her wanting Tony to be happy and she knows that I'm not the one who will truly make him happy." She got chocked up at the end. "I'm sorry but I have to leave now. Can you just tell Tony that I wasn't feeling well, and took the car home? Is there someone here who can give him a ride later?" She asked but didn't wait for an answer before she took off quickly.

I didn't know what to think about what she said to me. I didn't agree with her, and I couldn't believe that Edward felt anything for me at all anymore, besides pure hate. But the tiniest spark of hope flickered inside of me that we can find our way back to being at least friends.

I went back outside to find Edward, and I was completely floored when I saw him and Alice cracking up together. I didn't know why they were laughing, but everyone else around was smiling just as I was, from the sight of them getting along so well.

I walked over to them and his face immediately fell serious from my presence. "Uh sorry to interrupt, but Heidi just left, she said that she wasn't feeling well." I told him.

"Uh, yeah, she's been feeling a little sick for a few days." He said, but then he walked towards Carlie to play with her and never seemed too concerned about his fiancé.

I stood and watched Edward playing with Carlie for a while, just completely loving how happy she was with him. But it was bitter sweet for the Cullens. Edward didn't really want anything to do with them, but they were still so happy to see him. Bree was off to the side on her phone the whole time and seemed to be keeping her distance from him. I think it was just too hard on her that he didn't remember her.

Apart from Heidi being upset, the party was a complete success. All the kids loved the animals and the clowns, and there were no big issues that would cause Carlie to have anything but a wonderful day.

….

Over the next few weeks, Edward seemed to be spending every free minute at our house. He didn't even bother calling first anymore, and if Carlie wasn't home for whatever reason, Edward would just hang out until she came back.

"Dude, you are way off, the Yankees blow goats."Jake said annoyed at Edward.

"Man don't be bitter just because they win every year and your team sucks." Edward said back.

"The Mariners don't suck, and if the old you heard what the new you was saying, you'd kick your own ass."

"Well whatever, not everyone can be perfect, at least I've wised up since then." Edward said.

"So I'm taking suggestions for dinner." I asked them as they continued to bicker about baseball. I thought it was funny that Edward refused to talk baseball with Emmet, but here he was arguing about it with Jake. I think it just goes back to his natural competitive side with Jake.

"Meatloaf." Jake responded quickly.

"You are a meatloaf." Edward said quietly.

"Shut it, dick." Jake said back to him.

"Or how about enchiladas?" Jake changed his mind.

"What about you Tony, do you like enchiladas?" I asked him.

"Uh, anything is fine with me." He said back.

Edward and I weren't exactly friends again, but he was cordial to me and tried to push away his resentment for Carlie's sake.

"I can make Chile Colorado." I told Edward.

"Really?" He asked with a crooked smile. He hadn't smiled like that at me since before he started hating me, so it actually took me by surprise.

"Yeah, I mean it probably won't be as good as the restaurants, but it's decent." I shrugged.

"Don't be modest Bella, you make the best food around. I wish Vanessa would take some lessons from you." Jake said.

"Ok, then, well I'll go get started." I told them.

"Daddy!" Carlie yelled happily when she got home from soccer practice. Vanessa was her coach, so she brought her home. Edward was there almost every day, but Carlie always seemed so surprised and excited to see him.

She gave him a big hug then he swung her up so she was on his back. "Hi momma." She said as he slid her off of him on a chair at the kitchen table.

"Hi baby, how was practice?" I asked her.

"Good. Auntie Vanessa said I have the best drop kick on the whole team." She said excitedly.

"That's because you do." Vanessa said as she kissed Jake on the lips, then walked over to me and kissed me on the cheek, then grabbed Edward's face and kissed his cheek too.

"Ouch, that hurt." Edward complained as he rubbed his jaw where she had grabbed him.

"Oh, don't be such a baby." She laughed at him.

"Daddy's not a baby." Carlie defended him.

"Thanks sweet heart. But you're not going to get out of doing your homework." He said and her smile dropped into a frown.

"Ah man." She said and got her backpack.

It was strange how domestic Edward had become in such a short amount of time. He liked helping Carlie with her homework, and he usually was there to put her to bed too. There were times when I'd briefly forget that Edward had a life away from us, because he was only gone after Carlie went to bed for the night and when he was at work.

But that night was a particularly stormy evening and I was concerned about him out on the roads in that horrible of weather.

"Hey why don't you just stay here tonight?" I asked him after Carlie was already sleeping.

"Uh no, that's Ok. It's not that far." He said and started gathering his things.

"Yeah but it's really nasty out there." I tried convincing him.

He opened the front door to look at the weather, and pressed his lips together before shutting the door again. "Are you sure you don't mind?" He asked.

"Of course not." I said and I went to get the guest room ready.

He surprised me by following me into the room, and he helped me straighten out the sheets.

"So how's Heidi, I haven't heard you talk about her lately? Is she still working on the same ballet production in New York?" I asked trying to remain casual.

"Uh, yeah. She'll be working on that production until the spring." He said in a strange tone.

"Is she planning another trip out here soon?" I asked.

"No, I don't think so. Heidi isn't a huge fan of the weather here." He said shortly.

"So are you planning on going there to visit her?" I prodded.

"Heidi and I decided to take a break from our relationship a few weeks ago." He said emotionlessly.

"Wha, what happened?" I asked stumbling over my words.

He shrugged. "After she was out here for Carlie's party, we just talked for a while and decided to separate. It's just that we live so far apart now and I can't move out there because Carlie's here, and she can't move here because her Ballet is there. I guess we've kind of grown apart. I don't know if we're over for good or not, but we aren't planning on getting married right now, that's for sure."

"She'll get over it you know." I said quietly, but wanted to kick myself at the same time.

"I don't think so, she's convinced that I still have feelings for you and I need to work that out before I can fully commit myself to her, which is ridiculous. I just don't get it, she never had any trust issues before." Edward said sounding as if he was talking to himself more than me.

"I was actually talking about Carlie. I meant that Carlie will get over her issues about you being with Heidi." I said slowly. Heidi told me that she was worried about Edward's feelings for me, but for some reason I never thought she'd tell him that. I thought that maybe part of their problem was Carlie being against them. Edward was in that '_give Carlie anything she wants'_ stage, and I was worried that could have contributed to their problem.

"Oh, well I wasn't the one who wanted the space, so it had nothing to do with Carlie's feelings towards her." Edward told me.

I didn't think too much about his break up with Heidi because he didn't sound too bothered by it, so I figured that maybe it was just a temporary break and they'd figure out a way to work everything out .

We finished making the bed and we walked into the living room to watch some TV.

"Where's Jake and Vanessa?" Edward asked.

"Uh, I think they went to bed early." I said with a suggestive smile.

"Huh? Oh…Ugh." He said and made a disgusted noise. "So how long have they lived here with you?" He asked after a few minutes.

"Well Vanessa has lived with me since she was sixteen, but Jake moved in four years ago."

"Doesn't that ever get weird?" He asked.

"No why?"

"Well Vanessa said that you used to date Jake."

"That was so long ago that it's next to impossible to even think of Jake as being my ex." I said seriously.

"So you dated him right _after_ I was…dead?" He asked unexpectedly.

I laughed. I didn't mean to, I just couldn't help it. "No. Jake and I grew up together. We were actually still dating when you and I were…_getting to know each other better_."

"Getting to know each other better? Is that like code for fucking or something?" He asked boldly.

I laughed again, but this time I laughed so hard that my stomach actually started hurting.

"What?" he asked as I continued to laugh.

"You say that like it's a good thing?" I said finally.

"What, us fucking while you were dating Mr. Muscles?"

"Yeah?"

"Well cheating isn't a good thing, but it would explain why Jake looks at me like I'm a dirt-bag." He said and couldn't help but smile to himself.

"Yeah well he sure got back at you by marrying your sister right." I said with a smirk and he stopped smiling.

"That fucking prick." He said annoyed.

"No, it's not like that, I was just kidding. He really did fall in love with her, and they're really happy together. You and Jake didn't get along for a long time, but you put your differences aside for Vanessa's sake…just like you are putting your hatred towards me aside, for Carlie's sake." I said and then immediately regretted it.

He pressed his lips together, and then turned to look at me dead in the eye. "I was pissed at you, and I said some things that were uncalled for. But when I said I hated you, that was a lie, I was just so…upset, that I wanted to use the most powerfully hurtful word I could think of in that moment. But I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. You're the mother of my child and if for no other reason, I could never actually hate you."

"I am truly sorry for not telling you the truth when I first found out. I was scared and confused and I know that's no excuse, but I was wrong and I see that now."

"Well, there's nothing we can do about it anymore, I'm here now, and that's all that matters anymore." He said uncomfortably, and I could tell that he wanted to drop the subject.

This was the first time since everything happened, that Edward and I actually really talked. He was always so short before and stand-offish around me, so it felt good to know that things were getting better between us.

Edward and I stayed up extra late watching some strange _Lifetime Network_ movie about mistaken identities, but the stupid movie became too ridiculous to finish watching, so we went to our separate beds before it was over. We just lived through a 'mistaken identity', and there was no way we could ever find it entertaining.

I went to sleep that night more peaceful than I could remember being since before Edward 'died'. Just having him in the same house and not completely hating me, made me feel like anything could happen and miracles were actually possible. I didn't have my life completely the way I wished that it was, but it felt like I was finally finding pieces of the life I once had. Pieces that I needed to just sort through, and keep turning around, and flipping over, until they fit together again. Maybe they'd form a different picture than before, but that didn't matter, all that mattered was that they were complete.

***Big events in next chapter. I know, the last time I said that I killed Edward off, but I promise this won't be **_**that**_** big. This story will be winding down soon, so please hang with me for a little while longer. ('**_**Twilight' happy ending**_**, I swear). Please Review***


	35. Ch 34 No Forevers

**Moon Scars**

Ch 34 – _No Forevers _

….

(BPOV)

I woke up the smell of pancakes and the sound of laughter, so I put on my robe and hurried downstairs. The kitchen was a complete disaster; there were egg shells on the counter and floor, tons of dirty mixing bowls, and flour was absolutely everywhere, including the ceiling.

"Good morning." I said to them, and kissed Carlie on the cheek.

"Morning Momma. Look, we're making pancakes." She said happily.

"Yeah I see that." I said, and Edward saw me looking at the ceiling.

"Uh yeah, we got a little carried away with the blender." He explained.

"The blender?" I asked confused.

"Yeah, we were using the blender to mix the ingredients, but it wasn't working so I tried to see what was wrong and I turned it on without the lid. And well…yeah."

"Ok, um, blenders aren't for mixing pancakes." I said with a smile. "This is a mixer." I went to the cabinet and pulled the mixer out. "Or usually I just mix pancakes by hand."

"Carlie, see I told you." Edward said to her sounding like a little kid. "This isn't my fault, it was coercion." He told me quickly in a joking tone.

"No it wasn't. Momma, I told him not to use the blinder, but he wouldn't listen to me." Carlie said defensively.

"Hey I thought we were friends." He told her and picked her up and started tickling her. She was laughing so hard that I was convinced that she was going to vomit.

"Ok, ok, ok." I told them, so he put her down.

"Ooo pancakes, umm." Jake said to Carlie as he came into the kitchen to get coffee before work. He kissed the top of her head before looking up and noticing Edward. "What are you doing here?"

"Daddy had a slumber party with mommy last night." Carlie said with a smile.

Jake looked at me with a surprised expression on his face, and I realized how Carlie's comment sounded. "Uh, Daddy slept in the _guest room_ because the weather was really bad last night." I told Carlie but was really speaking to Jake so he didn't get the wrong idea, not that I really cared what he thought.

"Whatever." Jake said quietly, and then he gave Edward a dirty look before grabbing his keys. "See you later Shorty." He kissed Carlie on the top of her head again, then came and kissed me on the cheek and left for the day.

"Stupid prick." Edward said under his breath, too quietly for Carlie to hear. It was funny the way that Edward always used the word 'prick' when referring to Jake, both before his memory loss, and after. I rarely ever heard him use that particular word for anything other then for Jake.

"Come on Carlie, we have to get you ready for school." I said after she finished eating her messy pancakes.

"Hey, can I take you to school today?" Edward asked her right before we were about to leave.

"Yeah, can he momma?"

"It's Ok with me." I said and kissed her goodbye.

I needed to get into work but I just couldn't leave the kitchen like that, so I was in the middle of cleaning when Edward came back.

"Oh here, let me do that." He said and scooted me out of the way while grabbing the sponge.

"It's Ok really, I don't mind." I said.

"Well maybe you should mind, you don't have to do everything around here you know."

"I don't do everything." I said confused by his comment.

"Yeah right, I bet you even do Jake and Vanessa's laundry too." He said.

"No….not all the time."

"Uh huh." He said then continued to wash the dishes.

I got ready and left for the day, and Edward was still there cleaning up. I was surprised that when the work day was over, Edward was still at the house and I was pretty sure that he never left.

"Hey, no work today?" I asked him.

"Nah, I own part of the company so I can take whatever time off that I want, and I just wasn't feeling like going in today." He said casually.

Edward spent that night over, and the night after as well. We didn't really talk about it, he just never left. He would go into work in the morning, but then he'd come back and stay until work the next day. It was strange, because it wasn't strange. He just fit in with us and no one said anything about it, we all just came to expect him there. Jake was the only one who _pretended_ to have a problem with it, but that was weird as well, because it almost seemed that he actually _liked _having Edward there to banter with. I guess with all the girls in the house, having Edward around was a welcome relief for Jacob.

But having Edward there and us getting along so well, made me hate leaving home and going into work even more than before.

Even though I was picked by the firm to be put through law school, all that wasn't going to happen until the spring, so I had to suffer through horrible daily work until then.

"Mrs. Cullen, get in here!" Caius yelled at me.

"Yes Caius?" I asked him.

"Shut the door." He said in a strange tone. "This just came in for you." He said and handed me a large envelope. I opened it and inside was a legal document.

Before I even had time to read over it, Caius told me what it was.

"It's your divorce papers. They were filed and now you are legally a free woman. Everything has been finalized." He said with a disturbing smirk.

"Why did they come here?" I asked confused as to why they weren't brought to my house.

"I called in a favor."

"Ok, why?" I asked him even more confused.

"I wanted to deliver you the good news myself, so congratulations." Caius came and stood behind me so he could look over my shoulder as I read the papers. I was uncomfortable with him invading my personal space, but at that moment, I really wasn't paying attention to him. I felt an overwhelming sense of loss knowing I wasn't legally bound to Edward anymore. Even though he was always around and we were getting along pretty well, I felt that old hole in my chest from the loss of my husband and I felt so alone in that moment.

Caius grabbed the papers out of my hand slowly, and placed them on his desk.

"Now then, I think we should celebrate." He went to his liquor cabinet and pulled out a bottle of champagne, and started pouring two glasses.

"Uh, actually, I'm really not feeling well, do you mind if I take the rest of the day off?" I asked while taking a step towards the door.

"No, you shouldn't go home and be upset about this. Now, come and have a drink with me." It wasn't an invitation; it was more like an order.

"Um, no thanks." I said as politely as I was capable of in that moment.

"Bella, you know, I really admire you." He said while he walked towards the door, almost as if he was blocking me from leaving. "All this nonsense about being married then a widow and now your dead husband comes back and divorces you, it's enough to drive anyone mad."

"Yes, well it hasn't been easy." I started feeling very uneasy and a little nervous. What the hell was Caius doing?

He walked closer to me, and I could have sworn that he smelled my hair.

"Bella, you know that I'm a very powerful man, and I have very many influences in this business." He said as he walked in front of me to look me in the face. "I could get you on the fast track to becoming a real lawyer."

"Really? That would be amazing, and extremely generous of you." I said excitedly, trying to ignore his unsettling behavior.

He took another step closer to me, and put his hand on my neck. My first reaction was to take a step back and push his hand away, but then he grabbed the back of my head locking me in place.

"I also have the influences and power to ruin you in this business. Not only can I make it so you'll never work in the law again, but I also know the heads of the bank that your home loan is through, and I can have it payed off for you, or I can have it taken away." He whispered cruelly in my ear. "I can make your life hell, or I can make it better than you ever imagined. Your car, do you want it payed off, or do you want it repossessed?"

"Why are you doing this?" I asked trying to remain calm, even though I was feeling anything but.

"Because you are a beautiful woman, and I'm used to getting what I want…no matter what, or how." He said. He shoved me against his desk, and started pulling up my skirt.

"NO!" I yelled but he covered my mouth to shut me up. "You fucking bitch, I'll end you. How about that pretty little girl of yours? Do you want to see her end up in child welfare? Because I have the ability to frame you for embezzlement and prove you to be an unfit mother. You'll be in jail, and she'll be in the system."

"You can't do that." I said in a panicked tone.

"Keep resisting me and we'll find out." He said, and unbuttoned his pants.

"What the fuck?" A voice said. Caius let me go, and we both looked towards the now open door and saw Edward standing there looking extremely pissed off. "Get the hell off of her!" He yelled and grabbed Caius shoving him into the wall.

"Ah, I'm sorry you had to find out about us like this." Caius said to him.

"What?" Edward asked in confused anger, and then he turned to me "Are you seriously fucking him?"

I looked quickly over at Caius and he narrowed his eyes at me, and very subtly gave me a warning head shake. I looked back at Edward and couldn't fight the tears from streaming down my face. I started uncontrollably shaking and Edward just thankfully understood.

"You fucking piece of shit." He seethed before he lunged at him.

Edward kept pounding Caius's face in, and I cried and begged for him to stop, but he wouldn't listen to me. I didn't care about Caius being hurt, I just didn't want Edward to beat him to death and spend the rest of his life in jail because of it.

After a minute, two security guards came running in and pulled Edward off of him. Caius was amazingly still conscious, but his nose was definitely broken and I'm sure other parts of his face were too.

"CALL THE FUCKING POLICE NOW!" Caius yelled. "You're never going to see the light of day again you fucking bastard. I'm going to have you arrested and they're going to put you away and lose the fucking keys." He said to Edward, who was still being restrained by the security guards. And then he turned to me. "And as for you, you horrid bitch, its over. You're fired and we'll see if you ever work in this town again. As for your house and daughter, well kiss them goodbye sweetheart."

"What the fuck did you just say about my daughter?" Edward said in an angry vicious way.

"I'll let your whore of an _ex_ wife fill you in on that one." Caius said and then spit some blood on the ground and wiped his bleeding lip with his hand. "WHERE THE HELL ARE THOSE DAMN POLICE? AND SOMEONE GET ME A FUCKING ICE PACK AND TOWEL!" He yelled to anyone who would listen as he stormed out of the room.

I walked over to Edward and bent down next to where the security guys were making him sit on the floor.

"Are you Ok?" I asked quietly. His knuckles were bloody from him punching Caius, but besides that he was physically fine.

"What the hell happened?" He asked.

In that moment, after everything that happened between us, there was no way that I'd tell him anything but the truth.

"He said that if I resisted him, he'd ruin my life and take…away…Carl..." I tried telling him everything, but I was still shaking so badly that I had a hard time putting it all together.

"It's Ok, shh, just calm down." He pulled me into him, and wrapped his arms around me tightly. "It's ok now. He won't do anything to Carlie, I won't let him." He said in a soothing tone as he rocked us gently back and forth.

It felt so good being in his arms for the first time in over six years, that I momentarily forgot about everything except for the amazing and miraculous sound of his beating heart, as my head rested against his chest. All my fear and shaking went away, and I had never felt more safe than I did from the security of his embrace.

"He's right in here, Officers." Caius said as he directed the police into where we were.

Two cops came into the room with Caius, and as they looked at us, both had an amused smirk on their face.

"Well, well, what do we have here Officer Black?"

"It looks like a clear cut assault case Officer Cullen."

Jacob and Emmet seemed pretty amused by the fact that they were there responding to a call about an assault with Edward as the assailant. They didn't know what Caius did, so they must have figured it was just from Edward's temper or something.

"I don't know how clear cut it is Officer Black, the alleged assailant seems pretty heated. Maybe this wasn't a one sided-fight after all." Emmet said in a cocky tone.

"Officer Cullen, look at the alleged victim's face. Now I don't see any marks on the alleged assailant's face whatsoever." Jacob said back to Emmet in an equally cocky tone.

"He tried to force himself on her." Edward said exasperated, full of disgusted rage and annoyance.

Emmet and Jacob immediately fell serious, and turned their heads to glare at Caius.

"What the hell is going on here, why haven't you arrested him yet? Wait a minute; did you say that your name was Cullen?" Caius asked Emmet.

Emmet just stared at him with pure anger.

"Calm down buddy, we have to do this by the book." Jake whispered to him.

"Yes, I'm Officer Cullen." He said bitterly to Caius.

"And so what, your related to the man who just assaulted me?"

"Why yes actually, he's my little brother." Emmet said while twisting his lips into an evil smirk.

"Well that's a conflict of interest." Caius stated, and then turned to Jake. "You, go arrest that man." He ordered.

"Well that may be a conflict of interest as well, he's his brother-in-law." Emmet informed him.

"What the fuck is going on, are you related to the whole damn police department?" Caius spit towards Edward.

"Just about." Edward replied through clinched teeth.

"Fine, I'm calling the police commissioner to handle this matter."

"Well, you can do that if you want." Jake said placating him. "But then you'll have to tell him exactly what happened leading up to the fight. He'll ask for statements from any and all witnesses, and from what I understand, the only witness was Mrs. Cullen."

Caius sneered as he looked back and forth between me and the two huge muscular police officers.

"Fine, I won't be pressing charges." Caius said finally. "But get them the hell out of my building. And Bella, don't come back." Then he left.

The security guards took a step back and let Edward get up. He still had his arms around me, so he pulled me up with him.

"You Ok Bells?" Jake asked me.

I nodded and Edward rubbed my arms gently from behind me, while bowing his head and resting it on my shoulder momentarily.

"That rat bastard, did he hurt you?" Emmet asked full of anger.

"No, Edward got here in time." I said quietly, not even caring that I called him 'Edward' instead of 'Tony', and he didn't seem to notice or care either.

"Well, do you want to press charges on him?" Jake asked me.

"No, I just want to get out of here and forget this place ever existed."

"Well, you can change your mind at anytime." Emmet said supportively.

"It would just be my word against his, and it would turn into some long drawn-out ordeal." I told them.

"Well, it's a good thing you came when you did bro." Emmet said to Edward.

…

**(EPOV)**

I was so angry that I couldn't even speak. That fucking dirty son of a bitch had his hands all over her, and I wanted nothing more than to kill him. I would have been pissed enough if it was consensual, but the fact that he was forcing himself on her, was just too much and I knew I'd lose it if we stayed in that room any longer.

"Let's go get your things." I told Bella as loudly as I could, but it only came out as a whisper.

I refused to take my hand off of her the whole time as we walked to her desk to get her personal items. I suddenly hated that place, everything and everyone. They were all just sitting there while that sick monster was trying to hurt my Bella.

But what upset me the most was knowing what would have happened if I hadn't come in there when I did. I wasn't planning to go into the law office that day, but after receiving our finalized divorce papers, I just had to see her.

It didn't matter that I had filed them, and that the divorce was something that I wanted. Just knowing that we were officially divorced now made me almost sick in a way, and I had to see her to know that she was Ok. It was a strange feeling because I didn't remember ever being married in the first place, but it still felt very wrong for it to be over.

We left her car in the parking garage and I drove her home; Emmet said he'd pick her car up and bring it to the house later that night.

"Are you sure you're ok?" I asked her, and then absent mindedly placed my hand on her knee. I didn't mean anything by it, I just wanted to be close to her, and I had an overwhelming _need_ to keep in physical contact.

"Yeah, I'm just kind of in shock of it all right now. I knew stuff like this happened, I just never thought that it would happen to me." She said quietly.

As she spoke, I started rubbing her leg and knee. It might have looked like a sexual gesture on the outside, but I was really just trying to comfort her.

"Ok, so I've been thinking." I told her trying to get her mind off of her horrible encounter.

"Is that a good thing?" She asked jokingly.

"Well I hope so." I told her and smiled. She smiled back and it completely took my breath away. I had to force my eyes off of her and remind myself that I was driving and the road would be a safer thing to stare at.

"I called Carlisle the other day."

"You called Carlisle?" She asked surprised.

"Yeah, well he called me a few times to see how I was doing, so I decided to call him back. Anyway, we got to talking and somehow we got on the topic of your house."

"My house?" She asked confused.

"Yeah, well I mentioned that I owed you so much money in back child support payments over the past seven years, that I'd probably be able to pay off whatever you owed on the house. But he told me that he and Esme bought it for you and it was payed off."

"Ok?"

"Well, I asked him if I could buy it from him."

"Buy the house? Why?"

"Well, Carlisle and Esme have been helping you for years now, and I wanted to pay them back. You and Carlie are my responsibility, not theirs, so I just wanted to pay them for the cost of the house. I'm sure there's countless other things that they bought and payed for, but all I can do is pay them back for the big things."

"You really don't have to do that, I was planning on some kind of a saving plan to pay them back myself eventually." She told me.

"Well, you're not by yourself anymore, and I have a whole lot more money than you. Especially now that you're _unemployed_." I couldn't help but smirk at the end, despite the fucked up way that she lost her job. I kind of liked the fact that she would need my help financially for a while, because I wanted nothing more than to take care of her and Carlie completely.

"Edward….I mean Tony, I can't let you do that, it's just too much."

I pulled into her driveway, and turned off the car, but didn't get out.

"Bella, you and Carlie…and Vanessa and her husband, are my only family. And the fact that you all live together in this house, just makes me need to do this even more. Look, I owe Vanessa money too. She rightfully deserves half of Anthony's estate, and even after that, I'll still have enough money from the company to fully support you and Carlie, and to completely pay for her college when that time comes…and her wedding, and anything else that comes up."

"You'll have other family someday, so you don't need to be spending it all now on us."

"Bella, I understand that the Cullens are my family too, but I'm not worried about them, they seem to be doing fine without my help."

"No, you misunderstood me; I'm not talking about the Cullens." She said. "Someday, you'll get married and have a family of your own."

"Bella, none of that matters, this company isn't just a onetime pay-out. I'll continue working, and continue to make a lot of money. And if for some reason it goes under or we decide to sell it, I'll still compose music and sell them for an insanely large amount of money each. Bella, it's my job to take care of you, and I'll never fail at that job again."

I hated that I wasn't there for her for so long, but there wasn't anything that could keep me from taking care of them now. It surprised me how quickly the two of them became my whole world. Carlie was everything to me from the first time I met her, but despite the fact that I pushed Bella away and tried convincing myself that I hated her, she was everything to me from the beginning too.

The connection that I feel with Bella was instantaneous; when I first saw her waiting in that ridiculous line for the deli, I felt like I was hit by a wrecking ball by the intensity of it. If I hadn't felt it, her strange behavior that day would have made me think she was crazy, but it didn't matter that she kept calling me a name that I didn't know, or that she tried to touch my face, I just couldn't get her out of my mind.

Even when I learned the truth, I couldn't make my intense feelings go away, regardless of what I said and did. Carlie knew it, and so did Heidi, and that's why she left, and that's why I didn't ask her to stay. I hated being away from Carlie, but I hated being away from Bella too. She was like a magnet and I was her polar opposite. I needed her, and I felt empty inside when she wasn't near me. It was the hardest feeling being so angry and needing her so much at the same time. But the two emotions couldn't coexist for very long, so I had to let go of one, and I let go of the only one that I could live through losing.

Even if I couldn't remember her, my body could and it ached to be close to her. I always hated kissing before, and I never understood why, but the idea of putting my mouth on someone else's was just so unappealing. But every time that Bella moved her lips, I wanted nothing more than to attach mine to them.

And sex was never that big of a deal to me either, I just never had much of a desire for it. I did have sex with Heidi, but she always had to initiate it, and I could always think of something else I'd rather be doing. I used to think that something was wrong with me, because what man didn't want to be having sex constantly? But every time I'm anywhere near Bella, I craved to be inside of her, and that craving just intensified every time I didn't give in to it.

…

**(BPOV)**

We just sat in the car talking for a while, and I started getting too emotional, so I had to escape into the house. I just couldn't sit there and listen to Edward telling me how it's his job to take care of us and he'll 'never' fail again, because words like 'never' and 'always' have no real meaning and can't be guaranteed. I learned that the hard way.

He got out of the car too, and followed me inside.

"Bella listen, I want to buy the house and Carlisle said he'd sell it to me, but I have to admit, I do have some selfish intentions with it."

"Oh yeah, and what are they?"

"I want to come live here with you guys." He said taking me by surprise.

"You already practically do." I said with a smirk.

"Yeah, but I want to live here officially, like get my mail here and sell my condo, and never leave if I don't want to."

I just stared at him for a long moment. I wanted nothing more than for him to live here with us permanently, but I just didn't think it was a good idea.

"Look I appreciate this, I do, but you can't live here with us."

"Why not?" He asked frustrated.

"Because, it would be just too hard when you leave again." I said with tears rolling down my cheeks. "Carlie couldn't take it if she was used to you living here, then you left again for whatever reason."

"Why would I ever leave?" He asked confused.

"Things happen, life happens, and even if you stayed in Carlie's life, you will still find someone to be with someday. Whether it be Heidi or some other too perfect woman, you'll leave and she won't be able to handle it."

"Carlie won't be able to handle it, or you won't?" He asked unexpectedly. I didn't answer him right away, so he continued. "What about you? You could find someone else and get married and want to start a new family. Do you think your new husband will appreciate me hanging around all the time? Are you going to want me to stop spending so much time here?"

"No of course not. You will always have a place here with our daughter, and I'll never be with anyone else anyway." I told him through my tears.

"Why not? You think no one likes you, but you're so wrong. You just don't see yourself clearly at all. Bella, so many guys want you that it makes me sick."

His words took me off guard for a minute, but I needed to make him understand something. "It doesn't matter how other guys see me, because all I see is you. It's always been you for me, and it always will be. I've never even been with anyone else physically, and I never will."

"Never?" He asked with a crooked smile.

"No. You were my first, and you'll be my last too." I said knowing I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life, then having someone else touch me the way that only he has.

"Promise?" He said making my heart leap out of my chest. I felt so confused and so afraid at the same time. I couldn't take it, I just needed to get away before I exploded, so I fled like a coward up to my room, and bawled like a baby.

I cried so hard that I didn't even realize that he had followed me. He sat on the bed next to me, and wrapped his arms around me and kissed my shoulder.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I swear I never wanted to hurt you, not really. I was such a stupid idiot to push you away and to be so mean….. I'm not going to sit here and promise you forever, because we've both seen that 'forever' is just a word that we can't possibly be sure we can honor, but I will say that right now, _I love you_ more than anything." I looked at him in shock, and he just smiled and said "and I always will love you, forever and ever."

"You just said _no forevers_." I said and I couldn't help but smile widely at him as the butterflies battled within my heart.

"Yeah well, that one slipped. But I promise, I'll make sure that I always watch it for now on, for as long as forever." He said with my favorite crooked smile. I tried to hold it in, but I started laughing anyway.

But Edward didn't laugh; instead he shut me up by pressing his mouth to mine, and it only took a moment for my mood to completely change. I didn't want to laugh anymore, but I did want to cry again, though it wasn't due to sadness the way it was before.

His lips moved eagerly with mine and he held onto me with one hand on my neck, and the other grasping tightly to my lower back. Our tongues greeted each other and danced as if they had never been apart. I knotted my hands in his hair, and pulled myself even closer to him, until there was nothing between us but our clothes. But our clothes weren't even between us for long, though I couldn't remember when they came off.

He gently pushed me over so I was on my back and he was on top of me, but our mouths never left each other. He ran his hands down my bare body until they reached my legs, which he guided open and moved himself between them. His lips trailed from my mouth, to my chin, to my neck and back up to my lips, but we were both too desperate for him to be inside of me, that we didn't waste any more time with pleasant foreplay.

I could feel him positioned at my opening before he pushed himself all the way in deeply.

"Uhgh!" He moaned as he pulled out and pumped right back in slowly, before he lost control and began thrusting vigorously.

"Edward." I breathed and briefly thought the name would throw him off, but instead he just went harder and faster.

I clawed my fingers down his back and if it hurt him, he didn't stop to complain, in fact I doubt he even noticed. His lips attached themselves to my neck and he may have even bit me, but it just left me wanting more. Both of our breathing heightened and started speeding up as I could feel that familiar but long absent pain in my stomach, before my whole body tightened and tightened around him. I held him even closer than before as my whole body imploded causing a rush of heated throbbing, followed by blissful numbness over every inch of me. He pumped a few more times before shooting his warmth inside of me, and collapsing over me as he breathed heavily trying catch his breath.

"I love you so much." I said softly to him.

I could feel him smiling into my neck. "I love you too." His fingers wove themselves with mine. "Forever." He said with a quiet chuckle.

"No forevers" I whispered.

"Ok, for-always then."

And we both giggled and held on to each other even tighter. It was ironic in a wonderful way that the day our divorce became finalized, we completely reconnected. It wasn't like starting over, but it was definitely the start of something truly amazing, and I couldn't wait for whatever came next.

…..

***Story's not over just yet, but please review anyway.***


	36. Ch 35 Shocking Memories

**Moon Scars**

_A/N: Ok so I was planning on writing this chapter all along, and then I changed my mind and decided to just finish the story, but as I was writing the ending it just felt incomplete and cut short, so I decided to go with this chapter after all. A little more drama before the HEA, but its good drama and just brings our couple closer together._

Ch 35 – Shocking Memories

…

(BPOV)

We laid there for what seemed like hours before I became hungry again, but eating was the last thing on my mind. I had been lying across his bare chest and as I started kissing his neck, I realized the he was actually sleeping. I moved so I could see him better, and I couldn't help but smile at the way he looked.

He was just so peaceful and almost angelic looking, that I had to double check that I wasn't actually dreaming, or creating delusions again. But then I looked at his stomach and saw the scar from being shot, and I knew for a fact that I'd never imagine or dream of him with that, so he had to be real.

He showed me the scar briefly before when he was so angry with me, but I was really looking at it for the first time. It was the wound that saved my life, but it was also the wound that took him from me for so long. It was difficult to wrap my head around the fact that a stomach wound could cause memory loss, but when Carlisle explained it, it made sense.

I traced the scar lightly with my finger, the way that I had wanted to before, and I was surprised at how smooth it was. But seeing the scar also made me notice the subtle differences in the rest of his body as well. His chest was wider and more defined, and his shoulders were broader than before. I wonder if I would have noticed the small changes if we had been together all along, or would I have just seen him the way that I always had.

I nestled back into him, and just breathed in the scent of his skin. It had to be the most amazing smell in the world and I knew I'd never be able to get enough of it.

"Bella." He whispered after a few minutes. I grinned and moved my hand over his chest, but he didn't say anything else so I leaned up to look at his face, and saw that he was still sleeping. I couldn't help but smile at the fact that he was dreaming about me and saying my name while he slept.

"Bella." He repeated, but this time his face distorted as he said it and he looked to be in pain. His expression was just too much and it worried me, so I gently tried to nudge him awake.

"It's ok, wake up." I said quietly. He stirred but didn't wake, so I nudged him a little harder, and finally he opened his eyes.

"Hey, you were dreaming." I said softly. He looked at me confused, and then looked around the room like he was trying to figure out where he was.

"Tony, are you Ok?" I asked him, and then he looked back at me with even more confusion.

"Bella?" He asked almost as if he wasn't sure that I was actually me.

"Yeah, are you Ok?"

"Why did you just call me Tony?" He asked unexpectedly.

"Huh?" He continued to stare at me questionably. "That's your name." I said slowly.

"My name's not Tony. Bella, what's going on?" He looked around the room again, "and where the hell are we?"

"Edward?" I asked tentatively, he turned right away to look at me.

"What?"

"Are you like messing with me right now, because it's really not funny?" I started getting very worried, something was definitely wrong.

"Messing with you, why would I be messing with you? What time is it anyway; we should be getting ready, shouldn't we?"

"Ready for what?"

"For school. Today's graduation, right?" He asked completely serious. I just stared at him in shock, so he looked back at me and raised his eyebrows. "What? Bella how did we get in this strange room?" He looked around again, and suddenly became very troubled. "Where's Carlie?"

"Babe, Carlie's at school, it's the middle of the day." I told him slowly, hoping he'd snap out of it.

"School? Why the hell would she be at school? Did Alice take her in for show and tell or something?" He said with a little chuckle.

"Edward, this really isn't funny if you're joking."

"Joking about what?" He asked and pulled on his boxers which were lying on the edge of the bed. "Why can't I remember where the hell we are?"

"I honestly don't know." I told him. "Uh, I think I should call Carlisle though." I grabbed the phone quickly.

"HEY, ANYONE HOME?" I heard Emmet downstairs, so I hung up the phone before Carlisle had a chance to answer.

Edward heard him too, and must have recognized his voice because he yelled back, "yeah, we're in here, we'll be right out!" He pulled his pants and shirt on quickly as I was putting my clothes on, and he opened the door for me.

Edward looked down the hall, still not knowing where we were, so I grabbed his hand and led him down the stairs to where Emmet was.

"Yo, I brought the car" Emmet said. Then he smiled as he looked between us, surely noticing how messed up we looked and putting together what exactly we had been doing.

"Ah, you guys are back together, how freaking sweet. Jeez Bella, you should get yourself into trouble and let him save you more often."

"Emmet, what the hell are you talking about?" Edward asked annoyed. "And why the hell are you dressed like one of the _Village People_?"

"Haha, funny bro. Should I do a little dance too?" Emmet asked while making the Y M C A arm motions.

Edward rubbed his face as if he was trying to wake himself up. "Why the hell am I so freaking confused? It's giving me a headache."

"What's wrong with him?" Emmet asked me.

"I wish I knew." I said quietly.

"Hey," Jacob said as he walked through the door. "I could have just driven her car here." He said to Emmet.

"Yeah, then you'd have your car left at the station. I drove my cruiser to work this morning, so I'm just having Rose pick me up here." Emmet said to Jake.

"Why the hell are you dressed like that too?" Edward asked Jake.

"Cause it's so comfy." Jake joked, as he took off his gun belt and put it away in the closet. "So, now that we're off the clock, what the hell happened today?" He asked me.

"Long story." I said unwilling to get into it when Edward was acting so strangely.

"Man, I bet it felt good to pound on that guy. I would have hit him too, but then he'd just get me fired and we wouldn't have been able to get you out of it." Jake said to Edward.

Edward just narrowed his eyes at him and shook his head in confusion. Then he sat on the couch, and started banging his head on the arm rest.

"Ok, what the hell is wrong with him?" Jake asked me.

"Well, we…uh…took a nap, and when he woke up, he was very confused and thought that today was graduation." I said quietly.

"What like college graduation?" Emmet asked.

"No, high school."

"No way, he's just messing with you." Emmet said with a laugh.

"I don't think so." I said, and the three of us looked over at Edward at the same time. He was holding a pillow over his head, so we couldn't see his face.

"Did you call Carlisle?" Jake asked.

"I was just about to, but then Emmet came."

"Hi Momma." Carlie said happily as she came skipping in the house with Vanessa behind her. Edward sat up immediately and looked at her with a wide range of emotions rolling across his face in waves. Confusion, worry, shock, confusion, concern, fear, confusion.

"Hey honey." I gave her a hug, but my eyes never left Edward.

"Daddy!" She said excited to see him like always. She ran over and jumped on his lap, hugging him tightly. Edward looked up at me with even more fear and confusion.

"Carlie honey, why don't you run next door and see if Claire wants to play for a while." I told her.

"Ok mamma. Daddy will you take me to school next Monday? I have a surprise for you." She asked him.

"Yeah, sure." Edward said tentatively. She kissed him on the cheek then ran outside. "Ok, what the hell is going on? Am I in the freaking _Twilight Zone_ or something?"

"Ok, I'm going to call Carlisle." I said and hurried to the phone.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Emmet asked him.

"I thought that today was supposed to be graduation, and that my baby was an actual baby." Edward said quickly.

"Graduation, that's the day that it happened." Jake said.

"Oh right, he must be reverting back to when all hell broke loose." Emmet agreed.

"Yeah, but why?" Jake asked.

Vanessa must have caught on to what was happening, so she went and sat next to Edward on the couch.

"Are you Ok?" She asked him.

"No, I really don't think so." Edward said back to her.

"Hello, Dr. Cullen speaking." Carlisle finally answered his phone.

"Hey Carlisle, its Bella."

"Bella," he greeted me, "how's everything going?"

"Uh, is there any way you can come down here…or maybe we should go there to meet you."

"Sure, what's going on?"

I gave him a brief explanation, and then hung up.

"Vanessa, can you watch Carlie when she comes home, I have no idea how long we'll be gone?" I asked her.

"Of course." She said.

"Let's get going." I told Edward.

"So, Carlie is seven now?" He asked incredulously as we were driving to Forks.

"Yeah." I said sympathetically knowing it must be extremely difficult for him.

"How could I just forget the past six and a half years?"

"Well you were hurt, and it was pretty bad. It actually caused brain damage so you forgot everything."

"And that happened on the day of graduation?"

"Yeah. A lot happened, and you couldn't remember anything before that."

"And now I can't remember anything after" he said to himself. "But the past six years, we've been Ok right?" He asked, and I didn't know how to answer that. "Where's your ring?" He noticed that my hand was bare as I was steering the car off the interstate.

"Uh…" then lights flashed behind me. I must have been speeding and didn't even realize it. Damn cops.

"Hey Bells." Charlie said as he came up to my window.

"Dad, hey. Was I speeding?"

"No, I just saw your car and decided to pull you over to say hi. So whatcha doing today, where's the munchkin?" He asked noticing that Carlie wasn't in the back seat.

"Uh, we're just coming to see Carlisle. Vanessa is watching Carlie at home."

"Well cool. It's good seeing you kid, you haven't been down here in a while."

"Yeah, we'll plan a trip to visit soon with Carlie." I told him.

"Great, can't wait." Charlie said goodbye and gave a parting half wave to Edward, which Edward returned.

"So things are better with him now, I assume." Edward asked.

"Yeah, things are good with him. He's actually with Seth Clearwater's mom now, they seem pretty happy."

"Are we going to the hospital, or the house?" He asked.

"Uh, hospital. They still have your CAT scans from right after everything happened, so maybe they can figure out what's going on."

We arrived at the hospital and went directly to Carlisle's office. He had been doing rounds, but he just happened to be there at the same time we were.

"Hey, good timing." He said to us and gave me a hug.

"Hello son." He said and gave Edward a hug too. "So we're just about ready for you, why don't you just wait in my office until the neurologist comes, it should only be a minute."

"Thanks Carlisle." I told him.

He smiled, "I'll be right back." He said and walked down the hall quickly.

Less than five minutes later, a doctor came into the office, with Carlisle right behind him.

"This is Dr. Alistair, he's an excellent neurologist." Carlisle told us.

"Ok, Mr. Cullen, can you tell me exactly what's going on with you?" Dr. Alistair asked Edward.

"Uh, I have no idea, that's the problem." He told him.

"Ok, Mrs. Cullen can you tell me everything that you know?" The Doctor asked me.

"He lost his memory six years ago, from the lack of oxygen to his brain, but now he can't remember anything after that."

The doctor nodded his head as he was looking over Edward's chart.

"Well the brain is an extremely complex organ, and we are still making discoveries about it every day. I'd like to do a CAT scan and see if we can find any cellular reasons for the sudden change in memories."

A nurse came in and led Edward to the radiation wing of the hospital. I walked with them until we got to the CAT scan room, then he had to go in alone. He kissed me before he left, and looked worried but calm at the same time.

"He'll be Ok." Carlisle said trying to calm me.

"He's just so confused." I said anxiously.

"I know, but it's good to see Edward again." Carlisle said.

"Yeah it is."

"But?" He asked knowing I had more to say.

"But what does all this mean, and what happened to all his thoughts from being Tony? Edward's life ended six years ago, so how is he going to fit into Tony's life without remembering how to do everything?" I asked concerned.

"This could just be temporary." Carlisle said.

"Ok, then what will he forget next?"

"I wish I knew." Carlisle said.

After what seemed like forever, Edward came back and smiled at me reassuringly before wrapping me in his arms.

"Did it go Ok?" I asked him.

"Yeah, good thing I spent all that time being locked in a closet as a kid, otherwise being confined in such a small space might have been difficult." He said in a joking manner.

"That's not funny." I said seriously then the weight of the situation hit me full force. I kept the truth from Tony because I was worried about him remembering all the abuse in his past, but now here he was remembering everything horrible, and completely forgetting his happy life as Tony. I felt terrible, like it was my entire fault.

Anthony said I needed to keep my distance from him because my presence in his life could possibly jog his memory, and I didn't listen, we make love and now this happens. It was a lose-lose situation, and now there was nothing I could do but wait and see what happens.

It was getting late, and the results of his CAT scan wouldn't be in until morning, so we decided to stay at the Cullen's house overnight. I called Carlie to say good night to her, and of course she wanted to talk to Edward. I tried coming up with an excuse for him, but he overheard me and grabbed the phone from my ear.

"Hey princess." Edward said into the phone. "I love you too, good night." He said then handed the phone back to me with a halfhearted smile.

Esme loved having 'Edward' back home, she made his favorite meal that she cooks Chicken and Dumplings, and even baked his favorite blueberry pie for desert. But Bree seemed to love him there the most. Edward had a hard time with how big she was and he wanted to know everything about her boyfriend, but besides that, they seemed to pick up right where they left off.

"Are you getting tired?" Edward asked me softly as he came and kissed me on the back of the neck.

"Yeah, it's been a long day."

We went up to our old room and started getting undressed. It had been so long since we were there together and both slept on that tiny bed, but I was actually pretty excited about it.

After taking off my shoes, I pulled off my sweater and turned to look at him. He was sitting on the bed, staring at the wall in a strange way.

"Edward, what's wrong?" I loved being able to call him Edward without worrying that it will offend him.

"It's just so different." He said quietly. I crawled over to him and wrapped my arms around his shoulder from behind, and rested my head against his upper back.

"It's going to be ok." I told us both.

"I'm just not used to having Carlie's crib gone. I know she's Ok and everything, but I just miss her. I miss holding her little body, and the way she used to grab my face and giggle at me. She's grown from a baby to a kid, and I wasn't here to see it."

I kept my head resting against his back, but moved my arms down so they were under his, and I let my hands slide under his shirt to rub his stomach.

"At least you're still the same, and we're still together; I don't think I could handle it if I didn't have you anymore." He said quietly.

"I know what you mean." I said and lifted my head to kiss his neck again. I learned my lesson the last I didn't tell him everything, but the truth was that at the moment, there wasn't any point in telling him that we _weren't _still the same and only _just_ got back together. If his memory was going to stay in its current condition, then I would tell him everything, but as for now, it would only add to his stress and confusion.

He laid back on the bed and pulled me on top of him.

"I love you." He told me.

"I love you too, more than you'll ever know." I told him, and then he rolled us both over so he was on top of me.

He started kissing my neck, but then he pulled away quickly.

"What's wrong?" I asked him.

"What's on your neck?" He asked confused.

"I don't know." I said and scooted out from under him so I could go look in the mirror. There was a good sized roundish deep red blotch.

"Is that a hickey?"

"Oh, yeah probably." I said and was glad that it was below where my shirt had covered.

He shot me an accusatory glare, but it was in a teasing manner.

"You got a little wild earlier." I joked, but then his face fell serious.

"This is ridiculous; I can't even remember giving my wife a freaking hickey several hours ago." He said frustrated. My heart skipped a beat when he called me his _wife_, and I wished more than anything that I still was. I wondered what would have happened if his sudden memory change occurred when he still hated me, or when he was with Heidi. At least now I knew that if he got his 'Tony' memory back, he'd still be happy that I was with him in this way, because both of his alter egos said they loved me today.

Maybe it was strange, or selfish, or just plain insane, but I made love to Tony earlier, now I wanted Edward. I started kissing him, and then pulled him back down on top of me. He caught on to my mood quickly and pulled off his shirt. My shirt was already off, but he unsnapped my bra and kissed my breasts letting his tongue linger on my nipple.

He started pulling down my panties, and I lifted my bottom up so he could pull them all the way off before tossing them across the room. His mouth traced its way down my body until he reached my area which has only ever been touched by the two hims.

He parted my legs and brought his mouth to my sensitive folds and kissed there, sending waves of euphoric pulsing eagerness up and down my spine.

"Edward" I complained desperately. He always knew exactly how to torture me, and he enjoyed it way too much.

He chuckled and brought his fingers in to participate with torturing me.

"Edward Please." I begged him.

He chuckled again then pulled off his boxers and thrust into me without hesitation.

Because he cruelly teased me and drove me insane by going down on me, I started coming just after a few thrusts. But it actually made it better, because he pumped harder and grunted when he felt me tightening around him.

He came into me just as my blissful throbbing took me into nirvana. He moaned a few more times as he rode his own wave of exploding pleasure until we were both out of breath. He didn't pull out to rest, the way that he had earlier as Tony, instead he did what Edward always did, and stayed inside of me while we both drifted off into peaceful harmonious sleep.

…..

I woke up before him the next morning, and suddenly became worried as to what state of mind he'd be in when he woke.

"Edward?" I kissed his shoulder and rubbed his back trying to wake him. "Edward?"

"Huh?" He said groggily.

"Baby, are you Ok?" I asked worried.

"Huh?" He said again while lifting his head and finally opening his eyes.

"How are you feeling?" I asked him. "Are you still you?"

He looked at me confused for a moment, blinked his eyes then said "yeah, I'm still me…I think."

"What do you remember?"

"Same as yesterday." He said quickly then laid his head back down on my shoulder.

I took a deep breath of relief. I was so worried that he'd wake up as just 'Tony' again, and though I absolutely loved 'Tony', I wasn't Ok with giving up this Edward. I shifted my body which was still under him, and the movement woke something else up, and he responded by first rocking into me, then it turned into full thrusts. We came together this time, and when we were both satisfied enough for the moment, he pulled out.

He rolled over on his back, and had to catch himself from rolling right off the bed.

"Are you sure you're ok?" I teased him.

"No, I think you make me drunk." He smirked.

He went right into the bathroom and turned on the shower, before popping his head back out and asked "you coming?" I smiled and practically ran to the bathroom.

After having sex in the shower, we finally got around to washing each other before getting dressed and heading down stairs. I was actually really sore. I hadn't had sex in over six years, and then to do it four times in a short amount of time, was painful, but in a good way.

"Did the results of my CAT scan come in?" Edward asked Carlisle.

"No, but I called and they are expecting the results by nine." Carlisle said with a warm smile.

Esme made a huge breakfast, and the five of us all sat in the dining room while Edward asked us tons of questions about the last six years.

He wanted to know about his siblings, besides Bree who was sitting right next to him, and he wasn't surprised at all that they were all married…to each other.

"It's actually pretty weird if you really think about it." Edward said. "Kind of incestuous in a way. I mean they're all my brothers and sisters."

"Yeah, but it makes holidays easy." Carlisle joked.

"True." Edward agreed. "So what happened exactly, how did I get hurt in the first place, you said it was right after graduation right?"

I told him the story just as I had told Tony, but Edward didn't take it as well as Tony did.

"That fucking piece of shit." Edward started fuming from what James did. "I really wish he was still alive so I could kill him." He said then ran his hand under my skirt. I was a little embarrassed at first because Esme, Carlisle, and Bree were sitting right there, but then I understood what he was doing, looking for my bullet wound scar.

It didn't take long for him to find it, and his expression became even more disturbed from looking at it.

"I can't believe I allowed this to happen." He said angry at himself. "That dick-wad was pissed at me so he took it out on you." He had to pause and close his eyes as if he was trying to control his anger. "I wonder how I didn't notice this scar last night?" Bree giggled uncomfortably knowing why he should have noticed it.

"So are you guys going to get married again?" Bree asked suddenly, and it felt like all the air was sucked out of the whole room from the tension her question brought.

"Married _again_?" Edward asked quietly.

"Well yeah, your divorce just got finalized right?" Bree asked innocently.

"Divorce?" Edward turned to look at me questionably.

"Oh, you didn't know?" She asked him, and then turned to me "Sorry Bella."

"We're not married anymore? What the hell happened?" He asked angrily.

Carlisle took his cell phone out of his pocket and answered it. It must have been on vibrate, so we didn't hear it ringing.

"Yes…wonderful…yes thank you, we'll be right in." Carlisle hung up his phone. "They have the results."

Everyone got up to get going into the hospital, but Edward just sat there and stared at me with hurt in his eyes.

"I'll explain when we're finished at the hospital." I told him quickly. "It's Ok though, I promise."

Bree had school, but Esme came with us to the hospital and Carlisle had to go into work anyway, so he'd be there as well.

We all sat in the comfort of Carlisle's office as a special perk of being related to the Chief of Staff.

"Well hello again." Dr. Alistair came into the room and shook all of our hands.

"So what the hell is wrong with me?" Edward asked with a hint of bitterness.

"Well we neurologists like to think of the brain as a computer. And in your case, the computer is malfunctioning and bringing up old programs, and shutting down others. Now there are a few different things we can do. We can just keep watch on everything and hope for the best, or we can perform a new procedure which is still technically in the experimental stage. "

"What's the procedure?" Carlisle asked him.

"It's a form of shock therapy." The Doctor said boldly.

"Shock therapy?" Edward chuckled a bit.

"Yes, well we don't do the procedure here, but they are having state of the art breakthroughs every day, and have been making long strides in memory loss from _prolonged hypoxia_, which is what your particular memory loss is from."

"How effective has the procedure been?" Carlisle asked.

"They've had good results so far, but there are definite risks. Shock therapy can be very dangerous, so you shouldn't agree to it lightly. You can end up completely brain dead, or dead all together. But I believe that this is your only chance to regain your full memory." The doctor said to Edward.

"What if he does nothing?" I asked starting to panic by the idea of him ending up brain dead…again.

"Well we don't know exactly. He could stay in his current state, or he could completely jump to a different stage of his life."

"So he might only remember being twelve or something?" Esme asked.

"Yes that's right. Like I said before, the brain is a very complex thing and we as humans don't quite understand all its workings yet, and maybe never will." The Doctor explained.

"Ok, sounds good, where do I go to get shocked?" Edward said without even taking time to consider everything.

"Edward, don't do it. Please, it's just too dangerous. He said it's possible for you to stay the way you are, so just stay." I asked sounding desperate.

"Bella, I can't just live in constant worry that my brain is going to flip out on me again." He said softly.

"At least you'll be living." I said, and started to shake from the idea of losing him again.

"Don't worry Love, I'm going to be fine." He told me as he rubbed my shoulders reassuringly.

"You don't understand, I can't do this again. I can't live without you anymore, it's just too hard." I said and started crying.

"Babe, I need to do this." He whispered.

"No you don't, you lived six years without any skipping around with your memories. So this is where you're at now, and maybe you'll stay."

"I don't want to live in _maybes._" He said sounding resolved.

"Maybes are all we have, nothing in life is certain." I told him thinking back on our 'no forevers' conversation that he didn't remember us just having the day before.

"Exactly. Nothing is certain, so we can't live afraid. I want to be a complete person again; I want to remember all of my life."

We stared at each other for a long time, and I didn't know what I was searching for in his eyes, but whatever it was, I must have found it because I said "Ok".

"So are we going through with the procedure?" Dr. Alistair asked us.

"Definitely." Edward said quickly.

"Ok, I'll set it up for you. There are only a few hospitals that perform it in the US, and the closest to here is at Stanford in California. I will set up the appointment and have you in there as soon as possible."

"Thank you Dr. Alistair." Carlisle said and the shook hands.

"Wow, you know they used to threaten me with shock treatment when I was in the loony bin. I always told them that I'd love to try it, so I guess I'm getting my wish." Edward joked.

"Not funny." Esme and I said at the same time, but Edward laughed anyway.

….

*******Please Review*******


	37. Ch 36 Tony and Edward

**Moon Scars**

Ch 36 – Tony and Edward

….

The Doctor said that he would get back to us later that week to set up an appointment for his procedure; so we said goodbye to Esme and Carlisle and we headed back home.

I pulled off the interstate and turned off the car, and took a deep breath, stabilizing myself for what I needed to say.

"Bella, what's going on, why are we parked here?" Edward asked confused.

"I need to tell you everything…right now. I made the mistake of not being completely honest before and it tore us apart. I should have already told you the truth, but everything's been happening so fast that I just couldn't find the right time."

"Bella, no." He said quietly.

"No?"

"Look, from what I've figured out, something went wrong between us that made us get a divorce, but now were together again and that's all I care about at the moment."

"But Edward…"

"Bella, I'm going to be having this procedure soon, and I need to know if I'm having real memories coming back to me, or if I'm inventing memories based on things you've told me. I just think it would be better for me to try to remember everything on my own."

I opened my mouth to argue with him some more, but then I decided against it and I closed it again. I was afraid that once he learned the truth he'd be angry with me for not trying harder to make him listen, but I couldn't force it on him either. I put the car into back into Drive, and I finished driving us home.

"So how should we handle Carlie? Do you want to tell her as much as she understands, or do…?"

"No way." Edward interrupted me. "She's seven; I don't want to tell her that her daddy doesn't remember her. I'm just going to have to do the best that I can at going along with things she says."

It was strange how different Tony and Edward actually were. I always looked at Tony and tried to picture if Edward would be acting the same or having similar thoughts and desires, but after spending a day and a half with Edward again, there's no mistaking their each unique outlook on life.

Tony was generally a happy person who looked at life in a simple way; it was black or white, right or wrong. He may have changed a bit to become more bitter after discovering that the life he remembers had been a lie, but I was confident that he'd return to his normal happy self eventually.

Edward was very complex in his emotions and almost never saw things in the obvious way. Black and white weren't even in his color palette, and he looked at me like I could do no wrong. He wasn't upset with me when he found out we weren't married anymore, he automatically figured it was something he did and he'll continue to beat himself up inside over it. Even if I told him exactly what happened, he'd still find a way to spin it on himself, that's just the way he is.

"So, Jacob and Vanessa are married, and they live with you?" Edward asked me.

"Yeah, well, Vanessa was already living with me because I had custody of her, and when she was legally allowed to move away on her own, she just didn't want to. So eventually Jake moved in with her, and we've all lived together ever since."

"So where was I when all this was happening?"

"You were…"

"No wait, I don't want to know, not yet anyway." He said quickly.

It was still early, so Carlie was still at school and Jake and Vanessa were at work, so Edward and I had the house to ourselves. He went around the house and looked at everything trying to learn his way around.

"I don't seem to have very many things here." He said after a while.

"Well you have a condo in the city." I said and he looked at me and narrowed his eyes in an angry way, but again, his anger wasn't directed towards me.

"Well, maybe I should go there then, I mean do I have a fucking cat that needs to be fed or something?" He asked bitterly.

"Uh, not that I know of. But I can take you there if you want."

He looked around the room. "No, I don't want to go anywhere." He said softer. "Is there a phone ringing or something?" He asked suddenly.

I listened for a moment, and I definitely heard a phone too. I followed the sound and realized that the ringing was coming from Tony's coat pocket. "Oh it's yours." I said and stupidly handed it to him.

"What the hell am I supposed to do with that?" He asked, then looked at the caller ID "I don't even know who Heidi is." He said and tossed the phone aside.

My heart started pounding knowing that Heidi was trying to call Tony, and it completely made me sick. Tony said they broke up, but I knew that they had been together for so long that it was possible that she'd want him back.

Edward was still wandering around the house when he made his way in the guest room. "Who the hell lives in here?" He called to me. Tony didn't officially live with us yet, but he did leave some of his clothes and other personal things there.

"Uh, these are your things." I told him as I walked into the room.

"Mine?" He asked in disbelief, and then he started chuckling. "What a fucking douche." He said while looking through the couple of business suits that were hanging in the closet. "No wonder you divorced me, I wouldn't want to be married to a stiff like me either."

I hugged him from behind, and he took a deep breath. Edward was joking around and trying to make light of the situation, but I knew it was really wearing on him. He wanted nothing more than for us to be together and it upset him as much as it did me, that we weren't.

"So when are we going to get remarried then?" He asked quietly with no hint of joking or sarcasm in his voice.

I held him tighter. "If you remember everything and still want to marry me, I'll be ready whenever you are."

"Bella, it doesn't matter what happened, I love you and I'll want to be married to you right away, just like I do now."

"But you didn't, and your feelings might change."

He turned around to face me and grabbed my face in his hands. "Bella, it's not possible for my feelings to change, there is nothing in this world that could make me stop loving you."

"But you did stop loving me Edward. That's what I was trying to tell you before, you forgot everything, and"

He shook his head at me. "I don't want to know."

"WELL YOU HAVE TO!" I yelled frustrated. He looked at me shocked that I yelled at him, and a little amused. "I don't need to tell you specifics so your memories will still feel real to you, but you have to know why we got a divorce."

"Ok." He said softly.

"We all thought you were dead." His eyes burrowed into mine in a strange intense way, but I just kept going. "You were on life support, they said you were brain dead, they said you'd never wake up. So I forced myself to sign the papers to take you off the machines. They sent us ashes and a death certificate, we had a memorial service and we all spent the last six years trying to live without you."

"How…?" He asked confused. "How could you think I was dead for six years when obviously I'm not?"

"Anthony."

"My grandfather?" He asked even more confused.

"Yeah, he sold the vineyard and a bunch of other things and he paid people at the hospital to help him sneak you out. He faked the ashes and the forged death certificate, we had no way of knowing the truth. You weren't supposed to wake up, but when you did, you didn't remember anything, so he invented a new life for you, changed your name and lied about everything."

I could see Edward boiling up inside, and I was worried that his anger would overtake him, but he took a deep breath. "Then what?" He asked through clinched teeth.

"I saw you a few months ago in the city, and I acted like a complete crazy person. I kept calling you Edward and I tried to touch your face. You were dead, but there you were standing there in front of me not knowing who I was. We ended up kind of working together and I stupidly convinced myself that you were just a long lost relative or something. We became friends but you were engaged and then I was still…"

"Wait what? Engaged? No way, to who?" He asked, insulted that I'd say such a thing.

"Heidi. She's this beautiful perfect ballerina from New York , you met her while you were both at Julliard."

"Bella, I don't even want to go to Julliard, this whole thing doesn't even make sense."

"But you did go to Julliard, and you were going to get married, and you really did love her."

"No." he said shaking his head, completely unwilling to believe what I was telling him.

"I found out the truth, but I didn't tell you because you seemed so happy in the life Anthony invented for you, and I didn't want you to remember your childhood. You found out the truth after that and you hated me for not telling you everything when I first found out. You filed the divorce papers because at that point we were still married."

He kept a steady rhythm of shaking his head back and forth slowly, as he disagreed with everything I was telling him.

"But then you started spending a lot of time here with Carlie and you ended your engagement for whatever reason, and we got close again." I said quickly.

He put his head back so it was tilted upwards, and he squeezed his eyes shut tightly. Then he let his head fell forward again and he pinched the bridge of his nose, and I could actually see the veins in his neck pop out from the intensity of his stress.

"Bella…I'm sorry." He said but I couldn't stand there and listen to him apologizing for something that I knew he'd never do if he was always him. I reached for him and wrapped my arms around his neck and planted my lips to his.

He lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist, but our lips never lost contact. He pushed my back against the wall and used it to help him hold me up while he used one of his hands to unbutton his pants. I was wearing his favorite article of clothing, a skirt, so his access to me was easy. He didn't even bother with pulling off my panties; he just moved them aside and pushed his way into me.

It wasn't about having sex in that moment, it was just the simple and desperate need to be connected and no matter how deep he went, it was never enough. We wanted to be completely molded into one person and if there was a way for him to melt into me entirely, we would have found it. But we were restricted by these bodies we were locked in, and this was the closest we were able to physically get.

We spent the next few days getting to know each other again. He kept telling me how I was different but still His Bella, and we could hardly keep our hands off of each other.

Carlie did notice a difference in him, but she'd just squint her eyes at him and call him silly. Edward was much less responsible than Tony, and somewhat of a procrastinator. He always wanted to do something fun with Carlie before doing serious stuff like homework, and it was never too late for candy, even on a school night.

And strangely enough, Jacob actually got along better with Edward than he did with Tony. Perhaps it was because they both knew the level of hatred they once had for each other, and they both knew exactly when and how they got past it. With Tony, it was more of just a feeling of dislike but not having any memories of how it was resolved, so the resentment was still present, even if they didn't act on it.

"Hey Edward, Mariner game tonight, Emmet and Jasper are coming over." Jake told him.

"Cool, who are they playing?" Edward asked.

"Yankees, its playoffs." Jake said with a smirk.

"Ahh, Mariners are going to seriously kick their Yank asses." Edward said enthusiastically.

"Damn right. Hey you know you were a big supporter of the Yankees just a week ago."

"Ugh! Well, did you kick my ass at least?"

"I should have, but then I thought it would upset the child." Jake joked.

"I'm sure you could have explained it to Carlie and she'd understand one day."

"Oh I was actually talking about Emmet."

Edward laughed at him. "Yeah, Emmet can be a big baby."

"Hey we should all get together and play a big football game." Jake suggested.

"Ok, but I want Seth on my team, how is he anyway?" Edward asked.

"He was going to be a cop like me, but then the little punk decided to become a fireman instead. He still lives in LaPush with his mom and Charlie. Freaking mooch."

"What about Angela and Ben?" Edward asked, but Jake shrugged.

"They finally got engaged a couple of weeks ago, we're all invited to the wedding in the summer." I told them.

We got the call from Dr. Alistair early that afternoon, but unfortunately, they couldn't get him in for the procedure for three more weeks, for which I was actually extremely grateful. I wanted him to get the memories back that he stressed he needed, but at the same time, I just needed him. Edward was disappointed that it wasn't sooner, but he didn't let it get to him either.

Jasper and Emmet came over for dinner and game night, and Edward forced Carlie to wear a Mariners T shirt that he picked up at the store the day before. She's very girly and besides soccer, she has not interest in sports, but she didn't mind wearing the shirt, because she could tell how happy it made her daddy.

I made a bunch of snacks for them, and then Vanessa and I went into the other room to watch a chick flick on TV.

"Bella, I think you need to come out here for a minute." Jasper said to me unexpectedly as he popped his head in the room that Vanessa and I were sitting in.

"Ok, sure." I followed Jasper out to the living room where Carlie and the guys were.

"Hey Bella." Edward said then got up and hugged me.

"Hey." I said and hugged him back. It was a strange awkward hug and the whole thing confused me.

"Can you believe that they put Carlie in the Mariners shirt? I swear they are seriously delusional." Edward said confusing me even more.

"Edward, is everything Ok?" I asked him. He looked at me strangely.

"Tony…was worried about how you were feeling after what happened with Caius at work." Jake said and looked at me sympathetically.

I looked at 'Tony' full of fear and uncertainty, and I felt a sense of loss knowing that Edward had disappeared again.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Tony asked me concerned.

"Noh...nothing." I said in a shaky voice.

"I didn't even realize that everyone was coming over tonight for the game, I must have fallen asleep after…we got home." He said to me suggestively. Apparently the last thing he remembered was us making love after he saved me from Caius.

I loved Tony, but losing Edward was extremely difficult.

I grabbed Tony's hand quickly and dragged him upstairs to my room so I could tell him exactly what's been going on.

"So I've been Edward for a few days? That's…odd."

"Yeah, well it's been confusing." I told him honestly.

"And you really want me to get shock treatment?" He asked in disbelief.

"No…but Edward does." I said. It was just easier referring to each of his separate periods of memory by their different names. It was almost as if he was having multiple personality disorder, except I knew that he wasn't. The doctor explained that his mind would continue to fire off different memory spans, and I was just actually really lucky that he went right back to where Tony left off.

"Well what if I don't?" Tony asked.

I really didn't know how to answer that. If Tony didn't want the treatment, but Edward did, how would they ever decide what to do?

Tony and I picked right up where we were the day I got fired and sexually harassed. He was still considering whether or not he wanted to get the procedure, but we decided to keep his appointment just in case.

He didn't move any of his things out of the guest room, but he slept upstairs with me and still planned on selling his condo to move in with us officially, which we were all pretty excited about.

"Are you going in to work?" I asked him as he came out from the bathroom dressed in one of his suits and his hair combed perfectly in an unlike Edward way.

"Yeah, well I haven't been in over a week. They're going to start to wonder what the hell happened to me."

"Oh my god, that reminds me, Heidi called while _Edward _was here."

"Why?" He asked confused.

"I don't know, you refused to answer it." I told him.

"Huh? Well I'll call her back later." He told me then grabbed the back of my head and gently pulled me into a kiss. "I won't be late."

"Ok, I'll see you later."

"I love you." He said while looking deep into my eyes.

I smiled. "I love you too." He kissed me again before leaving.

I hated staying home while everyone left, but most of all I hated being away from Him. But just not knowing what was going to happen with Him, or where his mind will take him and when, was almost too much to handle.

He came home from work a few hours later.

"Wow, that was quick." I said to him as he walked in through the door.

"Yeah, there isn't much going on there, and I'd rather just be here with you." He said with a smirk.

"Well I'd rather you be here with me too." I said then wrapped my arms around his neck and locking my lips to his.

We spent the rest of the afternoon in bed and I couldn't imagine a better way to spend my day. That week went by quickly, Tony and I became even closer and though I missed Edward, I was happy with Tony.

"So I was thinking we should go out tonight, Vanessa said she'd babysit." Tony said one morning.

"Yeah, were do you want to go?"

"It's a surprise." He said.

"Ugh, I hate surprises." I complained.

"Yeah, but this is a good one." He said with his crooked smile.

Tony said I had to wear a dress. Great. So I borrowed a dress from Rose and got ready for his big surprise outing. The tight black knee length dress was a little big for me because Rose's boobs are huge and her hips are slightly wider, but I pinned it in so no one would notice and Vanessa came to help me with my hair. She put it up in a loose French twist, and covered me in hairspray and perfume.

I walked down the stairs carefully from wearing such high heels, but I almost lost my balance anyway when I saw Tony waiting for me at the bottom. He was just so beautiful in his dress suit, it was like prom all over again, except his hair was wilder then.

"Ok, so where on Earth are we going?" I said after he kissed me and told me how beautiful I was.

"Nope, not going to tell you, it's a surprise."

I continued to ask him all the way until he pulled into a parking lot. We were in the middle of the city and though I recognized the area, I still didn't know where we were going. He ran around the car and opened the door for me, before taking my hand and leading me out of the lot and up the street.

"The Seattle Opera house?" I asked him confused as he pulled us to a stop in front of the building.

"Yeah, I thought it would be a nice change from night clubs, lunch in little cafés, and watching Dragon Tales with Carlie." He said with a light chuckle.

"I've never been to an Opera." I said feeling kind of embarrassed.

"If this isn't something you'd be interested in, we can go somewhere else."

"No, no, I think this is really neat."

We went inside and took our seats as the orchestra played softly in the background. The room was so large and the gold sculpted detail on the walls and ceiling, was completely breathtaking. Everyone was dressed up in their finest pearls and furs, and ties, and even though I was wearing a fancier dress than I had worn since prom, I was feeling a little self conscious and underdressed.

"Stop being nervous, you look amazing." He whispered to me. I couldn't help but smile at how well he knew me already, even though he's only 'known' me for several months.

I tried to distract myself so I could relax a bit, so I opened the program and started reading over the names which I knew I wouldn't recognize. But as I was reading, I was stunned when I came across a name that I knew all too well.

_Musical Score composed by Anthony Williams Jr._

"You composed this Opera?" I asked in a surprised awed way.

"Yeah. This Opera is from New York, it's only in town for a few weeks, so I wanted you to see it."

"Oh my god, Tony this is incredible." I told him as the lights started to darken.

The opera lasted three hours and I was completely emotionally engrossed every second of it. I wasn't sure what the actual opera was about, but hearing Tony's music was one of the most amazing experiences, and I could have sat there all night just listening.

"So what'd you think?" He asked when the lights came back up.

"That was truly amazing." I said honestly.

"You really liked it?" He asked with a wide smile.

"I've never heard anything more beautiful in all my life."

"I'm glad. Hey, I'm going to go say hi to the conductor, would you like me to introduce you?"

"Sure."

After we left the opera house, we went to eat at a swanky Italian restaurant where he ordered expensive wine and chocolate covered strawberries for desert. It was all very romantic and we ended the night with some more private romance of our own.

Every day for the rest of the week, he'd go to work in the morning, then come back with a single red rose for me, and a pink one for Carlie. Every second I spent with him, I found myself falling harder and harder in love with him. He was sweet, romantic, and he did the dishes, it was harder to imagine someone more perfect than him.

But the coming week brought Edward back with it. It was strange, Tony and I were just sitting on the couch watching a movie, and I could almost feel the moment when his brain skipped.

I turned to look at him, and I could see it in his eyes before he even had a chance to say anything.

"What happened to the Mariners game?" He asked after a moment of looking around confused.

"That was almost two weeks ago." I said quietly.

Edward knew exactly what I meant by that, so he pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes almost as if he was trying to fight off some form of physical pain.

"Edward? Everything is going to be Ok." I told him as I wrapped my arms around his neck and rubbed my hand up and down his back.

"Yeah it will, as soon as I get that procedure."

"Well that may be a problem."

"Why?" He asked worried.

"Well because the other you doesn't want it." I said mechanically.

"Well fuck him." He said angrily. "This is my life and I want it back."

"But Edward, you've were only here for a few days last time, and you've been gone for a couple weeks. You may not have a choice."

"Well I'll just have to make sure I stay longer this time." He said confidently.

"It's just that easy huh?" I asked him with a smile.

"Yep."

I hated being in love with both of them, because no matter who I was with, I always missed the other. Edward was more passionate and intense with me, and he even managed to be jealous of himself.

"So have you been fucking him?" Edward always thought of Tony as a completely different person and referred to him as so. And he absolutely hated him. Where Tony thought of Edward as just a part of himself that he couldn't remember.

"Edward." I said in a scolding, embarrassed way.

"What? It's just a simple question."

"He is You, so why are you sounding like you're accusing me of cheating on you?"

"Hey, I never said that. I just want to know if you have been having sex with him."

"If by saying 'him' you mean _you_, then yes." I said with more attitude than I intended.

He sat there quiet for a few long moments. "Is he better than me?"

"For crying out loud Edward. He is you!" I was actually getting a little angry with him, but then I pushed those feelings away quickly. I had to remind myself that Edward still had that nineteen year old mentality and jealousy was a big issue with him.

"I just don't get it. How could you even like him like that, he's so pompous and annoying."

"Oh yeah, and how would you know that?" I asked him becoming amused despite myself.

"Oh come on, I know his type. Perfect fucking suits all buttoned up with his tie tied up way too tight. Not a hair out of place, and obsessed with shinning his tacky patent leather shoes all the time. Completely boring and predictable."

"Yeah, you always have hated those perfect types of guys." I said sarcastically. "But you're not perfect, not as him or as you."

"Oh I bet I could show you perfect." He said jokingly before tackling me over and kissing me forcefully while I laughed into his lips.

We went out with Angela and Ben that weekend, and it felt so amazing having a completely fun and peaceful evening with Edward. It seemed as though before we always ran into trouble in one way or another, so this was a welcome change.

We all laughed and reminisced about our high school days, which were much more recent in Edward's memory than in ours. Edward and I snuck off to be alone a few times, and had sex in the bathroom, for old times' sake. With Edward, there was no waiting when it came to sex; anytime, anywhere, we could always find a place to be alone. It wasn't a desire, it was an intense need, one that couldn't be put off until we got home the way it could when I was with Tony.

Edward said that he was going to stay until the procedure, so he could make sure he got it, and he actually did. He was with us all week, and finally the day came.

We both said goodbye to Carlie and we told her that we loved her. But Edward had a hard time leaving her because though he'd never admit it, I knew he was scared that he'd never see her again.

Carlisle and Esme were coming with us to California so I wouldn't have to wait alone, and I was so glad that they were, I was sure that I'd go crazy without them.

We arrived at Stanford Hospital in the late morning, and Edward became increasingly quiet the closer we walked to the wing of the hospital where the procedure would take place.

"Well now, if it isn't my favorite patient ever, Edward Cullen how are you doing son?" A doctor said while putting out his hand for Edward to shake.

"Dr. Eleazar, what are you doing here?" Edward asked him while shaking his hand.

"Well, things got too cold up there in Alaska, so what better place to go than to sunny California." The doctor told him. "Carlisle, Esme, wonderful to see the two of you as well."

"Yes Eleazar, it's been too long my friend." Carlisle responded.

"And this must be Bella?" The doctor asked Edward tentatively.

"Yes this is Bella. Bella this is Dr. Eleazar, he was my physiologist at the loony bin in Alaska." Edward introduced us.

"Wow, I do have to say, that those sketches you used to do are exact." The doctor said while looking at my face.

"Dad, you need to stop hogging my patient." A woman said to the Doctor with a warm smile.

"Edward, you remember my daughter Kate?"

"Yeah, of course….Is your sister around?" Edward asked almost as if he was worried.

"No, Tanya is still in Alaska, so you're safe." She joked.

"But I'm here, how are you doing man?" A man with sandy colored hair said as he came up from behind Kate and wrapped his arms around her.

"Garrett, good to see you." Edward greeted him.

"Ok, well if we keep standing here and gabbing like this, we're going to lose our time slot with the machine. Are you ready?" Kate asked Edward.

"So, you're doing the procedure?"

"Yeah, is that Ok?" She asked him.

"Yeah totally. So what are the chances that you're just going to completely fry my brain?" Edward said in a joking manner.

"This procedure is still in its experimental stage, but I haven't lost a patient yet." She joked back at him. "Now this is not a barbaric procedure like it used to be, you will be completely put to sleep and feel nothing. Now with most of my patients so far, they have all gotten their memories back almost immediately. But don't worry if that is not the case for you, every mind works differently so this is just one of those wait and see kind of things."

"Cool, let's do it." Edward said eagerly.

"Edward." I whispered as the gravity of the situation took full force on me.

He turned to look at me then wrapped me in his arms. "It's OK Love, everything will be fine, you'll see." He said softly.

"I can't lose you again." I said with tears streaming down my face.

"You won't, I promise." He said with conviction as he looked deeply into my eyes.

He kissed me passionately, before giving my one last parting look and leaving with Kate and her father.

I felt like I was going to be sick, my life was hanging in the balance right along with his, and I knew for a fact that if he were to _really _die, I would too. I loved Tony very much, and was happy with him, but Edward was my entire soul and I needed him more than anything. And my only peace in all this came from the idea that Tony and Edward could finally be one.

***Please Review. One or two chapters left…I think ;-) ***


	38. Ch 37 Three Words

**Moon Scars**

A/N: _Please understand that I am well aware that shock treatment does not really cure memory loss. I also know that people don't wake up and become fully functional after being declared brain dead. These aspects of the story were not added with ignorance or a lack of research. This story is_ fiction_, and I felt it was necessary for the medical section to be fantasized in order for the plot to go where I intended on taking it. Thanks for your time._

Ch 37 – _Three Words_

…..

Every minute that passed felt like an hour, and every hour felt like a day.

"I just checked on him, they said it'll be another fifteen minutes at least." Carlisle said.

"What is taking so long? I thought this was going to be a simple in and out procedure." Esme asked him frustrated.

"The brain is a very complex organ. They're basically using a computer to electrically charge different parts of his brain in hopes that the shock will promote healing. They are going slowly and taking their time so they can make sure that they only shock the parts of the brain which are damaged." Carlisle explained.

I started absently rocking back and forth in my chair, and I couldn't stop shaking. I told myself that I could handle whatever state of mind he was in when he woke up, as long as he did wake up.

"Bella honey, he's going to be Ok." Esme said in a soothing tone.

"But what if they are making him brain dead as we speak, and I'm just sitting out here letting them do it?" I started crying again.

"Shh, Honey you can't think like that. Edward needs you to stay positive." She tried to calm me.

"I just can't lose him again." I said through my crying hysterics.

"I know honey, I know." She whispered to me as she hugged me securely. Esme was truly an amazing person. She was so much more motherly and caring to me than my own mother. If there was ever a woman who was born to be a mom, it's Esme, and yet she had no biological children of her own.

They said fifteen minutes, but after another hour passed, Kate finally came out to talk to us. I hadn't been that afraid since losing Edward all those years ago, and the expression on Kate's face just added to it.

"Well, I have to admit, this has been my most difficult case yet. There was much more brain damage then I was able to see on the CAT scan, so that's why it was taking so long. In fact, I'm surprised he was able to function so highly for so long with the amount of damage that I found. And I'm both sorry and relieved to tell you that this procedure was actually necessary."

"What do you mean by that?" Carlisle asked.

"His brain wasn't just misfiring, it was actually deteriorating and if left untreated, it would have shut down completely." Kate explained.

"So how is he?" I asked anxiously.

"Well he's still unconscious right now so they've moved him into recovery. Everything looks good so far but we'll have to wait until he wakes up to know for sure."

"But he has healthy brain activity?" Carlisle asked concerned.

"Yes, the monitors are reading a lot of activity; in fact I wouldn't be surprised if he was regaining memories as we speak." Kate said with a reassuring smile. "He should be awake soon. I'm only allowed to let family in to the recovery room to see him." She said while looking at me. "I'm sorry, but unless you're married it's against the rules of the hospital. Esme and Carlisle, you are his legal parents so you can come in."

"Kate, I'm sorry but Bella needs to be able to go in there as well. Edward would want her to; in fact she's probably the only person he would want to see." Carlisle told her.

"I completely understand, I'll go talk to the chief of staff and see what we can do." Kate said with a smile.

Kate came back ten minutes later. "Ok, you have permission to go to the recovery room, all three of you. It's a good thing the chief of staff is an old friend of yours Carlisle." She said with a wink, and then led the way to where Edward was.

The closer I got to the room, the more fear overflowed into my gut. The last time I saw Edward unconscious in a hospital bed, he looked more like death and I didn't see him again until I ran into him as 'Tony'. I really didn't know how I would be able to handle seeing him like that again, I just needed to find a way to hold it together and stay strong, because that's what Edward needed.

We walked into the room, and I was actually surprised at how good he looked. There were no tubes, no obnoxious buzzing noises, and no hideous beeping. There were however, white stickers on either side of his temple, which seemed to be measuring brain waves. But besides that, he just looked like he was healthy and sleeping peacefully.

I sat on one side of him, and Esme sat on the other while Carlisle let his doctor side come out, and he started looking over all of Edward's charts and readings.

"These look very very promising." Carlisle said in a pleased tone.

"When is he going to wake up?" Esme asked him.

"Soon, it could be anytime actually."

I just sat there and held his hand, unable to speak. I knew that if I said anything at that moment, then all of my fear and stress would come pouring out in complete hysterics.

Then his fingers twitched.

Followed by a light squeezing of my hand.

"Edward?" I asked desperately. "Edward, can you hear me?"

"Edward, try and open your eyes son." Carlisle told him.

A slight moan escaped his lips, before he said my name no louder than a breath.

"Edward, I'm here. Open your eyes baby." I said to him quietly.

"Huhgh?" He said in a half moan, half 'huh'.

Slowly his lids lifted and his eyes wheeled looking for me, or just trying to remember where he was.

"How are you feeling, son?" Carlisle asked him, but Edward just looked even more confused.

"I'll go get Kate." Esme said and hurried out of the room.

Edward moved his head to the side and locked his eyes to mine. "Bella?"

"Yeah, I'm right here baby." I told him softly as the tears fell down my cheeks. He was alive, and Ok, and he knew my name, that's all that really mattered in that moment.

"Where are we?" He asked with a groggy voice.

"It's perfectly normal for him to be confused in the beginning." Kate said as she walked in the room.

"Edward, how are you feeling, are you in any pain?" Kate asked him.

"Yeah, my head is killing me." He said while raising the hand that Esme was holding up to his temple. "What's this?" He asked as he felt the sensors there.

"They just measure brain activity." Kate told him.

"Oh…so I had that shocky thing done? Did it work?"

"Tony?" I asked reservedly. I had no idea how I knew, but I just did.

"Yeah." He said.

"Kate can I speak to you outside please?" Carlisle asked her.

"Of course."

"Well, I'll give you two some privacy." Esme said with a nervous smile before leaving the room also.

"So besides the headache, how do you feel?" I asked him cautiously.

"Uh, fine…I think. A little tired."

"Yeah. The doctor said that you would be for a few days."

"So how long is it supposed to take until I can remember being Edward?" He asked me.

"She said it was usually immediate." I said feeling concerned and relieved at the same time. "I'm sorry about all this; I can imagine how you must be feeling right now. I know you weren't sure if you wanted to have this done, so I'm sorry."

"No, I decided to go through with it, so it's cool. But I still don't remember anything more than before."

"Ok, so let's take a look." Kate came back into the room with Carlisle, and looked over the print out of his brain waves. "Everything looks really good….maybe it'll just take some more time for the memories to come back to you."

Edward spent the night in the hospital so they could monitor him, and Esme, Carlisle and I went to a hotel. I would have slept in that chair next to him, but I wasn't allowed to stay because we weren't married. The three of us went back to the hospital first thing in the morning, and we all hoped for some kind of progress, but there wasn't any.

"Well, I'd like you to come back in six months and perhaps we can do a repeat procedure if necessary." Kate said before signing his release papers.

Over the next couple of weeks, we lived on edge wondering if Tony would get any new memories, or if Edward would comeback like before, but he never did.

"Do you miss him?" Tony asked me one night after we put Carlie to bed.

"Who?" I asked.

"Edward. I know you were happy when his life was all I could remember, but now I can't remember him at all."

"I don't really know how to answer that." I told him honestly.

"Bella, I wish I could be him for you, I wish I could remember. So I talked to Kate on the phone yesterday, and she said I could make another appointment for a second procedure."

I took a deep breath before answering him. "I don't want you to do that, it's just too dangerous. But it seems as though you don't have to worry about your mind jumping anymore. At least the procedure stabilized you and stopped the deterioration of your brain…So it was a success right?" I said trying to sound positive, but then I had to get up and go to another room. I just didn't want Tony to see me break down because he was here permanently and not Edward.

Life seemed to settle in a routine after that. Tony sold his condo and moved in with us officially, and Carlie couldn't have been happier. Vanessa took her share of Anthony's estate and she and Jacob bought a house of their own. It was on the next street over and directly behind ours, so we knocked down the fence that separated our backyards and it was like we were still living together. Carlie loved running between the two houses, and she claimed the whole combined backyard as her own.

Jake and Vanessa still ate dinner over practically every night, because neither of them could cook, but I was happy to have them.

Jake and Tony still had a similar relationship as before, they still argued over teams, but now it was football instead of baseball.

"Seahawks are way better than the stupid Giants." Jake would tell him.

"Whatever, you are completely delusional." Tony would say back to him. "Doesn't the Seahawk's lack of talent and unwillingness to pay for a decent coach offend you as a fan?" Tony said mockingly.

"You are the one who'd be offended if you could remember actually being Edward."

"I am Edward; it says so on my license. Do you want me to show you?" Tony said while pulling his wallet out. Even though he still went by Tony, his legal name was Edward Anthony Mason Cullen.

Later that night, after Jake and Vanessa went home; Tony had something he wanted to discuss with me.

"So, I was thinking."

"Uh Oh." I teased him and he smirked at me.

"Maybe I should go by 'Edward' instead of 'Tony'." He said taking me by surprise.

"And why would you do that?" I asked him confused.

"Well because that is my real name, and this whole thing about going by my middle name is just kind of stupid."

"All of your colleagues and people in the music world know you as Tony or Anthony." I reminded him.

"Yeah, well maybe 'Tony Williams' can be my stage name." He said with a wink.

"But you always hated when people called you Edward before."

"Well it's just something I'll have to get used to, that's all."

"I don't know. I mean of course it's your decision, but I may be a little strange to call you Edward." I told him.

"Why?"

"Because you're so different now than you were when you went by that name before."

"Tell me how different I am, and maybe I can work on becoming more like I was before."

"Tony, why do you want this all of a sudden?" I asked him knowing it wasn't something he would actually want himself.

"What? I just think that it makes sense."

I looked at him not believing his answer, so he sighed and gave it to me straight.

"I love you more than anything, and I just want you to be happy. You've been different since the procedure, distant, and I just want to give you what I know you need…him. If I could make all my memories now disappear to bring you back his, I would in a heartbeat."

"Tony, I love you. And yes, I miss Edward, but that doesn't mean I want you to disappear either. I just wish the procedure worked and you could remember both lives."

"I can have it done again." He said with a grin knowing I'd say no.

"I think one brain frying is enough for a lifetime." I joked.

"Hey let's go out tonight, just something simple, dinner and a movie."

"Wow that is simple." I said almost impressed. Dinner and a movie wasn't usually Tony's style, it was more something Edward would pick to do.

"Well I figured, why not." He said with a smile.

We got half way through dinner when suddenly I felt very sick; I went to the bathroom and threw up violently.

"Are you Ok?" He asked me concerned when I came back to the table.

"Yeah, I must have just eaten something that didn't agree with me, that's all. I actually feel better already." I didn't touch the rest of my meal, and I just sat there in a daze as I tried to remember the last time I had my period.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

"So much has been going on lately and I've been so distracted, that I completely neglected the fact that I haven't had a period in probably a couple months." I said slowly.

Tony just sat there quietly for a few minutes trying to let it sink in what I was telling him. "So you think you're pregnant?" He asked finally.

I shrugged. "It's not like we've been using any protection or anything." I said only just realizing the fact.

"Uh, yeah I guess. I didn't even think to ask if you were on any form of birth control." He said calmly.

"Well I was on the pill before, but you were dead and I wasn't about to have sex with anyone else, so I stopped taking them." I explained. "I'm sorry, I never even thought about it until now."

He looked at me for a few more long moments, before pulling out his wallet and throwing a hundred dollar bill on the table. He grabbed my hand, and practically dragged me out the door.

"Uh, what about the change?" I asked even though we were already outside. He opened the door of the car for me and I got in quickly.

"Where are we going?" I asked as he sped away.

"I just want to know." He said, and then he pulled into a nearby drugstore.

"Ok." I started to get out of the car, when he stopped me.

"I'll get it, love." He said taking me by surprise. It wasn't the fact that he was getting me a pregnancy test that surprised me; it was the fact that he called me 'love'. I never heard Tony use that word for me, but it was something that Edward called me often.

He was back in less than five minutes with a brown bag in hand. We went home and I took out the strange white stick to read the directions. I never took a pregnancy test before; I found out I was pregnant with Carlie after fainting and waking up in a hospital.

"It says I should wait until morning." I told Tony.

"Well there's two right? So take one now, and the other in the morning." He said anxiously.

I laughed once to myself from the impatience to his voice, also an Edward trait; Tony was usually calm and collected.

I took the test and placed on the counter to wait the three minutes that the directions said it needed, but before I could even leave the bathroom, the stick already was turning pick with a plus sign.

"It's positive." I told him emotionlessly.

Maybe he could hear the lack of enthusiasm in my voice, or maybe he was feeling just as numb as I was, but he just stared at me blankly.

I couldn't make myself feel right about it, there was no excitement or even nervousness. I just really didn't feel anything. I used to lay awake at night and think about the children Edward and I would have had together if he never died, but I just couldn't wrap my head around it in that moment. Perhaps it was because so much had happened and I was just still overwhelmed by it all, or it might have been because I had Edward back briefly, but he was gone again and maybe I didn't want to have another baby without him.

"You're not happy?" Tony asked after a while of my awkward internal contemplating. He knew me way too well.

"It's just a lot to think about."

"Bella, I love you; and I want nothing more than to marry you, in fact I would have asked you already but I was hoping that I'd get some memories back first, because I really wanted it to be perfect for you. But I can't invent memories that just aren't there anymore, and I love you based on my own experience, not on something I can't remember in the past, so getting my memory back isn't as important to me. I only really want them because you want me to have them."

I turned my head away from him, but he gently guided my head back with his hand, until I was looking right at him again.

"I don't know how to bring Edward back to you, but I swear, I will keep trying every day of my life. I love you and there is nothing…_nothing_ I wouldn't do for you. I understand if you don't want to marry me, and I won't take it personally if you say no, but I'm just going to keep asking. Bella, will you marry me?"

I looked deep into his eyes and thought back to every moment that I shared with him, just him as Tony and leaving Edward completely out of it. I loved him from the beginning, and even though it was magical that he was alive and standing in front of me, my relationship with him was always much more real than my relationship with Edward ever was. Edward was like a dream, and our love was so much stronger than should have existed amongst mere mortals. It was a love that couldn't be contained, and would exist until the end of time.

But had Edward never existed, I probably would have been married to Jacob by now, and had I somehow managed to avoid making that mistake, I know I would have found Tony and we would have been together and blissfully happy. Edward was gone, maybe he never existed in the first place, but either way, I loved Tony and I needed to give him my whole heart, even if my soul would always be Edward's.

"Yes, I'll marry you." I smiled sincerely with all the love in _this_ world, and forced myself to let go and feel nothing but happiness.

He must have felt my love for him, because his face relaxed and became truly happy. He grabbed on to me and kissed me passionately. He said he wanted to ask me sooner, and I guess he wasn't kidding because he pulled a ring box out of his dresser drawer, then held it out for me and opened it.

It had to be the biggest ring I had ever seen in person. It was a round four carat flawless diamond in the center with other diamonds surrounding it. It was absolutely over the top, and absolutely Tony. He was a fancy kind of guy, and the ring matched his taste to the tee. Of course I could probably buy an island with what he paid for it, but I loved it because I loved him.

I told him we should just go to Vegas for a shotgun wedding, but he pushed me against a corner by calling Alice. She promised me she'd have a full wedding planned and ready in three months, but after going to the doctor, I found out I was already eleven weeks along, which would almost make me six months at the time of the wedding. Alice just rolled her eyes and said she'd find me a dress with an empire waist that would allow for a baby bump. Tony mentioned that we could go to city hall and have the big wedding after the baby was born, but that was just too similar to my wedding with Edward, and I'd never be able to handle that.

Tony was so excited about the baby, that he went to my appointments and bought a bunch of books to read about what to expect. He was always rubbing my stomach and kissing it, and he and Carlie would read it stories at night. It was actually very sweet.

I was out shopping for baby stuff with Rose and Vanessa, when I came across a familiar face, which made my heart leap out of my chest.

"Bella, hi, it's funny running in to you here."

"Heidi, uh, what are you doing in Washington?" I asked her as I eyed her enormous belly.

"Oh, strange enough, I just moved here. What are you doing here, are you shopping for a friend or something?" She asked because I wasn't really showing much yet.

"Nope, I'm here for me." I said forcing the words out and almost choking on them.

"I didn't realize that you were even seeing anyone….Oh, you and Tony are…?" She asked uncomfortably.

I felt sick, she had tried to call Tony a few months before, and he never called her back. She must have been calling to tell him about her pregnancy and didn't have a chance to, and she moved to the area to be closer to him. I was so stupid, I should have made Edward answer the phone that day, or maybe I should have answered it myself.

"Hey, sweetheart, who's your friend?" A man asked Heidi.

"Uh, Demetri, this is Bella, Bella, this is my husband Demetri." I looked at her stunned.

"Oh my god, when did you get married?" I asked her as a wave of relief washed over me.

"Uh, a few months ago. I know I look huge, but I'm only five months along. Demetri's father Marcus actually owns the company with Tony, that's how we met. We've been friends for a while but after Tony and I broke up, I ran into Demetri on my way out of town, and we just saw each other in a new light." She smiled and turned to him. "I must have gotten pregnant right away."

"Are you sure that it's not Tony's?" I asked, and then covered my mouth completely embarrassed and horrified that I said that. _What the hell was wrong with me?_ "I mean…I…I'm such an idiot, I can't believe I actually said that."

"Um honey, can I have a minute with Bella please?" She asked her husband.

"Sure." He said, and walked off.

"Bella, Tony and I haven't been intimate in almost a year, and even then, we never had sex without a condom. We've been growing apart for a while and the only reason why I called him recently, is because I know how he appreciates honesty and I didn't want him to hear about me and Demetri from anyone but me. I'll always care about Tony, he's a great guy, but he was just never the right guy for me…because he always belonged to you, even if he didn't know it. I'm really happy, and I know he is too. It was good seeing you again Bella, I hope to run into you again someday." She said with a smile and walked towards Demetri.

"Oh my god Bella, please say that woman isn't having my brother's baby too?" Vanessa asked me as she hurried to my side. Her and Rose had been on the opposite side of the store looking at cribs, and must have seen me talking to her.

"Nope, someone else put that bun in her oven." I said with a smile.

"Oh thank god. I don't think I could stand having her as the mother of one of my nieces or nephews." She said with a non-joking tone.

"Oh she's really not that bad. I think I actually like her." I told her. "Where's Rose, are you guys ready to go?"

"Yeah, she's just over there planning how she wants her future baby's room to be." Vanessa said with annoyance.

"What about you, when are you going to pop out a couple of muscular tanned babies?" I asked her with a smirk.

"I think I'm going to wait until I'm thirty." She said seriously.

"Oh, cool."

Time was going by quickly and before I knew it, we were traveling to Forks for our wedding. Alice decided that the wedding would be perfect to take place actually in the Cullen house. I hated the idea because I had never brought Tony there before and I thought it would make us both uncomfortable. I just couldn't imagine Tony in that house, or even in that town, but Alice was strangely insistent and Tony said he didn't care where we got married, as long as it was legal and binding.

My stomach was definitely showing, but I loved being pregnant, and from the moment that I decided to give Tony my entire heart, I couldn't have been more excited for our new coming addition.

"Hey Bella." Alice said three days before the wedding as I was getting a finial fitting for my dress.

"Yeah?" I said refusing to look in the mirror.

"I was thinking, maybe you should take Tony around town, show him where everything is and what-not."

"Uh, yeah, maybe." I said.

"No, not maybe, I think you should go right now." Alice said in a strange way.

"Alice, what's going on, what aren't you telling me?" I asked knowing Alice was hiding something.

"Ok fine. I had another dream about Edward again." She said quickly.

"What? When, what did he say?" I asked just as quick.

"Well the first dream was right after Tony called me and said that I should plan the wedding. Edward said in the dream that the wedding should be at the house. Bella, I even argued with him about it, but he said it was important. Then I dreamed about him last night too, he said that I needed to get you to take Tony around town, he said that you had to take him to your special place."

Alice didn't have to tell me twice, I've come to believe her dreams and trust them completely. So I went out to the garage where Jake was trying to explain to Tony how to fix car engines. Jake had stored his old rabbit in a far corner of the Cullen garage, and now he was trying to get it running again so he could drive it to his new house.

"Damn, you suck. You used to know more about this stuff than I did." Jake said frustrated.

"Sorry if I'm not mechanically competent." Tony said annoyed.

"Dude, I need your help. Are you seriously going to make me go ask Rose for help?" Jake whined.

"Sorry man. I just have no idea."

"Hey, do you want to go for a little sightseeing?" I asked Tony.

"Yeah, definitely." He said and followed me to the car.

I drove him by the high school, and the movie theater complex, and we even stopped by the police station and said hi to my dad. Charlie was trying to get to know Tony better, but it was difficult because Charlie just didn't have much to say and he was uncomfortable with the whole situation. After leaving there, I reluctantly drove to the last place on my list of 'must sees'.

"Where are we now?" He asked as I turned off the car right in front of where the dirt path started.

"This used to be our favorite place to meet. It's a little bit of a hike though." I said while eyeing his polo shirt and slacks.

"Hey, I'm not the one pregnant; if you can do it, I'm sure I'll be fine." He said with his crooked smile.

We walked slowly, it had been years since the last time I was there, and had Alice not told me that Edward wanted me to go there, I'd probably never go back and I'd definitely never bring Tony. I had no idea what I was hoping to accomplish by taking him there, perhaps a sense of peace or maybe closure, but it didn't matter, I trusted Alice.

"Wow, this is amazing." Tony said as he walked into the meadow.

"Yeah this was our special place. This is where we fell in love." I told him while looking around the magical meadow where I used to be sure that miracles were made.

He was quiet while he looked around, then suddenly he ran to the opposite side of the meadow and reached for something in a hole of a tree. I was completely surprised when he pulled out a leather bound notebook.

I looked at him questionably, but he didn't look back at me, instead he opened the book and started looking through it.

"I used to dream about this." He said quietly without lifting his eyes to meet mine. "Every night. It used to haunt me because I'd always wake up before I could look inside this book."

"What is it?" I asked him.

"You." He said while finally looking at me. He walked back over at me and handed me the book. I opened it and saw not only sketches, but also photographs, and pages and pages of poetry, all entitled '_Bella_'.

I couldn't stop from crying while I studied each page.

"I think I was a little obsessed with you." He said with a light laugh.

"Yeah, I think it was mutual." I said while wiping my tears with my sleeve.

"Nah, I was way further gone than you could possibly imagine." He said stunning me into complete silence. I looked up at him, and he was looking into the distance but seeming to see nothing, as if he was lost in thought, or perhaps a _memory_.

"I used to come here and sketch for hours, but it wasn't because I wanted to, it was a simple need, as important as drinking water, or breathing. I knew I'd go crazy if I didn't get the images out of my head."

"Edward?" I asked him, but he didn't respond in any way, he just continued.

"I used to sneak in your room at night, long before you started leaving your window open for me." He smiled at the memory. "And when you would go to work at that Newton store, I used to sit outside in the parking lot and just wait to make sure you made it to your car at night safely." He looked at me briefly. "You should have really gotten a restraining order or something; I was a complete stalker. I actually feel really bad for Charlie, if some punk ass idiot ever comes snooping around Carlie like that, I would have to kill him for sure."

I smiled at him. "No you wouldn't."

He laughed once. "Just wait."

"Edward, how long are you going to be here this time, it's been months?" I asked, afraid to close the distance in between us because he could disappear on me just as quick. "I'm pregnant, we're getting married. I didn't think you were going to ever come back."

"I'm not back…and I'm not going anywhere either." He said confusing me. "This meadow isn't magic Bella, the magic comes from you. I never sketched a day in my life before you, or wrote poetry, or hell even wrote music. I played the guitar and piano, but the songs I tried to write were shit. I sure as hell couldn't sketch when I couldn't picture your face anymore. And all of the songs I composed in New York were all about longing and pain, because that's all I felt without you and had no idea why."

Ok, now he was sounding like Tony again, I was just so confused. "I don't understand."

"I've felt so lost, all of my life, even after being with you because I was scared shitless of the way I felt. But I don't feel like that right now, and I know I never will again."

"What are you saying?" I asked him desperately.

"I'm saying that I love you, but because you loved me in return, I was saved. You saved me when I was seventeen, you saved me when I was lost in my grandfather's maze of lies, and you saved me by not turning away even with how big of an ass I was, or how much I pushed you away over and over again. And you're still here, still saving me by loving me no matter what."

Then he said the _three words_ that I've been waiting to hear him say, since I first ran into Tony. "I remember everything."

I had to remind myself to breath after that and if I wasn't pregnant, I would have allowed myself to collapse from the dizziness of the moment.

"Everything?" I asked in only a whisper.

"Everything from my wonderful childhood," he said sarcastically, "to the day when my life really began here with you. I used to live for this time here, this time when I was truly happy for the first time in my life. I remember hating every freaking guy that would look your way, and I hated Jacob the most." He said with a smirk. "I screwed with you so much that I can't understand for the life of me how you could possibly still love me. I remember that fucking party where I got stoned out of my mind and hurt you in that disgusting way…" I shook my head at him, so he skipped that part.

"I remember my time in the loony bin, and after when I was with Vanessa and my mother at Anthony's vineyard. And I remember coming home and getting the most amazing gift I could ever imagine. You and my baby. And I remember the day everything came crashing down. That stupid fucking bastard James, and what he did to you. I've never been more afraid in all my life, than watching you bleed uncontrollably."

"As you were bleeding uncontrollably." I interrupted him.

"I didn't feel it, I must have been numb or in shock or something. But when Carlisle showed up, I knew he'd save you, so I guess I stopped fighting it. I just got dizzy and blacked out. Everything was confusing when I woke up. I had no idea where I was, or how I got there. But even after I accepted the life that Anthony made up for me, it always felt wrong. Bella I'm so sorry that I wasn't here for you, and I'm so sorry about the way I acted when I found out the truth."

I shook my head at him again, and I stepped forward to put my finger on his lips.

"None of that matters anymore; all that matters is that you're really home now, forever." I told him feeling so many emotions that it was hard to decipher between them.

"I thought we agreed no forevers." He said with a smirk.

"For always then." I said, and then bit my bottom lip.

"Don't do that." He gently pulled my lip out from my teeth with his thumb. "Chances are that you'll slip and bite right through your beautiful lip." He spoke so softly that it was just a murmur.

"Am I really that clumsy that I'd fall when I was just standing still?" I asked almost as quietly. He stared at me so intensely deep, and his magnetic pull on my body and soul was so overpowering that I actually got dizzy and stumbled a bit, but he caught me in his arms.

He laughed softly "Yes." He answered my question.

I looked at him as he held me up, and the fire burning between us was so unbearably hot that I knew the only relief would come from attaching myself to him in every way possible. It was a matter of life and death, and we would both disappear into nothingness if we waited any longer to be connected physically. There were no more decisions to be made, no more pain or heartache to be felt, there was absolutely nothing in the world at that moment, besides the two of us.

…

*** I hope this reunion was everything you hoped it would be. Nothing but a 'Happily Ever After' chapter left. Please Review and I'll post the last chapter soon.***


	39. Ch 38 Resolution

**Moon Scars**

Ch 38 – Resolution

…

We held each other and made love until the sun got too low in the sky for us to be out any longer.

"We should get going." He whispered to me as I laid with my head on his chest in perfect harmonious ecstasy.

"No" I protested the idea. "I don't want to move."

"We have to because if we don't, we'll be stranded up on this mountain all night."

"And what's the problem with that?" I asked seriously, but he laughed at me.

"Well did you bring any snacks, cause I'm starving?"

"No, you were the one who always brought the pretzels."

"Sorry, I must have _forgotten_." He joked.

"That's really not funny." I said then turned my head to kiss his bare chest.

"You are really going to get us in trouble." He said while my kisses traveled up to his neck.

"I'll take my chances."

He laughed a few times then rolled us both over so he was back on top, but he held his weight off of me so he wouldn't be too heavy.

"You know you are just as horny as ever." He said with his lips so close to mine that they were practically touching.

"Only when it comes to you." I said and lifted my head slightly so I could kiss him.

He slowly started rocking into me, because we were still connected from the last time, and it wasn't long until we were both coming for the third or fourth time. Or were we up to five yet, I sort of lost count? When we were both temporarily satisfied enough for the moment, he pulled out and started getting dressed.

"No, come back" I whined as I laid there unwilling to move.

"We really have to go Love, it's getting late." He said while trying not to laugh.

"You just don't want me anymore because I'm fat, huh?" I joked tactlessly.

He bent back over me and got right back in my face. "Yeah you cow, you completely disgust me." He said softly, and then forced my lips apart with his to allow an entrance for his tongue. We kissed for a few more minutes, before he pulled away again, and finished getting dressed. I didn't move because I was too entranced in watching him dress himself in all his glorious perfection.

"Babe." He said after he put on his shoes.

"Ok, ok." I said and got up to dress myself. When it came to the point where I was putting on my shoes, he grabbed my feet and tied the laces for me. "Uh, thanks."

He smiled. "This is just going to get harder and harder for you."

"I never had a problem with it before." I rebutted.

"Yeah well the last time you were pregnant, you were a spry seventeen year old." He teased.

"Right, as opposed to the ancient twenty five year old that I am now."

"You're so old…is that a gray hair?" He couldn't keep a straight face as he said that.

"You're older than me." I told him, but he just smirked.

He finally convinced me to finish getting dressed and as we were about to step out of the meadow and into the surrounding forest, I froze.

"What's wrong?" He asked concerned.

"Are you going to disappear on me as soon as we leave here like you used to?"

"Nothing in life is certain, so let's just try it and see." He smiled at me crookedly.

"I'm not going to take you back again." I told him with a straight face. "If you ditch me again, then you are on your own."

"Really?" He asked while raising one of his eyebrows, completely calling my bluff.

I glared at him briefly. "No not really, you know I'll always take you back no matter what." I said with a sorrow filled smile.

He smiled back at me, and then looked nervously out at the trees beyond the meadow. "Well there's really only one way to know for sure if I'm still going to be here after we leave."

"Oh yeah, what's that?" I asked him locking my feet in place, refusing to take another step.

"We just need to try it and see." He said with a grin and before I could protest, he scooped me into his arms and ran us out of the meadow. "See, still me." He continued to walk while carrying me.

"You can put me down now." I said feeling happier than I ever had in my entire life.

"Do you really want me to?"

"No, but there is no way you're going to be able to walk all the way carrying me."

"I bet I could."

"Yes, but you would probably be sore tomorrow, and I need you feeling your best."

"And why's that?"

"So you can make love to me all day again."

"You know, I'm much more likely to get sore from that, then from carrying you like this."

"Oh well I'm sorry that fucking me causes you pain." I said pretending to be offended.

"Don't worry babe, it's a good pain." He said and kissed me passionately before setting me back on my feet.

We got to the car and drove back home just as the sky turned to dark shades of purples and blues. Even though I drove there, Edward drove home and I spent the entire trip holding on to his right arm and kissing his neck and shoulder. It didn't matter that we had spent the majority of the day having sex, I just couldn't get enough of him and I knew for a fact that I never would.

"Hey, where the hell have you two been, we were about to send out a search party for you." Emmet said as we got out of the car.

"Hey Emmet, I have an idea." Edward said enthusiastically.

"What?"

"Mind your own fucking business." Edward told him annoyed.

"Holy fucking shit, welcome back bro." Emmet must have realized that Tony wouldn't have said that to him. He put out his hand to greet him as if they hadn't seen each other in a long time.

"Thanks man." Edward said in a lighter tone and slapped Emmet's hand and they did an awkward half hug thing.

We walked in the house and everyone was sitting around going over last minute wedding plans and just relaxing together casually. Alice looked over at us first and she smiled widely and ran over to us and hugging Edward tightly. She didn't need an explanation, she knew he was back for good and she was so excited.

"I knew you'd be here in time." She said with the biggest smile I had ever seen on her face.

"What's going on?" Bree asked.

"Edward's back." Emmet said cheerfully.

The emotional climate in the room completely changed into one of a jovial celebration as Vanessa and all the Cullens practically tackled Edward to the ground.

"Welcome back Son." Carlisle managed to say finally after the huddle receded.

"Thanks Dad." He said sincerely.

"Oh, come here you." Esme said while grabbing him into a one on one hug. "Don't you ever leave like that again." She scolded him.

"Sorry Mom." He said quietly and she just squeezed him tighter and cried happily.

"Why is grandma crying?" Carlie asked me while watching them.

"She's just really happy." I told her.

We spent the next day all together, catching up, and just feeling a sense of completeness which we never felt entirely before. I wanted to be selfish with him and keep him locked in our room all day, but I figured that we still had all night, and our honeymoon was quickly approaching where we'll get do stay connected for as long as we want.

Edward took some time out to fix Jake's car, and Jake took that time to grill him a little. Bree and I refused to leave Edward for a minute so we were privileged to the annoyingly wonderful banter between them.

"Jacob, this is so fucking easy, why the hell can't you do this crap yourself." Edward said as he fiddled with the engine.

"Hey you couldn't do it yesterday morning either." Jake said bitterly.

"No, I didn't even try to do it yesterday." Edward corrected him. "And yesterday, I didn't remember ever working on cars before, where as you have been working on them most of your life."

"Speaking of remembering stuff, so now that you remember everything and all, who the hell are you rooting for in football?"

Edward thought for a moment. "Neither." He said without a hint of sarcasm.

"What? Come on." Jake said frustrated.

"What the hell difference does it make?"

"Because it's a matter of pride for your home and the team that represents it."

"Whatever, I have better things to think about than what stupid sporting team to root for." Edward told him then threw the rag down which he was using to clean up some oil. "There, it's fixed." He said then walked over to where I was sitting with Bree, and kissed me.

"Edward, some people are here to see you." Esme said as she peeked into the garage. "They're here early for the wedding tomorrow, and I think they're from New York."

"Oh, Ok." He said and grabbed my hand pulling me with him to go see who was there to visit.

"Hey Tony, my man." A guy said enthusiastically.

"Hey Benjamin, how are you?" Edward said while greeting him with a hug. "Hey Tia" Edward turned to hug the woman who was there also.

"It's good to see you." Tia told him.

"Yeah, you too. Uh, this is my fiancé Bella, Bella this is my old college roommate Benjamin, and his wife Tia." He introduced us.

"Hi, nice to meet you." I told them and went to shake their hands when Ben pulled me into a hug.

"Daddy, the vampires are coming." Carlie came screaming out of the house and practically jumped into his arms.

"What are you talking about princess?" He asked her.

"Uncle Jake said that the vampires would come if I didn't eat my carrots, and I didn't, so now they're coming." Carlie said franticly while grabbing a hold of Edward's face.

"Baby, there is no such thing as vampires." Edward tried calming her. "JACOB, YOU MORON!" He yelled to the garage.

"Hey there sweetheart, you look so much like your daddy." Tia said to Carlie.

Carlie smiled widely at her. "Thank you."

"Carlie these are my friends from New York, Ben and Tia." He told her.

We spent a couple hours with Edward's friends and I was amazed how very 'Tony like' Edward was with them. The way he spoke, the words he used, even the cadence of his stories, were all uniquely Tony. I started panicking inside thinking the worse, but I wouldn't allow myself to lose it, not with Carlie sitting on his lap.

"Well, we should be going, we'll see you at the wedding." Ben said finally.

"Yeah, thanks for stopping by." Edward said. Carlie and I said goodbye as well, and when their car was out of sight, I looked at Edward scared for a brief moment, but then his demeanor completely changed.

Carlie skipped off to pick wildflowers in the yard and when she was safely out of hearing range, Edward turned around towards the garage. "That fucking prick, why the hell does he keep telling Carlie shit like that?" He said then stormed off to where Jake was, probably to yell at him. I took a deep breath of relief because that was definitely an Edward reaction.

I realized then that it was just going to take time to get used to having the two personalities mixed the way that they are, but nothing could make me happier. Even though it had only been a little over a day since Edward got his full memory, there would never be another doubt in my mind that he was going to keep both personalities simultaneously.

"Bella, there you are, I need you to come look at the seating chart one last time." Alice said and dragged me into the house.

I really didn't care at all about the seating chart, but since the question was about some of my cousins who Alice never met, I was forced to give her my uncaring opinion.

"What the hell?" I heard Carlisle say from in the living room. Alice and I had been sitting in the kitchen going over things for almost an hour, but there was something in Carlisle's voice that made me concerned, so I quickly ran to see what was wrong.

"What is it?" I asked trying not to panic. Carlisle was looking out the window intently, not even noticing that I was even there.

"Fucking bastard" He said finally before turning away from the window. I never heard Carlisle speak negatively about anyone, little alone curse like that, so I knew something was terribly wrong.

"What is it?" I asked him again.

"Aro." He said without looking at me. I didn't know what that meant, but apparently it was very bad because Carlisle was very unhinged. "Esme!" He yelled because she was in another room. "Call the police!"

I followed him towards the front door, but then he finally noticed me. "Bella, you should stay inside. You don't need to be in the middle of this."

"Carlisle what's happening and what is Aro?"

"Not what…who." He said then walked outside with me following behind him.

Right away I noticed the black Rolls-Royce parked in the driveway which definitely stood out amongst the catering vans and set up crew cars, which were there to get everything ready for the huge event that Alice planned.

In front of the luxury car stood a tall lanky man with long black hair combed in a way so it was slick and parted down the middle. He was wearing a black designer suit which was perfectly pressed and tailored. He also wore an expression that was a mix of cocky arrogance and evil scheming. It was obvious this man wasn't a friend nor awkward acquaintance that had to be invited to the wedding out of respect or obligation, this man was up to no good, and this man was talking to Edward.

"Aro, you have no business here, I suggest you leave immediately before the police get here." Carlisle said angrily.

"Carlisle my old friend, I mean no ill will." Aro said softly in a pleasantly sinister way. "I've just come to have a little chat with my buddy Edward here."

"Yeah well you can go to hell." Edward said suddenly. "Bella, you should go back in the house."

"Isabella, you are lovelier than your picture." He said in a voice that slithered like a snake.

"Don't you fucking speak to her." Edward fumed.

"How do you have a picture of her, or know anything about her at all?" Carlisle asked him full of anger.

"I make it my business to know everything about the people I go up against, I even know about your precious Carlie." Aro smirked, and Edward lost it. He lunged at him, but Emmet seemed to appear out of nowhere and grabbed him from behind before he could make contact.

"Cool it bro, that's not going to solve anything."

After Emmet showed up, Jasper and Jake somehow knew there was trouble, so they came as well. In response the growing number of family members present, three rather large men got out of Aro's car to stand behind him in a protective manner. All were muscular, but one had to be the largest man I had ever seen in person, he reminded me of Lurch from the '_Addams Family'_.

I had no idea what was going on, or who this man was, but it was obvious that he just threatened my daughter and I wasn't going to stand for it. "Just who the hell are you, so I know who to sue for harassment?" I asked him forcefully.

"Edward, it is very rude that you haven't introduced us yet. Remember what I taught you, mind your manners." He said smugly.

"Aro was an old acquaintance of mine who I once thought was a good person, but I was very wrong." Carlisle explained. "He was the owner and operator of the Seattle Boys Home where Edward grew up. He knew damn well what was going on to the boys there and instead of fixing the situation and getting those boys help, he covered it up and destroyed documents."

"Oh Carlisle, it disappoints me that you choose to believe the lies, there is no proof, and that's why after all these years, they still have yet to arrest me."

"Yeah no proof but my testimony, which is why you're here." Edward seethed. "I never showed up to testify because technically I was dead, but now that I'm among the undead, you're here to make sure I keep my mouth shut. Am I right?"

"Edward my dear boy, you were always too smart for your own good. I am a very powerful business man who, out of the goodness of my own heart, opened that home for poor abandoned boys with nowhere else to go, and a few misdoings have the potential to ruin me forever, it's a terrible injustice."

"What's a terrible injustice is the fact that you are still out in public living freely." Carlisle told him.

"You knew exactly what was happening, I came to you and told you." Edward refuted Aro.

"I don't recall that conversation." Aro said sadistically.

Two police cars pulled onto the Cullen property, and I hated the fact that Charlie was one of them though I wasn't at all surprised, of course he'd show up to a call here. I guess just having Charlie there reminded me too much of the last confrontation we were in that he showed up to, the one where Edward and I both ended up shot, and I lost him for over six years.

"What seems to be the problem here?" Charlie asked in his official tone.

"Well it seems to me that these here gentlemen are trespassing." Emmet said letting his own cop personality come out, even if he had no jurisdiction in Forks.

Charlie looked at the men, and then he glanced at me and Edward before turning to Jacob for reaffirmation. It wasn't that he didn't believe Emmet's word, he just trusted Jacob as a cop more and would go along with anything that he said.

"I'm not exactly sure what's going on here." Jacob said honestly.

"Officer, I will be perfectly forthcoming." Aro said in false politeness. "I have broken no laws and I will leave peacefully if that is what they wish."

"Officer Swan, this man threatened my son and his _family._" Carlisle told Charlie suggestively, meaning me and Carlie.

"I did no such thing, I was invited to the upcoming nuptials and I just came early to offer my own personal congratulations." Aro said and handed Charlie what looked like one of our wedding invitations.

Charlie looked at it, then looked at me, then back to Carlisle. "Unless there was some damage done, or there was some sort of physical altercation, then there really isn't much I can do here."

"He's lying. No one here would ever invite him." Edward said insistently.

"And how would you know that for sure? Haven't you had multiple mental issues lately where you forget entire periods of time?" Aro asked him mockingly.

"What the hell is it exactly that you want here?" Edward asked frustrated.

"I just wanted to touch base with you and make sure that we leave the past where it belongs…in the past. There is no sense in dredging up unpleasant memories."

"Oh yeah, and why would I ever choose to keep my mouth shut when it's so much more fun to revisit old _fond _memories?"

"Because if you wish to go that route, things could become very unpleasant." Aro smiled insolently. "Where is that darling little Carlie anyway?" Edward had been barely hanging on the verge since Aro first arrived, but not even Emmet could hold him back from attacking after that. But Jasper, Carlisle and Jake all lunged for Edward at the same time and it took all of them to restrain him in order to avoid an assault charge.

"Edward listen to me." Carlisle said in a loud forceful whisper. "If you attack him, Charlie will have to arrest you. That is what he wants, he's trying to provoke you so you'll end up behind bars and you won't be able to testify. Be strong son, and we'll put him away for good the legal way."

Listening to Carlisle's words, mixed with the subtle threats Aro made towards my daughter, made something in me snap. But instead of snapping in anger, they snapped in place and things became very clear.

"Dad?"

"Yes Bella?" Charlie said, his voice hard with stress.

"Have you ever heard of the Nahuel-Joham case of 1986?"

"No, can't say that I have." He looked at me inquisitively. The others on both sides of the confrontation stopped to listen to me as well.

"I may not be a lawyer, but I took a few law classes in college. My _Law 101 _class reviewed a case about a man named J. Joham who worked in an office which he shared with another man. Well that office was found to contain evidence that his partner was sexually assaulting a little boy who lived next door to him. It was later discovered that Joham had full knowledge of the abuse and helped try to cover it up, which is illegal and punishable by a jail sentence, but there weren't any charges brought against him because no one was willing to testify at that time. Fifteen years later, Joham was found at the home of the boy who was abused all those years before, but now the boy was an adult with a child of his own his name was Nahuel Huilen. Because they were both involved in a child abuse case that was never resolved, and Joham was at the house of the alleged victim where a different child currently resided. He was arrested under the Child Welfare Protection Act which states that all children have the right to live freely at all times from the threat of a child predator."

"I am not a child predator." Aro said haughtily.

"Really? And how do we know that? The complaints, the files, even images were found in your office hidden, so how do we know that they weren't yours?" Carlisle stepped in to back me up.

"This is ridiculous, I'm not going to stand here any longer to put up with it anymore." Aro said and started to get back into his car.

"Now, hold up a minute." Charlie said to him. He picked up his cell phone and called what sounded like the station. He explained the situation and then he told whoever he was talking to a brief description of the story I just told him. There were a lot of 'Uh huhs' and 'reallys?' and finally Charlie hung up the phone.

"Well I just spoke to the district attorney, and she said that I have the legal right to bring you down to the station." He said to Aro.

"What, this is absolutely shameful and uncalled for."

"Uh huh, whatever." Charlie read him his rights and put him in the back of the cruiser. "Do you fellas want to come too?" He asked the men who were with Aro. They responded with a cowardly head shake. "Well then I suggest you hit the road before my daughter over there recalls a law that could get you boys in jail as well." And with that, the men got back in the car and drove away slowly trying to obey all the driving laws.

"Bells, I can only hold him for three days before there has to be a formal charge on him." Charlie told me but was really trying to tell Carlisle and Edward.

"I will get my lawyer on this right away." Carlisle assured him.

Charlie nodded, then looked at Edward who was still silently fuming besides me. "Are you Ok son?" he asked him legitimately concerned.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Thanks Charlie." Edward responded after a moment.

"Yeah, he _will be_ when that bastard is behind bars with the keys to his cell thrown down an endless black hole." Emmet chimed in.

Charlie drove away with a very pissed off Aro in the backseat. He came here to try to threaten and scare Edward into keeping quiet and not testifying against him, but he leaves without his freedom. Carlisle went in the house to call his lawyer, and everyone else dispersed to try to catch up with whatever they were doing before.

"Edward, are you really Ok?" I asked him softly while wrapping my arms around him and kissing his shoulder. I had no idea what a confrontation like this would do to him, and it scared me to death.

He sort of did a half step turn thing, so he was facing me. I locked eyes with him and his hard mask melted into a strange but definitely positive smile.

"You know, you never cease to amaze me. You keep saving me over and over again and I know I'd just be completely nothing without you. I know I told you this before, but I really don't deserve you."

"Edward." I complained because I always hated when he said that in the past, but he put his hand up to stop me from saying any more.

"_But_…" He said with a wink. "I sure as hell am going to hold on to you and never let you leave me, even if you wanted to." He leaned into me and cupped my face gently in his hands before kissing me with more passion than most people see in a lifetime.

* * *

I was so mad at Alice. She forced me to spend the night before the wedding at my dad's house saying that it was bad luck to see each other before I walked down the aisle. Carlie came with me because Emmet, Jasper, and Jake, were forcing Edward to go out with them that night. They said it was just night fishing at the river, but I had a pretty good feeling that they had a little bit more planned for him, but I really didn't want to think about it.

It was strange sleeping in my old room again; everything was exactly the same except it felt completely different because I was different. I moved out of my father's house a few months before Carlie was born and even though we had been back to visit since, this was the first time that Carlie and I slept here.

In the morning, Carlie and I headed over to the Cullen house and we were greeted by Alice who was waiting impatiently on the front porch.

"You're late." She said bitterly.

I looked at my watch and the time read nine fifteen. "You said to be here at nine."

"Yeah, that was fifteen minutes ago."

"Sorry, there was traffic." I gave a poor attempt at lying.

"Carlie, Auntie Alice is waiting upstairs to help get you ready." Alice told her, so Carlie gave me a kiss and skipped into the house.

"Ok, now I don't want you to see any of the decorations, so I'm going to cover your eyes." She said and didn't give me a chance to protest before she had her petite hands blinding me.

I walked carefully into the house and was assaulted by the heavy scent of freesia and lilac with a hint of orange. It was strong but definitely pleasant. I gingerly fought the stairs until Alice released me and pulled me into the bathroom where I'd be her prisoner for the next three hours.

"Don't you think this is all a bit much? Not only have we already been married once, but we have a daughter and I'm pregnant. It's not like I'm some virginal bride here." I complained to Alice.

"Oh stop complaining Bella, the last wedding was a spur of the moment thing and every girl deserves to have the wedding of their dreams."

"But you dreamed up this wedding." I contradicted her with a smile.

When I was finished getting my hair pulled, and every inch of exposed skin covered in a thick layer of makeup, Alice gently draped the dress she picked out, over me. I refused to look in the mirror because I knew the reflection would resemble that of a plump snow man instead of a bride, and there was no escaping it.

Even though so much has happened between my dad and me, and I haven't been his to give away for a long time, he came to walk me down the aisle. He raised me and he was my rock for so long, that this day just wouldn't have been complete without him in that position.

"You ready for this kid?" He asked me. We talked a lot the night before about Edward and everything that has happened, and I really believe that for the first time, Charlie completely understood and respected Edward enough to be nothing but happy for us.

"As ready as I'll ever be." I told him. I couldn't wait to be married to Edward again, but the prospect of me falling in some way or embarrassing myself, was very daunting.

"What about you sweat pea" Charlie bent down to tickle Carlie who was playing with the ribbon on her tool engulfed white flower girl dress.

"Grandpa, you're going to give me hiccups." She said while laughing.

"That's the point, you're supposed to smile." He said back to her.

Edward and I decided that if we included bridesmaids and groomsmen, then there would be way too many people standing up there with us, so we thought it would just be better if it was just us.

"It's time." Alice said excitedly. "Carlie, you walk down first, then mommy and grandpa will be right behind you." Then she skipped off to take her seat.

Carlie hugged and kissed me, and then she walked one step at a time to the sound of the music. She took her job as flower girl very seriously and had practiced repeatedly with Alice beforehand.

"Dad, hold on to me so I don't fall." I said to him.

"I won't let you down again Bells." He said with more meaning to the comment than what was relevant in that moment.

"Thanks Dad."

We walked down the stairs and my vision was overcome with flowers overflowing every area in the room. The smell was amazing and the beauty was just as elegant. But all of that paled in comparison to the astonishing sight of Edward waiting there with a glowing smile meant just for me. I never saw anything in comparison to Edward's beauty, and I walked to him knowing he was seeing every memory we ever shared together just as I was, every laugh, every touch, and every tear. Edward was whole again, and we were whole as one together.

Charlie shook Edward's hand and kissed me on the cheek before taking his seat. Carlie, of course, was standing right at Edwards heels and she had the biggest grin on her face that lit up her whole face.

Edward took my hands and rubbed my knuckles with his thumbs. "See, you didn't fall." He whispered with a smirk. I was about to laugh at him, but then he interrupted me by saying "You look so beautiful, I love you so much."

"I love you too."

We listened to Angela's father, who was officiating, as he went through the ceremony and before I knew it, we were both saying "I Do." He pronounced us "Man and Wife" and just like that, I was Mrs. Edward Cullen again. There wasn't a greater euphoria in this world, in life or in dreams, than how I felt as Edward crashed his lips into mine. Everyone erupted into applause and joyous cheers, but it could have been as silent as night for all I knew, because nothing else in the universe existed besides him in that moment.

The wedding shifted into a reception which was in the back of the house. There was a huge white tent adorned with white twinkle lights and even more flowers, and a wooden planked dance floor. Everything was absolutely perfect, and everyone who ever mattered to us was there. All of our friends from high school, my friends from college and work, Edward's psychologist from Alaska and his family, and all of Edward's friends who only knew him as Tony. It didn't even bother me whatsoever hearing so many people call him Tony like I would have thought it would. Edward floated seamlessly between his life as Tony and his life as Edward, and it was so perfect because he was now and forever both.

Edward's hair had been combed perfectly for the ceremony, just as I would have expected from Tony, but as the party, dancing and mingling started, he ruffled it up so it was exactly Edward's trademark sexy mess. He also took off his jacket and tie, even unbuttoned the top couple of buttons of his dress shirt so he'd be more comfortable, which is something Tony probably never would have done.

Edward and I had our first dance together, then I danced with Charlie and Edward danced with Esme before Carlie cut in and danced on his toes. We also danced with other members of our family, but being so far from each other just became too much, so we snuck away long enough to consummate our marriage before returning to our duties as the bride and groom.

The night was beautifully magical and soon enough it was time for us to get ready to leave on our honeymoon.

As we walked past the large windows on the house, I turned my head away in order to keep my reflection out of my view, and Edward noticed.

"What's that about?"

"What?

"Why did you turn away like that?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." I lied.

"You know, lying is very unbecoming." He scolded me playfully.

"What? I just didn't want to look at my reflection."

"You haven't seen yourself at all, have you?" He asked with a grin.

"Ugh, what's the point? It's impossible to look like anything other than a snowman right now."

"You seriously never see yourself clearly." He said then grabbed my shoulders and turned me towards the window. "Come on, open your eyes."

I smiled and shook my head keeping my eyes closed tightly.

"Ok, how about if you don't open them, then I won't have sex with you."

He never did play fair. "For how long?"

"For the rest of the day."

"I can stand that." I said smugly.

Then he started kissing my neck and let his hands trail down my legs until his arms were fully extended. He started pulling my dress up until he could reach under it and down my panties. He gently started rubbing before inserting two fingers into my opening.

"Edward." I complained still refusing to open my eyes. I really hoped there was no one in the house witnessing this. At least we were away from the view of the guests at the reception…at least I hoped we were.

I was about to start coming when he suddenly pulled his hands away and dropped my dress.

I turned quickly to look at him thinking that maybe someone was in view and that's why he stopped, but there was no one around.

"What is it, why'd you stop?"

"What?" he asked with a chuckle. "I thought you wanted me to."

"I did…but not really."

He hardened his face and gestured for me to turn around to look at myself.

I huffed. "Fine, but that was a low blow." I said annoyed.

I turned around and was actually pleasantly surprised. The dress was actually a great choice on Alice's part, it flowed in a way that my baby bump was barely noticeable and my hair and makeup were done perfectly as well. It was probably the best I ever looked, but I was still horrendous while standing next to Edward's angelic perfection, but that was Ok, everyone was.

Edward was satisfied with my compliance, so he scooped me up in his arms 'bridal style' and carried me upstairs so we could make love again before leaving for the airport.

We said goodbye and kissed Carlie before leaving.

"I thought we were going to Hawaii?" I asked him confused as we checked into a gate marked '_Brazil_'.

"Nah, we could go to Hawaii any time." He said in a scheming way.

"Ok, what made you want to go to Brazil?" I asked confused.

"Well that's not our final destination."

We flew all night, I slept against his shoulder for a while, we joined the mile high club, slept some more, had a few snacks, then finally we landed.

When we got off the plane there was a man waiting for us with a sign that read '_Cullen_'.

"You really did plan all this, when did you have time to do that?" I asked thinking this was a spontaneous change in plans.

"Of course I planned this." He said arrogantly.

The man drove us to the docks where we got on a boat and Edward steered us into the ocean until we arrived at a small private island, and I realized then exactly where we were.

I thought back to my time of delusions when I was crazy and I used to imagine him every night, and how I kept trying to convince him to go with me to Esme's island. It was always a dream of mine, one I thought was entirely impossible, but here we were arriving on this beautiful island together and alone, in the solitude of the private island.

My emotions overtook me and I started crying hysterically.

"Babe, it's Ok." He said soothingly as he rubbed my back.

"How did you know I wanted to come here?" I asked between my blubbering.

"We really owe Alice a lot." He said with a chuckle. "Don't worry though, I know the perfect thank-you gift."

We had the most amazing time on the island. We went snorkeling and swimming with dolphins, and we took the most amazing walks on the beach without a care in the world. But after a day of that, we introverted ourselves and withdrew into the confines of the big white house on the beach. Except for the few times the cleaning crew came, we never got dressed and escaped into our small but perfect piece of heaven.

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***What did you think? I planned to include the epilogue with this chapter, but it just got too long, so I'll post it in a few days or so. Please Review***


	40. Epilogue

**Moon Scars**

_Epilogue_

_…._

My feet are swollen and my back hurts all the time. I'm so ready for my pregnancy to be over and even though there are only a couple weeks left until my due date, every day seems to just drag on and it feels like forever_._

"Carlie, can you hand me that?" I asked her as she came into the room. I dropped a serving spoon on the ground when I was putting the dishes away, and my large stomach makes it hard to bend over.

"Sure. Momma, why don't you let me finish?" She said then took the cup I was holding and gently scooted me out of the way.

"I'm not helpless." I complained.

"Yeah, but dad would be pissed at me if I'm sitting around while you're doing the dishes."

"Well he doesn't have to know…and don't say _pissed_." I scolded her but she just rolled her eyes.

Jacob walked through the back door and grabbed a few cookies off the counter. "I knew I smelled cookies. Really Bella, you need to go into catering or something, these are amazing." He said with a full mouth.

"Those are actually for Carlie's school bake sale." I said while pulling two cookies out of his hands.

"Ok, I'll buy them. How much?" He asked me and when I didn't answer him, he turned to Carlie. "How much Shorty?"

"A hundred bucks." She said without hesitation.

"What? That's ridiculous….No they're not. Really, how much?"

"Well we're selling them for fifty cents each, but for you the price is a hundred bucks for the batch." She said humorlessly.

"Oh really, why's that?" He asked in mock offense.

"Because you're trying to buy them before anyone else gets a chance to even see them. Let's say you wait until the actual sale opens, and some other guy comes around and wants to buy the whole batch as well. So now the two of you are standing there wanting these delicious cookies but don't want to share. The only logical thing to do is start a bidding war and because these are the best cookies ever, who knows how high they might actually go for. So I think a hundred buck is a fair deal." She said convincingly and completely serious.

"Damn Bella, have you been letting her go with you to court or something. I think she's going to be an even better lawyer than you when she's older." Jacob said with a chuckle.

"No, she's just a natural." I said with a proud smile. "Hey, where's Tony, I thought you guys were hanging out over at your house?" I asked looking out to our combined backyard, but not seeing him.

"Oh he's helping Vanessa with the party favors."

"Ugh, I said she didn't have to do those." I said frustrated. I hated how everyone thought I was helpless just because I was about to pop.

"Yeah well she wanted to, and Tony wanted to help her." He said with a smirk that made me want to punch him. "Besides, Alice is doing everything else, so what difference does it make?"

"The difference is that Alice just found out that she's pregnant, and with this being her first pregnancy, she's probably going to be tired a lot. So I told her that I was going to handle most of it."

"And I bet she said no." Jacob said like a smart ass.

"So? It's my kid's birthday, so she doesn't have a choice in the matter!" I yelled at him.

"Wow. A little hormonal are we?" I glared at him. "Don't worry, I won't take it personally." He said, so I just snapped. I picked up a cookie and chucked it at his head. He ducked and it missed him, so he stood up and looked back at me with a scowl. "You just wasted a perfectly good cookie, I would have paid real money for that."

"Ugh! Go away." I said in more of a growl.

"Ok, Ok." He said with a smile, then quickly grabbed two more cookies and ran out the back door.

"AND SEND TONY HOME TOO!" I yelled after him.

Five minutes later, Tony came through the back door looking at me a little fearful. I raised my eyebrows at him waiting for him to confess the cause of his guilty expression.

"Ok, here it goes, I was sitting with Will and he wanted to make mud pies, but I told him that it wasn't a good idea, but he wouldn't listen to me." He said in a rush.

"So you sat there and made mud pies with him? I thought you were supposed to be helping with the party favors?" I said looking at his mud covered pants.

"Mom, I tried telling him no, but he said that it was Ok." Tony said louder, as if I wasn't listening to him.

"Honey, you are turning five in two days, and William just turned four. You're older, so why are you listening to something he tells you when you know that it's not right?" Though Tony and Will were almost a year apart, they were inseparable, but sometimes they fought as if they were brothers instead of cousins.

I stared into his green eyes waiting for an answer, and I almost laughed at the way his hair stuck up in all different directions.

"Mom, it was just one of those things." He said finally with an expression that was exactly like Edward's.

It was funny the way Carlie and Tony had opposite coloring. Carlie had Edward's bronze hair color but my brown eyes, and Tony had my brown hair but Edward's green eyes. They both however, have Edward's face, which couldn't have been more perfect.

"Uh…yeah" Vanessa came through the door, probably after seeing the mess William was in, and wanted to make sure that I knew Tony was a mess too.

"How bad is Will?" I asked trying to hold back my laughter.

"Ugh!" She said then turned back and headed home. Vanessa and Jake had two kids, I guess they scrapped the plans for waiting because soon after Tony was born, they found out she was pregnant. They named him William after Jake's dad and it was rightfully so because he looked like a mini Jake, except he had the Mason green eyes just like Edward and Vanessa, and now Tony. Their daughter Sarah Elizabeth was named after their mom's and she's two, brown hair and brown eyes, but cute as a button.

Tony was born four months after Edward and I got married. He was stubborn and came two weeks late, and I swore back then that I was never going to get pregnant again. We named him after his daddy of course, Edward Anthony Mason Cullen Jr. but we call him Tony, which just felt right. He was turning five in two days, so we were busy with all the party plans.

And Carlie was now twelve…_twelve_. It's hard to believe how fast the time has gone by, it seems like only yesterday I was meeting Edward up on that magical meadow for secret rendezvous, and yet it also felt like a lifetime ago. Time was funny like that, moving so quickly but a moment can seem to last forever.

And here I am, thirty years old and pregnant again, and yet again, I swear this is the last time. Being this pregnant is just too hard especially when I have to put my career on hold during the forced maternity leave, which strangely starts before I even have the baby.

A few weeks after our honeymoon, Edward had to testify at the trial to bring Aro to justice for the horrible things he did. I was worried about him, because he had to speak in detail about the abuse he endured, and the complete lack of care on Aro's part. But Edward handled it amazingly and Aro was sentenced to seven years in prison, though after six months, he was beaten to death by fellow inmates. They may have been rapists, thieves, and murderers, but child abusers and those who contributed to such heinous acts, were appalling to them and punishable by death in their eyes. It was a horrible way to die, but let's just say none of us were crying from the news.

But something good did come from the trial, I became pleasantly acquainted with Carlisle's lawyer Charlotte Peters, and after going back to school to get my law degree, we opened up our own practice as partners. I'm just glad that she has it together enough to run things while I'm out with this pregnancy.

Edward still owned and worked for the company Anthony started and left for him, but he also still composed and wrote music too. He was pretty busy with it all, but he never had any issues with taking time off whenever he wanted to, or when he just needed a break. His mind never skipped again, and he retained his full memory as well as both personalities, though now I didn't even notice the difference anymore.

A few years ago, Edward went down to Oregon, and bought his grandfather's vineyard back. He said it was in his family for a long time, built and grown from the ground up by his great-great-grandfather, and he just didn't feel right about a stranger owning it. We didn't move there, Edward just hired people to care for everything, but it was a beautiful place to vacation at.

We never heard from Edward and Vanessa's mom again. I'd like to think that Lizzy was still out there somewhere but with her being sick the way that she was, it was doubtful that she's still alive, but I guess we'll never know.

_**…**_

Two days later all the party guests started arriving in the early afternoon, dressed in black capes and false fanged teeth. It was nowhere near Halloween, but much to our chagrin, Tony grew up listening to Jacob's stories about vampires and instead of being terrified the way Carlie was, he absolutely loved them. So we were having a vampire themed birthday party, complete with coffins and tons of cherry flavored fake blood.

"Ugh, whoever said kid's parties are fun, were seriously demented." Rose said while chasing after her twins. They were three year old girls, Sophia and Madeline, and they had Emmet completely wrapped around their fingers. He just kept giving them more and more candy, and Rose was now dealing with the consequences.

This had to be one of the least organized parties that we have ever had for any of our kids, but it was simply because Alice had been very sick from her pregnancy. Her and Jasper never really talked about wanting kids before, but six months ago, they found out Alice had a problem with her hormone balance and the doctors told her she'd probably never have kids. Alice just nodded completely unfazed, and now here she was pregnant and wasn't shocked or even surprised in the least. She must have dreamed it, so she never once worried.

"Bella, do you want me to help you with anything?" Heidi asked as she brought in some kids that needed to wash their hands.

"No, I think I got it under control, thanks though." I told her as I took the cake out of the fridge and strategically placed five candles on top.

Heidi's husband Demetri took over as partner in Edward's company when his father Marcus died, and we've actually been really good friends since. But I always did like Heidi, I just hated her because she was with my husband, even if he didn't remember being my husband at the time.

I lit the candles on the Dracula cake, and we all sang happy birthday to a very rosy cheeked Tony. He blew out the candles quickly and was relieved to have the attention off of him when the crowd dispersed again. He was kind of like me when it came to having everyone looking at him, it was just an uneasy feeling for him, unlike his sister who was a social butterfly.

As everyone was enjoying cake and ice cream, the sound of Edward's piano started playing sweetly in the background. Carlie was a natural, just like Edward, and she never missed an opportunity to play for a crowd.

Four hours and one huge mess later, the party finally died down and the last of the guests left. Carlisle and Esme stayed for a few more hours to help clean up, but they still had a three hour car ride ahead of them so they left as well. Bree was living in California going to UCLA, so she didn't make it to the party, but she called and sent her love.

"You need to sit down." Edward said quietly in my ear as he wrapped his arms around me from behind, and rubbed my stomach tenderly.

"I hate sitting." I said quietly while my eyes closed as Edward kissed my neck.

"Yeah but your feet are swollen, and I'm offering you my services." His cool breath on my face sent electric waves down my spine.

"Oh yeah, and what kind of services are those?" I asked after spinning around and locking my arms behind his neck.

"The foot massaging kind." He said with a smirk.

"Ok." The slight disappointment was obvious in my voice.

"You are still so freaking horny all the time." He laughed at me knowing that I'd much prefer his other _services_.

"Yeah I am." I said pathetically. "Do you think I'll ever grow out of it?" I asked with a sly smile.

"God, I hope not." He flashed his crooked smile that I loved so much, before scooping me up and carrying me upstairs.

Our baby was born a week later; an eight pound seven ounce baby girl we named Mackenzie Marie Cullen. Mackenzie after Edward's grandmother and Marie is my middle name, which was also my grandmother's name. She was a chubby baby who had the sweetest disposition, and like her sister before her, she favored Edward above anyone else, but I wasn't complaining.

I truly felt our family was complete, but even more importantly , I felt like our lives couldn't have been happier. Sometimes when I think about the amazing way everything turned out, I just can't help but look back at it all and know that it was all worth it. Every heartache, every tear ,and every agonizing horrible year that went by when we were apart.

_I used to believe that everyone in life was only allowed to have so much happiness, before their good fortune ran out. And after losing Edward the way that I did, that belief was reaffirmed in my mind until the day when the magic of the meadow brought him back to me permanently. Now I believe in miracles, and a power greater than anything I could possible fathom. Call it Faith, or maybe it's even simpler than that, maybe it's just the cliché belief that 'love concurs all'. But whatever the case, I know in the depths of my soul that Edward and I will be together through the test of time._

…_And if for some reason, some unforeseen force should come threaten our heavenly peaceful existence, Alice's dream premonitions will warn us what to watch out for._

_**The End**_

_**

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**_***I like to picture my stories as movies, and if this was a movie then the song on the ending credits would be '**_**Found**_**' by Phillip Larue. I just found this song and if you haven't heard it before then you're missing out, because it's really beautiful and I think the lyrics go perfectly with this story. I found it on 'YouTube' and you should check it out, just type in '**_**Phillip Larue Found Twilight'**_**, and it should bring up a few videos with this song in the background. None of the videos were made for this particular story, but they go along with it good enough if you can ignore the 'van stopping scene'. They are all pretty well done, but I recommend the one made by '**_**oniriqu3**__**' **_**-which I believe is the third on the list.**

**I also wanted to thank everyone for reading this story and any of my others; it means a lot when I know people have enjoyed these strange stories that have been floating around in my head for some time. I have no plans for writing any more fanfics right now, but I'd like to eventually in the future. Please check out my other stories, I think they are very interesting, but they are all rated T besides this one so if that's not your thing then I understand.**

**Thanks again for your reviews as well, and I'd appreciate one last review, so PLEASE REVIEW ;-p ***


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